Spiral Ponies Ch.1 (Revised)
Spiral Ponies: Ch.1
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I was so happy right now, I had just beaten the lord of fire, Lord Vanaduke. I was standing right above the core staring and what was the last thing the alpha squad was seeing before they disappeared, all I saw was a big metal ball with a giant hatch. I turned too walk away but then I saw a light, I turned around and saw the hatch was slightly open. I jumped down and I use some of my shock weapons to electrify my boots so I don’t fall off. I turn away from the hatch and then out of no where I feel my self being pulled into it, I took out my “Cold Iron Vanquisher” and stabbed it into the metal but sadly I didn’t make a dent and I ended up flying into the light.
~~~---~~~
Today was a great day in Fluttershy’s opinion, Most of the animals were asleep including Angel (her pet white rabbit) but what she did not expect was the loud boom she heard. At first she thought it was Rainbow Dash making sure her Sonic Rainboom wasn’t getting rusty, But when she stepped out side she didn’t see the rainbow in the sky, She turned around too see a grey ball of sorts fall from the sky and land meaby a mile away from her cottage in the Everfree Forest. At first she was to scared to go, but then she thought of the animals that might be hurt which got her motivated too go. She burst off worried if an animal might have been killed!
She saw a line of trees all broken and some seem too be slightly burning. She put out the burning trees and then approached a crater in the ground, Probley what caused all this chaos. When she looked inside she was shocked too see some kind of creature laying there it seemed too be barley breathing and it seemed too have a broken leg, When she got closer she saw it had two kinds of weapons, one a very large sword that had chains bound too it and a yellow, grey, and slightly off white do-hicky as Pinkie Pie would say. She picked him up (she thought it was male cause of the body build and how it seemed muscular) and threw him on her back. He seemed slightly heavy but the oddest thing happened, the weapons disappeared as if they disintegrated. She started moving as fast as she could with the new creature on her back. She thanked Celestia she wasn’t attacked by anything when she got back. She set the creature on her couch where it rest and she saw it was slowly breathing and decided to get some medicine.
~~~---~~~
I woke up with a pounding head ache. I slowly opened my eyes and saw a roof and I also smelt the scent of animals, and sure enough when I turned my head there was a white bunny taping his foot. "Um...hello?" I said. He just stopped taping and walked away which look adorable since he was a bunny. I tried to move my legs into a more comfortable position but when I moved them. "YEE-OW!" I screamed. Almost immediately a small yellow horse, a pony I am guessing since thats what they taught us back in school to call a small horse, came rushing too me. What surprised me is it had wings, what surprised me more is it talked! "Oh my gosh! Are you alright?" It asked me. "Y-yeah. But how are you talking? Am I dreaming?" I said a little shocked from the talking pony.
~~~---~~~
Fluttershy was stunned. The strange creature was talking. "Umm whats your name? You know if you don’t mind me asking..." She asked getting quieter as she spoke. "Well my code name is Legend Wing, But my team mates call me Wing. Whats yours?" Wing Said. "My name is Fluttershy..." She said so low she was surprised that he caught it. "Fluttershy? Thats a cute name." Wing said. Wing slowly turned in the couch so he could sit up and make eye contact with Fluttershy. "So umm do you know where I am?" Wing asked. "Well you in my cottage which is right outside Ponyville which is in the wide world of Equestria." Fluttershy said. "So I am on a different world? Wow..." Wing said seeming to be a little sad. "Is there anything you need?" Fluttershy asked. "Well I am a little tired, can I go to bed?" Wing asked. "Sure." Fluttershy responded and handed Wing a blanket. "Good night" Fluttershy said after seeing out side her window that it was dark. "Good night." Wing said back before closing his eyes and falling asleep.
~~~---~~~
The next mourning Wing could smell something being cooked. He got up and slowly (while wobbling a bit) too the kitchen where he saw Fluttershy making some breakfast for her animals. "Oh good mourning Wing" She said too him. "Good mourning Fluttershy." Wing responed. "Wing can you stay and make sure my home dosen't fall apart? I need too go get some Groceries." Fluttershy asked. "Sure I can do that." Wing said. Fluttershy put food for all the animals and then said good bye before leavening. "Now what to do till she gets back. Hmm..." Wing said while looking at something that looked like a TV. He saw the remote on the coffe table and turned on the TV to a channel called "Equestria Channel" and he sat there and watched TV totally captivated by the amazeing creatures being shown on the screen.
~~~---~~~
Fluttershy returned seeing a certain person in a type of trance with her TV sitting next to Angel. Fluttershy giggled as she turned off the TV. "Aw it was getting too the good part!" Wing whined. Fluttershy stiffled a laugh. "Help me unpack groceries and you can go back too the TV." Fluttershy said. "Ok." Wing said. Later they finished and Wing went back too the TV he didn't miss much. *Knock Knock* was all that could be heard from the door.
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i've played that game, it's rather fun.
Will read.
"Note:Their will be more adult stuff in the future like sex"
i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/248/815/a82.gif
HA JK.
I don't play Spiral knights, so no readies for me
Cheers
~iraqlobstah
"Basicly since no one else has made a Spiral Knights and MLP crossover i decided too go ahead and make my own
Note:Their will be more adult stuff in the future like sex and what not but I will put something such as (WARNING!) or a sentence saying thats the words are not fit for children. (If there is going to be mature content later on in the story, then why rate this "Everyone"?)
Tell me what you think, And I will try too update this story as often as possible. "
Please tell me this is an April Fool's joke.
Please.
395488 i know you from somewhere...
395521
You know ME?!
i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/219/629/75652%20-%20The_Great_And_Powerful_Trixie%20Trixie%20are_you_a_wizard%20meme.jpg
Cheers
~iraqlobstah
395527 do you follow wolfy hige?
395535
DA
Cheers
~iraqlobstah
395554 DA?
395557
i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/223/448/103716%20-%20gilda%20reaction_image%20this.PNG
Means Yes
Cheers
~iraqlobstah
395578 Thats how i know you.
You would have to fight off zombies with a ginger ale can.
395601
IKR?
I shall best them!
i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/256/663/0b9.png
Cheers
~iraqlobstah
Your first mistake?
Sprial ponies
Unless that was intentional, which I hope it was!
395519 For now its "E for Everyone" Cuz nothing super mature has happened tho some time from now their will be and i will yes change the rate of age thing for it dont worry and its not gonna be "OH MAH GAWD *CLOP CLOP CLOP*" it wont be like that probley be build up short sex scean well actually...idk yet. Too be honest with all of you...I am making this up as I go so yeah xD
395557 i think he means "Deviant Art" i have an acc on there but i hardly use it
Oh Hey! Lookie here!
I had the same idea!
If I've anything to say about your piece...
*teacher moment* I honestly think you could have done a better job for a first chapter.
I think you should at least organized dialogue and events to make it not look too crushed together.
I'm not gonna press you for grammar but some places just... (sharp inhale), ouch, you know?
Not gonna dislike, but I'm not gonna like it either. I'll be keeping an eye on this one though!
FYI
If you wanna see my interpretation of this specific cross over..
the story's called 'Ponies and the Alpha Team'.
I personally never made it past depth, what was it... 15?
I've no idea what the Alpha Team did.
You've got potential.
Keep at it!
395750 it is. i called it "Spiral Ponies" cuz the name of the game is "Spiral Knights" i just thought it would make sense too make the "P" capitol like the "K" ya feel me dawg?
395519 alright i see your point about the spelling. i will try and do better dont worry. i am new too it but hopefully with some help it should be fantastic!
Hey!
I made a Spiral Knights Crossover! No seriously, 'Spiral Knight Mares'
This.....is very awkward...
395794 Ma'am yes ma'am! i will look into the alpha team thing but too be honest i dont know anything about them and ihave been on SK (shorten term for Spiral Knights) for a LONG time and i havent even been told their name or armors and i kinda dont wanna add them incase SEga and Three rings finally disclose information about them. and i will defenatly work at my spelling and i guess you can say its a little crunched and when i look back on it your point is valid. when i read this sentence its look horrible xD
xD
395821 SERIOUSLY?! i am checking it out right now! i love spiral knights and i tried once or twice tring too find a crossover for it but could't so i thought there were other bronies like me who want a good spiral knight cross over! now i know my spelling puncuation and all that good stuff aint the best but i will try my best. i am gonna check it out so wait for my comment!
395834
...I'm a sir.
teenage boy really.
I forgive you!
395868 my bad and i am the same. 14 year old who cant get off his arse too go eat, nah he just sits and play spiral knights! lol me in the nutshell xD
395803
Let me rephrase myself.
Sprial Ponies.
Not picking on you or anything, I'm just having fun watching you try to figure whats wrong.
396206 i cant see the problem xD the only other thing i can think of is that your trying too make a refrence too gurren lagann
I like the story so far!
There are a few issues in spelling and grammar, and It may be helpful to space out the dialogue to make it clearer who is saying what.
Other than that, everything is really good.