The Greatest Show of Kindness
Prologue
Today was a beautiful day. The sun was brightly shining in the Krylon blue sky, the wind was rustling leaves among the fresh, crisp autumn grass, and the gorgeous petals of rose and tulip created a sweet, soft aroma that created a calm, soothing atmosphere. The chirping of birds and the chattering of small animals that were roaming freely around the small cottage sounded of serenity that was like music to the Fluttershy’s ears.
The past few days had been completely hectic for Fluttershy. She had been getting ready for the big wedding of Shining Armor and Princess Cadence, ‘helped’ to defeat the massive changeling army, and even witnessed the power of true love as the two defeated the great Queen of the Changelings, Chrysalis. Afterwards, she got to show off her bird choir’s beautiful music as the two completed their vows-a tremendous honor for her.
It was now four days after the wedding, and life had returned to a normal state for the mare. She continued to fulfill her once again planned out routine: She woke up and fed her animals, per usual. For breakfast, today, she ate a basic meal of toast, apple juice and a fruit salad, containing apples, oranges and cherries, with a hint of lemon. Alongside this, she read the daily newspaper. After this, she took a refreshing, warm shower, and did chores around her house, such as dusting and occasionally mopping her floor. Usually she took a nap for a few hours a day, and today, she decided to nap after she fed her animals their lunch.
Once she awoke from her nap, she made for herself a delicious lunch of a carrot, spinach and cherry tomato salad. As she went to take a bite, a knock at her door interrupted her. She got up to answer it, and it was Twilight.
“Oh, good afternoon, Twilight. How are you?” Fluttershy softly asked.
“I’m well,” Twilight quickly responded.
“What brings you here today?” Fluttershy asked, a glimmer of curiosity in her eye. It was positive curiosity as she enjoyed being with her friends.
“I’m here to issue an important message from Princess Celestia,” she urgently replied, getting a slight wide-eyed look from her friend.
“Oh, um… okay. What is it?” Fluttershy timidly asked. She didn’t know what kind of information her great Princess would be sending out, but because the changeling invasion happened so recently, she put a bet on it centering around them.
“Princess Celestia wanted me to tell you, as well as the rest of Ponyville, that if you spot a changeling, you are to inform me immediately so that we can put it jail. It is critical that these measures to protect the peace and well-being of the ponies, and also to make sure that no more plotting against Equestria occurs,” Twilight explained, putting a hoof on her friend’s shoulder. “I understand that because you’re the Element of Kindness that you may want to help them, but it’s very dangerous to do so.”
“Um… I understand, Twilight. I’ll…do my best to tell somepony if I do see any,” Fluttershy nervously nodded, too shy to say anything against her friend's words.
“Okay. I know it may be a little difficult for you, but I’m sure you can do it,” she reassured, timidly nodding her head.
Even though Fluttershy was instructed to report any changeling findings, she was reluctant about the matter. Before this point, in Equestria, changelings were considered animals, a specimen of nature. Because of this, she found herself in a tight bind.
By nature, she was inclined only to be kind to and help animals, no matter what kind of animal they were. No matter if were was a ferocious manticore in pain, an enraged grizzly bear, a small, innocent bunny rabbit, or even a rude, spiteful changeling, she was expected to show unconditional love and care toward it.
Now that the changelings had invaded Canterlot, they were only viewed as monsters across all of Equestria, and Fluttershy now had a stigma to view these creatures as normal animals like the rest of them. It was almost frustrating to Fluttershy that she would have to change her views on changelings, lest she wanted to be shamed, shunned and looked down upon in her society. She would hate to have to put prejudice against an entire race of creatures because of one incident. She found it unfair to have to say that every single changeling was bad, because she knew it just wasn't true. The peer pressure was intense. Because of her troubled past, this was a feeling she never wanted to have again.
Deep in thought about this, she went back to her small dining table and stared down at the meal she had made herself. She wanted to eat something, but she felt her appetite draining away from her. She was too invested into her thoughts about the changelings, which made her lose all motivation to continue doing things around her house.
In situations like this, she liked to take a walk through the known paths of the Everfree Forest to try and clear her mind. So, she got up out of her chair and took her salad into her miniscule kitchen and put it in the small refrigerator before making her way out the door of her cottage, setting off through the Everfree.
As she walked along the tree-filled path, she continued her thoughts on what she was thinking earlier. She had a disdain for what was to come of any changelings she found if she did find any. She had never had any personal encounters with changelings before the wedding, but she had heard mixed things about them, ranging from somewhat pleasant visits from the occasional kind changeling in rural towns to completely horrifying encounters. From her experience, they were militant, aggressive creatures, not hesitant to attack at all, but she knew that not all of them were this way.
Next, she thought about Celestia’s orders. She didn’t want to have to make any changelings suffer in a prison and during persecutions; her pure heart would not allow her to. She feared for what would happen to them-images of changelings being beaten and starved in jails in order to get any information out of them. It frightened her to think of these thoughts.
She almost resented the fact that unless she followed these strict rules by Celestia unless she wanted to have a rehash of her past. She loathed and feared going back to those horrible times, and the very idea of what she had endured still haunted her to this day.
Shrugging, she stopped in the middle of her trot for a few moments to take in all of these thoughts.
After gathering her thoughts, she still found herself troubled about what she had been thinking about. Looking around, she recognized that she was about to reach a crossroad that led down to Zecora’s hut. Thinking this could calm her mind, she decided to walk down the other path. Zecora always managed to calm Fluttershy with her delicious brews of tea and her witty, meaningful commentaries on life.
On her way, she decided to stop thinking of the things that had troubled her for the past half-hour and just look over the scenery and admire its beauty. The forest was dank, and almost had a musty scent to it, but there was a certain admiration she had for its vastness and serenity. As she smelled the forest air and closed her eyes to take in the echoing sounds of the dense shrubbery, she kept to her canter, not paying attention to where she was walking.
A moment later, she felt one of her hind hooves get caught on something. She tripped, stumbling forward before getting a face full of dirt as she slid forward a little. For a moment, she lay there, not doing anything, not thinking anything. After taking a deep breath, she lifted herself back to her hooves and looked back to see what she tripped over.
On the ground at the base of a tree was a black body lying there. All along its chitinous form were light-green scratches, as well as some thorns sticking out of its hard hide. Its back-left leg was twisted in a way that it wasn’t meant to, and its front-right leg was pushed back past its back on the same side. There were cracks running down the chitin; glowing green fluids slowly dripped from them. Fluttershy was terrified at the sight, but she understood at the same time that her greatest fear, which had just been realized not even an hour prior, had come true.
“A…changeling!?”
How close are you to finishing the first chapter? This sounds interesting, and I'd like to see the first chapter. No offense intended.
3870256 I just posted this story yesterday, so it'll be a few days.
3871461 Ok, Thanks.
You seem to like the "word" "and", overusing it even.
For now, I like the story so far. I'll give my "definitive" through a the end of the last currently published chapter.
I could assume that you are referencing the invasion, but I get the feeling that it is something much darker on her mind.
All i saw was the name and sicription with picture and you earned a like. but not a a favorite... not yes that is.
All i saw was the name and discription with picture and you earned a like. but not a a favorite... not yes that is.
Well done, this is so far tailored pretty well.
That was very well-written. I loved it! I can't wait to read more.
This is good, but there's quite a few problems in this first chapter, grammar-wise and storytelling-wise that could be easily solved with the help of a proofreader.
The thing that annoyed me the most was probably your misuse of hyphens. They are not a substitute for an em dash (—) or two en dashes (––). Hyphens are used for compound words or to denote a stammer or quick speech. 'Slate-grey' 'grammar-wise', stuff like that.
Second, your wording can be awkward in places, and sometimes it really doesn't make sense. For instance:
This makes little to no sense. First off, the word 'silent' isn't even a noun, it's an adjective. Second, how can something smell of silence? How can something smell of peace? Try something like this instead:
Third is the storytelling itself. While there's mostly no problems here, it can get a bit telly in places when you're describing how Fluttershy feels.
This is just the first chapter, and while it's not the most impressive thing I've ever read, it is good enough for me to keep reading. However, I'd recommend picking up a prereader if you haven't already.
4564239
1. The problem is, my laptop only has the button for a hyphen (-), and not the longer dash. How do you do it on your computer?
2. I appreciate the criticism on those aspects. Thank you very much!
4564252 on my computer, I use Microsoft Word, then copy and paste onto here. In MW, you do --, then a letter and a space. Remove the space if needed
I think it's because it five in the morning, but I had a little trouble being drawn into this story. I'll rad the. Next chapter and see if that does it. I had a feeling I'd enjoy this Fic when I first saw it a few days ago and have wanted to read it
The part where Twilight is describing the order the Fluttershy could also be made larger. What tone does Twilight have? How is she looking at her? Is Twilight being very firm with her (which makes sense seeing what the changelings almost did to her family and how much she believes in Celestia's word) or is she more supportive of it (which also makes sense with Twilight's personality)
Maybe also that Fluttershy goes into discussion about it would be nice.
I like the idea but maybe you could expand the part where Fluttershy is thinking about the changelings and if they are monsters, animals or even ponies. It's just much too factual and short. You're describing word for word what Fluttershy is feeling, like a summery. You should remove some parts or make them less factual. Maybe make her worry about staying friends with Twilight and the others.
You say 'peer pressure' for example but it would be better if you explain what that means. Something like: 'she didn't know if she could hand over a changeling. But if she didn't, what would Twilight think?' (I know bad sentence but you get the idea).
What does Fluttershy do to earn her bits? I mean caring for all those animals is expensive so where does she earn the money that she needs?
4352672
um, excuse me but I'm fairly new here so I don't know how you can put that grey section separate. How do you do that?
buck celestia's orders
The one story has a password...
4649999 there's a box at the bottom for author's notes. Type in there.
Dude I'm actually partly undead because whole hopping in a car with an stranger thing but a changeling actually sacrificed his souls and mind to save me by putting my soul mind and memories in his body noticed how i said his soul and mind not memories where removed he removed the memory's of pain and misery but haven't mastered the the morphing yet only when im totally alone in an building does my morph drop
All of that was in real life
Back to the point your raising kindness to changelings
Thank you
4649999 and if you look at the comment box you'll see Quotation marks just select that
Man... Ponies are assholes.
Man why MLP have to be racist to other species
There's more than one of her?!