Sugarplum takes pride in doing her job, finding a home for foals and delivering them by train. But this job is one that she is having trouble doing. The foal in question has a destination, but it isn't one that Sugarplum wants him to go to. A terrible future awaits the foal after the tragic accident that left him an orphan. Sugarplum meets Glowbug, a unicorn, who makes her an offer to change the foal's fate, causing a terrible conflict as Sugarplum must try to figure out what is right for the foal and right for other ponies.
A side story to Mail Order Orphan and part of a larger still expanding 'verse.
Chapters (1)
Hi!
Feedback would be lovely! But please, be kind and constructive. 
Not bad. Not half bad at all. Only issue is the dialogue. You got Luna being extremely staccato, really short phrases and incomplete thoughts. Recommend you go back over it and see if you can't smooth it out a bit.
4067675
Intentional.
And that's kinda spoilery. That's OK though. People are bound to figure it out.
4067687 Spoiler tagged.
4067737
Might be a dumb question, but how do you make a spoiler tag? I don't see a button, is there a bracketed phrase?"
4067755 Yeah, just use . I don't think there's a button for it.
Groovy
Thanks!
Yup, still good reading.
It exhilarated me very much somehow, i really like this side story and thank you for the advice
I find it still odd with the more than 3 foal stuff but this is a personal thing i guess. Than again this one is a motherly type ponie so it is explanation enough.
Would it make more sense if i reade the Mail Order Orphan story first or does it doesn´t matter if i read Alicorn Academy trough.
4173062
Mail Order Orphan is very important.
4173076 Well then i start with this one first, usually i would look all storys from you befor i start reading on but somehow i must have forget to search your site for some background or something.
Well i only read maybe the half story so i can simply change i think
There really didn't seem to be a need for the Glowbug deception. I get that Luna was trying to be stealthy, but it feels like disguising herself as a mortal pony hurt her desire to take the foal more than it helped. Given the foal's unusual talent of creating poisonous gas clouds it seems like the smart decision is to keep it away from regular mortal ponies. Plus Sugarplum didn't know anything about Glowbug. Sugarplum at least would know Luna and have an idea of what her personality was like just from working in Canterlot and paying attention to any news source. It was the best decision to deny Glowbug's request for the foal even if the only alternative was the asylum. It just feels like most of this story is unnecessary. It feels like the story could have been simplified to something like this:
(Sugarplum exposition)
(Brimstone exposition)
Luna: Hey you're foal delivery mare, right?
Sugarplum: eeyup
Luna: That a foal you got there?
Sugarplum: eeyup
Luna: I'm gonna take it. He can't hurt me I'm immortal. Kthnx bye!
Sugarplum: eeyup
I found that bit funny. That aside, I really didn't cry at all, though I do understand why you have the tragedy tag.
I was initially going to not read a lot of your stories, and maybe just stick with plss and whatever new comes up. I've definitely changed my mind. I'll 'suffer' through it all.
I agree with the tragedy tag being unnecessary.
it hurts so bad when you deliver someone to the gates of hell and sign them over to the demons. I wanna hug all the ponies here so much for such a happy ending. I wish there was a way that could have been done for me.
7546249
What "hell" have you delivered someone to/been delivered to yourself?
And, YES, I realize that your comment is four years old.
Thanks for clearing up what was going on at the end of mail order foal, with this story.