Life of a DJ

by XyroX

Chapter 2

Sup?
It's almost 4am right now, and I can't sleep. It's not that I'm not tired, I'm totally exhausted. What keeps me sleepless? I'm not sure. Since the happenings in the last time I had to think through my whole life. Remember the day I complained about almost everything in my life, the entire situation I saw myself in? I know now that I was wrong. Life is what you make it, not what you think it is, not what you think you can't change. It's an elemental truth I had to find like everypony else. I can change everything in my life, it's my decision what to make out of it. Though I don't like this fact, but it was my decision to get involved into Nicks madness. Sure I didn't know about his plans, but still. And it was my decision to not kill him when I had the chance to. Every little act we do can affect our whole life. For example, this morning I had pancakes for breakfast. After I ate them, I went out for a walk with Octy. We enjoyed our time outdoor, horsed around in the snow and had a lot of fun. But what if we hadn't made pancakes but toast? In this case we surely would've been outside a little earlier. What would have happened then? Maybe we'd have met somepony else to share our time with. Maybe I wouldn't be here right now if we hadn't had breakfast at all, I could be still out there and throw a party with Pinkie Pie.

We are able to control everything in our life, directly or indirectly. We don't know what is going to happen if we go this way, nor do we what will come if we take another. We have to decide, right or left, and once we started walking there is no way back. Of course we can turn around and take the other way, but it will be too late for us to experience what had happened if we went there in the first place. We're always planning and calculating, but in the end it doesn't matter what we thought would happen. Life isn't planable, life doesn't stick to our dreams or rules. It's always about what really happened and what we make out of it. Everything that meets our way is an opportunity, we can take it and go on, or we can ignore it and take another path. The only thing that is certain, the only thing we know will happen, is our death. One day I will die, but there is no way I could know when it will happen, or why. I have no chance to know which way will grant me the most time before it is over.

But what is time in the first place? There isn't such a thing as the presence. The only temps existing are the future and the past. You can think of something right now, but actually it isn't right now. Imagine you're going to eat a sandwich. Every bite you take is either in the future, in this case the bite is still on the sandwich, or it's in the past, in your mouth or stomach. There is no in between. You think of something for a second, but actually you're already living in the next one, and your thought is nothing more than a memory. A memory that affects your next thought, though, but still a memory. You can catch moments with a camera, but actually a picture is nothing but a visual memory, framed and hanging on your wall. I admit, I'm not good in explaining things like that, but I hope you got the idea. But these are the things that rush through my mind some nights. These are the things I think about sometimes for days once they set down in my brain. I don't usually talk about these thoughts, not even to Octy. Why? I don't know. I just have the feeling that these things are too personal, too intimate to share with anypony, even too personal to share with Octy. But actually they aren't personal at all, I mean it's nothing concerning me in particular. But sometimes there are things concerning me, giving me an actual reason to not talk about them.

Like Nick and Ruben. Of course, I talked to Octy about them a lot, but there are still some things I probably won't tell anypony ever. For example, the fact that I somehow feel... sorry for Nick. He is crazy and deserves spending his remaining days in prison, but after all he somehow did everything he did for me, if it's true what he said. This pony threw everything he had away, just to grant me the life he thought I deserved. So was he really bad? Was he evil? Or did he just have another perception of what is right and what is wrong to get a pony to like him, and to spend his days with her? Is there even such a thing as good and evil?

I mean, imagine there is something like a parallel universe. In our universe ponies are told that things like murder, torture and horsenapping are bad. But what if you'd tell the ponies in this parallel universe that these things are actually not this bad? Would they kill one another just because they don't realize what murder means? When i think about this I often come up with the idea for an experiment. Imagine you have two young ponies, infants, and both have the Tourette's syndrome. Both don't know any words, both can't talk. Now you raise them parted. You raise one like you'd do normally, but the other one is taught that words like love and hope are really bad words you mustn't use, and any insults are actually nice words and compliments. Now if they have an attack of the syndrome, the one pony may shout words that are decided to be bad, but what will the other pony do? Will he or she shout the same words, or will he/she shout words like love and hope? How would this ethnic shift affect their illness? I know that this is a serious disease and I don't want to make fun of it or make it look like a joke, I'm serious about this. If you raise one baby with the exact opposite ethnics as the rest of the ponies, how would it's life be? Would it, once it's an adult, have any scruple? And if yes, in which way? I mean, if a pony thinks murder isn't a bad thing and insulting somepony else is alright, but offering a seat to an old lady is really bad, would he or she still do it, seeing that everypony else does it? Would he or she stop insulting and murdering if told that these things are actually bad? Would the urge to be common, to be like anypony else, be enough to turn this pony around and make it an 'ordinary' pony?

Of course it always says it's good to be different, but how much different is takeable? Everypony has his own opinion towards good and evil, but in the end we all agree on most things. Teenies for example often use little insults at one another, in their usual talking or their greetings, things like 'Sup, bucker?'. For them it's okay to say that, but for the older generations it's not. If I would talk to Granny Smith like I talk to Octy, she probably wouldn't like me very much. Not because I'm rude, but because in my generation there are other standards in our language. I'd never use slang towards an elderly pony, that would just be disrespectful, but I do use it when I'm around my same-aged friends. Our social surroundings have a huge influence on our behavior towards others. But on the other hoof we're always able to adjust our behavior to the ponies we're with. It's not just a question of age and respect, it's also a question of knowing and not knowing. If I'd meet a pony I never met before and she's my age, I wouldn't talk to her like I would to Applejack. I'd be much more polite and calm than I would be if I'd know her.

Man, all these thoughts are killing my mind. Why has his world to be so confusing?