prologue
"Tia help me It hurts", was the first thing I heard as I looked down at the squirming body on the ground; Its blue eyes looking at me in pain.
Tears were streaming down my eyes. "Ok, I'll help. Just hold on, everything will be fine, I promise." I lied.
"Please make the pain stop. Tia please I can feel it rising... it's going to consume me isn't it"?
I didn't know what to do there was nothing I could do except kill him. "Please forgive me. There is a way to end this but I... I can't please don't make me", I begged.
"Tia please. You know you have to do it; please it's the only way."
"No, please I.. I can't", I begged. "Oh Mother if you really are up there watching me please don't make me do this."
He looked at me with sadness "kill me please".
I knew I had to do it. I knew it was the only way I raised my sword but then his eyes turned a glowing yellow and he, no it wasn't him any more, started laughing hysterically.
"Oh Tia, why are you crying? Is it because you couldn't kill me?" He laughed again. I was suddenly tied down by invisible ropes and fire roses all around me. "Thats hilarious, but you know whats even funnier? Since you couldn't kill me when you had the chance, I get to kill you. Such fun. Bye bye Tia."
As he walked away I yelled "Discord. Please, no this... this isn't you".
"Oh Tia. So naive. This is me. You should have kept your promise. Ha ha ha! Now, goodbye." Discord disappeared and the fire closed in around me.
I woke up with a start of tears streaming down my eyes and soaked in a cold sweat. I sat up, thinking, It's ok Tia it was just a nightmare. I let out a brief sigh. Oh Luna, I wish you were here. You always knew how to sooth these nightmares. I pondered if Luna was punishing me from the moon by sending me these nightmares. They had been going on for more than three weeks now. It had been ten years since I sent Lu-... no not Luna. I can't think like that. Again, I sigh. Nightmare moon to the moon. I got out of bed and looked at the clock. 3:00 am. Still a few hours before I had to lower the moon and raise the sun. Another reminder of my "victory".
I got up and looked at the moon. "Oh Luna i'm so sorry".
I heard rustling from the doorway, so I turned around to see a velvet pegasus filly with strange crimson wings and a magnifying glass cutie mark. "Oh, I'm sorry princess. Are you ok? I heard strange noises and came to investigate."
"It's ok. What's you name", I asked.
"I'm Morningstar, princess apprentice royal investigator", Morning Star answers with pride, her eyes gleaming.
Hm royal investigator? Ah, is this Stallionlock's new apprentice I heard about? "Oh, you are. Are you that's a very important Job in my court. Who's your teacher?"
"I'm Stallionlock's apprentice, princess. He's the best; he can find clues from the smallest of details." Yep, definitely Stalionlocks.
"Ah yes, Stallionlock is the best there is. I'm sure you're going to be the best investigator there is under his teachings, so pay attention, my little filly."
"I always pay attention when he's talking, princess. It's amazing and I'm not a little filly. I'm nearly 16 years old." Morningglory said a little agitatedly.
"Oh, my mistake. You certainly aren't a little filly."
Morningstar waited there silently for a few minutes, as if contemplating something. "What happened between you and Discord?"
I stared at her a bit, taken aback. "Why whatever do you mean, Morningstar"?
"In your dream, you were talking about Discord. I read in the history texts that you and Princess Luna fought him to take him out of power and end his reign of chaos, but the books were never clear on what actually happened, so I've always wanted to ask you what happened if... if thats ok?"
"Hm hm hm... Are you sure you're a detective and not a scholar, Morningstar?"
"Ha, what can I say? I'm a mare of many talents..... so will you tell me please?" Morningstar gave me a look that could give a kitten a run for its money in a cuteness contest. How was I supposed to resist that face.
"Are you sure you want to hear it?"
Morningstar nodded enthusiastically.
I let out a brief sigh, then finally said, "It's a long and sad story, you know? It's the domino that set so off many things and I wasn't able to recognize any of it before it was too late to stop it and all the pain and death it caused."
"To truly understand and comprehend this story and what it set in motion you must listen to Discord's story and 3 others, the fall of Sombra and the crystal empire, the fall of my sister and how and why she turned to nightmare moon and what happened to my apprentice, Starswirl. But, I warn you may not write down this story or tell others of it. You see, the pony population is better off not knowing what happened in that time of sorrow. It is better if this story falls into myth and legend. So, I ask you again: Are you sure you want to hear this story? Even with this warning?" Morningstar looked up at me, a glint of doubt in her eye even though she was a little unsure she still nodded yes.
"Ok then. hmmm. Where to start this tale... Oh, I know. It all started a thousand years ago on one sunny normal day...... when everything went to hell."
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Well, first off I haven't read yet. However, I am going to guess the word you are looking for is prologue, not prequel.
You're well aware that you are the reason we can't have nice things, right?
3827903 aw why I'm sorry
I don't get all the negative commentary or why this is predominantly downvoted. It isn't the best writing I've ever read but it's far from the worst, and the story seems interesting so far. I will give you an upvote and a word of encouragement because I'd like to see the rest of it.
This is a billion times more interesting than my first fanfic was. Good job, and keep up the writing.
I have yet to read this, but the lack of capitalization in both the title and the description do not bode well.
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Yeah, I'm starting to feel that too. This is going to hurt.
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Really finding it hard to understand not only what's happening, but why I should care about this story.
Are you serious with this? Please show, don't tell. There's no emotion here or anywhere to be found.
I had to read this line a few times just to make sure I wasn't seeing things. It's a jumbled mess between focusing on the character and the thought of him being different. It's almost like that should have been internal dialogue.
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Fire roses!
Why have I never thought of this as a Honeymooners joke?
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Look, if you have any plans on continuing this at all, first I'd fire your friend from being your proofreader because they're bad at it. Second, I'd take a good long look at what you want to have happen in this story because it's honestly not that great. As a first time writer, multi-chapter adventures are not the best because you rarely find those that know how to structure them properly. Even people with experience can have difficulty with an ongoing structure. It's better for you to start small and write short stories.
Try this link here to help you get started and learn some of the pitfalls you want to avoid for future fics. As for this, I wouldn't try moving ahead with it. If you want to, fine, but do yourself a favor and find a new proofreader on the site. One who actually knows what they're doing.
F