Celestia ask's Twilight if she can create a portal to a diffrent world...Twilight is succsessfull..but trouble comes with it!
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 18th Mar, 2012
- offline last seen Apr 18th, 2012
Scoutdashie
im a HUGE tf2 fan and i love ponies <3...although i suck at the game..
Scoutdashie
Joined 18th Mar, 2012 ·
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- robotic pig · 1.3k words · 8 36 · 1.5k views
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Needs about 20% better grammar.
You seem to have the spelling down. Now you need to work on your grammar. You have major issues with the spacing. There are also a few awkward sentence constructions. There is also issues with ensuring that the reader catches all the events that are going on. There is no real visual structure here, no clear paragraphs and sentences are hard to separate.
I agree with henke37, but otherwise a somewhat good read.
I always thought fluttershy would make the better sniper and twilight a better medic.
Fluttershy being a sniper, being able to fight but at the same time giving her opponents quick painless death with a headshot, and Twilight having a more extensive knowledge of all kinds junk that a medic should know. meh just my opinion. anyways I'll give it a read.
Also, I think I got a pic appropriate for a story like this around here somehwere.
Oh here it is.
ponibooru.413chan.net/_images/7735c7b65b6026c9a5873a041a4153af/12287%20-%20animated%20apple%20applejack%20engineer%20gala%20macro%20Soarin%27.gif
im just putting thumb down because of the grammar, fixed and i fix up that thumb
I'm sorry.
That grammar is more ugly then when I shit.
grammer...
Hmm...
I wonder why this failed.
static4.fjcdn.com/thumbnails/comments/+_d24073acf8c77e50e9a15a6da82ab48a.jpg
Cheers
~iraqlobstah
Aw now, quit being rude.
Sorry man, come back to the fan-fiction scene when you're a little more familiar with english grammar. This grammar makes every bleed torrents from my eyes.
I could get past the grammar. I like the TF2 idea.
I likes tf2 crossovers!
376042 Yeah im kinda new to writing and all..ill try my best to fix it.
376135 Thanks you for the pic ^ ^ =3..i like the idea =D
I agree with Alot of ponies here that the grammar needs to be improved but other than that i think the story was quite awsome
377441 Thanks =3
Grammar.
I, being a Team Fortress fan, have declared this to rather entertaining. Like everypony else says, you need to work on your grammar and make it a bit longer. Do that, and you got yourself one heck of a good story coming along. Good luck! You're definitely gonna need it!
Uhhrrgg! im so crud with grammar! That is why im gunna find a proof-reader =3
GRAMMARGRAMMARGRAMMARGRAMMARGRAMMARGRAMMARGRAMMARGRAMMARGRAMMARGRAMMARGRAMMARGRAMMARGRAMMARGRAMMAR. And also good luck with finding a proof-reader
I've edited some stuff before for friends for school assignments, but I'm absolutely hopeless at it.
Oh Pyro's gonna love this place. I can just tell.
403823 Yeeah..sure...He/She will...just keep him/her away from Twi's library