READ FIRST: Awesome cover art by Shadowflash
After failing to defeat some sort of threat, Scythe, a strong and determined young Earth Pony stallion with incredible powers, has lost his memories and knowledge of having powers.
He decides to live in Ponyville with his sister, constantly searching for answers.
This is made difficult, however, due to a certain rainbow-maned Pegasus taking a sudden interest in him...
More characters will be added if they appear in this story at any point.
Feedback appreciated.
Another story that takes place at the same time as this one: The Best It's Gonna Get
Chapters (6)
It seems ... interesting
Alright for a first chapter, although to me the first to sentences were ... no. Just no.
But that's just me.
Keep up the (good) work.
Nice story, it really have potential! Just a tip: In the flashback scenes, make the Flashback in Italic text and the reality without it instead of having the <back to the hospital> things. It would look like this:
""You BASTARD! You'd even attack our own sister?!"
The evil stallion got up, slightly stunned from the amount of electricity that entered his body. He didn't seem so smug anymore. Now he seemed angry.
"She's our step-sister! No real relation!"
"I consider her a real sister! She's more of a sibling to me than YOU ever were!" Scythe yelled back angrily.
"We need to give his heart a jolt, RIGHT NOW!"
"Wai-Wait! I don't believe it...i-it's...
"What?!"
"His heart...H-His pulse...Look!"
"What are you--Oh...My..."
Scythe was on the ground, blood pouring from an open stab wound on his right hind leg, the blade still stuck into his flesh. His vision was fading. He slowly started to close his eyes.
-This is it.- He thought. -I'm finished. He wins.-
Scythe's thoughts were interrupted and he was woken out of his daze as the stallion lightly prodded him with his left forehoof."
Alternatively, use horizontal Rules (its an option in the story making page, but I can't show you in this comment.). Experiment with it and see what you think.
Otherwise this looks quite good! I'm favouriting it defenitly! :)
416621Thanks for the advice! I really appreciate feedback like this. I'll keep the italic text in mind.
416695 Glad you liked it ^^ I will soon submitt my own story, would you mind if I asked you to read it and give me some feedback like I did £:
416786Of course I'll read it! I'd be happy too!
416795 Thanks mate! I will appriciete it!
416834I'll actually watch you so I'll know when your story is posted.
417032 excellent! I'll see you around then, I suppose ;)
417254For sure.
"Seconds after the final explosion, an Earth Pony flew from the same direction of the destruction and landed hard in Ponyville."
So Scythe is an earth pony now? Wasn't he an Unicorn?
In other comments: ya bastard for not being able to make chapter 3 until after 4 months >:) Wd with this chapter although.
478071If I made the mistake of saying he was a Unicorn earlier, then I am a major screw up.
I'm also in the mood to write again, so I'll probably start chapter 3 today, haha. AFTER I finish watching the season finale of FiM today, haha.
Thanks for commenting.
478931 Well, in chapter one, he uses several defensive spells that I ASSUME only unicorns can do....
Jeeze! I really WAS tired when I finished this chapter! Reading through it again, I noticed multiple spelling errors.
I fixed them, though.
478939Also, I'm still not sure if I will be taking that four month leave. We'll just have to wait and see, I guess?
478967 Hehehe, just like me :3 Early to publish late to edit
481746 I guess we have to
I take back what I wrote earlier: WRITE CHAPTER FOUR, WRITE IT NOW
And for the record: ""What about you? Did you actually blow up that city over in Domus?" Rainbow Dash asked annoyingly, with a grin"
"Equestria was always a calm, peaceful place. Free of worry, everypony lived on happily. The same applied to the land of Domus, a land neighboring Equestria."
FIC-CEPTION! cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/250x250/19953523.jpg
572341Fic-ception. Oh yes. I went there.
Well, like I said, TBIGG takes place at EXACTLY the same time as HM
I must say this chapter looks much better now than before :3 Kuudos to you
Awesome chapter mate
And now for the long wait for chapter 5... (PS. Will the next chapter involve Dash or Richter? Just curious :P )
720000Oh yes.
It'll involve Dash for sure. Richter...Maybe...
Thanks for commenting again, BTW.
726356 np
didn't have time to read it strait away this time, that's all
726608S'all good.
Wow, I got this chapter out within less than a week after the previous one!
Interesting.... But I guess I should have seen this shipping coming
751381Oh, yes
Guess it's good that I got this chapter done in less than a week, huh? Well, one day less than a week...
752114 Ofc it is! I admire that you managed to pull off this that quickly (I'm still stuck with my next chapter and have lost a major amount of motivation
). Looking forward to how it all will turn out!
COME OOOOOOOON....PASS 500 FUCKING VIEWS! SO CLOSE!
You leave us with this cliffhanger???
YOUR BASTARD!
Have you been taking lessons from JasonTheHuman???
Anyway, have fun, wherever you will be holding up for 2 months!