Rainbow Dash has been fantasizing about her idol, Daring Do since she was first introduced to the series. After discovering she was a real pony and helping her, she could only want her more. Daring Do comes to visit and makes those dreams come true.
3645321 I'll go with Twilight, since she's the only other character to make an appearance. But that would be too obvious, so I'm not betting all my bits on it!
...her mouth contorting violently as she as she attempted...
"as she" repeated
"...That's a lot closer than a get to most ponies."
Methinks you're looking for the word "I"
“Thanks for the offer but, I like to snuggle."
The comma should come before "but"
There are a hooffull of mistakes dotted around, three of which I've highlighted for you above; might want to have your story proofread for future reference.
All in all, this is a bit lacking as far as substance. You essentially brewed lemonade without the -ade; there's little to no story element here. That's great for those readers who just come for the sex scenes, but anyone who wants a plot to follow (pun acknowledged) is really going to have to dig(two puns for the price of nones!).
Your writing isn't bad, I just wish you'd put some more meat in the exposition. It seems we have a cliffhanger here, though, so let's see where that takes us. Adding as a favourite at least for now, because I want to get updated.
3655042 Well thanks for pointing those out and I will fix them as soon as possible. As for having a proofreader, I don't have one and proofreading my own story doesn't work. I read through it at least five times after I finished and still missed stupid errors like that sooo, if you want you can do it. If not, I can't really fix them considering the fact that I can't find them myself. Also, as I've told others who said what you did, this story is specifically meant as clop and only clop. I could easily have written more of a story if I wanted to (look at my other works here), but since this is specifically meant for that reason, I didn't. I love an epic story line, who doesn't? When I wan't to read something like this though, I wanna get straight to the good stuff. Now if it was a romance story or some other genre with some sex scenes in it, then yes, it would've had a much better story.
very well written.
Looks hawt
Was it twilight, fluttershy, or soarin 8D at the door?
3645321 I'll go with Twilight, since she's the only other character to make an appearance. But that would be too obvious, so I'm not betting all my bits on it!
3645376 yeah but I was thinkin soarin because threesome daring on her side soarin on his
Woohoo, a well written post-Daring Don't DaringDash clopfic
Nice work, mate
Ew, no Soarin. Get out of here with that mess. Spitfire with a strap-on! Let's get some Daring Dashfire up in this.
3646542
I totally agree with the no Soarin part
3645418
Thanks!
3643554 Thank you!
HOLY SHIT THIS IS EPIC, I actually have some interests in Daring Do as well, so I must say, this is a real piece of work you have.
3646553
Why?! Why the prejudice against penis?!
Anywho, great fic, duder. Very intimate and well-written. Can't wait for more.
Oooh. I like this. Cute, well-written, and cheerful. Good work!
THAT...WAS...SO...AWESOME
3646923 3647558 3648334 3649110
Thanks all of you! And its only going to get more AWESOME!
"as she" repeated
Methinks you're looking for the word "I"
The comma should come before "but"
There are a hooffull of mistakes dotted around, three of which I've highlighted for you above; might want to have your story proofread for future reference.
All in all, this is a bit lacking as far as substance. You essentially brewed lemonade without the -ade; there's little to no story element here. That's great for those readers who just come for the sex scenes, but anyone who wants a plot to follow (pun acknowledged) is really going to have to dig(two puns for the price of nones!).
Your writing isn't bad, I just wish you'd put some more meat in the exposition. It seems we have a cliffhanger here, though, so let's see where that takes us. Adding as a favourite at least for now, because I want to get updated.
3655042
Well thanks for pointing those out and I will fix them as soon as possible. As for having a proofreader, I don't have one and proofreading my own story doesn't work. I read through it at least five times after I finished and still missed stupid errors like that sooo, if you want you can do it. If not, I can't really fix them considering the fact that I can't find them myself. Also, as I've told others who said what you did, this story is specifically meant as clop and only clop. I could easily have written more of a story if I wanted to (look at my other works here), but since this is specifically meant for that reason, I didn't. I love an epic story line, who doesn't? When I wan't to read something like this though, I wanna get straight to the good stuff. Now if it was a romance story or some other genre with some sex scenes in it, then yes, it would've had a much better story.
Hope you guys like pony related fetishes because part two has a lot of them.
damn good story
Awesome story. Can't wait to read more.
Busted
DaringDash. Second best pairing after AppleDash.