bassofthe
Joined 26th Dec, 2011 ·
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I liked the world building, but it just seems too dense and/or not polished enough for what's going on.
I mean, why the first scene? Why was the ash mare there in the first place? What is the significance of her showing up? Is she a real pony, or just a personification of the eventual death of the alicorn sisters? Is the cycle always the same (what is cycled)?
I assume that the ash mare is symbolic of death, but is it only an alicorn's death?
All of these could go unanswered, but there doesn't feel like there's a cohesive message in the story, other than "we all eventually die"
Feel free to tell me if I missed anything important.
3646321 "Too dense" is how I write. I try not to, but I rarely succeed. Don't talk about polishing; I didn't even proofread.
Several things are cycled. The conversation between the two sisters is stated in plain text to have occured several times before. It's also mentioned that they are neither the first nor the last to hold that conversation.
The message of the story is "I wanted to write something. This is what my brain pooped out".
Then the stuff not explicitly in the fic. I have a firm idea of everything, but I chose to leave out a significant bit of it.
The significance of the first scene is mainly exposition, and to show how the ash-gray mare affected the princesses. She is a real pony, as much as you can call her a pony. She is more of a psychopomp/dark lord hybrid. She is death.
Final night is the end of the world, where all things die. First dawn is when the world is reborn. The ash-gray mare ruins new dawn simply by virtue of being death. If she did not ruin new dawn, all life in the new world would be immortal.
The world is always ruled by a pair of alicorns, who hold variations of the same conversation seen in the first scene. In this iteration, the alicorns are Celestia and Luna. The rulers are never chosen for 'salvation'.
Her 'domain' is the ponies she has chosen for 'salvation'. When the cycle of the world being reborn ends, her chosen will cease to exist, while those not chosen, like Luna and Celestia, will keep living without physical form in a nonexistent world where time does not pass.
Twilight, being an alicorn, outlived her friends. When she did die, in the war that heralded final night, she was chosen.
I probably forgot something.