How The Hunger Games Was Created

by ponyrocks8

Chapter One

“I can’t get to sleep!” Yelled Comet Tail in the cold air.
“Yah there is not enough room up here!” Yelled another.
Can you all just be quit!?! Yelled Twilight. “I know we don’t have much space but it doesn’t mean you have to yell it out every night!”
“We built this mansion can’t we expand it!?!” Comet Tail Yelled with anger. “We don’t want to make it to big!” Twilight began to fight.
“Why?” Comet Tail questioned.
“Yah why can’t we expand it!” All the others shouted.
“We don’t want Nightmare Moon to find us that’s why!!!” Twilight shouted.
“We can’t just expand it a little bit?” Rainbow Dash asked.
“NO NEVER!” Twilight shouted in anger.
The sun began to rise. As the day past every pony was fighting for who should take over the mansion. It was three days intel they came to an agreement.
“Ok so we are all going to vote on who should rule are mansion that we created for no reason right!?!” Twilight yelled raising her hoof.
“Well we made it to get away from Nightmare Moon” Apple Jack said.
“WHAT EVER!!!” Twilight Yelled in everyone’s faces. “You will all right down who you want to rule are mansion!” “Any pony can run to be the ruler so decide if you are going run or vote got that!”
“Ok we all here you!” Flower wishes yelled softly.
“Twilight when we gonna do this?” Apple Jack asked?
“I don’t know ever since we created this mansion I’ve just felt like yelling.
The sun went down. But what was in the moon no one noticed. Twilight woke up and fell out of her bed.
Later…
“Ok so we all have are votes right!?!”
“No we don’t even know who is running!” every pony shouted.
“Oh right… forgot” “Ok so then lets all right down are votes after I show you is running!”
Comet Tail, Rainbow Dash, Redheart, “Twilight. which is me!” “and Doctor Hooves”
“Ok now say what you’re going to say!”

“My name is Redheart and I don’t care if you choose me” “I want you to choose what you think is right even if it means leaving this place I want you to be who you are!” “Not be ruled by any pony!” “If you choose me you will have the freedom to do whatever you want!”
“YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!” every pony shouted!
“Ok next pony!” Twilight said.

“My name is Comet Tail and I say we fight Nightmare Moon And take back are land so we can live in peace!” “All together we have the power to do almost anything!” “So with that power I say we TAKE BACK ARE LAND ARE YOU WITH ME!?!”
“YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”
“OK lets just go on to my speech!” Twilight yelled in happiness
“My name is twilight Sparkle and I think we should stay here right where we are!” “We have everything we need there is no reason to try and stop Nightmare Moon!” “Vote for me if you think we should stay where we are OK!!!”
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
“Next pony!”

“My name is Rainbow Dash and I say that we try and stop Nightmare Moon!” “If we don’t succeed you can kill me in the hunger games!”
“What’s that?” every pony asked.
“Nothing!” “So as I was saying if some pony gets hurt you can kill me!” “In any way you want to!” “So are you WITH ME!”
No pony made a sound.
“Ok last pony!” Twilight told the others.

“My name is… well I’m the Doctor and if you choose me we can beat Nightmare Moon with wibbly wobbly timey wimey stuff!” “So that means we beat her no matter what!” SO ARE YOU WITH ME OR NOT!?!”
“YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”
“Ok every pony time to start voting!”
Later…
“Ok so we all have voted right!?!”
“YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”
“Ok Rainbow Dash you got zero votes!” “Redheart you got five votes!” “Comet Tail you got seven hundred thirty two votes” “I got ten votes” “And the doctor got thirty five!”
“Comet Tail wins!” Shouted Gilda.
“Rainbow Dash come over here!” shouted Doctor hooves.
“Why? “I didn’t win you know!”
“I know you didn’t win but you can’t talk about the hunger games yet!” “It hasn’t happened yet!”
“I know” “Wait where’s Thunder lane!”
“I don’t know!” yelled the doctor.
“How come we didn’t get a vote or run!” Apple Bloom asked with tears dropping down her face.
“Because you are to young!” “You would have choose the worst one!” Apple Jack told Apple Bloom.
“But what if I was running if I won I would make this be almost all for kids!”
“You just proved my point!” Apple Jack said.
“Ok so when should we plan are attack?” Comet Tail asked the others.
“Tomorrow we fight Nightmare Moon!” Comet Tail said as the moon went down.
When every pony was asleep Apple Bloom opened the door to the mansion and went outside. “Why couldn’t I vote I had the rights to vote just as everypony else did!” Apple Bloom said quietly. Apple Bloom heard something. “Huh who’s there?” Then something grabbed her hoof and pulled her into the sky. But when she looked up there was no one pulling on her! But her arm was surrounded with purple magic. And from that day on she was never heard from again.
Later…
“Ok we all need to know what weapons we are going to take into battle !” Comet Tail Yelled to every pony.
“Yah I’m bringing a sword!” Pinkie Pie yelled.
“There’s to much ponies with a sword plus I want a sword so you can’t have one YOU HERE ME!”
“Yes I here you comet Tail!” Pinkie Pie told Comet Tail with a frown.
“Ok so lets all knock down this mansion because we aren’t gonna need it!” Comet Tail Yelled.
“Wait where’s my sister!?!” Apple Jack Yelled.
“It doesn’t matter where she is what matters is that today we are going to take back are land!” Comet tail Yelled in happiness!

“So they are going to try and stop me?” “Ha ha ha they won’t stand a chance!” “Hhuuuummmmmm what should there punishment be there’s so many choices!” Nightmare Moon said with a laugh.

Comments

[Sky Dance]

Ok first of all mate, its Applejack not Apple Jack,

Secondly,who is this Comet Tail? Your OC? well you better make a backstory for him or else no one is gonna give 2 shakes of a ponies rump about him.

“Twilight when we gonna do this?” Apple Jack asked?

What is this? Are you unsure about if Applejack asked or not? Please fix this

Also where are the Character Tags? you only have nightmare moon and other when in the story there is clearly Rainbow Dash Applejack and Twilight

[Mix-Tape Mare]

Ugh. No. Just... no.

Okay, first off -- STOP HAVING EVERYONE YELLING AT EACH OTHER ALL THE BLOODY TIME! Having every line of dialogue being "yelled", "shouted", etc. doesn't do anything for your story; it just aggravates the reader.

Next: As near as I can tell, all of this is taking place in a blank white room. You haven't given us descriptions of anything; the reader has no idea what this house looks like, or what any of the characters look like or what they're doing. We have no idea who your "Comet Tail" character is, what they look like, why they're important to the story, how they even know any of the other ponies, or... anything, really.

Third: You've got spelling, grammar, and punctuation errors all over the place. You need to learn the difference between "to", "two", and "too"; "are" vs. "our"; "there" vs. "their" or "they're"... and the word is spelled "quiet", not "quit." ("Quit" means to stop or give up doing something; "quiet" is the opposite of "loud.") Do not assume that just because the spelling-checker on your computer didn't flag it, that everything's fine -- a spell-checker can only tell you if what you've typed is a word, it can't tell you if it's the right word. The computer can only help you see obvious errors, like typing "peice" when you mean "piece"; if you type "peace" when you meant "piece", it'll happily accept it, even though it's dead wrong.

Fourth: Sorry to say it, love, but yours is only about the zillionth attempt at an MLP/Hunger Games crossover, so you've already got a tough act to follow before you even type your first word. You're going to need to bring something really amazing to the table if you want anyone to care about reading yet another Equestrian Hunger Games story. (Not fair, maybe, but there it is.) Honestly, I'd suggest starting off with something a bit less ambitious (and a lot more original), and work on improving your writing through a few short stories first.

[Luz]

*Includes multiple characters*

I only see two character tags?

[applejackforever12345]

Seriously who is everyone, i mean like Comet Tail, who in the hoof is that?! Where are the character tags? Lots of punctuation errors. You have everyone wondering where they are. Maybe start with some shorter stories