Pinkie Pie is Related to WHO?!

by PonyTim

Pinkie Pie is Related to WHO?!?

This scroll is a liar. That’s the only rational explanation. It’s a liar liar mane on fire.

The offending scroll lay on the ground where Twilight Sparkle had thrown minutes before, a spot of mess and chaos in what was for the moment a tidy ecosystem of clean, wholesome books.

That scroll wasn’t clean and wholesome though. Oh no. It was a jerk. Twilight was a princess, and if she decreed that something was a jerk, who was anyone else to argue? I claim this scroll fraudulent and banish it into the twilight between Sun and Moon. …Although I’ve never tried to banish anything before. What if it goes wrong, and I banish MYSELF into the twilight? Where does one even go when you’re in twilight? It's not a physical place like the sun or the moon, so…

From the library door a small cough pulled Twilight out of her tangential thinking and back into the now. The now that included a scroll that was a liar and a jerk that should be banished to an undetermined location within the twilight.

As Spike stood in the library’s doorway, he noticed two things. One, today was re-sorting day but the only thing out of place was a single scroll. By now Twilight should be making the books dance to her whims and attempting to craft the most masterful sorting system known to librarian kind. A break in the weekly ritual was unexpected. It wasn’t like Twilight to miss out on a scheduled re-sorting.

However, it was the Alicorn’s face when she turned around that stopped Spike in his tracks. Twilight’s hair was in complete disarray, her eyeballs mere pinpricks. Her check barely rose when she breathed but made up the reduced oxygen intake in its speed. Teeth were grinding together, clenched together to hard as to create an audible symphony, an ode to disbelief with a hint of annoyance and frustration. The only thing missing was… ah, a thing, long clump of hair decided to defy the clutches of its disheveled home and sprang up into the air in direct defiance of gravity.

“Oh, uh… hi Twilight. Eh.. a he he… it’s a really nice day outside. I think I’ll jus…” Spike was whisked up in Twilight’s purple magical aura and zipped inside the library before he had the chance to properly flee for his sanity most definitely and his life quite possibly.

“This scroll can’t be telling the truth! … But I got it straight from the Canterlot archives… okay, I got it from a secret compartment hidden in the genealogy section of the archives, but if they didn’t want me as a seeker of truth and knowledge to find it, they should have hidden it better, right? And I’m a princess now, I should have access to all the knowledge within those archives. It’s a government building and I’m a part of the government and…”

“TWILIGHT!” The longer Twilight spoke, the shorter her breaths became until Spike was sure she was about to pass out. The last thing the little dragon needed was a barely conscious, possible gone crazy Alicorn on his claws. Twilight was enough of a handful when she wasn’t slipping into psychosis.

With a startled jump Twilight let Spike go, and once gravity realized that the dragon was fair game again promptly let him know what he thought of his floating shenanigans with a painful trip to the library floor. While gravity was re-asserting its dominance, Twilight turned and trotted back over the the scroll that was the cause of all the commotion.

“Oh Spike, I’m sorry. I was just doing more genealogy research. It’s really fascinating how everyone connects to everyone else. Hereditary research is all well and good and I’m sure I’ll get back to it, but after seeing how Pinkie Pie and Applejack connected like that, even by the thinnest stretch of a family connection, well I just had to see who else I and all my friends were related to. Maybe there are other family ties within our circle of friends. I just had to know. But when going through the Canterlot Achieves I ran into a secret compartment with a single scroll. I couldn’t resist! Honestly, I kind of wish I had… Spike?”

Twilight turned back to Spike, who had given up the fight against the forces pushing him toward the ground and lay face-first on library's wooden floor.

“That’s real interesting Twilight,” Spike managed to say despite the wood floor acting as a muffler, “but what’s that have to do with you freaking out?” Finally managing to muster the fight to lift his head, he continued “ … You’re not related to a smooze monster or something gross, are you?”

“Spike, I can’t be related to smooze monster. They reproduce asexually and their genetic composition is… completely irrelevant to the matter at hand. No, it’s about Pinkie again. I found out someone else she’s related to.”

“… Pinkie’s not related to a bandit family or a mad scientist or something, is she?”

With a huff of breath and a roll of her eyes, Twilight dismissed either possibility. “No Spike, she’s not. And if you just let me finish, I’ll actually tell you.”

“… Sea ponies?”

“SPIKE!”

Spike was by this point standing on his feet, al bit slightly disjointedly.

“Alright, I’m sorry.”

Twilight sighed and went from looking like an avatar of entropy to that of an older, tired mare.

“No Spike, I shouldn’t have lost my patience. It’s just that, well, finding out who Pinkie is related to was a bit of a shock. Although thinking on it, this revelation does make a certain kind of sense. You see Pinkie…”

-----------------------------------------------------------

“DISCORD?!?”

The two trotted through the streets of Ponyville on a direct course to Fluttershy’s cottage to speak to the proprietor of chaos himself. While having silently told herself to be a bit more patient with her number one assistant and, at least in her mind, little brother, Twilight couldn’t help but let a little bit of annoyance creep into her voice.

“No Spike, the last 5 times that I told you that Pinkie Pie was related to a chaos god, I was joking. Ha. Ha ha. Ha ha ha…”

“Okay, okay, geeze. I get it. But still… how does that even happen? You were talking about genetic structures or something about how a pony couldn’t be related to a smooze monster. How is this different?”

“That’s answered in the forward in the scroll. Apparently during Discord’s reign, he took an extended vacation. While he has always been a trickster and master of chaos and entropy, he decided to try something different; play the straight man. He took on pony form and worked as a reportedly humorless town mayor. He even married and fathered a single colt. He was also playing a cruel trick, waiting until everyone thought Discord was truly gone, and after years had passed he finally revealed himself and picked up where he left off. Celestia and Luna were able to encase him in stone 15 years later. Once they learned of the Son of Discord’s lineage, they kept an eye on him and recorded the boy's family line in that scroll. While almost each foal born to the lineage was surprisingly, almost boringly normal, sometimes… there are ponies born with strange abilities and a penchant for a little chaos.”

“Still, I can’t believe it. Pinkie Pie is related to Discord. … Although…”

For what seemed like the hundredth time today, Twilight let out a sigh.

“Yes. It does make a certain kind of sense, doesn’t it?”

Author's Note:

I wrote and did a spell edit this in a little under an hour and a half, so while I actually like some sections I think a few could use some love. However, I do like this idea so if enough people are interested, I might write an expanded story. Let me know what you think!

*Update* - Wow, over 500 views and 39 likes two days? What a pleasant surprise! Thank you so much everyone! This has been an invigorating experience, and since I have other story ideas rattling in my brain expect to seem more from me in the near future. :D

Comments

[PonyTim]

An interesting idea that I may revisit, rework and edit what's currently here, and expand on if there's enough interest. What do you think? Any suggestions to improve the story?

[MetBoy]

Could use some polish, yeah. I might take the last part (when they're walking through town) and reverse the information. Start with the descendant, follow it backwards to the humorless mayor, explain about the villain in hiding, then, as you reveal that they were going to PLACE then, muse about it making sense, then reveal the name.

[Rakaziel]

New headcanon now. Great idea and well written story.

[SuperPinkBrony12]

Interesting, and quite possible. You just never know.

[Mitsubishi Colt]

well, screw with genealogy even more and tell that Blueblood is related to Dischord (hence the only reason he is kept within Celestias sight) or something like that. If you screw with genealogy, you gotta screw with it good. Prove that somehow RD is connected to a duck, Fluttershy with Bloomberg the tree and that Spike is actually the unlegitimate half brother of Garble through inbreeding with Crackle of all dragons.

Come on! Show some initiative! Also, you could let Dischord talk with Pinkie about being 'one of his kin', see what happens then.

[Smoker]

Can I write sequel?

[PonyTim]

Thank you all for the comments!

3790639 I completely agree with you MetBoy. I honestly wanted to expand it a bit. That last part was a complete info dump, but I was a bit pressed for time. I only got this into the Writer's Training Ground submission with 15 minutes to spare, so I had to cut it off.

3790738 Thanks! When I thought of it, I thought it made an eerie sort of sense.

3790743 Indeed, you never DO know with Pinkie, do you?

3791051 Have at it! I'd be very interested in seeing other people's take on this idea.

3790826 If I had some time I was planning on expanding on Discord's lineage a tad bit more. After all, there were ponies before Pinkie Pie who were related to Discord, and I figure while most would be completely normal that some inherited traits and power from their Draconequus ancestor. As previously stated, I didn't have the time to flesh this out as much as I wanted to.

Question time! What other characters do you think could be related to Discord?

[MyLittleChangeling]

It all makes sense now

I'd not a physical place like the sun or the moon, so ...

Those pesky typos ...

[Hoovester]

3791235 I say ....drum roll please *snare drums start the drum roll* TRIXIE , SUNSET SHIMMER

[PonyTim]

3791587 Confound these typoes! ;)

3794094 I could see Sunset Shimmer working.

[PinkPearl]

i wanna read more!

[Mitsubishi Colt]

3791235

Well, Screwball could be related...maybe even Braeburn?

[PonyTim]

3794739 At this point I think I will have to expand, edit, and polish this story considering how positive a response it's been getting. I'm super excited! I didn't expect so many people to be interested in my silly little story. :D

3795897 Screwball is pretty much a given. Blueblood I probably wouldn't have as a Discord descendant.

[MitchellTF]

Revisit, Rework, edit, and expand. This is a good seed.

[Mitsubishi Colt]

3797057

Since Slendermane is official canon now, why not relate him/her/it to Discord?

And you could let the old draconequus also be the 'reason' for Changelings and thus Chrysalis's ancestor.

[PonyTim]

3798144 Thanks! I think it's a good idea as well, so when I can I'll be doing just that. I'll be getting some work done on that this weekend in fact.

3801135 I'm not big into Slendermane but that could work. As for Queen Chrysalis I actually have a head-canon for Changelings already that doesn't involve Discord and that I'll be using for another story. Great ideas!

[Mitsubishi Colt]

3806189

I've got nothing but ideas all day so why not share them? Have fun with your stories

[Nurse Bedpan]

Short and sweet. Groovy, man.

[PonyTim]

4085427 Thanks!

[Super Trampoline]

I've reviewed your story HERE

[Bronzedragon]

3790826
Prove that somehow RD is connected to a duck Nah a chicken, just to give scoots a boost.

[Needling Haystacks]

Shouldn't it be straight PONY, not straight MAN? :P