- Member Since 11th Jan, 2013
- offline last seen Feb 26th, 2014
Anonponymous
Just your average 12 year old school boy who happens to be a brony.
Anonponymous
Joined 11th Jan, 2013 ·
Offline
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Not bad for a first story. I don't see any of the spelling, grammar, or pacing issues that most first-timers have. The only isssue is how predictable the plot is. It was so predictable, in fact, that I expected some sort of surprise twist at the end. "Twilight misses her dead friends" has been done almost to death, if you'll excuse the pun.
3695195 Thank you, and I agree, it's been done a lot. I just felt like writing one, not sure why.
I saw the ending coming, but that didn't make it any less sad. Good job. If this is your first story, I can't wait to see more from you.
3695282 Thank you. I guess it is pretty predictable, but hey, I gave it a shot.
Not original but pretty good.
Not Michael grammar or spelling errors I can see.
Good fo you
Like and Fav.
And also I detected bit of insanity in Twilight's mind.
Possible depression help? No
Possible suicide due to insanity maybe.
Possible corruption for use or dark magic YES
And that's why I don't like being immortal, unless I rule a empire that has e best military,economy and every body loves me
3695437 I'm sorry, but what is 'Michael grammar'? Thank you very much, by the way.
"Hey, this looks like a nice little story that totally won't drill me into depression once more!"
...
"Goddamnit."
(I applaud you if this really is your first story
. The idea may be overused, but you executed it in a way that is both short and sweet. Bravo... or brava 
)
3695562 Thank you kindly.
3695539
What the fuck auto correct?
I mean much grammar problem
I hate this iPad
And then Pinkie Pie yelled "Boo!" from behind Twilight.
3695838 Couldn't of thought of a better ending, even if I had tried!
3695843
Pinkie Pie wouldn't let a silly little thing like death stop her from cheering up her friend in need.
"Pinkie Pie, this is impossible," said Twilight. "You aren't possible."
"I have no idea," replied Pinkie, "but I always find a good cupcake takes the mind off such things." Pinkie pulled a blueberry cupcake from her mane and passed it to Twilight.
Alright, a very interesting story.
For a first story, it wasn't that bad. There were a few shaky spots. But overall, not bad. As the story went on, I found that the story was a bit predictable. It's not bad predictable, but I would have liked to have seen it done another way. It would have been good to see it done in a way that hadn't been done before or something that could have changed things around.
I did like the execution though. Most stories go on and on about the death of the friends and how they die and everything. And this was nice change, because it was short, sweet and to the point. It didn't ramble on and on, it just said what it wanted to say and then finished up. Which is good because you don't want to bore your audience with that. I know some writers, me included, have that problem, but I think you handled it well here.
Thanks for letting me read. Hope this helps and I'll catch you later. Take care.
Plot twist! I must be really stupid, but I didn't see that coming. Commendable FimFic. My first one got so many hates that I had to delete it. I hate those jerks. Anywho, great job!