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After discovering a long-lost artifact, Daring Do is suddenly thrust into a world of deadly danger and intrigue in the most hazardous jungle of all: Manehattan. However, she soon finds an ally in a pony clad in purple and going by the moniker Mysterious Mare-Do-Well. Together, the two mares endeavor to uncover the truth behind the artifact and the ponies that want to silence them...forever...
To be totally honest, I can't find much faults here. It's well written, the pacing is pretty spot on. Just enough happening to keep you interested, but not make it feel rushed. I did feel that Chapter 2 ended a little bit abruptly, but its not a major flaw at all. More of a minor thing really.
Also really like the interpretation of Daring as more of the traditional Indiana Jones style character. Feels a lot more natural then some interpretations I've read of the character.
All in all, definitely tracking, and you should know who this is by now 
, so if you need a pre-reader for grammar/spelling stuff just let me know or whatnot.
Another good chapter, this is getting interesting.
Found one slight mistake.
"Daring grinned under her mask as she realized how simple it would be to hide in this vast expanse of shipped merchandise. The large bay door used for loading and unloading was built into the wall on her right, while ahead of her – past the sea of pallets – was a small front office, out of which the two security ponies had likely emerged. Daring began to pick her way through the stacks towards the office."
I think you meant to say "Mare-Do-Well" instead of "Daring" in these sentences.
I have to apologize for the lateness of this update; I have no real excuses other than a busy schedule and time spent on some other projects (as well as copious amounts of Diablo 3). I hope you all enjoy chapter 10, and expect more regular additions in the future.
>>618570 I lol'd, but yeah, there must be an unicorn somewhere, maybe there is also an alicorn (or that might be the collectors objective, maybe he wants to ascend or something like that... Who knows? He could be King Zebra for all we know
), what I'm almost sure is that we are missing a unicorn in the good guys group (and I predict that Daring Do fangirl will fit the role sooner or later)... I'm not sure why, I just see fitting to have one of each species. *ponyshrug*
Anyway, after almost 10 chapters worth of introductions and flashbacks we are finally getting into the action! I can't wait to see where this goes...
Likewise, time for the real action to start! And I also agree with the sentiment about there being a Unicorn figurine out there somewhere. I can only imagine that they'll need a Unicorn with them eventually since to find the Pegasus figurine, Daring and Annals needed an Earth Pony to unlock the doorway that eventually lead to the figurine.
I just wanted to take a moment and thank everybody who's commented, favorited, tracked, read, or even just glanced at this story so far. Your support and feedback help out immensely; you all are the reason I write, and I'm glad to know that my work is eliciting such positive responses. I also enjoy your speculations about what will happen to our intrepid heroines in future chapters. Perhaps your theories are right, but then again, perhaps they aren't...only time will tell!
Thank you again, everyone! 
Man, Mare-Do-Well is a pretty low-budget superhero, isn't she? Lamont Cranston, Marc Specter, and Bruce Wayne all had serious dough, but this mare's only a few steps above Kick-Ass. Still, pretty exciting chapter. I hope the rest of the story continues to build interest.
UPDATE!!!!!!!
BEEN WAITING FOR THIS ONE!!!!
Hey all you bronies out there still reading my story! Just wanted to say two things real quick.
1) Thank you, thank you, and thank you! Your support has kept me writing this story that started out as nothing more than a ridiculous idea for a mashup, even after my extended hiatus, and I truly appreciate every ounce of feedback.
2) While you're here, feel free to check out my new short story, I Will Be Strong, an idea that took approximately 2 1/2 hours from the first touch of pencil to paper to the final click of the "Submit" button. I'll warn you, though: bring tissues.
Enjoy the new update, and I'll see you later!
Hm, interesting update. So the group of chosen ponies is Daring, Trowel, and somepony else. I don't remember if the third was mentioned earlier or not though. But, will Trowel have to be replaced by another pony of pure heart? It depends if Ephrus was warning Daring or just speculating.
I've kept reading this despite my initial disappointment that it wasn't the pulpfest that I was expecting off the bat. This is much more serious and down-to-earth than what the premise led me to believe, and the lack of wild action sequences that Indiana Jones or The Shadow would be likely to find themselves in makes if feel kinda dry. But that doesn't mean I'm not enjoying it. I just wish you were a little more inclined to write like Paul Malmont (The Chinatown Death Cloud Peril, The Amazing, the Astounding, and the Unknown.) Tall order, but I'm only using them as examples of the type of adventure I was hoping for.
“I..I know everything. I think...both of you will want to hear this.”
Time and erosion, however, had caused a drastic change of course close to the source of the river in the northern part of the country, and this tributary had dried up.
I don't think "tributary" is what you mean. Tributaries are rivers that flow into larger rivers; you seem to be talking about the downhill end of a river instead.
So . . . there's a fair amount of magic to this place. What does it want? Is the chamber superfluous now, or does it just not want to be found by Tectonic? And did the last chapter really mean "at the same time," or did those burglars steal that pegasus statuette?
I...we...assumed it was. Any old piece from there is likely to be...well...valuable, no matter what the thieves went after.
I would've been happy to believe that statement, Brier, if you acted like you believe it at all. You really need to work on your delivery if you're going to make a habit of lying.
So, then, where's the unicorn? Has it been found yet?
Excuse me, boys.
I don't think you can do it. When was the last time you had a proper social interaction with another pony? You're too out of practice.
Yes, that was a joke. I'm perfectly aware that greaser type gets something like -20 to Sense Motive when dealing with the opposite gender, and that's a Bluff check you just can't fail. Still, she did better than I was expecting. Totally wasting her acting ability.
So, the Collector . . . a zebra, is he? Actually, that's pretty racist to assume, isn't it. Shame on you, Nero, for writing such a racist clue!
We can't be sure if this thing is even entirely safe if we can't determine what it's made of.
Eh, I'm sure it won't do anything as long as it's apart from its brethren. I mean, you don't lock something away with a door that opens only by cooperation of all three races if that doesn't have thematic significance. Just keep it away from the Collector, and it'll be nothing more than a particularly attractive paperweight.
Nothing as crazy as what happened to the two of you, that's for sure, but his team's at least found a few interesting pieces.
And just what are you planning that says you should lie about the earth pony?
They tell me 'it's because only Illusion would be qualified to handle something of this magnitude,' but I can see it in their faces: they're scared.
What a bunch of babies. It's probably not going to bite you if you probe it for magic. It might even not explode.
Basically up to the present, I see. Excellent.
a sheet of glass Daring knew to be a two-way mirror, completed the cell-like room.
Why do "two-way mirror" and "one-way mirror" mean the same thing? The entire point of the product is an asymmetry relative to direction, so what's "two-way" about it? Though, of course, strictly speaking the asymmetry is a property of the rooms on either side of it, but if English were so concerned with accuracy we wouldn't say "the sun rises." Does "two-way" refer to how some of the light incident on the glass is reflected and some is transmitted? That might explain it, I guess. And it's actually referring to a property of the mirror.
A heart attack? She said he was murdered!The voice of doubt made its return. Even more evidence that she wasn't telling the truth. Based on what the police found and the fact that she lied about Annals, it's looking more and more certain that she had something to do with it.
I'll point out that you appear to be reasoning "Mare-Do-Well said Annals was murdered, but he wasn't, so she's not trustworthy, so perhaps she was his murderer." Understandable that you wouldn't be in top consistency-checking form at the moment, with all that's happened, but I figured I should tell you. I'd want to be set straight if I were you.
So how hard is it to mind-control a unicorn, and how hard is it to make a mind-controlled pony convincingly fake that they are doing evil of their own free will when talking to a familiar pony? Just curious, since Illusion's eyes are so strikingly magenta. But I want to know what to expect in the future.
Look, as nice as this little moment is, how about we get out of her before somepony shows up and sees us standing out here in the open next to a building with a siren going off?
The authorities are going to arrive, and Night Watch is going to tell them what happened, and then they're going to wonder why those who left the scene left. I can see why you'd want to avoid them, since I doubt your vigilante activities are strictly legal, and nopony knows who you are so the police can't track you down, but Daring's only going to make her inevitable second questioning more unpleasant by running off. It would also help to have somepony around who can give a relatively full story of the night's events without having to wait for Brier to wake up again. And even he only knows about it secondhoof.
Let's hope we can trust Trowel. It probably wouldn't make sense for him to call Brier's attention to the statue if he was in the Collector's pocket, since he'd probably suspect it was an artifact well worth stealing, so that's a good sign.
You know, Mare-Do-Well, if you just pull your mask up enough to expose your mouth, all Daring will learn is your coat color. Maybe it would also help a little if she were trying to pick you out of a lineup of appropriately-colored ponies, but unless you're worried that Daring's going to betray you you only need to be concerned with what Daring can remember and describe accurately, and in practice Daring probably can't distinguish more than a few dozen different pastel colors at most. Any villain would be far better off trying to lure you into a trap rather than track you down on such vague information.
It's interesting how you keep avoiding describing Mare-Do-Well. I can't decide if I should take that to mean we would recognize her if you did, or that her secret identity is irrelevant and the only description that matters is "purple with a cape and hat."
It's nice that the statue has decided to speak up. About time the only pony with a clue chimed in.
Our herds are malnourished, and countless heads perish without adequate sustenance, for all the grain and corn we have must go to providing for our families instead.
You wouldn't think they'd have kept cows around for nearly so long when all they're getting out of it is milk. That's got to be one of the most obvious luxuries to go in time of famine.
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Regardless, this chapter and the ones before are all fantastic works of descriptive flowing story. Commendable story.
and I already have some ideas about who the collector is but they are probably wrong by the way does it have to be a guy or is the collector a girl because that gives me two ideas. 
Though it's weird that the wall sealed itself when it did if it was part of the trap. Oh well, onto the next chapter! 
...can't wait for the next update!
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