A simple flying accident? Still... this could constitute trespassing, vandalism, damage to royal property and lèse-majesté. If tripping over ones hooves during a parade could make a grown stallion write a letter of resignation to me what torrent of sobs, whining and weeping was this young mare about to unleash? Would I have to talk her out of publically disembowelling herself? I couldn't be in a worse mood for dealing with my overly apologetic subjects right now and yet here it comes as inevitably as the tides. Let the grovelling begin:
Three.
Two.
One.
"Hi," said the young grey pegasus with a jovial grin.
"H-hello..." I replied. It had been a very, very long time since I had been genuinely taken aback.
"Um... this wouldn't happen to be twenty-two Maple Lane would it?" she asked, digging her saddlebag out of the crater of cushions and blankets her rather hard landing had created.
It took several moments to regain my composure, "No, my little pony. This is the royal suite in Canterlot Castle. My royal suite."
"Do you know where Maple Lane is?" the young mare rummaged in her bag and dug out a large street map, unfurling it on my mattress and peering at it intently, "I feel like I've been looking for it all day. I guess I just don't know this area so well. I asked a stallion on Main Street and he said that I should fly as far as the train station and then head East but I always have difficulty getting my compass out my bag while I'm flying. I think I must've dropped it."
Is she concussed? Suffering from some head wound? Does she know where she is? Who she is talking to?
"Are you quite alright? You hit your head quite badly on your way in here and... and your eyes have..." I have some small knowledge of healing magic although it has never been my forte. Being an ascended alicorn, however, means that I can pull off even my weakest spells with greater efficacy then a specialist. With a flick of my horn I summoned up my magic.
"No, I was born this way. I didn't hit my head too bad but thanks for asking," she realized the map was looking at the map upside down and flipped it around.
Strabismus, of course. She must be visually impaired. It would explain her blithe attitude in the presence of a Princess. How careless of me, "I'm so sorry, I-"
"Don't be!" she laughed.
That painfully simple reply struck me in the chest like a battering ram.
"Oh!" she glanced up at the ruin she had wrought across my bedroom, "I broke your window..."
Please, no. Please don't. I was enjoying this. Don't cry. Don't grovel.
"Sorry 'bout that. Um... here!" she plunged a hoof into her bag and produced a small, slightly squashed object bundled up in cling wrap, "I'll give you my sandwich so we're even," she held the sandwich, it looked like watercress, cucumber and chives, in front of my face.
When all I could do was stare at her slack jawed she carefully placed the sandwich on my head, balancing it precariously behind my horn.
"Don't eat it all in one place, 'kay?" grinned the pegasus. She cocked her head when I didn't respond. She was still wearing my crown and now it was resting at a playful and absurd angle. Suddenly she looked suspicious, "Hay! The sandwich's all you're gonna get. Take it or leave it. I'm not gonna let you extort me out of my muffins."
I cleared my throat. Where did I leave my prim and proper Princess facade today? It's taking me an awfully long time to summon it up.
"Do you know who I am?" I asked finally, telekinetically removing my new sandwich crown and placing it on my bedside table.
"Sure! I'm not blind after all. Your face is on our money, how could I not? Do you know who I am?"
So she does know who I am... but then... why is she treating me like I'm... a pony?
"No, I don't believe I've made your acquaintance yet," I had regained my composure, once more wrapped in the elegance befitting a true ruler.
"Then I guess some introductions are in order," she clumsily crumpled up her map, tossed it in her bag and leapt off my bed. She turned to face me and gave a triumphant salute.
"Ditzy Doo, junior mailmare for the town of Ponyville. Proud member of the Equestrian Postal Service:
Rain, wind, sleet or hail
In our duty we shall not fail
Uh... something, something... humpback whale
And deliver Equestria its mail," she spoke the final line of the Postal Service motto with unfaltering conviction despite having been somewhat derailed during the third line, "A pleasure to meetcha," she extended her hoof.
"The third line is 'No matter the trial, we shall prevail'... also you saluted with the wrong hoof," I chuckled gently as I took her hoof in my own, "What a delight to meet a devoted servant of our beloved postal service. I am Princess Celestia, ruler of Equestria," truly it was a pleasure. Luna and I will laugh about this by the fire tonight, I'm sure.
"Well, I should probably get going. These letters aren't going to deliver themselves. Though sometimes I wish they would. Only some of them mind you. I don't like delivering stuff to ponies in big cities 'cos I always get lost. But out in the country's the best. Do you go out into the countryside often?"
Small talk. She was making small talk. With me. Ruler of Equestria. Raiser of the sun. Burning messiah of the equine species. It was glorious. Damn near brought tears to my eyes.
"No, I don't get out of the castle nearly as often as I would like," I replied.
"You should! It's breathtakingly beautiful this time of year. Winter's just ended so all the flowers are poking their heads out. Springtime's just so fresh!"
"Well... I mean... I can't just up and leave..."
"Yes, you can."
"I have innumerable responsibilities that have to-"
"Nope."
This was making my day. Not even Luna would dare say no to me directly. I could feel something building deep inside me.
"You're the Princess! All you gotta do is say I, Princess Celestia decree that I'm taking the day off. Everypony needs some down time once in a while. Oh, but look at me rambling and carrying on like a dummy when there's mail that needs delivering," she trotted over to the broken window that she'd come in through.
"Wait!" I cried in panic.
She glanced at me over her shoulder.
"You're still wearing my crown," the words I had wanted to say simply didn't come out at all. Thank you. Thank you for this. I needed this breath of fresh air so badly. I had nearly suffocated.
"Woops! There you go. Enjoy that sandwich, 'kay?"
"Will you find Maple Street alright?" I ventured, if only to keep her here for a moment longer.
"You bet! 'No matter the trial, we shall prevail', right? I may get lost once in a while but the mail always gets there on time," she grinned and leapt cleanly out of the jagged hole in the stained glass window. As I watched her blonde tail vanish into the clear blue sky I laughed.
I laughed long and loud. Not the dainty, calculated giggle I had trained myself to deploy when a fat diplomat made an attempt at some half remembered joke but a full-force earth shaking guffaw. I hear the guards out the door murmuring nervous me as they listen to me cackle but I couldn't care less. This was what I had felt building within me with every word that strange young mare had uttered. Finally overflowing. I laughed until my face hurt.
The door creaked open and Raven, my personal assistant, poked a frightened looking face through the door, "Your Majesty? Are you alright?"
I tried and failed to return my face to its usual state of tranquil sincerity. After struggling past a few more giggles I finally said, "Better than I have been in a while. Cancel all my appointments tomorrow. I'm taking the day off. Now come, dear subject, we have left the Stalliongrad delegates waiting long enough."
"All your appointments, your Majesty?" she asked, looking shocked.
"Did I stutter?" I asked sternly, stepping past her into the hall.
"You!" the guard I directed my shout at went rigid, his jaw clenched and his face red, "Walk with me."
He followed me and Raven stiffly down the stairs. His limbs moving almost robotically and his eyes darting rapidly around as if he were about to be attacked at any moment.
"Tell me," I said, smiling warmly, "Why is it that donkeys don't get Cutie Marks?"
Okay that was a cute chapter, can't wait to see what happens next.
I will only accept ditzy being this. welll ditzy if 'you make her book smart. Like does she know how to talk to people nope can she tell yo what 148375x285355 equals. Yep. think it would be funy
Off to a great start here, I shall be watching
3764922
Hey, that was a really good sandwich
3764950
I didn't downvote you, if that's what you're thinking. That was someone else.
3764950 Joke answer is a joke.
This is rapidly becoming glorious. I like the characterization you've used for Ditzy/Derpy here; it works. Endearing is right. She fundamentally means well, she's a bit oblivious but not in the things that really matter, and she's more or less immune to status differences.
"This is either madness, or brilliance." "It's remarkable how often those two traits coincide."
Her comment about the Princess being able to take a day off was definitely brilliance, though; I think that really speaks to how you're portraying her in this story. She may not always see everything, and sometimes she misses the details that everypony else would think of out of social convention or common sense, but at the same time she sees things that ought to be obvious if not for everypony else being blinded by that same social convention or common sense. That also makes her a good lateral thinker.
"you're"
"mailmare"
3761868
Agreed on all counts, especially about her being completely genuine.
3764996
Oh no! If she was a malemare this whole story might've gotten super weird super fast. Thanks!
Mooooooooooooooore. Thoroughly enjoyed this, looking forward to seeing where it goes.
Have a moustache as a token of my appreciation!
3764922 Its a very good sandwich.
First of all, you lied to me!
Second, your Derpy is super cute. Such a free spirit is just what this Celestia needs.
As a couple, they are bound to turn some heads.
Dat sandwich crown
That's going to be a fun conversation to see. It'll be interesting for Luna to understand what's going on; given her occasionally olde worlde personality and the background leading to Nightmare Moon (since she wanted some attention and respect), she might be offended on Celestia's behalf at first; that would give Celestia an opportunity to explain what's been bothering her and why she found Ditzy so refreshing. Between that and Celestia actually taking the advice to take a day off, she and Luna will have plenty to talk about.
Well, that was fast:
i.imgur.com/ss8UcKW.png
Well deserved.
You know, Celestia's right. This -is- a breath of fresh air. I'm geniunely enjoying myself when I read this, unlike anything I've read in a long while. Its such a simple concept, but it just feels right. The short chapters make me sad, but I certainly enjoy the quick-moving pace and care-free attitude this is handled with. Celestia's mindset is heavy and tired, and Derpy is simply happy to be where she is. The contrast is wonderful, and I can't wait to see more of this pair in the same room together.
I like the fact that you're making Ditzy more down to earth than every other pony and that despite Celestia being her ruler she treats her like anyone else.
Keeps getting cuter...
OH MY GOSH! Ditzy is just so adorable! I give you my gratitude this is definitely a refreshing story to be reading. Keep it up and please please don't let the cuteness go away.
To be honest, I have never even HEARD of CelestiaDerpy until now. Because I like Luna/Derpy (and Luna in general) more, I wasn't sure if I would like it. I think it's the cutest thing ever!! Holy crap diabetes!!
Please--and I'm begging you--write more
Great But where is this in the time-line? Also, will there be Dinky, because Derpy without Dinky is just madness.
And just what do you mean by "too much Derp, not enough Ditz"?
The picture I got in my head of Celestia, with a cling-wrapped sandwich on her head, looking at Derpy/Ditzy, who is wearing her crown lopsided, with a dumbstruck expression her face, was more than enough to get me to like and fav this story.
... Okay, this deserves to be featured. Time to whore myself out again, weee!
"Sure! I'm not blind after all. Your face is on our money, how could I not? Do you know who I am?"
Having used that myself, when working in a grocery store, I am not ashamed to admit I lol'd.
One of the city's football (the proper version; not the rugby played with padding) team players was in there and he wanted to cut in line, but I told him not unless the other customers, who had been waiting patiently, said he could.
Him: Do you know who I am?
Me: No, should I? Do you know who I am?
Him: No.
Me: Good. Now wait in line like every one else
All said in front of my manager. Didn't even get an informal warning, mainly because she knew I didn't give a fuck!
I have now whored myself out advertising. Hope it helps! (Though you could use a pre-reader. There's a few grammatical errors here and there. Nothing major, but it could be cleaned up a tad. X3 )
3766212
I'll reread it all tomorrow and write another chapter. Fix up the grammar when I'm not so tired. Gotta go sleep now. Stupid... time difference.
Hmm, yeah, just a bit too much derp, but don't change to much, it's almost perfect.
Do please keep going.
3765894
...that's a thing? I've never seen any stories for that pairing, either.
Got any story recommendations?
Hm. Curious. Just why is Ditzy Do (and I note that you've spelt it with only one 'o'; a relation to Daring is in the cards, perhaps?) so completely unconcerned?
3766505
Yes, any recommendations? That sounds like an interesting ship.
I like how you're portraying Derpy. She seems a bit spaced out but not stupid.
So, I'm now the princess's personal assistant, that's a thing.
More please. Please.
3767089 I second the motion
i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/135/561/18484%20-%20derpy%20derpy_hooves%20rainbow_dash%20recolor%20recolored%20salute.png
That was so fucking funny. Write more!!
3766993
I'm not sure how well everybody knows or remembers Raven . She was shown as the Princesses personal aide in several episodes
3766709
Spelling Ditzy Doo with only one "o" by accident? Me? Neveeeer.
yush. i love your stories . damn your good. how long have you been writing again? anyway as usual can't wait for more very funny to i almost guffawed my last guffaw on that last part. still trying to catch my breath.
Well you got Ditzy's character down and Celestia's is very well written out.
Though the grovel long is tad over down, however that's kind of the point of this. Hmm.
This is off to an incredibly cute start. Continue!
You just speared several dozen javelins of cuteness into the adorable sensors in my chest, thank you!
I loved your characterization of Ditzy, she doesn't really think highly of social status and treats everypony with respect and kindness. She obviously knew who Celestia was from the start, but still didn't change her demeanor when Celestia properly introduced herself. It might also be due to her being from Ponyville and was probably raised in a family that didn't teach her to love/fear the Princess, but instead told her about how much of a wonderful and kind ruler Princess Celestia is.
I can't find a picture of this on the Internet. This must be remedied.
So. Derpy has no fucks to give. She is fresh out.
Man, that was all of the adorbs. All of them.
Celestia was hillarious when she was practically dancing inside her head because derpy was making small talk with her
That was good...though I've still no idea about twi yet.
This only gripe I have is how celestia shouted at that guard before smiling warmly and asking for the rest of the joke's answer. I know it was probably for the ironic joke, but it felt a little out of reality for the situation celestia is in to me.
Still' I enjoyed this, so I will read further
Wait...does Derpy know how to use the Royal Canterlot Voice?!
Hahahaha, this is adorably simple and awesome, nice job!
7047991
No! Bad self! Enjoy the adorable story, dammit!