• Published 14th Feb 2014
  • 4,524 Views, 91 Comments

The Horrible Misunderstanding of Cupcakes - SirShadestrider



What really happened during Cupcakes.

  • ...
6
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 4,524

Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Rainbow Dash flew through the air happily, today she was going to see her friend Pinkie Pie at Sugarcube corner. Rainbow sighed, it's not that she didn't like Pinkie, but sometimes her energetic, pink friend could be annoyingly random. Still, Pinkie Pie was her best friend, and Rainbow didn't want to disappoint her. Besides, Pinkie had been really excited about...whatever it was she was planning, and Rainbow had become rather curious as to what the surprise could possible be. When Rainbow had inquired about why Pinkie wanted her to come over, Pinkie had simply giggled and said "If I told you then it wouldn't be a surprise silly!" So with her curiosity and loyalty to her friends getting the better of her, Rainbow flew off in the direction of Sugarcube corner.

Rainbow Dash flew through the doors of Sugarcube corner, and was almost immediately tackled by a bouncy pink blur.

"Hiya Dashie, guess what I have planned for us to day! Did you guess yet?! huhhuhhuh? Oh wait, I'm sorry Dashie I haven't even let you get a word in yet have I? Sometime I just start talking, and I can't quite seem to stop, which is really funny because..." Rainbow could have sworn she felt her ears beginning to bleed from the onslaught of over-enthusiasm. Rainbow decided to stop Pinkie's rant the only way she new how...by placing a hoof firmly to her lips.

"Pinkie! Please just tell me what you had in mind!" Rainbow yelled pulling her hoof from Pinkie's snout.

"Oh yeah! I almost forgot!" Pinkie exclaimed "I needed some help today making some cupcakes, and I thought you might wanna help!" Rainbow looked unsure.

"Um...yeah about that...I'm not really the best at baking stuff" Rainbow admitted. Pinkie seemed unfazed by her friends reluctance.

"Don't worry Dashie, I can teach you." Pinkie took in a deep breath in preparation for singing her "Cupcake making song", Rainbow shoved a hoof into her mouth to prevent it.

"Why don't you just tell me the normal way?" Pinkie nodded to show that she understood, and pulled away from Dash's hoof,

"Okie dokie loki!" Pinkie chirped, "First though, I need some more of an extra special ingredient."

"What's that?" Rainbow asked puzzled.

Pinkie giggled "It's sweetened liquid rainbow! I got it during my trip to Cloudsdale, after Twilight used that cloud walking spell. I think I might still have some left in a jar down in the basement." Pinkie and rainbow went deep into the basement of Sugarcube corner.

A strong gust of wind blew in through an open window upstairs, and caused the basement door to slam shut. Pinkie's eyes widened in realization,

"Uh-oh. That door has one of those automatic locks on it."

Rainbow rolled her eyes "That will only hinder ponies upstairs, remember?"

Pinkie laughed, "Oh yeah!"

Rainbow and Pinkie reached the main part of the basement soon enough, and Pinkie flicked on the light. Rainbow eyed the contents of the large room, there wasn't much down here except some shelves with baking ingredients; some half-melted candles, some nails and several buckets of red paint from when Pinkie had helped Applejack repaint the barn, some Nightmare night props, an old collection of medical tools, and a sculpture of Rainbow herself.

"Not that I'm not flattered of course, but why is there a weird decoration down here that looks just like me?" Rainbow asked.

"Oh" Pinkie exclaimed happily, "That's an art project of mine that I made for the Ponyville art show" Pinkie explained joyously "It's made of cloth, and stuffed with paper and cardboard to keep it's shape. Cool huh?" Pinkie grinned at her pegasus friend.

"Uh yeah cool" Rainbow replied.

Pinkie skipped happily over to the shelves and began looking over the various ingredients,

"Hm...oh, here it is." Pinkie said, grinning widely.


It had taken awhile for Rainbow to get the hang of it, but there were now a baker's dozen of cupcakes to show for her efforts. The cupcakes, of course, had cyan icing and were covered with rainbow sprinkles.

"Wow Dashie these look delicious! Not bad at all for your first time making them!" Pinkie squealed in delight.

"Yeah, they are pretty awesome." Rainbow beamed, "But of course they were made by me, so it does make sense." Pinkie laughed at her friends antics, but stopped suddenly. Rainbow noticed the scared look on Pinkie Pie's face, and followed her gaze to see what had gotten the attention of the party pony.

There on the floor, about ten feet ahead, was a very large spider "Now Pinks, lets just ignore it and it will go awa-"

"AAAAAHHHHHH!" Pinkie Pie screamed, cutting of Rainbow's sentence. "SPIDER! Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew!" Pinkie ran to look for a tennis racket, or a broom to swat the large arachnid with, but tripped over a paint can, sending red paint everywhere. Rainbow simply went to one of the basement's side rooms to look for a jar, but bumped into a tall shelf by accident, causing an inconveniently placed bowling ball to fall off the top shelf. Rainbow only had time to scream before the object landed on Rainbow's head. Rainbow, now unconscious on the floor, was thankfully unaware of the ruckus going on in the main part of the basement. Pinkie accidentally catapulted a box of extra large nails, which flew through the air and by sheer luck, managed to skewer the sculpture of Rainbow Dash and pin it to the wall. Pinkie's flailing also managed to knock a collection of old surgical tools of of the shelf, causing them to go flying through the air and all but dismembering the Rainbow dummy.

More red paint splattered all over the place, including the candles which were still hot, making a loud sizzling sound as Pinkie finally found an old book on one of the shelves, only to see the spider run through a hole in the wall.


(A couple minutes earlier.)

Twilight Sparkle, Fluttershy, and Rarity all entered Sugarcube corner to get a snack. Applejack had said that she had wanted to come, but couldn't because of her preparations for the upcoming harvest season. Twilight and her friends assumed that since they hadn't seen her, that Rainbow Dash must be with Pinkie, but neither pony was anywhere sight. Suddenly, they all heard Rainbow scream, followed my some wet splats and a muffled sizzling sound. Panicked, they tried the door.

"It's locked!" Rarity cried in horror.

"What were those horrible sounds?! What's going on down there?!" Fluttershy gasped.

"I don't know, but we need to get down there, and fast!" Twilight said urgently. Deciding to forgo all manner of subtlety, Twilight charged her horn and blasted the door off its' hinges.

Twilight and company wasted no time in barging down the stairs to the basement. When they arrived, they were shocked. It was the most horrifying thing any of them had ever seen, blood covered practically every surface, blood stained skulls and corpses sat against the far wall, and at the epicenter of it all stood a blood covered Pinkie Pie next to a dismembered, and mutilated Rainbow Dash. Rainbow's bloody flesh had been cut at grotesque angles, like dull safety scissors through fabric, her muscles showing through her now mostly red fur, was torn in places like a paper on a birthday present, and her entrails hanging limp from a large gash in her belly were twisted up like some sick kind of wet cardboard. Pinkie noticed the looks on her friend faces and not being able to comprehend why they looked so horrified, did the only thing she could think of: she held out a rainbow colored cupcake in offering.

"Cupcakes?" Pinkie asked sheepishly. Twilight Sparkle screamed at the top of her lungs and ran up the stairs and out the door, with Fluttershy doing the same, and Rarity quickly following suite after nearly losing her lunch. "Well, that wasn't the reaction I had hoped for." Pinkie mused.


Rainbow groaned and sat up, rubbing the lump on the top of her head, and found a blanket draped over her.

"What happened?" Rainbow asked groggily. "Sweet Celestia! Look at this place!" Rainbow gawked. "I'm out for like what five minutes, and the place falls apart!" Rainbow shook her head and sighed.

"Well," Rainbow said, "we might as well clean this place up Pinks...somepony could really get the wrong idea if they saw this right now. Pinkie Pie's eyes widened, and she swallowed the knot beginning to form in her throat and nodded

"yeah...we may have to fill in our friend about that later."

Rainbow shrugged

"Okay, if you say so." Rainbow replied "but first we should clean this place up, and eat some cupcakes."

Author's Note:

This is my first story here on Fimfiction, or anywhere for that matter. Helpful critiques are appreciated, as are proofreaders.
Thank you to any who like this, and I hope to make some friends on this site and I look forward to new story ideas coming to mind.

-Regards, SirShadestrider

Comments ( 91 )

A decent alternate. :twilightsmile: Good Job for your first. :raritywink:

Well, that's good. I wonder what will happen later.

I much prefer this to the original version. Also:

...Awkward... :twilightblush:

3942160 Don't know...but that would be an interesting talk to be sure :rainbowlaugh:

Congrats on your first story. The title caught my eye on the new story list, and though I never read cupcakes, I have an exceptional fear of it and liked the idea of it being trivialized into something more silly.

As for a critique, I'm gonna go for a quickie to give you the general Idea because you've only just started: Some scene transitions are too jarring and interrupt the flow, like the transition from the first paragraph to the second, and could be fixed with some more wording, like descriptive action, to soften the landing. The first line that jumped forward to Rainbow making cupcakes was used effectively, but the second major scene change to Twilight and her friends only needs one line above the "A couple minutes earlier" and a blank line is all that is needed to separate it from the paragraph below. The last scene change to Rainbow waking up is almost unnecessary. The story could still work if Rainbow woke up immediately after Twilight and her friends ran away and would fit your story still, or if you insisted she was knocked out for a bit, then you could have her waking up to Pinkie trying to clean up with Rainbow in a blanket (because it is assumed Pinkie is good enough a pony and pony-being to worry for her unconscious friend) and noticing the mess. Also, "Pinkie ran to look for s tennis racket". The 's' key is very close to the 'a' key.

Though there were other parts that could be worked on, this is just some of the simpler, technical stuff. For now, I'll recommend to edit and edit and edit again. If one part in your story doesn't feel right, change it, and if it still doesn't feel right, change it again. Editing your own story multiple times is the simplest and most hassle-free action a writer can take to improve the quality of their story.

Anyway,I always enjoy seeing new writers as they throw their hat into the ring for the first time, and I hope it won't be the last for you. Good luck with your imminent endeavors. :moustache:

this was great! I wondered wat really happened lol.

I'm trying to get back into the fandom with this new season and your story is the first one I've read in a long time. It was short, simple, and great. Just like I like my stories. Thank you for this, made me smile. Cupcakes is the whole reason why I'm a brony today, and an innocent alternative like this is great for someone figuring out how to step back into here. :)

3942302 Thank you, especially for noticing the "s". I might very well not have noticed that on my own. :twilightblush:

3942352 Don't know, but this is my personal take on it, and I'm stickin' to it.

3942360 Awww...Thanks, I'm glad I could help. :applecry: Glad that I could make somepony smile! :pinkiehappy:

I despise Cupcakes, mostly because I've read it, and it's not scary at all like the fandom makes it out to be. This is brilliant, and I enjoyed it a lot. :twilightsmile:

3942554 Why thank you, I aim to please. :twilightsmile:

Not bad.
Funny yet stupid
THUMBS UP!!!

I wrote my first the other day....
I think you did a little better than me. :twilightblush:

Sequel?:pinkiehappy:

3942722 Yes, but sometimes stupid comedy is the funniest. :rainbowwild: After all, look at some comedies like "History of the World", and "Monty Python and the Holy Grail".

3944004 Eh, give yourself some credit, It's your first story. :pinkiehappy:

3944710 Maybe, but I would have to do some brainstorming first.:derpytongue2:

Made me grin, but it could have been funnier if you added a section about the girls overreacting and hiding or trying to explain what they saw to the police or applejack.
Missed opportunity me thinks.

3945608 Funny you should say that, because a sequel was requested, and that was actually along the lines of what I had planned. Not yet sure whether it is actually going to be a sequel, or simply an added chapter though. :unsuresweetie:

3946427 You now have my attention. FOLLOW AND TALLYHO!:moustache:

Never read the original, but this reinterpretation went how I thought it would go. I love it.

A very good story. I liked it! :pinkiehappy: Also, I would suggest you get an editor, but I can't suggest any to you. I don't even have one myself! :facehoof:

3955639 Yeah, that's kinda my problem too. :pinkiesad2:

Take a sickening gorefic and make it funny ...nice.:pinkiehappy:

3962357 Why thank you. I do love making people laugh. :yay:

I like this version more

@ Pinkamina 104 :rainbowlaugh: Somepony's been changing their avatar a lot lately. Lol. I must say, that I like all three that you've had. :twilightsmile:

This is too awesome.
But what about the pelt dress?

Not only funny but hilarious, like and fav.
And have a mustache too. :moustache:

3987481 The pelt dress sounded like it came a while after everything else did. Since Pinkie's friends came in just after the commotion, there was no need to implement said pelt dress. Also, I was not entirely sure how to implement that, so I left it out for that reason as well. :unsuresweetie: :twilightblush:

3995353 Huzzah! Thank you for your generous donation of mustache, please deposit it in the 'stache donation bucket! :pinkiecrazy:

4007392
I can't think of anything either....:trixieshiftleft:
:pinkiegasp: Oh! Wait! What if...it was...
:trollestia: Just kidding.
I'll tell you if I come up with anything.

3942352
SargeantSprinkles would decide that, and as far as I'm concerned, the story is the truth.

Do a sequel named The Horrible Misunderstanding of Rainbow Factory.

4135534 I was actually entertaining the idea of that. :twilightsmile: Now that it has been requested that makes things final. It might be a little while though okay, but I will get around to it eventually. :unsuresweetie: :yay:

Oh, oh! I know what the pelt dress could be! It was really a quilt and another craft she made. It got cold in the basement so she wrapped herself in it.

4228692 I like the way you think! :pinkiehappy:

4229019
:derpyderp2: Really? Cuz in real life I'm a big dummy.

heh-heh-heh...yeeeeeeeaaaaaah. thaaaats what happend....I'll go with that....

Pinkie Pie side::pinkiegasp: THATS EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED!!!! I WISH MORE PONIES AND PEOPLE KNEW THIS!!:pinkiehappy:

4541710 Whataya :pinkiehappy:ing about? My Pinkie Pie comment or Pinkamena comment? either way thx!

:yay:yay!

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