PLAY [>]
Static fills the screen, an image of trees only barely visible through the scrambled mess. Whoever was using the camera at the time seems to have been filming the local wildlife, as there are brief glimpses of birds and squirrels among the noise. A moment of discoloration stands out among the distorted images, as the motion behind the static stops for a moment. Soon, the scene changes.
This section of the film is degraded nearly as badly as the first, but the view never changes. Hours of film record the same scene - a blue-coated earth pony mare, sitting on the front porch of a cabin in a forest. She rarely moves from her position, keeping a constant vigil on the clearing around the cabin, and occasionally snapping her head to one side or the other, as if in reaction to a noise, though the recording reveals nothing but occasional birdsong.
A brief distortion appears near the mare, similar to what preceded the previous cut in the film. The mare gets up from her seat and approaches the camera before, once again, the scene ends.
The blue-coated mare is sitting in the corner of an empty room, keeping her back to the wall. As the static clears, it reveals a boarded-up window to one side. The mare rubs her eyes, now visible as bloodshot and baggy, and addresses the camera.
“It’s been a week I’ve been trapped here. A week since I’ve seen the sun, or talked to anypony, or slept, or...”
She sniffs and runs a hoof through her grey mane, staring off to one side for a minute before vigorously shaking her head and continuing.
“Okay, sorry, I’m sorry. I’m just so tired. Let me start over. My name is Screw Loose, and I don’t think I’m going to leave this room alive.”
She laughs once, and then sniffs again.
“I know it sounds melodramatic, but it’s true. You’d think I’d be lying here crying or screaming or something, but it just... it’s just all so unreal. And it started with that.”
She points a hoof directly to the camera.
“A birthday gift from my sister. I’ll never get to thank her for it, but then maybe it’s nothing to be thankful for, considering where I am now. Dropping by the party and then two weeks out of town. Great timing, Shoeshine. But it means you’re not stuck here with me, so I guess that worked out for the best. It was a great party, too. I really do wish I’d thanked Pinkie for it. She called it a, um... ‘Birth-And-You-Got-Better-Day Party’.”
She starts and leaps up to all four hooves, watching intently towards the far side of the room. She remains that way for a few minutes before relaxing and dropping back to a seated position again. She takes a deep breath.
“Sorry, I’m rambling. I do that when I’m tired. Look, there are things out there. Predators. They hide everywhere. In shadows and around corners, behind you and in the corner of your eye. Always just out of sight. And most ponies never see them. But I did. I know about them, they know I do, and now they’re coming for me. And now...”
She trails off, glancing to the side again.
“Now you know. I am so, so sorry, but I had to do this. Somepony had to know what happened to me. Maybe if more know about them, maybe we can do something. Maybe if we prepare they can’t hunt us anymore, won’t feed anymore. I hope so, or else I’ve just condemned another pony. But just...”
She sniffs again, rubbing at her eyes. Some time passes before she recovers her composure and continues. The only sounds during brief interlude are faint scratches, too faint to tell if they were captured at the time or are merely the product of the damaged recording.
“Just let me tell you the whole story, okay? I know it’s not as important as just getting the word out, but... Maybe it’ll be easier for me to take if other ponies know how it happened. Like I said, I got the camera at a party. It was such a great party, and it helps knowing that the last anypony ever saw of me will have been such a happy day. But, the camera. I was like a foal with a new toy, recording everything on the way back home. You probably saw those parts already.”
She suddenly jumps to her hooves again, spinning to face the opposite side of the room from the one she’d addressed before. Her eyes are wide and her muscles taut, reacting on instinct as any pony would and preparing to flee.
“Not getting in that way, you monsters. I took care of that already.”
Once more, she relaxes slightly after a moment, but this time she doesn’t sit back down. She just shivers and turns back to the camera.
“Sorry, running out of time. I keep forgetting, just too tired to keep track. But it started there. Just a little funny... color or shape or something. Right there in the corner of my eye, something didn’t look quite right. And then it was gone. But I knew I saw something, because I felt it. Felt them. That’s when they started watching me, and I could feel them there. You know what it feels like. Everypony does. That feeling of something with you when you’re alone, like somepony sitting behind you. The feeling that makes us turn on the lights in the next room because we’re afraid of what might be in the shadows there. We all know it because we’ve all felt them, because they’re everywhere. They’re everywhere and once you notice you know they’re watching you.”
She begins pacing in front of the camera, her pace erratic but driven by her ever-more-rapid speech.
“And now that I knew, more of them came. I kept feeling that little chill across my withers; that little bit of pressure behind my neck that said I was not alone. Noises in the night like hoofsteps and snakes and whispers. I knew something was out there, and I knew I had to find out what. So I got my camera back out and set it up outside, and then I waited. I waited and waited, and I kept feeling them watch me, but they never came close. I was out there for hours, and they never even got close until the very end! Like they were taunting me! Maybe that’s what they do, maybe they just want us afraid first before they come. But eventually one came closer, I know because I felt it there! I could feel it so close but when I turned it was gone, and that’s when I knew I had one. I went and got the camera and rewound it, and started going through the frames and then I saw it! I saw it and now there are so many and I wish I never had! This bucking camera!”
She spins and slams a hoof into the side of the camera. The picture is lost briefly, but soon returns to find her lying on the floor, spit by a hairline fracture across the lens. Her flank and tail are visible, as well as one hindleg, but her face is off-screen. Minutes pass, occupied only by the scratching sounds and her sobbing, and interrupted at times by a choking cough. A loud crack interrupts her.
“No, no, not yet... You can’t come in. I wasn’t done with my story yet.”
She pulls herself upright and rights the camera as well, slumping back against the corner as she wipes her eyes dry again, the fracture in the lens splitting her image into almost perfect halves.
“Sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. This is the only way I can let anypony know, now. But I won’t try to describe... the thing. I can’t. I guess I don’t have to, because I didn’t record over that part. They really started to target me after that. I haven’t slept since then. I’m not sure I could have anyway, after seeing it clearly like that. But I couldn’t let myself sleep. Can’t let myself sleep. If I let my guard down, that’s when they’ll come. Now that I’m alone and there’s nopony to see. I boarded up everything, blocked myself in with whatever I could find. I’ve been watching for them for... for... I don’t know. Days, maybe. I haven’t seen the sun. Haven’t eaten. Haven’t slept. Just watching for them.”
She yawns, then shivers again and begins rubbing a hoof across the opposite foreleg. She twitches at a loud knock.
“They have me where they want me. They’re going to come soon, I can feel it. But I’m alone, and there’s nopony to look out for me. Nothing to stop them but the boards, and they’re going to get through those. That was never going to keep them out. I was so stupid to even try to escape this way. I should have gone back to Ponyville. Been around everypony else so they’d be seen. But I’d have been alone walking back. Maybe they’d have gotten me then.”
Another loud knock. She slumps further down the wall and curls up slightly.
“Never be alone. When you’re alone they know you’re an easy target. That’s why you feel them when you’re alone, because you’re not alone. You’re never alone. Alone is when they size you up. They’re there, watching, waiting in the corner of your eye. Just waiting for you to be alone and let your guard down.”
She yawns and rubs her eyes again.
“Sorry, running out of things to say. Just... don’t let them catch you. Watch for them, watch the corners of your eyes, and never... never be...”
She slips further down once more, her head dropping onto her chest as sleep finally takes her. The only sign she’s still aware at all it another twitch at a third loud knock, this one accompanied by another crack and a scraping noise. The camera falls over again, the picture remaining on Screw Loose until it hits the floor and, with a burst of static, goes black. The recording ends.
******
I’ve reviewed the recording, Miss Snowheart, and while the contents were disconcerting to say the least, we must consider Screw Loose’s history. While it is unusual for a video recording to experience degradation of this extent without magical influence, it’s not outside the realm of possibility that the blow and two drops the camera suffered caused the distortions. In the absence of any further evidence of the creatures Screw Loose claimed were hunting her, we have to press forward with the assumption that her disappearance has a more mundane explanation. Let’s just hope she doesn’t hurt herself before we find her.
- Twilight Sparkle
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Really enjoyed this, great work author :)
Is this like the Spanish film REC?
3618034 Don't know, never heard of it. "REC [O]" was just in reference to the symbol that usually appears in the corner of a camcorder video, since the basic idea was that this was "found footage", like the movies "Blair Witch" or "Cloverfield".
Great work :D I really enjoyed reading this. :)
3618034
Okay, now that I'm at home instead of posting with a Nook, I've looked the film up.
Yes, it's exactly like that, except with unseen monsters instead of the rage virus thing the film had going.
3619553
But you got to admit as soon as you typed the words "rage virus" it sounded quite amusing - considering.
Talk about jumping at shadows, huh? ba-dum-tsh!
Actually, I feel the horror elements of a story are much more greatly emphasized through present tense. It possesses this sense of immediate danger and tension that clings to the reader in ways past tense cannot. Without it, this story wouldn't have been nearly as immersive or terrifying.
Have a moustache.
3618034 I was going to write a story about that movie. It was amazing.
3718372
You should have totally done that!
Technically, I was thinking of one too!
Maybe we can collaborate? We may never know...
3719332
Eh, I guess. I was never that good with stories in the first place. It's up to you, I guess?
Just looking through my Review folder, and seeing what stories I am going to review. I have to say, I am looking forward to this one. I shall let you know when I have the review ready for you.
Huh.
This was pretty good!
Well done, it kept me interested all the way until the end.
Very good.
I've heard that name is destiny, but I still feel sorry for Screw Loose. This reminds me of that screw cutie mark that barking mad pony had in "Ream Em and weep". Imagine your special talent is being crazy. And not the fun kind of crazy, either.
I can see how listening to Aphex Twin's Ambient Works 2 can get your brain gears turning. When I was writing "Equus Mortis", I listened to a bunch of dark ambient music from the likes of Accurst, Aghast Manor and Tombstone.
Anyway, I liked this story, so it gets an upvote, fave and a watch from me.
By the way, in case you didn't see my response to your review of my story, thank you very much for your positive review and smart feedback. It helps a lot.
3848242 That barking mad pony was Screw Loose. She appears there and in the background of "Just For Sidekicks". The card game gave her the official name "Screwy", but I prefer the fanon name, so I'm calling that one a nickname.
Thanks for the fave and watch, and happy to help with the review.
3846539 3618399 3617567
Thank you.
3841197
Good to know that I was engaging, at least.
3833717
I'll just have to clear the backlog of Dark fics so you get to it sooner.
3698217
I agree, it's one of the things that always made Lovecraft so effective, despite the absurdity of recording one's own demise in a journal. A camcorder, however...
Just meant I struggled a bit with how to write the descriptions, though. Thanks for the comment.
Review is Complete!
This awesome link right here!
Have a ribbon and a thumb:
i.imgur.com/6MrWqNZ.png
Loved the story
but reminded me a lot of Silent Hill 4
This one is plain, simple, and good. I kind of feel assed that something like this has already been written, as I had a very similar concept in mind, but I suppose I could change a few things around. If anything, you took a recently popularized concept and made it work pretty well, for rather few issues.
This was interesting. Great work.
Hi! I just wanted to let you know I've done a reading of this story. thank you for writing such an awesome story :)
5541692
Thank you! That was an amazing treatment of this, almost exactly how I'd expect her to sound. And I'd been wondering where all the sudden attention on a year-old one-shot was coming from.
I really enjoyed the story!
Using certain experiences everyone has experienced, and giving an explanation for them, as well as what/who caused it, added on to the scare-factor, such as these parts:
Again, I really enjoyed this darkfic!
5541692
I just herd this while I was working on a school project. Absolutely great!!! All around awesome in story and
After listening to the reading of this and enjoying the heck out of it, I went and read Peripherals. I was dismayed to see that you had basically taken the exact same story and just done it better. :/ Well, you at least got the original author's go-ahead, so I guess nothing can really be said against this. What did electreXcessive say about this piece, I wonder?
5756164
Yeah. Like I told him, I thought it just needed a POV change. And the message he sent to me after it went up was "I like it. Ironically enough, however, I think the story would have been more complete if it had a mixture of both of the styles that we used XD"
Exquisitely creepy. That I was alone in the house as I read it didn't hurt. I can still feel a tingle between my shoulder blades. Suspense isn't usually my thing, but I'm glad I made an exception for this. Thank you for it.
God damn Gristers!
Really enjoyed this, genuinely creepy and interesting.
Ah Selected Ambient Works II, Only you could conjure up nightmare fuel. *coughHankiecough*
I love this so much ahh! Very well written. :)
If you don't mind, I'd really love to write a horror story based off of this story. You see, one of my friends wants me to write a horror story for them to read in front of their class for some sort of assignment and I just so happened to stumble across TheLostNarrator's reading of this story and it gave me an idea for a plot involving the creatures in this story and video recordings as well haha. I can tell you the plot I have if you can drop me a message or something since it would probably take up too much space on this comment. ^.^ I've already commented on the original story asking for permission from the original author and now I'd like to ask for yours since it will also be very much based on your interpretation of the original story. Can I have your permission to write a horror story with these creatures and with an almost (but not really) similar type of writing style/POV? (It won't be an mlp fiction for your information) I'd love it if you could give me a reply asap!
6493481
Go right ahead. I don't need to know the plot, but if you want to share it you can send a PM or something. I think it's kind of great that this is producing a third-generation spinoff at this point.
6493546 Thank you very much, I appreciate it !
I like how we can't know for sure what happened. This being Screw Loose, she could've just gotten mad and paranoid but those cracks sure are suspitious.
Great story bro, 10/10
God Damn NightMare Fuel! By The Way I Wouldent Turn Around If I were you.....
PFFFT!!!!! I'M NOT SCARED *grabs shotgun and looks around*
Sure, be afraid of what lies in the dark. You should be, it keeps you alive. But you should be more afraid of what Lies in the light. able to hunt in broad daylight, but never seen. That’s what you should be truly afraid of.
Anyone else read this and think “oh shit Scp-870! “
Having read the original and this, I do have to say that I enjoy this format a bit better. It definitely lends a bit more uncertainty to the entire situation. Also, taking some time to describe the camera's view rather than Screw Loose explaining all of the details helps with the mental image and avoids some of the original's repetition.
I definitely enjoy the idea too, of things we can't see being always there, and have had more than a few experiences late at night with "shadow people" out of the corner of my eyes.
....she’s an idiot
Hol-y flip! As I was reading this, I subconsciously kept focusing on my peripheral... Made me paranoid for a good 5 minutes!
8891438
How TF is it comparable it to that SCP? If anything its much more like "372"
SCP-372 - SCP Foundation (scpwiki.com)
Only problem is 372 doesn't hunt humans but hey everything else is the same.
10855943
It’s been a while since I’ve written that comment but i think the reason I compared it to scp-870 is because whatever she was dealing with seemed like something only she could see, just like how only crazy people can see scp-870. that’s my guess anyway
10855943
I think the writer was thinking more of scp-870
this monster hunts people that are mentally ill like schizophrenics schizophrenics and people with other mental illnesses like that can see it there's no other way to perceive it other than being schizophrenic or mentally ill and it can eat its victims whole without leaving a single trace it's implied that it hunts other people as well