What?
It was official, Lane hated his job with a passion. Every night was the same, come in at 5:00pm during a rush hour and start washing dish's.
That wasn't even the start. His boss could hardly speak english good enough for him to understand. He was also mean as hell to him as well for getting behind during the rushs.
But the absolute worse thing was that he had to work late into the night with no one there, because he had to get every fucking dish done before he went home. It was horible.
And he couldn't drive for other reasons that he doesn't like to mention.
So he trudged slowly to the house he owned. He was 17 almost 18 years old, he was overweight a little bit. He also had clean cut dark brown hair. He looked completly normal exept for one thing, he was wearing sunglasses in the dark. He could see perfectly fine he just wore them to hide his...problem. he also wore a big bulky coat for the rain and other reasons. The only other thing he had on his person was a class ring that his father gave him before he died.
lane smiled as he got to the front door of his house remembering the fun his dad and he had fun. That had all changed one day as his father had been out doing a construction job and he didn't see a kid messing with a nail gun. It had hit both major arteries in his neck, he had bled out before the paramedics could get to him.
He shook those memeries out of his head. HE was now in the house and went to take a shower. After he was sone he was so tired he dexided to skip dinner and go to bed.
He put his fathers class ring next to his bed and laid down to take a long deserved rest.
*SMASH*
Lane eyes shot open as the noise,he also felt his house give an almighty lurch, and aat the pain of him falling off the bed onto his head. He picked up his ring that had fallen off the bedstand and put it on his finger.
He walked out into the halway and saw his entire house was a complete mess, everything was knocked over.
he walked over to his front door to see if his nieghborhood was okay and if anyone needed some help.
He opened the door and stood there, his mouth somewhere below his knees. The outside had different scenery and looked cartoony.
But that wasn't the weirdest thing in the least, in the distance he could swear he saw a small town. Not filled with people nut filled with brightly colored miniture horses. He then thought that they must be ponies. He could also swear that they were talking and conversing with each other. But that was impossible, it defeated simple logic.
But, then he saw that the ponies were looking a him. He moved and one of the ponies screamed and the entire town went apeshit crazy.
Lane got scared and looked for a place to hide.
'House would be too obvious,' he thought quickly.
He then thought of using his special ability.
'No,'he thought to himself 'I don't want to cause more havoc than i already have'
He then saw an apple orchard and made the desicion to hide there. They wouldn't be able to find him in there. He picked an apple as he ran into the trees.
----------------------
It was absolute chaos outside the Ponyville library and Twilight couldn't figure out why.
She tried asking ponies but they just kept running. She decided to do something she hadn't done yet as ruler.
"STOP!!!" said Twilight in the Royal Canterlot voice, making all the ponies stop and look at her.
"All right," she said a little winded and a scrachy throat, "Why are you all running around screaming?
One stallion stepped up and bowed, "Your highness, there is a monster that dropped from the sky and ran into the apple orchards. But before it did, it made a move towards Ponyville and we all ran."
"Are ya saying there's a monster in MY orchard?" said Applejack coming out of the library follewed by the rest of the gang.
"Yes ma,am." said the pony getting up from his bow.
"Get the elements Rarity," said Twilight, "We have to check this out."
Rarity nodded and went to get them.
Twilight looked towards the orchards.
"I hope we can solve this without violence." said Twilight, "SPIKE! Send a leter to Princess Celestia that says what happened here."
"Already on it Twi," said a small purple dragon.
Spike finished the letter and rolled into a red ribbon, he then blew his green flame on the parchment to send it to the ruler of the sun.
"Alright girls lets go."
"But Twilight, what if its a nice creature?" asked the timid yellow pegasus as the reached the edge of the orchard.
Twilght thought this over, "Well then we'll just ask it what its doing."
"Oh. Ok." said Fluttershy quietly.
Dash then came from the orchard and told then she saw acreature in the middle of the orchard.
"Did it see you," said Applejack intently.
"I think it saw me fora split second while I was coming to get you," said Rainbow,"It looks really weird."
"Now we know where it is, lets go look for it, " said Twilight running into the orchard with the mares following behind.
------------------------------
'Oh shit!' Lane thought as he say a blue pony flying over him.
"So apparently they have pegesi here whats next unicorns and dragons?" he said to himself as he walked quickly through the trees.
He walked for good ten minutes, according to his watch, when he started hearing the noises behind him. He started to run and found his way blocked by a wall of translusence pink stuff. he turned aroud and saw a pony with a horn that was glowing.
'Well I guess they really do have unicorns,' he thought to himself,' I am going to have to use my ability to get out of here.'
He tore off his coat and felt his shirt rip as his twenty foot wingspan flared open.
--------------------
'Got ya,' thought Twilight as she put a wall of magic around him.
The creature was strange in her eyes. it was bipedal and it only had hair on the top of its head and stubble on its chin.
Then it did something she didn't expect, it threw off part of its clothing and it shirt ripped as huge wings came off his back. So when she saw that she panicked.
she accidently overcharged her horn past what she had ever done before. even when she hatched Spike. It flung off her horn rght at the creatures claw that had a ring on it.
--------------------------------
As Lane opened up his wings, he saw all the ponies eyes widen and they screamed at him. He was able to look at the purple unicorn shoot a bolt of what seemed to be purple energy. it hit the ring on his hand and all he felf was excrusiating pain. he felt himself scream the loudest he ever had and blacked out.
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dish's = possessive = something belonging to a dish =
dishes = plural = more than one dish =
The name of a language should always be capitalized, and it should be "well enough", not "good enough".
The plural of "rush" is spelled "rushes".
The form of the word you want is "worst".
Is this fucking profanity really fucking necessary to the fucking story?
The word is "horrible"; spellcheck is your friend.
Proper punctuation is your friend as well.
Sentences always begin with capital letters, as do proper nouns... such as your own name.
If you reread your own work, you might actually catch some of the errors like this before you publish.
...and errors like this.
See my first note about possessive versus plural. Or read this guide to the apostrophe.
Your possessive doesn't even have the S this time, let alone the apostrophe; it should be "Lane's eyes". And they shot open as the noise... what? We're clearly missing a word there. Then there are issues like the missing space, the double letter in "at", and the awkward construction of the sentence.
Read your work before you publish it, get an editor, and pay more attention in English class.
Not bad.
>>Elric of Melnipony Like I said I need to get an editor. I write my stories on a xbox and it's really hard to see mistakes and edit them. And yes I know all these things, I take college English at my high school. I still thank you for showing where I screwed up and hope you enjoy the rest of the story. Oh if you are so concerned about the editing would you consider being my editor?
5209920
Doesn't that, like, take forever to write? And isn't an xbox the least qualified thing to be writing stories on? An iphone or ipad is better,
5209944 yes but I have an iPhone 4 and it's really glitchy and the iPad mini I had I gave to my mom for Christmas last year. I know I'm buying a laptop for Christmas and that's when I'm planning to edit my stories top to bottom. I really don't have anything but the xbox to write on.
It is a good story. I will keep an eye on it.