Dark Side of Twilight

10 years ago Nightmare Moon returned, Successfully bringing about eternal night. That day Twilight lost everything she held dear. In that time, she has been preparing for the day when she can take Equestria back from her.

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Comments ( 7 )

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forrest yuchnitz

forrest yuchnitz #1 · Mar 5th, 2014 · · ·

you got the timeline wrong if it took 10 years for the crystal empire to show up then nearly a year to earn there trust then another 6 to learn the new magic your looking at 17 or a little over 17 years to raise the sun and does she go unconscious or did she die cause if she think she should live since nightmare moon is gone you didnt mention celestia coming back so someone has to lead i think it should be her

Pleaseworkforonce

Pleaseworkforonce #2 · Mar 5th, 2014 · 1 · ·

Not bad, I would have loved to see this written out in long form

Thatoddwriter

Thatoddwriter #3 · Mar 5th, 2014 · · ·

It really should be a longer story assuming that you get the same feel from if not more because it to me felt rushed. Even splitting the story into two chapters would be beneficial

WiseIdiot

WiseIdiot #4 · Mar 5th, 2014 · 1 · ·

The entire thing is a bunch of run on sentences. There are barely ANY punctuation besides periods, and that REALLY makes this story dull and sound like someone is just recounting it in a monotone, disinterested voice.

Get somebody to fix this, because it really needs it.

Dreadnought Sinn

Dreadnought Sinn #5 · Mar 22nd, 2014 · · ·

4038476 It took three years for the empire to return. Twilight died at the end because I feel it gives more weight to the monologue at the end. Also as far as twilight knows Celestia is dead but, I haven't decided whether she should be or not. If I get the motivation I may do a sequel about how the pony's deal without an immortal leader or something along those lines.

Trimontar

Trimontar #6 · Apr 20th, 2014 · 3 · ·

needs a sequel if celestia is alive
i doubt twilight is fully dead she absorbed part of the crystel heart right? so aslong as it is powerd she should still be alive

Imperium Bedlam