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Diverse

Source

Virgo doesn't think like a filly. Virgo doesn't talk like a filly. Virgo is different.

A kind of different that rouses the Royal Sisters attention. A kind of different that sends government agents after her. A kind of different that makes Virgo have to literally run for her life.

Chapters (2)

Comments ( 3 )

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mapu

mapu #1 · Mar 9th, 2014 · · · Chapter 1 ·

Good beginning, but its too short, noting happens, and its all abbot how character looks, and almost noting how character acts, thinks, interacts or whatever else.
So far the plot has been-
1) I have a cutie mark
2)I dye it, but I run out of dye
3) I go to school by bus with Lilac.

You have extended "I go to school in a bus with my friend Lilac" Into 1000 words or so, by adding only some visual description of character. That's about it.
To critique something, you need something happening, so I can't really give constructive criticism.
That said pacing is decent (bit on slow side, but meh), but you might want to post longer chapters. Its frustrating to read a "chapter," only to see that noting happens, or you have to turn next page in couple seconds.

LightningTune

LightningTune #2 · Mar 29th, 2014 · · · Chapter 1 ·

4056577 thanks for your constructive comment! I am trying to make the chapters longer and I promise something big will happen in the story soon, peace out!

MJP