As the last Big Daddy left in all of Rapture, loneliness had become a constant companion of mine. No memories, no voice, not even a face that I could call my own. I thought it would be like this for my entire existence in Rapture... At least, until
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Nice job.
Not sure if it's the 'something' you're looking for, but the splits between third and first person narrative could be centered. Would make it look a little more finished, but that's just my opinion. Otherwise, I think you've done a pretty good job here!
3927029
Good tip. Appreciate it!
3927033 You are welcome! It's often those small details which make the difference between good writing and great writing.
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KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!
Wow...simply Wow. Honestly I've never actaully played any of the bioshock games, but I love to read about them an d watch the walkthrough's on youtube, just for kicks and stuff. Anyways This story is simply amazing. It's like I'm really there in rapture seeing through the eyes of the "Rouge big daddy".
That F*** you to prince blue balls was the icing on the cake. Everything is coming together. The crossovers I've read don't usually make sense, this one however is easily the best out of all of those that I've read (And being a bookworm that's a'lot) I'm literally blown away by how much I love this story. I'm trying and failing to find anything wrong with this peice. I can't wait to read more and see what becomes of Fluttershy and Rarity.
Oh yeah I think you've captured the ponies personalities really well in their current situation. Rarity's reminds me of when she was kidnapped by the diamond dogs, I'm just waiting for the whining to begin.
I'm wondering if any of the other mane six will have any kind've part in the story or will Fluttershy and Rarity simply mention them to Big Daddy at some point.
3930407
*sniff* That was beautiful.
Seriously though, wow. In glad to see that so many people are enjoying the crossover so far. I'd read several ranging from fallout, to bioshock, and even pokemon, but not many really seem to do the characters justice. Usually, either one of the two genre's are off on their reactions and/or overall ways of acting, which is a bit of a pet peeve. The Big Daddy in this story is meant to show us exactly what goes on in the mind of a Big Daddy if they ever had free will. After a life of forced misery and loyalty, its only natural that he would act as he does. Yet, throughout the story, the readers will be able to see bits of his original person before being turned into a Big Daddy.
As for the Mane Six, I may involve them in some ways if it is suggested and sensical, but I likely won't directly involve them. Glad you enjoy nonetheless.
P.s. If anyone is thinking that the Big Daddy is a little... Underpowered, remember that there's a reason he was demoted.
P.s.s. His 'special' trait won't be a constant thing, I promise. After all, where would be the fun in that? :3
Drill was the best weapon in the game tho :(
very well done
3930842
Agreed. Loved that thing.
This fix.... I love it so much right now and I'm only on chapter 2 so far. Keep up the good work sir.
Now if only the big daddy could go 88mph.
Now to do as is usual: Read two chapters at nigh-midnight before tearing yourself apart at school waiting to go home and read more.
mmm reading
4356390 well I do not sleep so... HA!
Hm, I feel like these splicers are of a more intelligent variety, but i hope this is not the case with all of them; most splicers are a screaming mess of fish semen and onion butter on a naked midget corpse
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So, I wasn't sure up until now but this paragraph confirms it:
Now, all that stood between this conflict was the 'metal feline' who had watched Blueblood with his orange tinted eye as he hid himself behind several of the guards like the coward he was. "What is the meaning of this?!" Princess Luna shouted towards the splicers, seeming to ignore the metal being between the two groups. The splicers all laughed hysterically as Rodney pointed towards the ponies over his shoulders and grinned smugly. "See, I told ya' 'idn't I? Now to answer your question ya' candy colored petting zoo, my pals an' I have gone for quite some time without ADAM, and we're not too sure if you 'ave some on ya' or not. So, the only thing we can do to be sure is ta' cut you open and see for ourselves. After all, ya said ya wanted peace, well so do we! A piece of ADAM along wit' your intestines that is!" The ponies all gawked at this, unable to comprehend such a profound level of violence. Never before had they heard anypony speak of something so... So... Cruel.
ALWAYS split up dialogue from different characters into separate paragraphs...ALWAYS!
I think fleshing out The Big Daddy is a bad idea. Giving him much character isn't really correct. A Big Daddy with a conscious is useless to them. Plus them giving him a Vita-Chamber chip seems unlikely, seeing how he could be captured and a rival corp could develop a way to remove the chip.
4588472 Just so you know, this might be a is a Prototype Big Daddy. Or the original experimental. Basically imperfect and having free will and experimental hardware such as the stuff it has is not really much of a surprise. Though I could be wrong.
1.21 gigawatts
you should feel special... i gave your story my first ever -------->
4492362 that.... is suprisingly accurate....
Yes!
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Also great work so far!
Wow. That is the most pathetic Big Daddy ever, one single armor piercing round and he's down for the count. Hell even the crazed Alpha Series are stronger than that pathetic wimp.
The chapter would read a bit better if some of the numbers were written out as full words. Not in every case, but the fight scene in particular read worse than it could have due to it.
There's nothing explicitly wrong with it, but overall using less numbers is better for preserving immersion.
6154832
Isn't he is? I mean he can't even protect his LS well but still, in real logic AP bullet to the head are pretty much insta-kill.
6154832 So does that make all soldiers wimps because they die in one shot instead of five like in call of duty?
An armor piercing round would have no difficulty going through glass and a skull and the last time I checked most things die when shot in the brain.
6154832 It's called being a bit more realistic. An armour-piercing round would easily go straight through glass and out the other side of your head in reality. You know, because this isn't COD or Halo. Bullets coming out of guns kill you very quickly.
This had quite a few issues. Why did none of the ponies (especially Luna and Celestia) stop Blueblood when he was ranting? They had more than enough time to do so. Also please don't use all caps as it just makes things more annoying to read. The dialogue for the Big Daddy was just weird as he sounds nothing like someone in the situation he's in (stuck in Rapture for years). Finally, you have an issue with telling instead of showing. Instead of simply letting the expressions and actions of the ponies convey their disgust with everything going on, you just spell it out by telling us exactly how they feel.
The story isn't really that bad, but I doubt I'll be continuing.
Wow, that was a fast 12 hours.
Having read the Friends Forever comics, I know Blueblood has more tact and decorum in regards to foreign diplomacy.