• Member Since 27th Nov, 2013
  • offline last seen Yesterday

Synesisbassist


A washed up old writer who still tries to live in a heyday that has long since passed...

Comments ( 49 )

awww sweet, but I kind of need an explanation to why the ponies wanted to attack him... :fluttershysad:
They are known to fear the different, but they rarely attack out of anger or something like that.
I hope he will not face racism :fluttercry:

4044081 Probably out of fear. Seeing a scraggily looking, bipedal animal, who over towers you, inside your house and is eating your food. Then has attacked in defence before, so that might seem as a "danger" to the ponies.

And as for the racism?..... Maybe, by a little pink mare with a smug attitude.:ajsmug: But she will get what she deserves. :rainbowdetermined2:

4044134 BURN THAT SHE-DEMON! She made fun of a handicapped pony! D:<

Cute story. I couldn't find any glaringly wrong things about this story, so you've passed the test...
...FOR NOW :moustache:...
Naw, but seriously, good job:scootangel:

I'm scared to read it.
A 9 year old in a life/death situation?
...spooky!
I'll put it in my read later list; queued number 8.

So, he has no other choice, but to steal ponies houses.

I'm still not quite sure what you meant here. Are you implying that a nine year old child has the ability to carry the ponies themselves? Or do you mean their houses? Or even both? :applejackconfused:

In other news, I'll give this fic a shot once I have the time. :twilightsmile:

4047805 Hehe, oops:twilightblush: There was supposed to be a "from" before that.:facehoof:

But, thanks for giving it a look!:pinkiesmile:

Yes, this world seems to be filled with Technicoloured, sentient ponies.

Sapient:ajbemused:

“YOU BUCKER!!”

Fucker, not bucker. That word doesn't exist in there

4048317 Thanks for pointing out those thing!:pinkiesmile:

I'm still a little on the fence about using "Bucker" in there. :unsuresweetie: But if a lot of people find it doesn't fit, I can change it.:twilightsmile: I just find it fits better, hearing Rainbow call him a bucker instead.:rainbowwild:

It's a rarity when I don't like a story, but sadly this be added to the list of those slim chances

4048317 And he/she strikes again against the usage of words

4057904 All in a day's work:moustache:

4058136 I have already breached your defences

4057966 Still find it funny though that there is still a debate whether or not to use actual curse words or replacements in their world

You probably want to fix that case of bipolar in your story, don't you? This happens a lot, recently.

4072396 Indeed there will be.:scootangel: I have two more chapters planned for this story, and the next one is already in the works:twilightsmile:

Either the kid or this story is bipolar as all hell.

Either way, I don't understand any of this shit.

4066835 Yes, I have noticed that. I originally had another scene, placed right after Chris finds himself at Fluttershy's house, where he leaves, against her protests. She then manages to convince him that she means no harm, and he eventually agrees.

I actually am going to take this first chapter, and make it what I wanted it to be in the first place. Hopefully to fix any of those problems. Though, it seems to be a weakness of mine in my writing, something I have to work on. :twilightblush:

4081890 Go to the Equestrian Critic's Society, it's a group here on Fimfiction, and they might be able to help you...or at least redirect you to someone who can.

4066835 indeed the characters apart from fluttershy are to quick to change one sec they are trying to kill him the next they are all laughing. there has to be suspicion or at the least a dislike.

4044081 xenophobia and speciesism is what you mean

Hello! Sorry about not posting anything for a while...:facehoof: I've been busy with work, and other things. But chapter 2 is nearing completion. It sits around 8000 words, and there is still more to go. :rainbowderp:

It's looking to be around 15,000 words when done. And has not been rushed or anything like that. It has been, and will be given the best I can do by myself, and I hope you guys like it when it's done! :yay:

I'm actually incredibly disappointed with this chapter, for a number of reasons.
1. One of the main reasons why I favorited this story was because I was interested in seeing how a human child would act being transported to a new world, when he barely had any understanding of his own. That would have made for some interesting conflicts. Instead, you glossed over what could have been with a NINE year time skip that I feel was completely uncalled for.
2. A few of the details you gave about Chris made me a little... perturbed. He has a tongue piercing and plays the acoustic guitar? Now where have I heard that before?
3. There is no romance tag on this story (EDIT: There is now), and yet you spent half the chapter writing about a budding relationship between Scootaloo and Chris, complete with sex scene.
4. The scene with Scootaloo and Rainbow Dash fighting over Chris had potential, but you completely ruined it to the point where I was physically cringing at some of it. It was incredibly rushed and sloppy, and then it ended with barely any afterthought. Also, Chris's reaction was off as well. I would expect him to feel a little offended towards how they were talking about him like a toy to be played with. Maybe him growing up in Equestria might have caused him to have a different reaction, but we don't know that because you never decided (so far) to touch on the matter.

I'll keep this in my favorites for now, but I hope you take my words into consideration.

4422626

I'm actually incredibly disappointed with this chapter, for a number of reasons.
1. One of the main reasons why I favorited this story was because I was interested in seeing how a human child would act being transported to a new world, when he barely had any understanding of his own. That would have made for some interesting conflicts. Instead, you glossed over what could have been with a NINE year time skip that I feel was completely uncalled for.
2. A few of the details you gave about Chris made me a little... perturbed. He has a tongue piercing and plays the acoustic guitar? Now where have I heard that before?
3. There is no romance tag on this story, and yet you spent half the chapter writing about a budding relationship between Scootaloo and Chris, complete with sex scene.
4. The scene with Scootaloo and Rainbow Dash fighting over Chris had potential, but you completely ruined it to the point where I was physically cringing at some of it. It was incredibly rushed and sloppy, and then it ended with barely any afterthought. Also, Chris's reaction was off as well. I would expect him to feel a little offended towards how they were talking about him like a toy to be played with. Maybe him growing up in Equestria might have caused him to have a different reaction, but we don't know that because you never decided (so far) to to touch on the matter.
I'll keep this in my favorites for now, but I hope you take my words into consideration.

it seems someone beat me to the point, but these are my thoughts exactly.

4424299 Good to see someone agrees with me.

4422626 My first reaction? *slow clap*

Thank you. I am far from perfect, and what I had originally thought of for this story, changed a while lot. (I more or less, didnt have a plan... it started as a small little idea.)

But taking your words into mind, I think there needs to be a changes.... and yes, I see my characters are getting a little dull... as I said im far from perfect, and needs people like you to help me understand what people would want, whats good and bad.

Im thinking of adding a couple more chapters, going back to document parts in Chris's life. Like a couple weeks after he arrives, months, a year or too ect.

But i thank you for the words, it has made me think deeply about this, and how far I want to go with writing.

HA GOD!!! TE FEELS:raritydespair::raritycry::fluttercry:

4424419 Please do have additional chapters, i like grown up Scootaloo, she's sweet and Can you clarify something for me please, does scootaloo still live in ponyville

Comment posted by mrsnakeeyes deleted Oct 4th, 2014
Comment posted by mrsnakeeyes deleted Oct 4th, 2014

hits you right in the feels

I really do like this story its really good and i hope i get to see more chapters of this amazing story.

5208094 That just it. Its already over. He just forgot to change the incomplete tag to a complete tag.

5364928 that is not the truth my friend! :twilightsmile: I have more planned for in-between the two chapters I posted already, Eventually.... :ajbemused:

5365705 I didn't know that! Thanks my friend!:twilightsheepish:

*Manly let out a tear*

Dude this story is so awesome man, I still read it every chance I get man. :yay: I just think this story can use more man, definitely gotta work on this plot and story even more

This was so sweet I loved it! Also I NEED MORE!

Shit my heart:pinkiesad2:

“We're not dating Rarity, were just friends.” I said and Rarity giggled, a small blush coming over her white cheeks. Scootaloo just looked away and rubbed her shoulder with a forehoof, a small frown coming over her muzzle.

fam in a nut shell

“Scoots!” They all then hugged. “Ya did it! Ya told him!” They seemed excited and I smiled while Scootaloo blushed a little more.

great now I'm dead and I'm not even half way done

“Chris, I know you two just started dating... But here, things are done a little different. See, there are different pegasi customs....” She blushed and I raised an eyebrow. “See, Scootaloo may, expect for you to make love to her.” She said. I didn't even think before I replied.

shit just got real:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

“Would.... Would it be bad if I said I didn't want to do it with her?” Fluttershy went wide eyed and nodded furiously.

“Of course! It means that you don't trust her, or are not in love with her.” She said with complete seriousness. I thought for a moment, before I nodded.

bitch that's gilt tripping.:twilightangry2:

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