i love mlp ive been a part of the fandom for actually nearing a year but only recently heard of this site and i love it the creativity is amazing and i love the community.
Rarity's strange power of being able to control ice and snow distances her away from her family. Eventually, she reaches the point where she cannot handle the pressure, and flees from her kingdom, Canterlot. Her sister, Sweetie Belle, tags along with her. Along their journey, the two work on controlling Rarity's ability and discover what it means to be a queen.
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I suggest punctuation, capitalisation and the help of a editor posthaste.
3831325 Thanks. I appreciate the input. Do you suggest more?
3831477 Yeah, edit them now LOL. I see you haven't done something about the two descriptions so I'll throw you a freebee.
Short description:
Longer description:
Edit: Crystallised (crystallized) means:
Whereas crystalised (crystalized) [spelt with one L only] means:
I assume you mean the second one.
3831325 Thanks for the feedback. It helps a lot. But i am gonna keep the title because Crystallized means to turn something into crystal like form, but it also means to make something clear so it makes a sort of connection with both ideas. The idea of rarity being able to Crystallize objects and also her path to become clear in the world and her role as future queen.
But still i very much appreciate the feedback
3833531 You should also work on your style to make the story more interesting. Always follow the rule "show, don't tell" when it comes to writing.
Hi there! Very cute story, I must say. However, there are a few things here and there that I feel you should look into. If you'd like, I wouldn't mind giving this first chapter of yours a quick edit and read through. I can leave comments and give some helpful hints on structure, punctuation, and grammar, among other things
PM me if you're interested! Keep up the good work! Cheers.
3834618 Ive never heard that before but i love it. Thanks ill work on that from now on!
3834694 Im Majorly Interested to have some help from someone else thanks and ill PM you when i can!
Oh My Celestia!I love this story!
javascript:smilie('
');But keep in mind to put capital letters on the start of a speech or name.I can't wait for the next chapter.Keep it up!