Night Of The Werepony

THE REAGEN BRONIES207 stories ·32 members

Currently being edited
For over 600 years the werepony kind were wiped off the face of Equestria, hunted down because they were thought to be a threat to pony kind stealing the souls of one who were foolish enough to fall for them...
Well that's what everyone thought at least.

Chapters (2)

Comments ( 14 )

Viewing 1 - 50 of 14
- Newest First
- Oldest First

Dimiein

Dimiein #1 · Mar 8th, 2014 · 1 · · Chapter 1 ·

so is pic unrelated or is octavia involved? cause i loce me some were-tavia.

Snowfyre

Snowfyre #2 · Mar 8th, 2014 · · · Chapter 1 ·

start a new paragraph every time the speaker changes

The wound had began to fizz up as the alcohol cleaned it

alcohol doesn't fiz but it does sting, what your talking about is hydrogen peroxide

some of the large or unusual words are a bit confusing such as coruscated, I've never heard of that word until before now and I bet many others haven't as well

I perk my auditories

my damson optics scan the vast terrain

make it seem like she is more machine than flesh, would be better if you went with ears. same with optics, better to go with eyes as again using optics seems more mechanical, also don't know what damson optics even are
I suggest you stick to more simple words as unusual or unknown words can break immersion in the story

jaybird

jaybird #3 · Mar 8th, 2014 · 1 · · Chapter 1 ·

aside from the narrative swinging this story is pretty good. another!!

totallynotabrony

totallynotabrony #4 · Mar 8th, 2014 · 1 · · Chapter 1 ·

Instead of putting three spaces at the beginning of every paragraph, there's a handy indent button you can use in the chapter editor.

The blood of mammals, like ponies, doesn't taste like copper. It uses hemoglobin as an oxygen carrying substance, which contains iron. Mollusk blood uses hemocyanin, which actually does contain copper.

How do you kiss your teeth?

Alcohol doesn't fizz in a wound. You're thinking of hydrogen peroxide.

Read this. You have problems 3, 4, and 5.

You could have done with some more description. It was often difficult to tell what was going on. Using Spellcheck before pasting the text into the FIMFiction page would help, too.

It's your first story, so you learned a lot by writing it. You're still new, so keep practicing. You'll get better.

wubster2015

wubster2015 #5 · Mar 8th, 2014 · · · Chapter 1 ·

4051961
4051818
My computer usually makes my letters capitalize in the middle of a sentence for example it kept making the word Pegasus (Shoot see it did it right there) I don't know why it does that but when I try to make it lower case it just capitalizes itself again.
Kissing your teeth is when you place your tongue in front of your teeth and flick it which will cause it to make a kissing noise, you usually do it when you disapprove or don't like someone, I might have a problem then if alcohol doesn't usually fizz up on your cuts, but I will make that change soon.
Also damson is a shade of purple so when I said "my damson optics scan the vast terrain" I was just illustrating the color of her eyes but I can see how that would be confusing.