There is an unspoken rule between the two ruling Princesses; the Sun and Moon must not be in the sky at the same time. However, this rule had just existed out of common sense that they would simply take turns raising their respective celestial bodies.
One day the artistic Luna gets the idea of being able to show her work once a year during the day with something called a Solar Eclipse. Celestia hesitates but agrees to give it a trial run before making it an annual occurence. It doesn't go quite as planned and the pony princesses now find themselves with a creature possessing what could be the most terrifying ability for a world full of magic
445635
Didn't plan to hide the self insert. I do appreciate that you didn't vote thumbs down based on that assumption and only on the first chapter.
You have restored some of my faith in people lol
I was already aware of the taboo of self-inserts but I don't plan for him to come in, save the world, make it better, have everyone fall in love with him and end the story without consequences. I would however liked to know what you mean by "Poorly spaced" so I can correct it
445679
You should use a new line each time someones speaks
Person 1 "So what are you doing?"
Person 2 " I asked you first"
I'll check back in on this story once it's gotten more chapters and give an opinion then for now I'm gonna remove my older comment.
dude, make more, or else Pinkie will get you....
Well, that's not foreboding at all...
Twilight - "WTB?!"
Reptile - "Surprise MZF!!!" - Horn Grap.