• Member Since 11th Dec, 2013
  • offline last seen Jul 23rd, 2022

_twilightprincess_


I enjoy writing and drawing.

Comments ( 5 )

Gonna read this later. Seems interesting. :pinkiesmile::pinkiesmile:

Ending felt kinda rushed, but still a good story.

This was an interesting concept, but I question the execution. Some sentences are awkwardly worded, or littered with grammatical imprecision.
For example, consider these two sentences from near the beginning of the story:

No one ever looks at the beauty of the night and the bringer of it. No one would ever care if the moon disappeared or rather the night as a whole!

Perhaps a better way to phrase these sentences, without changing the ideas that they express, would be: "None behold the beauty of the night nor that of she who brings it." The second sentence is grammatically imprecise; it might work better to say something along the lines of "None would care if the moon were to disappear, or even the night itself!"
Of course, these suggestions are probably not in your style, so take them with a grain of salt. Overall, I liked this story!

3657810 Hi. First of all thanks for the constructive comment, you know I'm trying my best I am young and also I'm from Romania. English isn't my native language but I started studying it at the age of 3. Plus I just got into this fanfic zone. I personally consider you should check out what I think is my best story, "Luna's Lover".

3660427
Sure, I can take a look!

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