• Member Since 12th Jun, 2012
  • offline last seen Feb 19th, 2023

Geoduck


I like stories. I like ponies. I like stories about ponies.

E

Silver Spoon is going on a cruise vacation with her best friend!

Absolutely nothing can go wrong!

Until everything does.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 12 )

I really like the dialog.

Not for nothing but has it ever occurred to Silver Spoon's family that they could pay for a balloon for Silver Spoon to ride in, or even get someone like Rarity or Princess Twilight to cast the cloud walking spell for a few days? Surely that would solve the problem of having the reunion ground based all the time. :trixieshiftright:

I'm giving this a chance because i love Silver.

well done. btw

you don't necessarily need silver in all the family names, you could use sterling as well.

Poor Spoon. Not getting to go on vacation with DT, and then having to go to a reunion with a bunch of cloudpushers... sucky.

Few typos for you:

And when their both bored, Luna help us all!

they're

Were they actually going to let her go?"

pointless quotation mark

Just stay quiet, or, preferably, leave.

"Just stay quiet or, preferably, leave." or "Just stay quiet, or preferably, leave."

If only I had not gotten my hopes up.If I had never actually believed that I would get to go.

Missing space between the two sentences.

3620144
Rarity's talent is not related to clouds, so she couldn't use such a spell (according to Boast Busters). And given how Ponyvillians are around princesses, to ask one for such a favor... And of course there's the question of how long it lasts...

Silver Spoon's bedroom door suddenly opened. "Can you keep it down, Spork? I'm trying to study."

Diamond Tiara looked up with a sheepish expression on her face. "I'm sorry, were we that noisy? I apologize for disturbing you, Silver Filigree."

Spork? OMLuna that is sooooooo cute!:pinkiegasp:

well dayum.. wait so Silver Spoon is the only Earth pony in her family?:pinkiegasp:

Filigree can go to Tartarus!:twilightangry2:

I group Octavia with Silver Spoon as her sister.:twilightsmile:

"Filthy Rich and the Silvers" would be a great name for a band.

Nice story. It kinda explains why SS is a bully, since her home life is a bit rough. Interesting idea, there.

The concept of last names in Equestria doesn't seem to be as standard as it is in most cultures in our modern world. The Cakes seem to follow our rules, but for pretty much everyone else, it would only work if nearly everyone had two-word first names or ponies just preferred referring to each other by first and middle names. So with the anarchy that is this universe's naming system, I like the idea of the first name being the one that everyone shares instead of the last. Though it makes no practical sense, it seems perfectly typical for a family to do in the world of MLP. Nice idea.

To be honest, I've never been a fan of stories that amount to a small child preparing to enjoy an ice cream cone and then accidentally dropping it down a well. They're too sad to be enjoyable and generally too simple or contrived to be immersive. Though to be fair, it's much worse when the child also has a lollipop, a candy bar, and a box of malted milk balls in his pocket as she leans up against that well on a beautiful Saturday morning. This story has two sweets that fall into the abyss: Silver's vacation with Diamond and her status as a member of her family. Both are completely out of her control and cause her great discomfort. Personally, I thought you did a great job in establishing the justification behind her disappointment. Anyone who has ever had a trip cancelled knows how disappointing it is, and Silver's mom's had some powerful final words on the subject of Silver's lack of wings.

What I enjoy most about this story is that, despite its apparent one-two-punch premise, it's more than a story of a single instance of disappointment. Silver's misfortune in this story is something she's dealt with for years now and will no doubt deal with for many more. The sudden reveal that Silver's parents and sister were pegasi was both plausible and made perfect sense in retrospect, and the effect that it had on Silver was exceptionally believable. As far as Silver Spoon backstories and family life portrayals go, this is probably the best I've seen yet.

After seeing the Sad tag on its own, I could already tell the trip was going to be cancelled, and while Silver's reaction to it was justified, it almost felt like a non-issue when compared to the other one. The way I understand it, the entire conflict with the vacation was just a red herring to make the actual dilemma all the more shocking. I will say that it accomplishes that goal, but it has too much of a presence in the story. All this time is spent building up the vacation and how amazing it's going to be, when the vacation itself is only a segway into the heart of the issue. As a result, we have less time to explore this story's main focus, leaving so much more to explore.

The story looks good on word usage and grammatical errors, and I don't think there's any major surface level problems with it. My personal tastes aside, I believe this is an excellent story that sheds some new light on Silver's character in a way that isn't meaningless or predictable. I'd call it a chocolate-dipped pecan. I almost knew what it would taste like, but I couldn't quite tell what was inside until after taking a bite.

Make the most!

Thanks to all for your reviews! The reception for my little story has certainly exceeded my expectations. I have been working on this story for some time, and I felt a bit nervous for releasing it when I did, but I felt that I did need to release it before today's new CMC-related episode was aired, just in case anything happened in that episode that would contradict this. (As it happens, nothing did.)

3620006
Glad to hear it: I tend to write stories with a lot of dialogue, and I sometimes worry that I go overboard in that regard.

3620144
There you go with your practical solutions. :twilightsmile:

3620276
I thought about it, but "Sterling Silver" is used as a name for Silver Spoon's father in quite a few stories, and I wanted to be a bit different.

3620390
I thought I had caught all of the errors--thanks for pointing these out. They have been fixed.

3621149
Yeah, I am a bit out of practice with story-writing. Hopefully my next work will show improvement.

3621261
But in Filigree's world, it's a portmanteau of "Spoon" and "Dork." Yeah, she's not very nice.

3620183
Thank you for reading!

3621352
Yeah, I wanted to look behind the bullying: in the show and in almost all stories, DT and SS exist only in relationship with the Cutie Mark Crusaders--so, what are the two of them like when the CMCs aren't around? Certainly nothing justifies their bullying actions, but certainly something must explain them.

3623462
Thank you for one of the most thorough reviews I have ever received. Your analysis of what I was trying to do with the story was spot-on, and your criticisms are certainly fair ones.

3627216
"Spoon" and "Dork." = Spork.. clever.. cruel.. but clever.

and maybe Silver Spoon bullies because she has such a low self esteem being the only earth pony in a family of Pegasi and her sister being so cruel to her daily.:twilightsheepish:

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