Fluttercry

by fluttershyorpinkiepie

Pinkie Pie

Chapter 5: Pinkie Pie

It was a sunny day all the ponies were talking and all obiously working . Especialy Pinkie pie she had to fill in many orders today , it was a very busy day . Pinkie pie came with a fresh batch of cookies and cup cakes thee cup cakes had strawberry frosting on top and the cookies had chocolate chips and marshmallows . They treats smelled great and all the pony's came and gave her bits she was just about to finish her last order "That will be 2 bits please , have a good day !" said pinkie . Then all of a sudden her tail started to twich violently and she started to shake and she had the feeling that some thing was wrong because her pinkie sense told her that there was danger so pinkie tod Mr and Mrs Cake that she had to go very urgently some where and they said yes and pinkie smiled and said," thanks i knew you guys would understand , bye gotta go !" Mrs. Cake said ," be careful pinkie dont be too long ". "Okie dokie lokie !" pinkie said and started to run off to rarity's boutuiqe and see if she eas okay she thought What if some thing bad did happen to rarity ! then she started to panik and ran faster and faster till she was there and went closer and closer she heard some pony sobbing ! Then pinkie said," Oh no i hope nothing bad happened to Rarity!" Then she opened the door and followed the weeping of Rarity and saw her covered in blankets .

Then, pinkie came and took the blanket off rarity and saw something that she didn't expectand did not want to see and pinkie screamed in horror and said"rara-rarity isss tthat youu?!" Then rarity said " Dont look at me i look horrible!!!" . " Who did this to you rarity !" " i cccant tell you " said rarity . Come on pinkie you gotta make rarity spill the beans! ",I pinkie swear i wont tell any pony !" said pinkie pie . "pinkie pie go away .. just leave me alone ... Im sorry but i cant tell you about this , Now go awwwayy !" rarity said . "B-butt i, okay ill leave.. I hope you get better soon ...!" pinkie pie said while trying to leave . After she closed the door rarity started to cry again . The scene was horrifying with lots of blood she wondered what happened to raity . And then she heard rarity screaming and crying and pinkie thought that she had enough of this and that shw would try to finf ouut what happened to rarity no matter what happens . She thought ill find this pony criminal no matter what ill try to stop that pony , pinkie pie style !! . And the more pinkie thought about rarity the more pinkie pie got depressed .

After, pinkies hair went from poofy to straight and depressed . "im going to find out soon ... What a minute since when did i start thinking so much ?" she thought " Oh well , soon enough " pinkie said sadly . She started to walk bery slwly because she was thinking about rarity . When she got home she started to plan something , the next morning she was going to tell allof her friends . She decideded that she was going to get revenge

Aouthors note: i had to write this all over again because i realized that i wrote it in the comments section , i hope that this was a better chapter than the others sorry if this was too short , please comment and reveie :) , :( thank you :)

Comments

[ShadesofSmoke]

img407.imageshack.us/img407/8884/sadbabyaj.jpg

My...my innocence....

[DWhay]

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSssssssssssssss.....aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!11!!!!!!!1!

I would say something.... anything... but I plead the fifth, if I say anything, it will be bad. So... just.... improve... please...

I need to go and bleach my brain....

[P0nies]

just... terrible.

[FLUTTERPIEROXS]

You have a good story here but where are the caracters what are they doing. Add some more discription to what is going on if you want i would love to help.

[FLUTTERPIEROXS]

I want to like this but before i do that it will have to get a bit better your almost there!

[fluttershyorpinkiepie]

Thanks i realy appreciate ur help ! And i write horrible b/c im new at writing ... And i suck at writing alot of words i need to improve...;( but thanks i will revise and edit my story to make it more professional / better ! Your a great help u give me hope and faith to go on ill tell u when i make my story at least a bit better

[Genocide 4 Kids]

don't worry dude you'll get better, the story wasn't that bad

[TimeRarity64]

The father of Time gasps seeing a lot of thumbs down. He looks in the comments and gasps again shock to see a lot of people post mean comments.

What the hell. Come on at least point out errors then just straight say awful things. He/She is trying and doesn't deserve those kind of rude comments.
Seriously respect the person who made a story. If you find something that you don't like about and wish to comment at least say it in a non offensive way that the author can hnadle and probably fix on.

Hey author its good that you are proof reading this. The father of time is proud that you have enough courage to keep on going with the story.

[FLUTTERPIEROXS]

422506 Yay father!!! FLUTTERPIEROXS was getting sad by all the negativity here there is so much potential i see in this story. (well in most stories) Its sad when one isnt meeting it. All this one needs is a few tweeks. Before you hit dislike say why and at least try to see the good in it.

[TimeRarity64]

423200Agreed

[fluttershyorpinkiepie]

I know I'm a girl and I'm 13 but thanks for making me feel better

[TimeRarity64]

428944No problem. A writer like you doesn't deserve that much hate. No one does.

[fluttershyorpinkiepie]

Ur too kind aNd nice

[FLUTTERPIEROXS]

There are alot more high school girls here then i thought we should make a club!!! (yes i am one of them)

[fluttershyorpinkiepie]

Yay club !!! im in middle school but ima go to high school in 2 months :D

[PatRoison]

Knowing Pinkie, she wouldn't just leave, especially after seeing all the blood loss. The line, I hope you get better soon ...!, made me laugh for some reason. It's almost as though I thought she could have added, "I hope you brutal mauling keeps you from my next party!"

The end confused me too. Did it switch to Fluttershy, or is Pinkie out for revenge as well?

From here, though I could be wrong, I can see two possible endings, both being letters to Celestia. The first being a somber learned lesson that an eye for an eye will make the world blind, and the other being Twilight writing a blood letter to the princess saying that all her friends are bucking insane!

[fluttershyorpinkiepie]

Hehe. Srry.I forgot my password but im back. I promise ill fix my story as soon as possible ! thank you