<

Kayeka

Joined March 2012
149 followers

Stories (1)

  • Dude, We're Ponies!
    Two nerds wake up one day and find themselves in Ponyville. Hilarity Ensues.

    36,621 words · 9,344 views · 864 likes · 24 dislikes

Blog Posts (20)


He is a college drop-out part-time worker. He is a dentistry student. Together, they are two total twats with no ambitions to go further then the next game, comic book or puff.

And now, they are ponies. Under the names of Lucky Chance and Midnight Watch they must find a way back to the human world using their extensive knowledge of the television show, the Laws of Narrative and sarcasm.

Will they be able to rise above themselves and face the many challenges that await them? Will they be able to figure out the true meaning of Friendship? Will they be able to not murder each other or themselves while doing so? Do they even want to go back?

Cover Image by CenturionFox13. Proofread by Letedwend

First Published
12th Mar 2012
Last Modified
31st Dec 2012

Comments ( 603 )

#1 · Chapter 1 · 110w, 3d ago · · ·

One chapter in and it's already the best HiE I've ever had the pleasure of reading.

#2 · Chapter 1 · 110w, 3d ago · · ·

I don't know man, the grammar and spelling are almost perfect.

You speak better than most native English speakers, er, writers?

#3 · Chapter 1 · 110w, 3d ago · · ·

Dear. Celestia. Of Equestria.

I've been exposed to a load of 'Human in Equestria' fics, 'I turned into a pony fics' and all sorts of stupidity in-between those. Over and over, I visit the home page to this site and am bombarded with crap piles that look like straight-up abortions of the English language. But YOU, sir... YOU...

You have earned my respect. And that ain't easy, boo-boo.

This is at once funny, engaging, believable, and very enjoyable. I can't believe I'm about to do this, because I never do this, but... I'm going to track and fave your story. Because bless you, dude. Bless you SO hard.

And as far English not being your native language, I'd be willing to call bullshit - you write better than the gallery of morons on here who are actually raised in an education system based on English! Keep doing EXACTLY how you're doing. It is not easy at all to earn the admiration of Inky Sarcastic Bastard Swirl.

Congratulations, friend. :twilightsmile:

#4 · Chapter 1 · 110w, 3d ago · · ·

*clap clap* Bravo, good sir. Possibly the best HiE fic I've ever read. Your style of writing reminded me a bit of some classic English authors, such as Charles Dickens. Liked and tracked. :pinkiehappy:

#5 · Chapter 1 · 110w, 3d ago · · ·

Got a very "Dude, Where is my Car" feeling out of this. And I like it.

#6 · Chapter 1 · 110w, 3d ago · · ·

Well. I suddenly feel inadequate. Carry on.

#7 · Chapter 1 · 110w, 3d ago · · ·

Haha, loved this. I laughed through most of this. You should really really really make more.:pinkiehappy:

#8 · Chapter 1 · 110w, 3d ago · · ·

>>316486

why do i see so many pics wit pinkie and some kind of axe?

#9 · Chapter 1 · 110w, 3d ago · · ·

If this turns into "Dude Where's My Carriage" or something similar you will be my favorite person ever.

#10 · Chapter 1 · 110w, 3d ago · · ·

Lol!!! :rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh: This is got to be one of the most random and funny stories that still make sense that I have ever read!!! :rainbowlaugh:  Keep writing this! :yay:

#11 · Chapter 1 · 110w, 3d ago · · ·

Grammar & Spelling: Prettymuch flawless

Can't wait for more! :pinkiehappy:

#12 · Chapter 1 · 110w, 3d ago · · ·

I feel like I'm reading "Jay & Not-so-silent Bob go to Equestria". For the love of any God whatsoever, please give us more!

#13 · Chapter 1 · 110w, 3d ago · · ·

Jesus Christ, this is awesome and hilarious and spectacular and amazing and really well-written... :pinkiegasp:

I can't breathe properly... laughing way too hard... must have more! :yay:

#14 · Chapter 1 · 110w, 3d ago · · ·

Amazing work, I'd like it five times if I could.

#15 · Chapter 1 · 110w, 3d ago · · ·

this was absolutely fabulous:raritystarry:

#16 · Chapter 1 · 110w, 3d ago · · ·

Sparkling vampire? Fantabulous! :rainbowlaugh:

#17 · Chapter 1 · 110w, 2d ago · · ·

Huh. Wow. Didn't expect so many positive reactions. Heck, I didn't even expect any reactions at all. I got the idea for this story after binging on Friendship is Magic, The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy, Discworld and The Inbetweeners and thought it would be nice for a change to put those ideas into words. It's my first attempt at writing any sort of fiction, so I must admit I got a huge ego-boost out of this. Thank you all very much for the support.

I'll try to produce a new chapter as soon as I finished playing air guitar to the tune of 'Princes of the Universe'.

#18 · Chapter 1 · 110w, 2d ago · · ·

This is pretty good.  Definitely a nice start.

You do have a bit of a problem switching between past and present tenses though.  The first few paragraphs were also a tad repetitive.

#19 · Chapter 1 · 110w, 2d ago · · ·

Found one error. Third paragraph, second sentence: "suggesting that they most have been" Should be must, not most.

Now that that's out of the way, great story! Getting a big H2G2 vibe from the narrative style.

#20 · Chapter 1 · 110w, 2d ago · · ·

That Twilight reference was HILARIOUS!!! My Celestia, I wish I could fit humor in that well.

Other than that, this is looking pretty good, and I'll be tracking for sure.

-Randomosity19

#21 · Chapter 1 · 110w, 2d ago · · ·

“Dude, we're ponies.” (15 mph speed-bump***)

(Quote: Our heroes simultaneously came to the conclusion that a reasonable person, faced with their current situation, would scream like a girl and flail their limbs in blind panic. As they fancied themselves to be reasonable persons (like most humans), they enthusiastically followed this course of action. The ritual continued for a short while, and as the solution did not magically fell out of the sky, the blue stallion got fed up and tried to experiment with a different approach. ) (90 mph***)

(Quote: “Knock it off!” he shouted, and swung his fist (or actually his hoof, but he was not quite comfortable enough with the idea to think if it like that) towards the face of his fellow screamer. The two objects collided with a sickening noise, and there was silence once more. The technique proved most successful as the hitter managed to get rid of excess stress and aggression allowing his nerves to calm down, and the hittee became too preoccupied with a fresh headache to care about whatever it was that got on his nerves in the first place.)(100 mph***)

        “Thanks, dude. I needed that.” said the victim, as he rubbed his sore cheek. (15mph speedbump***)

The descriptive parts of the narrative are so well written, and flows as you read, then when one of the 2 main character ponies decide to voice a comment, the story 'feel' screeches to a near crawl when the descriptions have to match the brain power of the 2 lead characters. After having to say what is needed to utter loudly, the descriptions start the flow back up to a good clip, and then has to apply the literary brakes (like a speed-bump) when the second character replies.

This is absolute HILARITY at it's finest.

:rainbowderp::yay::scootangel:

I laughed quite loudly when I read this. loud enough to scare my daughter and wife at the same time.

When my wife seen it was indeed a pony story, she shook her head and laughed as she mumbled 'Ponies'.  I don't think my face hurt quite as much from laughing from reading this story so early in the morning. Please don't even ask how my poor ribs fared, or the rapid elimination of Very hot tea from my mouth upon reading the above scene, and the consequent cleaning of my laptop of the somewhat cooled beverage now covering my screen. :twilightoops:

I agree with the above Inky Swirl, now fav-ing this remarkable story.

I now do voice my only small concern .....   PLEASE WRITE MORE !!!!:flutterrage:

KimonoPony

#22 · Chapter 1 · 110w, 2d ago · · ·

"One might think that this is rather typical nerd-talk, as nerds gather round and compare who is the biggest nerd much the same way middle-aged men compare how big that fish that they caught-and-released last week was. In this case, however, the claim was quite accurate. The vampire-scenario, for example, would have Chance taking a bit of skin from his friend and expose it to sunlight. If it burns to ashes, he would try his best to keep Midnight's bloodlust under control so his friend could live a fulfilling unlife. However, if the skin sample suddenly started to sparkle, Chance would kill Midnight using whatever means necessary, chop the body in pieces, and burn each piece individually in different locations. He knew his friend would have wanted it that way."

The amount of lols acquired from this section of text alone is greater than or equal to the number of fucks I give.

That's a lot, just so you know.:rainbowlaugh:

#23 · Chapter 1 · 110w, 2d ago · · ·

>The ritual continued for a short while, and as the solution did not magically fell out of the sky, the blue stallion got fed up and tried to experiment with a different approach.

Fell should probably change to fall. This sentence looks rather odd otherwise.

Minor formatting issues; additional gaps between paragraphs and spaces at the start of paragraphs that stand out.

>every Pony in Ponyville.

The word pony should not be capitalized.

I didn't really pour over this indepth but those are the things that stood out to me. I was far too distracted by your very, very well done story to really review this. Excellent read my friend

For future reference, if you would like to improve your writing, I recommend going over to the Training Grounds at the following link. They are excellent reviewers who will catch almost all mistakes you may make with your writing. As well, if you try to submit this story to Equestria Daily, they will most likely send you there to fix the few issues they mentioned.

http://www.ponychan.net/chan/fic/res/90477.html

Finally, good job because that was a fun read. I hope you keep it up.:moustache:

#24 · Chapter 1 · 110w, 2d ago · · ·

You write better than some natural english speakers.

Good job

#25 · Chapter 1 · 110w, 2d ago · · ·

So much brilliance!

More! More, I say!

#26 · Chapter 1 · 110w, 2d ago · · ·

*hides a scalpel behind his back* Right... just ignore this. This thing here behind my back. It doesnt exist. I'm not going to go and cut out your comedic genius and insert it into myself... that would be crazy... right Pinkie Pie? :pinkiecrazy:

I am tracking ze shiz outta this.

#27 · Chapter 1 · 110w, 2d ago · · ·

Pony-humans... SO MUCH WIN!

#28 · Chapter 1 · 110w, 2d ago · · ·

First off, I'd like to say BRAVO for writing such a hooking/believable fic off the start. :pinkiehappy:

Hmm... though pinkie Pie is a bit of a scatterbrain, I wouldn't go as far as to say she knows nothing.

Grammar-wise, I didn't notice too many mistakes, so you are clear on that area.

Since you haven't touched on the part of their cutie marks yet, it would be great to touch on that area in the next update. Knowing their special talents and seeing their reactions to their special talents is sure to be a hoot! :rainbowlaugh::pinkiecrazy:

Keep it up!

#29 · Chapter 1 · 110w, 2d ago · · ·

Alright, I'll admit seeing the description of humans had me worried for a bit, but this? Awesome. The vampire test really sold it.

#30 · Chapter 1 · 110w, 2d ago · · ·

Dude... That's so... Wait...

... What?

#31 · Chapter 1 · 110w, 2d ago · · ·

I have mixed feelings about this. Eeeehhhhh I'll track for the moment.

#32 · Chapter 1 · 110w, 2d ago · · ·

As far as grammar is concerned (I'm no expert) you did exceptionally well. Honestly i felt like the banter was akin to that of my brother and I. I found this to be a refreshing and enjoyable read. What is your native language if you don't mind my asking? Tracked/liked.

#33 · Chapter 1 · 110w, 2d ago · · ·

Your english is excellent for a non-native speaker/writer. But that is actually often the case. I noticed a few instances of words in the wrong tense, but otherwise I'd never have suspected.

I just about split a gut over the Vampire and nerd plan sections. Mostly as I have manilla folders with plans for various situations like Zombie Outbreak (I'm overweight with bad cardio and only have a small mallet as a weapon, I'm a goner in that situation. :pinkiesick: ), alien invasions, ext ext. :pinkiehappy: Your comedy and timing is great.  

Tracked and thumbs up.

#34 · Chapter 1 · 110w, 2d ago · · ·

This is a win! This is a story not made by teenagers named Kyle win! :pinkiehappy:

#35 · Chapter 1 · 110w, 2d ago · · ·

>>316518 While I haven't read much Dickens, I have been enjoying a lot of British media lately. I suppose that particular style rubbed of on me.

>>316582 That movie was also one of of my inspirations. A relatively minor one, but still there.

>>318568 Criticism noted. I'll keep an eye on that next time.

>>318663 I'll admit I have no idea what you are talking about, but I suppose it's a good thing?

>>318755 Thanks for the feedback. I plan on submitting this to ED in the future, but I first want to make sure this isn't a one-time fluke.

>>319122 That's troubling to hear. Can you mention any concrete problems that I can keep in mind for the next chapters, or is it more of a 'not my cup of tea' kind of thing?

>>319157 Dutch, as in from the Netherlands. Nice place, bit rainy, but not particularly productive when it comes to entertainment a nerd like myself would enjoy, so I often turn to English-language stuff to get my fix.

#36 · Chapter 1 · 110w, 2d ago · · ·

>>319226

Human in Equestria stories are extremely hard to pull off, and it seems that this starts off as a great abundance of them do, just with better writing. Your writing is superb, but the story itself I'm skeptical about. Most of us have been exposed to some pretty bad HiE fics before, and some of us are apprehensive about reading anymore. I'd just suggest remembering to keep in mind the cliches of these kind of stories, and trek on carefully.

#37 · Chapter 1 · 110w, 2d ago · · ·

With humour like this, the plot has a lot of leeway - look at our own beloved ponies, for instance.

#38 · Chapter 1 · 110w, 2d ago · · ·

I would point out the typos and grammar errors.

But I'm eating a  cookie.:trollestia:

#39 · Chapter 1 · 110w, 2d ago · · ·

“Point. Now from which hole did you pull those ridiculous names?” - I think you missed out the word good at the beginning here.

Which both their prides having taken a heavy hit - I think you put which instead of "with" here.

besides from these two little things i spotted, this is one of the best written things I've read in a long time, and was also a very good start to a story. I enjoyed this.

keep up the good work!:twilightsmile:

#40 · Chapter 1 · 110w, 2d ago · · ·

>>319238 Thank you very much for your comment. While I am rather enthused over this project, I haven't actually read much fanfic. About 4 stories, perhaps. I am of course aware of the fact that my premise is hardly original (Every three-year-old in the world gets the exact same idea whenever they see a good cartoon), but I don't know about any specific clichés that plague the genre, apart from the obvious one such the the Mary Sue and things like that.

Frankly, I think it's better to keep it that way. If I start worrying now over all the things that have already been done before, I wouldn't get a single letter on paper. Well-written clichés can still be very enjoyable, as our favourite television show has proven, so I'll be banking on that.

Thanks for giving me something to think about, though. Maybe I should go over TVTropes one more time to make sure I won't fall for all the really bad clichés of writing in general.

#41 · Chapter 1 · 110w, 2d ago · · ·

>>319320

There's just some basic things you can avoid, but Mary Sues are probably the most commonly seen. Just tread carefully, and good luck.

#42 · Chapter 1 · 110w, 2d ago · · ·

Very enjoyable read. Keep doing what you're doing! And I find it funny, my name is Chance, and he acts exactly like me. I can relate. :pinkiehappy:

#43 · Chapter 1 · 110w, 2d ago · · ·

Wow, this is so far a great-, ah heck with that, this story is awesome.

You got me on the hook with the "Dude, we're ponies" line.

I had enjoyed this story and would love it more when you post your next chapter up, oh and grammer was splendid, for I didn't see any that I noticed, and now, my good sir, will you please hurry up and post up the next chapter.

Oh and two more things, liked and tracked.

#44 · Chapter 1 · 110w, 2d ago · · ·

Tracked and liked.

#45 · Chapter 1 · 110w, 2d ago · · ·
#46 · Chapter 1 · 110w, 2d ago · · ·

Quite an enjoyable story, tracking it now.  And as for grammar and such, I have to agree with the others that you write better than most English speakers.

#47 · Chapter 1 · 110w, 2d ago · · ·

Me gusta

#48 · Chapter 1 · 110w, 2d ago · · ·

Dude, where's my car? Aaanyway, needs moar crazy... everything needs moar crazy... madness is a remedy to eeeverything, eeeverywhere :pinkiecrazy::pinkiecrazy: Look at me for example, crazy for 4 years now and much much healthier :pinkiecrazy: Oh and... nice fiction you have there btw, keep on going, you already have a nice demand for it and it seems it will only increase :) Where am I again?... I think I'm lost... darn it...

#49 · Chapter 1 · 110w, 2d ago · · ·

Sir, you have inspired me. I tip my hat to your ingenuity, and I'm not even wearing a hat.

HiE fics are without a doubt my favorite kind of fics, though I have not yet had the pleasure of writing one myself. You, on the other hand, seem a venerable master of storytelling. You have inspired me, good sir.

Bravo. :moustache:

#50 · Chapter 1 · 110w, 2d ago · · ·

An interesting, amusing, and well-written start. Looking forward to seeing where you go with this!

0 15241 226756
Login or register to comment