SleeplessBrony
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First! So beyond epic words have no meanings to describe this. Thank you SleeplessBrony. Thanks for this.
Second, ye :-P
Thi- *FALCON PAWNCH!*
C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER
It feels like the internal monologue is a bit -too- broken up, it kinda hurts the flow in a few places- Something about the formatting, I think.
As far as the actual story so far goes, I'm intrigued and liking it-- Applejack with a fear of intimacy is a great thing, and this is a great rendition.
Oh, God, another one of these...
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Oh god yes, another story
This fic in a nutshell.
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Way to drag this fanfic for as long as possible (words words words). And thanks for turning Applejack into a deceitful character that's not only lying to herself, but will lie to her friends because "Nopony will ever know." Thanks.
I really loved this, a wonderful exploration of AJ and her insecurities, especially in light of her struggles in RR. Great work as usual!
So much love for you and your stories Sleepless (no homo). To much epic and win to be contained.
Wow. Clicked this for something to read, and came away with another story to track.
Good show sir, this was a really good concept, and INSANELY well done.
Keep it up!
I'll take this chance to tell you that I love every single one of your stories. The way you take us inside the characters' minds is absolutely amazing, and ever since I read Romance Reports (Twi is best pony
), is even then just a small fraction of what keeps me wanting more of your writing, everything is just... perfect!
Please keep it up!
Great
If she didn't lie to herself, at least for a little while, it wouldn't feel impactfull, So I liked this, a lot.
Wonderful freak out and I liked the thought process she had.
Actually for me usually being a bit of a critic this is suprising, I honestly cannot find something I don't like about the story or flow of the writing. Bravo sir
Fluttershy stopping by with eggs like she always does, all blushing and muttering – Her accent fell off here.
Boy howdy can’t wait to get a taste of these cherries. – I laughed pretty hard at that, that's great foreshadowing.
There are indentation issues throughout the story. Excepting, obviously, the intentional indentation play during the climax (pun fully intended) of chapter two.
“Bucky McGilligan lands solidly against the trunk...” – It's Bucky McGillicuddy. Arguably, it's also Kicks McGee instead of Magee.
“...fly off on flight’s of fancy.” – Flights.
“...a growling hunger just barely whet.” – Should probably be whetted, although I do appreciate the wet/whet homophony.
“She doesn’t pay it any mind.”
“Now what just a darn minute...” – “what”.
“...tangled up with some mother mare,” – “Other,” I assume.
“Uh...y’know, if. Righ?” – Right.
“...throws it’s hooves up in consternation.” – Its.
“...as she pulls, calling goosebumps to attention all over her body.” – That narration is unclear as to whose body the goosebumps are on, and whether they're being raised or whether they were already there and are just now being noticed.
“...looking back up at it’s owner.” – Its.
“...about to take a jump and win the whole darn thing.” – I love that turn of phrase a lot.
“...and chomping at the bit.” – Champing.
The denouement was heartrending. Poor Applejack. : (
I'm happy this focused more on the inner turmoil rather than the clop. Gewd job.
312756 ... Looks like the author isn't the only one who's sleepless.
like fav track even with out reading it yet thas my love for you SleeplessBrony
Amazing first chapter. This is why I'm following you.
313813
'Champing' is technically correct, however 'chomping' is also acceptable because it's so commonly used, I hear both at horse shows and around the barn.
314382 You're right, "chomping" has entered the vernacular, but for my taste, in pretty much any context, the right phrase is the right phrase.
I was definitely not disappointed. Good show, sir!
You know, that was exactly the kind of story I wanted to read from you after Romance Reports. I always thought AJ got the short end of the stick in RR, which is fine, I guess, since it was Twilight's story anyway. But I really wanted to read more about her, she came across as very lonely and frustrated there. It's nice seeing that explored a little more.
And as with Romance Reports, I don't mind that I'm actually reading a clop story, because you put enough story around it to make reading this worthwhile.
Looking forward to more!
Very nicely done.
There is one thing though that just destroys things for me, and that is use of the word 'arm'. It is fairly clear these are not anthropomorphic ponies, but actual four-hoof ponies, and that means the use of 'foreleg' rather than arm.
It really does wreck otherwise brilliant writing for me. Please, please consider using foreleg rather than arm. Ponies don't have arms, they have legs, fore and hind, and words are the only way that pictures and images can form in text. The right word is a important to a story as the correct graphic element or texture is to a game.
315043
Ahh, this debate again. Let's set the facts straight, shall we?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arm
"In other animals, the term arm can also be used for analogous structures, such as one of the paired forelimbs of a four-legged animal or the arms of cephalopods."
Furthermore, while I would never berate any author for the use of the word foreleg, the word would imply that the front two limbs of a pony are used just like the rear limbs, as legs, and this is simply not true. In the show, a pony's front limbs are used to manipulate the environment, to pick up items, to hug. These are not the sorts of actions associated with legs, they are things one generally does with one's arms.
(inb4 that Wikipedia article is edited to not have the line I quoted anymore)
Now, onto the story at hand... I am thrilled to once again read about the world of Romance Reports. I am happy to see us in the mind of Applejack, who bordered on being an antagonist for part of RR and will likely be an antagonist in the FlutterMac Chronicles (or whatever it will be called); a chance to be the protagonist and focal point of a story is just what the doctor ordered for the farmmare. But I am most intrigued by the simple truth of what this story implies: that the events of Romance Reports did not, in fact, throw us right off the rails of the show, that episodes still happened.
Even before the end of this story, I find myself curious about how other episodes went down in this universe. How did "Luna Eclipsed" go down with that unresolved tension between Twilight and Luna? Were the events of "Hearts and Hooves Day" averted altogether, or were the CMC kept in the dark about their teacher's alternative lifestyle, leading eventually to the former lovers being forced back together via magic? (Not to mention the repercussions from Twilight and possibly Fluttershy afterwards. Or the re-repercussions when Cheerilee realizes the love poison formula came from Twilight.) How did Cheerilee react to Future Twilight in "It's About Time"? (I swear I'm not just fishing for a threesome there...) The possibilities...
Sleepless, you are sitting on a veritable motherlode here, and I for one wouldn't mind you mining it for all it's worth.
God damn, Sleepless, it's been too long! I have been waiting for another piece of yours for a very long time! And to finally get something... well... made my day.
This here, this is marvellous. Your depictions of the characters are magnificent and just feel so natural. And your writing style! //swoons I love how you structure internal monologue. It jumps to and fro, backwards and forwards, just like real thoughts do.
In other words, this is just fantastic. I can't wait to see where you take this story, and I am confident it will be brilliant. Godspeed to you!
315043 To add on to what Krizak said, have a look at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Equine_anatomy and note that equines have a forearm. Arm is a correct anatomical term.
back again with another amazing tale
315202
I stand corrected. In the corner. With a dunce cap on my head. Facing the wall.
316454
Aww, you're not a bad pony, you just made some bad assumptions.
So you made Applejack a liar not only to herself, but to her friends when this comes up, and even though she's not into mares (even in your story), you made her have sex with a minor character she barely knows and you're trying to fit your overly talkative shit with the cannon of the show *and* your *let's make every pony a whore* Romance Reports? Yeah, no. I'm surprised you didn't make this into a brothel (like everyone else) and have AJ just randomly fuck anypony that came in while she was "discovering herself".
Yes, yes, yes!
I've been waiting for another story from you for a long time. Excellent work, really. Characterization is good, and even if the plot is nothing that special in and of itself, the circumstances surrounding AJ's stay in Dodge Junction, the new town to explore, how she's eventually going to have to go home... this is a writer's playground. With so much to work with, I can't help but be filled with glee when I think about all the things you could do with this.
Love, love, love, love, love, love this story and where it's going. Just update a little more often with this one, okay?
316904
Oh, you mad.
317334
No I'm not. See?
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I'm happy.
317340
I'll settle for wrong~
312809
312906
Bloody hell, you like whinging don't ya...
Was wondering when she'd come 'round.
Hey, glad to see everyone's enjoying it. Like 314963 said, AJ really needed a little time in the spotlight, and I needed to wade back into things, so here we are.
313813
Duly noted - I'll go through and make corrections when the next bit gets posted. Thanks.
Except, that is, for this line -
“...tangled up with some mother mare,”
That was intentional. Cherry Jubilee even noticed and got confused, but Applejack just kind of rolled on and didn't realize her tongue-slip.
315202
Interesting point - up until now I had assumed all this happened after the events of the show. RR had to come after Luna Eclipsed, in my opinion, since Twilight and Luna basically first meet in that episode, excluding the whole return from darkness thing. Hearts and Hooves Day was interesting to watch with RR and Need in mind, but I hadn't thought about the other possible implications you mentioned. I've been trying to keep it ambiguous in terms of timeline, but as 317334 mentioned, the setup Last Roundup gave us with AJ is just too good.
317340
It's okay, man. I love you too. It's going to be okay.
322735 I accept your love! Have a cute .gif.
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322735 Re: mother mare. Curses! I have failed at reading comprehension! The shame of it all.
On the up side, that was my initial reading of that line, but then I saw "other mare" immediately below and thought, "well, maybe 'mother' was a typo, because AJ was thinking that the 'other' mare was other than Dash [or whoever it is that AJ is attracted to but doesn't realize she's attracted to]."
Never had a problem with my boss sexin’ me up back home.
Bahahahaha!
Amazing as always, Sleepless.
I saw this and was like, "No way even Sleepless can make that ship work."
and then i read it
I don't know why I ever, ever doubt your ability with characters. This is - yet again - a masterpiece.
Again, Sleepless, you don't disappoint. I never once thought of these two getting at it, and when I read the premise, I wasn't able to even conceive how you'd pull it off, but you did.
I applaud this story and eagerly await more. 
... I can't think of a good analogy for what I want to say, so I'll just say it like a normal person:
I feel disturbed that I'm learning so very, very much about writing from such a strange, strange source... and yet, the reward is worth the obscurity. You forget everything about your own world as you're reading this.
And, you know what? For character introspection, this may have actually succeeded Romance Reports. You nailed Applejack's mindset in a way own Ashleigh Ball could manage, I think.
Keep up the whole "freaky master artisan in the trench coat down the alley" routine, Sleepless Brony. I need my learning drugs, and I enjoy getting them from you.
... wait, why would Rarity make such a big deal about hiding her one strip of leather if Applejack has a whole hat of it?
Uhg... At least it's over.
339463
You have a huge hate-boner for Sleepless, we get it.
339538 "Obtaining the truth is simple. All you have to do is believe that it is the truth… In which case, why…? What sense is there in yearning for truth? Close your eyes. Lie to yourself. Live in blissful ignorance… It is a much smarter way to exist."
Essentially, he made AJ a liar and a deceiver, not only to herself, but her friends. Not to mention this ship is one of the more retarded ones. What's next, Spike and Gilda?
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And this guy has a severe problem with verbose. A good half of this story could of been chucked out. Here's an example of what I mean:
I removed the paperclip from the corner of the folder. Upon examination, I saw that it was a thin metallic strand that had been folded into an oblong spiral by some mechanical process. I assessed the inch-long device between my fingertips. The surface felt cool to the touch--and firm, yet clearly it retained enough pliability to allow documents to be slid into the inner loop. As I stared at the tiny object in my hands, I felt a subtle pounding in my head, like the beat of African tribal drums. Inexorably, my other senses became muffled, and the ambiance of the office faded away until none was left but the devilish helix in front of me. Those malignant coils began to draw the whole of my being into them, and I felt as if I were about to pierce a veil into another world. Just as suddenly, the feeling passed. I feared for my sanity.
You see how irritating that writing style is? I mean, could he repeat himself anymore? I was just describing a paper clip I noticed. The Twilight series had the same writing problem (on top of a ton of other things) of overly explaining shit.
His character assassination didn't help at all. either.
I usually like your stories, but this one... eh, I just wasn't feeling it.i.imgur.com/GXPFy.png
339572
I can post gifs too!
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