Twilight, Applejack and Peach Schnapps

by Burning Skyway

There will be only one!

"When y'all said there'd be a small party Ah at least expected the rest of our friends to be here," said Applejack, "Rarity Ah can understand bein fashionably late but where's everpony else?"

Twilight looked up from her book (Hangovers and how best to avoid them) as Applejack gingerly set her saddlebags on the nearby table with a muffled clink of full glass bottles; "I spent some time with them earlier today. Pinkie and Rarity are putting the finishing touches on tomorrow's 'great celebration of Ponyville's own Princess'," Twilight rolled her eyes, "for the Mayor, plus Pinkie said something about the 'after-after party' tomorrow night. Fluttershy said she prefers to avoid alcohol for any reason, and I couldn't very well set a good example as a Princess if I had invited Rainbow; she's still got 4 months till she's of legal age."

"Ah suppose the age thing applies to Spike as well?"

"Actually no... he doesn't metabolize alcohol the way ponies do, instead it breaks down and is concentrated and stored as part of the non-magical portion of his breath's ignition sequence." Twilight snickered slightly, "when he was tiny and the Princess was taking care of him, she'd feed him ground quartz cut with pure grain alcohol. He just wanted to help Rarity and who was I to say no?"

"Ah... see. Remind me never to challenge him to a drinkin' contest then."

Twilight snorted, "Yeah, that would probably be a bad idea. Anyway, you said you were bringing somepony else with you, who is it? Big Mac coming along to make sure we don't get in any trouble?"

"Nah Mac's not a big fan of the hard stuff. He cuts his hard cider half and half with the normal stuff. This is a distant cousin... fifth twice removed or somethin I think, from Germaney. She happened to be visitin and her special talent happens to be related directly to makin some really strong stuff so she," Applejack halted as a knock came on the door.

"Come in, it's open," Twilight said, raising her voice a bit to he heard through the think wooden door, as she absentmindedly slipped a bookmark into the book she was holding aloft in her magic before setting it down gently on a shelf to be sorted into place later.

A stout, slightly pink earth mare with a short, fuzzy mane trotted through the door, her saddlebags sagging under what appeared to be a large number of bottles, her eyes locking onto the orange earth pony. "Applejack its been far far too long!" she nearly galloped over to Applejack, glomping onto her in a massive hug, "I have not seen you sense that party at Auntie Orange's so long ago. And who's your friend you said you wanted me to mee..." the large mare's enthusiastic babble tapered off into a startled 'meep' that would have made Fluttershy proud as she looked at Twilight Sparkle and took in the horn and wings.

Nearly throwing herself off of Applejack, the startled pony contorted into a bow so quickly her head thumped solidly against the library's wooden floor, causing both Applejack and Twilight to wince, "I deeply apologize your highness I was not paying attention and failed to see you there. Can you forgive me my rude and insolent behavior..."

Twilight interrupted the poor mare before she could get any further, "Please stand up. I really prefer ponies not treat me any differently, and you didn't do anything wrong. I like to think any friend or relative of Applejack's can be a friend of mine and I don't want to be treated special by my friends."

The pony in question looked up from her crouch timidly, acting almost as if she expected to be smited for laying eyes upon the alicorn princess, then seeing Twilight's gentle smile and slightly pained expression, settled back on her haunches and rubbed her forehead where it had struck the floor. "Um... well Princess," she began.

"Please, call me Twilight."

"Well Twilight, uh, my name is Peach Schnapps, but my friends call me Peachy. I uh, hope saying that doesn't sound too disrespectful."

Twilight smiled, "I would be happy to call you Peachy. Now, if you'll excuse me,' she said, taking a moment to clear her throat and continuing in something that might have been an imitation of the Royal Canterlot Voice, "I, Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Equestria do decree that as I have reached the age of which it is legal to imbibe hard liquor, it is time for the festivities to begin!" She smiled at Peachy, "I hope you don't mind, but since I discovered the nature of Applejack's namesake, I've read up on it a lot and have been anxious to have a taste, so I'd like to start with that."

Peach Schnapps just smiled and snickered, "Probably for the best, starting with the lighter stuff and working you way up as it were."

"Lightweight my granny's teeth."

"Applejack, I don't mean to be insulting but your specialty is apples in general. Mine is, shall we say, a bit more specific," she said gesturing at her cutie mark, a tilted, mostly full bottle with a peach emblazoned near the top, and the letters CXXV emblazoned across the bottom of the bottle.

"In ahny case Twilight, ah want you ta go easy on things tonight. Unicorns and pegasi tend to get floored pretty hard by the strong stuff, if ya catch mah drift, and you're some of both. Plus the fact that y'all never had much more than some fairly mild hard cider or a bit ah wine and you won't really be up to..."

Twilight waved a hoof to interrupt her friend, "Applejack you don't need to worry, I'm not going to go hog wild. Also I'll have you know that even though alicorns manifest the visible signs of being a melding of both pegasii and unicorns, according to several scholarly tomes including Clover the Clever's Compendium of Cross Tribal Community Traits alicorns posses not only enhanced unicorn and pegasi magic and abilities, but endurance and stamina equal to or greater than the most durable of earth ponies."

"Ah whatever ya say but I still want you to be careful, especially once we start on Peachy's personal stash," Applejack said as Peach was beginning to disgorge a number of bottles from her heavily laden saddle bags."

"Of course..."

--- three hours later ---

"and then shee had the gall to claim sthat the shird law of thaustumalogicalic connectivity could be cansheled out by she alchemaical processeseeseesseas of Schnapes's potion of probability perterabubububub *giggle* pewterabations..." slurred the lavender alicorn at her captive audience. Literally.

Applejack cringed and struggled vainly to pull her tail our from under the statue which had formerly graced the fountain in the middle of town, while Peach Schnapps cowered slightly, unsure of how to react to the oversized wing draped across her back and amazingly heavy alicorn cuddling against her, pinning her to the ground.

A half full bottle of Applejack's namesake fluttered unsteadily in a violet aura, threatening to join the large number of empty bottles scattered across the floor (frankly, she'd lost count while trying to free herself), as Twilight levitated it over to take another swig.

"I know! Lesh me tell you about the time I made poor Spikey wikey allergic to shmoke for a week!"

--- The next day ---

The merciless beams of an angry sun goddess found their way into an eastern facing window of the Ponyville library, piercing daggerlike through the closed eyes of a disheveled purple alicorn. Cringing and groaning, she rolled over, trying to protect her skull from the feeling of her horn being shoved back inside, only to wince as a horrifying cacophony of sound drove icepicks through her ears.

"Sugarcube, y'all finally awake?" whispered Applejack, " you had me worried there."

Somehow Twilight managed through sheer force of will to prevent the putrid contents of her stomach from leaving the way they came in as she slowly and shakily rose on her legs, finding herself barely able to crack her eyes open the smallest of slits, and wincing as her first tentative shuffling of her hooves trod upon her wings which she couldn't even must the control to lift from where they dragged on the floor. "What happened?"

"Ah've never seen anything like it. I don't care what ya say about it being part of his fire stuff, I think you'd have drunk Spike under the table last night."

Twilight looked over at the table which contained the neatly ordered rows of empty bottles with labels like ranging from applejack to vodka. She wasn't even sure where three quarters of it had come from. Standing orderly and unopened beside them were a dozen or more bottles recommended by her books; Pure, tonic and soda water, various fruit juices and a handful of other 'mixers' to lessen the blows making her head feel like a tree trunk during applebuck season.

Suddenly she looked around, then barely caught herself and her stomach from ending up sprawled all over the floor, "Where's uh... uhm... her name.. uh..."

"Peachy"

Twilight looked even more embarrassed at forgetting the mare's name. "Yeah, sorry, Peachy."

"Ah'm not sure. I just went to sleep after y'all ah," Applejack looked uncomfortably back at the statue pinning her tail to the ground, turning back to a wide eyed and blushing Twilight, "asked me to stick around, but ah think Peachy went to visit the farm this mornin. She left a note saying she really enjoyed making a special friend last night and looks forward to spendin more time with ya," Applejack looked at Twilight sheepishly, "She ah, taped it to the statue so by the time I realized it was for you Ah'd already read it. Also she did bring in a note that Pinkie apparently left you with the schedule for the town wide party, parade, and your speech."

"Party? PARADE? SPEECH?????!" Twilight shuddered and closed her eyes, forcing her stomach back down out of her throat and pushing back the agonizing pain caused by the sound of her own outburst.

"Ok, it'll be ok. Deep breaths. All I have to do is research an anti-hangover spell, clean up, eat, drink, and I'll be ready for this. I mean we've got all morning right, this stuff wasn't supposed to start till eleven fifteen..."

Twilight's spiel was interrupted by the soft chimes of her mantel clock pounding yet more spikes through her sensitive skull. Ting. Ting. Ting. Ting. Ting. Ting. Ting. Ting. Ting. Ting. Ting.

Her front hooves slid out from under her and Twilight collapsed onto the library floor. Eyes barely focused on the ground under her snout, she asked, "Applejack, I just want to know one other thing. I don't remember any of the books about hangovers talking about your mouth feeling quite this... fuzzy. Is that normal?"

A loud double thwack reverberated through then library, making Twilight wince and shut her eyes at the searing pain, and grab her forehead as the library's door slammed open and shut. As she brought her head up she was able to focus on the Ponyville water fountain statue, now with a couple of chips at roughly applebucking height in the front, and a handful of wisps of blond tail still stuck underneath. The only sign of Applejack was the retreating gallop away from the library fading in the distance.

Twilight groaned and covered her head. "What did I say?"

Author's Note:

All stories begin with a line; It might be 'It was a dark and stormy night' or 'I should have known she was trouble the moment she walked in the door'.

For me this began at the end with the line "I don't remember any of the books about hangovers talking about your mouth feeling quite this... fuzzy."

I'm so, so sorry about all this.

Comments

[Admiral Biscuit]

Ah ha ha.

[Shrek the Ogre]

That description is WAY too long for a 2,000 word story.

[Burning Skyway]

3649256
When I wrote the description I was planning on probably 1000 more words worth of drunk Twilight but I decided in the end most of the night was best left to the reader's imaginations.

[Admiral Biscuit]

ground quartz cut with PGA

Should spell out what PGA is unless it's a very well-known acronym.

Unicorns and pegasii

One i in pegasi.

yall

y'all; it generally refers to a group of people (you all), although it is used by some to refer to an individual.

The merciless beams of an angry sun goddess

Brilliant!

I don't remember any of the books about hangovers talking about your mouth feeling quite this... fuzzy.

And . . . you went there. Should've seen it coming from the beginning.

[Burning Skyway]

3649290

I've seen pegasii in another place as correct (mythology book for some rpg I think) but will accept the current popular spelling with respect to MLP.

I've know that PGA was pure grain alcohol since I was in middle school but it's a minor fix and does scan better anyway.

As someone from the southern US, I'm very familiar with y'all usin' yall and where Applejack is using yall is exclusively singular (she's speaking to Twilight) but based on the writing guide I used in college (yes, they covered that yall and y'all are actually both correct for singular or plural usage.

And yes, that's very very strange but then so is the English language in general and American regional dialects in particular.

But I changed it to y'all because in hindsight it looks a bit better I think. I also found a couple of other minor errors while scanning through.

As for going there? That was the first line I wrote...

[Cloppy McClopavich]

I can't clop to this...