Twilight's mouth tasted like salt. She smacked her lips together, musing upon the strange grainy texture on her tongue, and rolled over.
The cold smack of the water against her bare coat made her open her eyes.
Her head was underwater for a moment. Twilight saw the raft above her and stretched up a hoof towards it, kicking her hind legs furiously. Once her face broke the surface, she took a series of deep, gulping breaths—more out of shock than anything else. She turned her head to the left and saw the open sea stretched out before her. To the right was the same.
She scrambled aboard the raft, her heart pounding. Twilight’s mind raced through the advice Princess Celestia had given her on the chance that she should ever find herself completely lost and alone. Even though it was advice for a young filly, Twilight thought that it could be applied in this situation.
“Fuh-first off,” she said aloud, teeth chattering from the icy water seeping into her mane, coat, and tail, “calm down.”
This was easier said than done. Every breath she took ended in her shuddering. Every heartbeat was abrupt. Even running her hoof through her mane only made her feel the slimy seaweed that laid in the depths of the water she had just climbed out of that would tangle around her legs and keep her at the bottom of the ocean forever. However, in the middle of these morbid thoughts came an idea that snapped her out of her rapid decline into panicking.
“Of course!” she shouted as her head snapped up, nearly tipping over the raft with her sudden movement. “The teleportation spell!”
Twilight closed her eyes and concentrated on where she wanted to go. She thought of the library—the dusty smell of books, the feel of the magically warped tree against her hooves, the sound of wind rustling through the branches above, the taste of Spike’s homemade lemon cookies, the look of raindrops on the windows after a storm. Then, focusing her energy on all of these things, her horn began to glow a bright pink. She felt herself floating off the raft.
After a few seconds, she opened her eyes. The glow was blinding, and Twilight felt her horn throbbing violently—the pain emanating from it spreading through her forehead and down to her neck. Her mouth hung open, and she began to scream. For a moment, she saw Spike. His mouth was moving, and his eyes were turned to a pony that she couldn’t see.
“Spike!” she screeched, reaching out a hoof to touch him.
He turned towards her, and she could read his lips.
“Twilight?”
Twilight’s horn felt like it was splitting in two. She screamed Spike’s name one last time before cutting off the power behind the spell. The glow flickered and sputtered, sparks coming out of her horn and burning into her face. Twilight howled, and the light from her horn stopped suddenly—the pain in her skull beginning to ebb. Her entire body twitched, collapsing hard onto the raft. It trembled and shook before dumping her into the sea.
Underwater once again, Twilight didn’t have the energy to kick herself up to the surface again. Instead, she closed her eyes and let herself sink.
Twilight felt something rough move across her face, and she kicked her hind legs in response. Somepony made a tutting noise with their tongue like a primary school teacher as she did so.
“That won’t help you none, dear,” said a scratchy but feminine voice. “Just calm down and let ‘ol Applejack do her work.”
Something in her brain stirred upon hearing that name, but it took a moment for it to click into place.
Applejack…
Applejack!
Twilight tried to raise her head up and open her eyes. However, both tasks at once seemed too complex for her to manage. Instead of doing either, she retched—the strong stench of salt and bile now in her nostrils. She noticed that something liquid was coming out of her ears. Twilight let out a groan, the only sound her throat let her make.
“See? I told ya, didn’t I?” said the voice again.
The roughness that moved across her face was now brushing at her belly, and she realized that there was a dull pain coming from there. Twilight opened her eyes slightly and twitched her hoof towards the area.
“Ah, ah, ah,” said the voice. “No touching until I’ve done my work now, ya hear?”
Twilight let out another groan that was supposed to be a noise of agreement. She could barely see the blurry shape of another pony above her, but it was enough to realize that it wasn’t her Applejack.
She’s not wearing the right hat, for one , she thought. And she’s too hunched over. I thought Rarity nagged bad posture out of her already.
She decided to attempt words again, if only to ask this pony to stop rubbing at her sore spot.
“Hu-Who” —Twilight retched again, but this time nothing came up. —“ah-are you?”
The pony above her let out a harsh bark that she supposed could be considered laughter amongst hardy sailors and the like.
“I’m Granny Applejack,” she said. “It’s nice to know that yer not as dead as I thought. Hate cleaning up corpses. Who’s this I’m talkin’ to?”
“Twi-Twilight Sparkle.”
There was a heavy pause before the pony spoke again. It was like the silence before a teacher gave their student a failing grade. Twilight wondered inanely if she was back in Magic Kindergarten.
“You must really be out of it,” muttered the pony. “Sea water must’ve done somethin’ to yer brain.”
Something about this made Twilight want to chuckle before she realized that opening her mouth again would likely result in more seawater spewing out of her stomach. Instead, she tugged her lips up into a weak smile.
“Don’t be wasting yer energy on doing silly things like that. You’ve got yerself a bad case of the chills—hypothermia if yer the fancy type—and you’ll be needing all that fight to get yerself warm again. Plus, and don’t take this the wrong way now, yer kinda all scummy and nasty from yer little dip in the big blue. Scumminess leads to infection and infection leads to pus coming out of ya and pus coming out of ya leads to a lot of bad things. Believe you me.”
It was pretty hard to follow the pony as she rambled on, but Twilight got the gist of it—no smiling and you’re sick. Lovely.
Now if only she said that in fewer words for those of us with our brains leaking out of our ears, she thought.
She felt the pony shift a little above her, and the rough thing began to slide down her back.
“Where… am… I…?” asked Twilight slowly.
“Now that’s a question worth askin’, m’dear,” said Granny Applejack. “Yer on the good ship Honeycrisp, about eight nautical miles from Port Jonagold.”
“Ship?”
That would explain part of the rocking motion that she felt, though she suspected most of it was coming from her brain short-circuiting.
“Yes, a ship. Where else didja think we were?”
Twilight bit back a snarky remark and instead remained silent. It was becoming clear that she was far away from any place that she knew. The only thing that would help her now would be to find out just how far.
“D-Do you know of a pluh-place called ‘Ponyville’?”
“Yes, sirree,” said Granny Applejack. “But that’s a rough and tumble place for a nice unicorn like you to be askin’ about. Unless I rescued a digger. Are you a digger, dear?”
Twilight thought this question over for a second but decided to tell the truth in the end.
“No.”
Granny Applejack gave a satisfied harrumph and said, “Thank goodness. It’s not like I need another in the family, after all.”
There was a scuffling up above, and somepony shouted, “Granny! Quit yer tending and get up here!”
“Once I get up there, I’m gonna teach ya some respect!”
Twilight let out a moan of pain. All of the shouting wasn’t exactly helping her head, which had just started to throb with renewed vigor.
“Now look whatcha done!” shouted Granny Applejack.
Twilight moaned again.
“Oh! Sorry, dear.”
“Just come up here already, ya old sea hag!”
Between the bursts of pressure being put on her brain, Twilight realized that the voice from above was most certainly male and most certainly annoying.
“Fine! I’m a’comin’! Butcha won’t like it when I do!”
“Whatever, Granny!”
The rubbing along her spine stopped, and Twilight felt the air shift as she was tucked into a scratchy but warm blanket.
“Just get some sleep now, dear. You’ll feel better after a quick nap,” whispered Granny Applejack before she left. “I’ll be back in two jiffs.”
Twilight let out a noise that she hoped sounded agreeable and watched Granny Applejack’s shadowy figure walk away from her.
Within what felt like a few seconds to her, she was fast asleep—dreaming of places she had left behind.
Spike had woken up that morning to the sound of a powerful spell tearing its way through the library. Ponyville being Ponyville and Twilight being Twilight, he wasn’t exactly surprised. Still, that didn’t mean that he wasn’t concerned.
Wiping the sleep from his eyes, Spike ran downstairs to Twilight’s study.
‘Twilight! Are you alright?!”
There was no answer, and a cold chill ran down his spine. He ran a little faster and continued to shout out her name.
“Twilight! Twilight!”
Once he got to Twilight’s study, Spike stopped dead in his tracks.
The once meticulously stacked papers were scattered across the floor. The books from the shelves, carefully arranged by author and title, laid strewn around the room. There was a scorch mark by the desk that looked suspiciously pony-shaped.
“Twilight?” croaked Spike one last time.
Whatever answer he was expecting never came.
It's hard to believe this is your first work of fiction ever. Great start. I can't wait to read more! Good luck!
3621836
Thank you kindly. If you're really interested in reading more, the second chapter should be up soon!
:)
3621877
I only comment on stories I find compelling, and never insincerely. I'm very much looking forward to it!
May or may not actually read this, but, uh...
Your title needs a rethink. Seriously.
3621933
Is it because of the stealth pun?
3621942 Ah, so it's intentional. Carry on, then.
3621946
You seem like a smart fellow. I would personally be honored if you read my story and told me your thoughts. Don't mind the pun and references to a certain obscure video game, as apparently I've got some kind of knack for this fiction writing thing.
Hmm. Interesting. You've set out a lot of questions here and you seem set on answering them; Very commendable, that. Not to mention that the esteemed Ponydora Prancypants has noticed you. A very good sign indeed. Looking forward to more!
I am totally reading this. I sadly do not know what game you refrenced. Is it an old PSone game where you are stuck on a island and have to solve a bunch of puzzles to figure out what happened to everybody?
3621990
It is a PS1 game. I'll tell you that much.
3621980
Thanks for the kind adjective. If I were a fish, this story would be irresistible bait for me: it's got some kind of alternate universe with sailing ships and a title that is a pony pun, French, and a reference to a favorite old song of mine. It's got art from one of my favorite artists, and it has my favorite tag, "Adventure." I was hooked, so to speak, before I even read it. That said, for a first effort, this is interesting, quality stuff!
Well all I can say is that was a fantastic start to a story I'm hoping to see continue. For it being your first story, well, don't that just beat all? Seriously, for a short opening chapter you didn't waste a single word, a feat that is rare to see, even in published fiction. I can't wait to see where this goes!
Also, for some reason, the story made me think of this :
Holy shit.
Holy shit holy shit holy shit.
This looks like an EPIC start to an epic fic. You got my interest.
~Skeeter The Lurker
You officially have my attention, and a fave. I can't wait to see where this is going.
Also, general praise for the MegaMan Legends reference.
3622991
We have a winner, ladies and gentlemen! :)
3623119DANG IT! I was about to guess that it was Myst!
Will read in a bit, though if you don't mind a request... Can you at least write out the word 'One' instead of '1' for the chapter title? It's a little hard to click the chapter when it's that small. X3
3623180
No problem.
Fixed that for you.
Interesting. I shall have to see where this is going.
Also, you got both Ponydora and Toix's approval. On a DEBUT fic.
Won't lie, I'm impressed.
3623199
And to think, I didn't know who they were until they commented on my story!
Sorry, I'm a bit new here.
3623202
Which only goes to show just how impressive a feat it is!
God, now I wish I hadn't squandered my own debut with a terrible story riddled with purple prose...
Anyway, if you have any questions about the site or whatever, feel free to PM me, if you want. I like helping people.
Wow. You have definitely caught my attention with this. I am greatly intrigued by where you are going with this and I am looking forward to it.
Unique!
An adventure where no-pony -even Daring Do- hasn't explored yet!
Scary!
A sudden unexpected time travel that makes Applejack old!
(And possibly, everypony else)
What gave you this idea?
So apparently people think this is good stuff.
They're right in thinking that, I'll be watching this.
3623190 Thanks! Much better.
I agree with Pranceh. This is great! Looking forward to what looks like it will have great world-building!
As Darth Vader would say:
"Impressive. Most impressive."
Yer bein' watched now... Watched hard.
3623605
That's a good question, honestly.
Incredibly good with way too many cliffhangers. (that is good, mind you. lol) This is the first time you write fanfics? Man, I would never have guessed. Awesome start
Can't wait for more!
...This is your first fic?
Damn.
Well, keep doing what you're doing and you'll go far, I can tell you that.
Interesting, can't wait to see more :)
Okay this is a bit confusing on just what happened. I get the whole mystery, how'd she get here, that part works. I'm talking about the series of actions that are taking place 'on screen'. Was she on the raft and then fell in? Start under the water and come up to the raft? The 'slap of water' bit made it seem like she was on it, then that slap was her falling off. But later....
That makes it sound more like she was deeper down IN the water. Also, the whole seaweed thing, while sounding great, really doesn't hold up TO well given, unless the bottom is really REALLY shallow, or she started very very VERY deep down, there shouldn't be enough seaweed to do that, and definitely not in a "Trap her forever" kind of way, since it what there was would just be lose. Plus, not having mentioned it while she was climbing out of the water. Overall, it IS a pretty good start, just a few minor details.
typo
Okay the teleportation attempt, very nicely done. Really adds to the WTF is going on in a good way. And nicely handled. So was her falling back in. Very nice.
And then the transition to being alive, since this seems to be being writeen solely in third person limited, it works since Twi blacked out, long as we learn what did happen. Also, liking the 'Applejack' here. I am wishing things would give a little more answer as to just what's going on, but it's not bad. Intriguing more then anything else.
That, is really gross but, I'm guessing it will lead somewhere.
And the Granny scene, nicely done overall. Kind of wish we had gotten a bit more info on what the buck is going on, but your descriptions of a tired, sore, Twi and the headaches, just the general unwellness and fatigue, really good. You can get why she's so out of it. Just, hopefully it doesn't drag thing out to long without at least some clue as to what's going on.
Hmmm and then something from Spike. Alright so then, question is, was that the result of her trying to teleport back, or did she cast a spell that fucked up and sent her, wherever she is?
Alright first chapter, few minor issues but overall, pretty good. Good mystery, everything flowed fairly well. The simply fact I'm so eager to learn more is a VERY good sign. So yeah, nice job so far.
This. This right here. I don't know if my body is ready.