Rafael Gibson was a man, that like all of use, tried to find his place in the world. That until he lost everything, his home, his family and his dreams. and now that he lost everything, he will learn that there is always hope in the end.
"Why do you carry with you a cupcake that put ponies to sleep?" Twilight asked, but quickly regretted that when Pinkie mane went straight and her smile became creepy. "Do you really want to know the answer?" Pinkie asked.
You should separate that into two different lines like I've shown below:
"Why do you carry with you a cupcake that put ponies to sleep?" Twilight asked, but quickly regretted that when Pinkie's mane went straight and her smile became creepy. "Do you really want to know the answer?" Pinkie asked.
It helps prevent confusion on who is talking. I also added an apostrophe. Same thing with thoughts (as mentioned in the first chapter and the end of this chapter). I suggest either italicizing or using a single quote like for example:
"Steven I will make you pay. I swear I will make you feel pain, I will make you suffer" Rafael thought to himself.
Could appear as:
'Steven I will make you pay. I swear I will make you feel pain, I will make you suffer,' Rafael thought to himself.
In most stories that I've read here on the site and in most published books that seems to be the standard when stating a thought when telling a story from a third-person perspective. I'm just giving you a few tips, use them if you want to.
You should separate that into two different lines like I've shown below:
It helps prevent confusion on who is talking. I also added an apostrophe.
Same thing with thoughts (as mentioned in the first chapter and the end of this chapter). I suggest either italicizing or using a single quote like for example:
Could appear as:
In most stories that I've read here on the site and in most published books that seems to be the standard when stating a thought when telling a story from a third-person perspective.
I'm just giving you a few tips, use them if you want to.
thanks, i will use these tips in the next chapter.