Party of none

Maud almost lost Pinkie Pie in her debuting episode. But the truth is... she did. In a series of unfortunate events style story, we show how Maud's life goes downhill.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 11 )

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Changeling-Drone

Changeling-Drone #1 · Mar 23rd, 2014 · 3 · ·

flutterdashpie

flutterdashpie #2 · Mar 23rd, 2014 · · ·

hnghgnfhgfnhgnfhd It's so sad
Must... read... more...

EnderW0lfCraft3r

EnderW0lfCraft3r #3 · Mar 23rd, 2014 · · ·

4120574 I'm thinking of continuing.

Yildun

Yildun #4 · Mar 24th, 2014 · · ·

I like that you used Maud in one of the many Pinkie Pie death stories that are out there. If nothing else, it's one of the more interesting ways to do it. But I would like to make a few suggestions.

First of all, this needs an Alternate Universe tag, because Pinkie didn't die in the episode.

Second, I realize it was meant to be a series of events that were set-up like a set of dominos, with one toppling over the next, but even the Series of Unfortunate Events spread the trouble and ruin out more. There needs to be more time in between each death for her to come to terms with each one or she might have a serious break-down. It also gives the reader a chance to come to terms with this. If you just wanted Maud to leave the farm right away, I think Pinkie's death alone would have been all that was required for that. Pinkie died there.

And that's all I can think of at the moment. I did like Maud's sad thoughts earlier on about how she was no longer able to enjoy rocks as much, since they killed her sister.

scoots2

scoots2 #5 · Mar 24th, 2014 · 1 · ·

Hi over here, too! I'd like to encourage you to keep writing, but I also think that too many deaths, too close together, makes it a bit harder for the reader to absorb. It becomes less sad, not more, if you see what I mean. That's partly because we don't know Clyde or Inkie or Blinkie very well, so the only reason we'd feel sad about them is because we care about Maud or Pinkie Pie. There are different ways you could do this--one per chapter, or you could just have her afraid that something else was going to happen--or as in A Series of Unfortunate Events, they could all die in the same way, at the same time. Even though it's been done, I like the fire, because it makes sense. Maud loses her whole family and her childhood home at one blow, just when she's trying to cope with Pinkie's death. (You can think of another way, of course.)

I don't think they have phones, or I'm not remembering them, anyway, so she'd have to contact Cheese some other way. Cheesy Sense does tell him to go throw parties, so that's a possibility.

Anyway, take what's useful to you, ignore the rest, and happy writing!

4129864 Didn't the rock slide happen in Ponyville? I'm guessing the rock slide happened there and Maud came back to the rock farm.

EnderW0lfCraft3r

EnderW0lfCraft3r #6 · Mar 25th, 2014 · · ·

fixed

Yildun

Yildun #7 · Mar 25th, 2014 · · ·

4129952
... You know, I still haven't rewatched that episode. *checks transcript* Whoops! You're right!

Still, I think Pinkie's death would have been enough to make her reflective and want to leave home shortly after getting there (the rocks could still remind her of that incident perhaps.) The fire works as well.

scoots2

scoots2 #8 · Mar 25th, 2014 · 1 · ·

4129976 Good for you! It's always good for a writer to absorb feedback. Anyway, don't feel overwhelmed. I know it can feel sort of stressful when someone comes onto your page and criticizes. I can't speak for anyone else, but I only do that when the writer shows some kind of promise or I think it'll help, so don't be discouraged, especially since you've gotten some positive comments.

EnderW0lfCraft3r