Pinkie Pie Wants to Sleep

With Pinkie Pie being so hyperactive during the day, how long and how hard is it for her to get to sleep at night? Does the pink pony even go to sleep at night, or does she just stay up forever? Who knows.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 5 )

Viewing 1 - 50 of 5
- Newest First
- Oldest First

Gamer Script

Gamer Script #1 · Feb 10th, 2014 · 2 · ·

Poor Pinkie Pie! Oh well, can't tell you how many times I've had this happen to me... I hate it!!!

The DJ Rainbow Dash

The DJ Rainbow Dash #2 · Feb 10th, 2014 · · ·

Not half bad. The stream of consciousness thing written from Pinkie's POV was nice, accurate and believable enough I think. I'd suggest adding some italics to put extra emphasis on some words, since we all know that Pinkie will do this when she talks.

Also, if you want to do page breaks, there is a function to do this in the editing window. It looks much better than the bolded little lines you have here.

Now this might be a personal preference, but I feel that spacing out the paragraphs more would make this much more enjoyable a read (I'm not saying it isn't by the way).

Take these paragraph here.

I wish I could eat all the cakes. I usually have to share them with other ponies. I like to consider myself as a sharing type of pony, but when it comes to eating cakes, some could say that I take the cake! I crack myself up sometimes. I wonder why I find things more funny when I'm tired. I should ask Twilight that. Oh wait, I can't because she's sleeping and I'm not sleeping. Gosh I wish I could sleep. My head is on my pillow, the covers are making me nice and warm, what else is there to be able to go to bed!
I wonder what other ponies do when they can't sleep. Do they talk to themselves like I'm doing, or do they just lie there until they are able to fall asleep. Maybe I should try that. I'm not going to think or talk to see if that puts me to sleep. And... GO!

You could make them into this.

I wish I could eat all the cakes. I usually have to share them with other ponies. I like to consider myself as a sharing type of pony, but when it comes to eating cakes, some could say that I take the cake!
I crack myself up sometimes.
I wonder why I find things more funny when I'm tired. I should ask Twilight that. Oh wait, I can't because she's sleeping and I'm not sleeping.
Gosh I wish I could sleep.
My head is on my pillow, the covers are making me nice and warm, what else is there to be able to go to bed!?
I wonder what other ponies do when they can't sleep. Do they talk to themselves like I'm doing, or do they just lie there until they are able to fall asleep?
Maybe I should try that. I'm not going to think or talk to see if that puts me to sleep.
And... GO!

For this type of story spreading out things like so makes it easier to read, and in my eyes looks nicer.

Also, you might want to check over some grammar tidbits. I added in two question marks on those paragraphs which were missing.

Overall, not bad. A bit of sprucing up could be used, but it was good.

DJRD

Zeyon The Green

Zeyon The Green #3 · Feb 11th, 2014 · · ·

Been there, take non addictive-sleep pills, it's all good now. I think not needing to sleep would be a great super power.

Quaver Ava

Quaver Ava #4 · Feb 17th, 2014 · · ·

It's a cute little ficlet, I like it. Probably should be asleep myself, but alas I'm adicted to caffeine and ponies. Grr, school is gonna be a bitch tomorrow...

MythrilMoth