Epilogue
Applejack stood on the platform of Manehattan's train station, peering from under the brim of her slope cap as she watched the sweeping suspension bridge for the telltale trail of billowing white smoke that would foretell the arrival of the express train from Canterville. She reached up and raised the collar of her canvas jacket as a cool autumn wind blew by, scattering gold and brown leaves among the hooves of the bustling crowds of ponies who went about their business around her.
Her ears perked up at the sound of a silvery voice calling out to her from the stairs that led down to the taxi stand. "Yoo hoo! Applejack! Darling!"
The blonde earth pony turned with a smile as she saw an alabaster hued unicorn mare clad in a stylish, dove grey trench coat and cloche hat ensemble weave her way deftly through the milling herd with a large pastry bag trailing in her wake wreathed in shimmering blue white magic.
She waved a hoof in greeting to her friend as she stepped forward to meet in a brief hug. "Ey! Rarity! Howyadooin' ?"
The elegant jeweler gave an urbane roll of her eyes as they separated. "Busy as a whole bushel of bees, darling. Ever since the story hit the news I have been positively withers deep in orders for tiaras from all the fashionable mares and fillies in town."
Applejack shook her head with a huff. "Now that I just don't get. Why the heck would all those uptown society types be so crown crazy? Especially since our gals have made it more n' clear that they're cashin' out of the princess biz for good."
Rarity let out a knowing chuckle. "You don't get it because you're not superficial enough, my dear. Most of them stopped reading at the headlines."
She swept a hoof through the air with a flourish as she spoke. "'Legendary Magical Princesses Discovered !' is all it takes to grab their imaginations and send them galloping off with visions of the opulence and pageantry of the ancients dancing in their heads a like a carousel. What their former hignesses have to say about the whole thing doesn't matter in the least."
A wry grin settled on her pale features as she shrugged. "I'm sure the fad will pass soon enough, but it doesn't hurt for me to make hay while the sun shines, as they say."
Rarity cast a glance over her shoulder and brought the bag around between them, releasing a plume of steam as she opened it and levitated a large cinnamon raisin bagel toward Applejack. "And while we're on the subject of food, here! I brought along a little snack from Schmear's in case anypony were feeling peckish after their trip."
She produced a sesame seed bagel for herself and bit daintily into it as the blonde mare accepted her offering with a grateful grin. "Thanks, doll. Ya didn't hafta."
The pale unicorn dabbed at her muzzle with a napkin and gave a small toss of her mane. "Pish posh, darling. It's nothing. Now eat it while it's hot, it'll keep the chill away while we wait."
Applejack took a big bite, savoring the plump sweetness of the raisins and the piping hot freshness of the bread, and gave her companion an even wider smile. "Mmm. Love 'em when they're fresh. Ya gotta let me take yez t' Marinara's for a slice someday."
Her ears perked up as an idea hit her. "In fact, howsabout we all swing by there for lunch after we wrap things up today. It'll be my treat."
At this Rarity cocked an eyebrow. "I'd be more than delighted, of course, but are you completely sure you want to do that, darling? You do recall both Pinkie Pie and Celestia will be there. We may have to order in pizza from another pizzeria once the two of them get on a roll."
Applejack let out a chuckle and rolled her eyes. "No problemo. I got th' moolah ta cover it."
She drew herself up proudly and gave her companion a sidelong grin. "All those samples Zecora sent back with me from th' Everfree totally knocked their galoshes off at Apple-Smith (incorporated). They landed yez truly a big, fat bonus and a promotion t' boot. Yer lookin' at the brand new chief acquisitions agent for all of Central Equestria."
Rarity let out a little squeal of joy and threw a foreleg across the beaming earth pony's withers in a brief congratulatory hug. "Oh darling, I'm so happy for you! Your family must be so proud!"
Applejack took another bite of her bagel and nodded with a wry expression on her face. "Yeh. My mam n' pap were thrilled, and my big bro was talkin' my ear off about it for days. My little sister and her cousin wanna tag along next time I head out there so they can get their cutie marks for seed findin'."
The pale unicorn gave a knowing nod accompanied by an eye roll of her own and a slightly pained expression on her face. "My own sister's of that age as well. She's so intent on her flank I'm surprised she doesn't bump into things any more often than she does already."
She let out a sigh. "She's got this little pegasus friend from school who hasn't quite mastered flying yet, but instead of focusing on that she keeps egging Sweetie on to try all sorts of random things in the hopes of spontaneously discovering their marks."
A thoughtful look settled on Applejack's face as she finished her snack. "Y'know, we oughta innerduce my sis n' cousin to yer sis and her friend. Apple Bloom can be a pain in th' flank sometimes but she's otherwise a pretty level headed kid. I bet they'd all get along pretty good."
Rarity finished her bagel as well and used a napkin to brush away the crumbs and stray sesame seeds with a flourish of magic. "Oh that would be ever so charming, all of the little dears crusading for their cutie marks together. I simply can't think of a single drawback to that idea. I'm sure they'd all be fast friends."
A plume of smoke in the distance caught her attention, trailing across the bridge over the grime and weather streaked engine of the Canterville Express. She bobbed her horn towards it. "Speaking of sisters, and friends, it looks like the train is coming."
Applejack squinted upward at a distant V shaped formation of winged shapes high overhead that kept pace with the approaching locomotive. She gave a nod with a wry smirk crossing her freckled face. "Yeh. I think that's our gals all right."
A few minutes later the train pulled in, sending clouds of steam whirling across the platform. The clang of the bell and the hiss of the brakes echoed over the murmur of the crowd as the PA system crackled to life. "Now arriving on track 4, the Canterville Express. Please stay clear of the doors to allow passengers to disembark."
The doors rolled open and a stentorian female voice drowned out the announcement and caused a startled hush to fall over the ponies on the platform. "BEHOLD, CITIZENS OF MANE HAT! THY RIGHTFUL RULERS HAVE RETURNED! COMMENCE GROVELING AT THINE EARLIEST CONVENIENCE!"
All eyes turned to see Luna standing rampant on the steps of the train, wings flared and hoof held high overhead. She was dressed rather like a movie starlet from Applewood who wasn't really making much effort to travel incognito, in a dark plum colored jacket with a black turtleneck, accented with a string of large pearls around her neck and a moon flower corsage pinned to her lapel. She topped it all off with a matching broad brimmed hat and a pair of elaborate, sequin lined sunglasses. As the surrounding ponies looked on in amazement, she began to blow kisses with her fore hooves.
Celestia loomed behind her with a slightly miffed expression on her face, dressed somewhat similarly but in pastel gold and white, leaving off the extravagant sunglasses and adorning herself with only a modest gold chain necklace and a large, bright yellow carnation on the lapel of her blazer.
She tsked and prodded her sister in the rump with a hoof. "Oh knock it over, Luna. Thy jest is becoming hoary with age."
The dusky alicorn blinked and cast a quizzical look over her shoulder. "I thought the phrase was 'knock it off'."
Her pale sibling rolled her rose colored eyes. "I'd be glad to do either to you if you don't get out of the way so the rest of us might disembark."
Luna gave a dismissive toss of her sky blue ponytail as she flounced down onto the platform with a spring in her step. "Oh fie upon thee, thou pooper of parties. Welladay, our journey is over, so I shall indeed step off. Cease thy shoving, sister."
Her gleaming smile appeared as she gazed over the rims of her dark glasses. "But soft, here do our most excellent friends Applejack and Rarity approach to bid us welcome!"
The two sisters exchanged brief hugs with the Manehattanite mares as one by one the rest of the Exemplars of Harmony, as Celestia had taken to calling them collectively, stepped down onto the platform.
Twilight skipped down first, clad in a dark windbreaker under her utilitarian panniers, her ever-present notepad and a box camera hovering in close proximity to document everything. Her face positively glowed with the same avid grin she'd been wearing for weeks, ever since she'd had the immense satisfaction of personally introducing The White Mare and Nightmare Moon to her friends and colleagues back home.
Pinkie Pie came bouncing after her, wearing an "I 
MH" teeshirt and a Hooflyn Dodgers ball cap along with saddlebags that already bulged with souvenirs from their recent stay in Canterville,
Fluttershy stopped in the doorway and instinctively cringed back at the sight of the milling, staring crowds. She wore a simple, hoof knitted shawl over her modest saddle bags, with a drooping sun hat adding to her long pink forelock as a bulwark against eye contact. Doubt welled inside her as she fought back the feeling that she looked hopelessly rustic to the big city ponies who crowded the train platform. It had been a long time since that many ponies' eyes were on her.
There was one pony's gaze, however, that did nothing but fill her with confidence. She met Celestia's backward glance and drew herself up with a resolute nod, stepping down with a hiked tail and head held high. She came up beside her mentor and exchanged hellos with Rarity and Applejack as the pale alicorn laid a snowy wing across her withers.
Rainbow Dash brought up the rear clad in her pale grey Sky Rangers dress uniform, her vigilant gaze scanning the their surroundings for any signs of trouble. She noted her comrades circling among the high, scattered clouds overhead and gave a guarded nod.
They all fell into step around the two alicorn sisters as they set out at a trot toward the baggage claim area where burly earth pony porters were unloading luggage from the rear cars of the train.
Applejack took the lead, gently but firmly shouldering aside any ponies who lingered too long in their way as the astounded Manehattanites watched the little procession make its way toward their bags. "'scuse me. Comin' thru. Move it or lose it, buddy. One side. Ey, we're walkin' here! Spread out, ya crumbums."
Her freckled cheeks bunched in an amiable grin as she called back to them. "So, how was tha trip?"
Luna gave a little hop on her hooves as they walked, flapping her dusky wings enthusiastically enough to widen their passage through the jostling crowd a bit. "'Twas surpassing marvelous! Like flying and sitting at leisure all at once. They had a cart selling a wonderful sort of baked good known as a do-nut."
Celestia gave a regal nod. "Yea verily, those were quite delectable indeed."
Rarity gave a slight huff of disappointment. "Ah... well I suppose we can save the bagels I brought for later."
The former sun princess perked up as the magical aura around the floating pastry bag shifted from light blue to gold. "Oh! I'd be glad to try a few. What is a 'bay gull'?"
She let out a cry of amazement as several of the baked goods floated up out of the sack. "Forsooth! They are not birds at all, but do-nuts made of bread instead of cake! Truly the wonders of this age are without cease."
Pinkie executed a bold leap and caught one out of the air before it could be drawn into orbit around Celestia, chomping it down in a couple bites. "Mmm. These are good, but you should try 'em with cream cheese. They'll blow your mind!"
Celestia looked with alarm at the bagels floating around her before Twilight murmured to her out of the side of her mouth. "Figure of speech..."
The former diarch relaxed with a nod of understanding and proceeded to take a bite, chewing contentedly with a broad grin on her delicately chiseled face.
Applejack chuckled and shook her head as they finally reached the porters and took possession of their luggage. "Don't stuff yez selves too much, gals. We're gonna take yez out for pizza at th' best joint in town after we get done takin' care o' business."
Rarity chimed in with a vivacious smile. "We've got all sorts of wonderful places to visit and things to do while you're here."
Luna's eyes lit up enthusiastically. "Excellent! I am particularly excited to partake of this 'Night Life' that Lady Pie has been expounding upon to me of late."
Pinkie grinned as she calculated an attack vector on another of Celestia's bagels. "It's gonna knock your everlovin' socks off, Lulu."
The former princess of the moon glanced uncertainly at her hooves before Twilight leaned over with another helpful interjection. "Figure of speech..."
Luna nodded sagely as she set her hoof back down on the tiles. Her eyes glistened a bit as she spoke. "It pleases me greatly that ponies now gather and revel through the night 'neath my stars and moon."
Celestia polished off a second bagel and laid her wing across her sister's withers while pulling a gently smiling Fluttershy closer with the other. "There is so much that has changed since we have been away. I think it will take another thousand years for us to take it all in."
Applejack chuckled and beckoned them on. "Well, now's as good a time as any to get started. Lets go catch a cab!"
Rarity fell into step beside her. "I've got two already waiting, darling." She smiled vivaciously over her shoulder at the others. "Come along, my dears. The meters are running!"
The procession of ponies stopped short at the sight of a trio of steel armored pegasi waiting for them by the black and yellow checked wagons. Captain Spitfire stood at the fore, flanked by Lieutenant Soarin and Sergeant Fleetfoot. They snapped to attention as all the cab pullers stared in wonderment at the alicorn sisters.
Rainbow Dash dropped down from her watchful hover over her friends and marched over to meet her Ranger comrades with a terse salute. "Captain. Lieutenant. Sergeant." She leaned forward and spoke to them in a low voice. "I thought we all agreed we were gonna be discreet about this until we hashed everything out with the top brass and the Secretary of Weather."
Spitfire gave her a stern glare with a barely hidden glint of envy, and then turned her attention to the alicorn sisters as they approached. "Your highnesses, we're here to ask you one more time to reconsider."
The sisters gave one another a sidelong glance. Celestia shook her head sadly. "And once again my sister and I beg your forgiveness, O faithful ones, but we must refuse. The thrones have grown much too cold for us to sit upon after all these years."
Fleetfoot spoke up, a tear tracing a line down her cheek. "But... but the guard would support you all the way!"
Luna's shook her head sadly. "In a coup? Believe me when I say this, child. It would not end well." A haunted look came to her eyes. "Not at all."
Celestia nodded in agreement. "We've made our decision. If you would honor us, then remain steadfast in your duty to Equestria and its ponies."
Captain Spitfire's face was impassive as she gave a rigid bow. "As you command, your highnesses."
The pale alicorn gave a sigh and a bob of her horn. Spitfire and Soarin took to the air, ascending rapidly and wheeling in a long arc over the skyscrapers of Manehattan.
Sergeant Fleetfoot lingered a moment before averting her pleading gaze with drooping ears. "I... I'm sorry I spoke out of turn, your highnesses."
She unfurled her wings to take off, but was stopped as Celestia reached out her own pale wing and with a delicate touch brushed the tear away from her cheek. Before the startled Sky Ranger knew what was happening her former princess stepped forward and took her into a hug.
She spoke in a gentle voice to the despondent pegasus mare. "If my sister and I, who have lived for thousands of years, can let go of the past, then you should be able to as well my little pony. Live for today. Live for the wonderful future that is being built all around us. That is my charge for you, dear one."
Fleetfoot stepped back and looked reverently up at her with glistening eyes, self consciously sniffling into the sleeve of her jacket before bowing deeply. "I'll do my best, your highness."
With that, she took off, hurrying to catch up to her comrades.
Applejack spoke up, tapping her hoof on the street and shaking her head with a chagrinned look on her freckled face. "Ya know they ain't gonna ever gonna stop askin' yez."
Celestia gave her a wistful smile in return. "Some journeys just take more steps than others."
Luna brushed a dark feathered wing down her sister's rosy pink mane, then nodded in agreement. "Indeed. Let us go and take our first step on the new road we find ourselves upon, sister."
***
The taxis carrying the former princesses and their companions pulled up to the curb and let them off. After settling up with the cab pullers and signing a couple of autographs, they took a moment to gaze up at the towering, verdigris colored statue of a robed and crowned mare rearing up to lift her torch bearing the ancient flame of harmony over Manehattan harbor. They drew in close to allow Twilight to snap a picture by the massive sculpture's tail and hooves, levitating her camera a proper distance away in her magic as she joined in with the group, before heading into the historic office building adjoining the equine colossus' base.
Soon they found themselves milling in the threadbare lobby of a drab government office as a beige earth pony clerk with a pink mane stared at them with wide eyes and a slack jaw from behind the reception desk.
After a long, awkward interval, Fluttershy cleared her throat, glanced at her companions and reached up a hoof to ring the brass bell next to the logbook.
*ding*
The silvery chime seemed to snap the clerk out of her shocked reverie and she shook herself into focus, pushing her glasses up with the back of a hoof before giving them all a tentative smile. "Um... W-welcome to the Equestrian Bureau of Immigration and Naturalization. How... how might I be of assistance today?"
Celestia drew herself up proudly and laid her wing across Luna's withers as they stepped forward. "My sister and I would like to apply for Equestrian citizenship!"
THE END
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Warren Hutch · 6.6k words · 331 3 · 4.7k views
- Warren Hutch · 56k words · 480 4 · 26k views
- Warren Hutch · 2.4k words · 410 2 · 7.2k views
- Warren Hutch · 265k words · 1,210 27 · 18k views
- Warren Hutch · 11k words · 269 5 · 3.5k views
- Dr_DeDeDe · 56k words · 375 4 · 6.5k views
- Obselescence · 5.2k words · 657 18 · 8.5k views
- TwilightFlopple · 8.7k words · 670 10 · 11k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.232 seconds
Total duration
965 users online
2,008,381 hits today, 2,073,628 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
:D
And now, it is over.
...Any more stories in this universe on the way?
Well, an enjoyable end to an enjoyable story. I think the emphasis sortof fell off of Fluttershy, but I still liked how you wrapped it up. Still, I really liked what you did here... and that final line was awesome.
4016921
Thanks for reading!
Tempting fate, Rarity. Tempting fate.
4016924
I think you're right about the shift in focus. I might mull a rewrite someday with a shift in focus back to our soft spoken point of view character.
My reasoning for how it came together here is that AJ and Rarity were probably the least in focus after their introductions for most of the story, so I wanted to give them a few more scraps of spotlight before I closed, and both had some worldbuilding/exposition to deliver. (Like their subsequent career/financial successes and an answer to "What about the CMC?")
I cut a lot of nattering about pizza places and such as it was. (Rarity thinks Marinara's is okay, but prefers Mama Ponicelli's on the upper west side. These are the sorts of things Manehattanites can argue about for pages at a time.)
Thanks for reading. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
4016925 I'll second Reese's statement: I eagerly look forward to any other stories you might do in this universe; this one was quite enjoyable.
4016971 True... I do admire though how you've managed to condense what normally would be a daunting story into a nice, still lengthy, but concise narrative. Moreover, the characterization of Celestia and Luna was excellent, as were that of the alternate Mane six.
Really want a sequel... although it would be alright if this ends here...
wonderful.
4016925
Thanks for writing. :)
And thus was the Fate of Equestria sealed.
On another note, Celestia and Luna are still raising and lowering the sun and moon, respectively, right? Ponies that vital to the continuing well-being of Equestria, one might think that they should be guarded, just in case, don't you agree?
4017031
There are squads of devoted pegasi flying overwatch high overhead, and they've got a Sky Ranger escort in the person of Rainbow Dash.
Pinkie Pie might want to reconsider that Hooflyn Dodgers hat. Rumor is they are planing to move the team out to Los Pegasus.
4017084
I almost put her in a Trotston Red Sox hat, but that would have only ended in tears.
Personally, I'm glad she's not wearing a Red Sox. I have no love for any team with the Red Sox name, in Equestria or beyond.
And thus, does the story end, making way for Celestia and Luna’s second, and most excellent adventure of all.
Braving the Manehattan subway system during peak hours!
4017094
Neither does anybody in Boston. They just hate the Yankees.
A fun ending to the story although the non Mane Hat residents got a bit sidelined.
I wonder what Luna and Celestia might end up doing with themselves and how things might go for them.
"What doest though mean a thousand years back taxes?"
Yeay! Now then, future stories set in this world? I want to see how this Republic works.
Awesome story! Love your Fluttershy, Celestia and the rest of the girls, great characterization work. If you ever write something else on this universe, I'm all in.
Now to recommend this to my friends. Thanks for sharing it.
everything good needs to end sometime... shame that this ended already. it felt like it was too short!
...
and yet at the same time it was the perfect length.
great job!
4017031
I think the government should be more worried about the Sisters asking a salary for it. How much for rising the Sun and the Moon each day? not to mention Celestia´s back wages of a thousand years performing her and her sister´s duties.
This has been without a doubt one of my favorite fics on this site that I've read. Thank you for writing such a wonderful story.
"It was another five years before Celestia and Luna were approved for a green card, and another ten years after before the sisters were finally made citizens of the old nation that had once been under their rule. The end."
4017468
I truly am sorry miss, but records state that you both have been dead for some thousand years. It will take some time to get this sorted out.
Their path to citizenship should be easy - since their place of residence was within the national borders when the nation formed they are de-facto citizens in the same vein as natural-born citizens. They aren't applying for citizenship, per-se, so much as they are requesting a status change to their records reflecting their proper status.
They are totally going to win the next election as a write-in ballot, by the way.
Hmm... It has occurred to me; where is the Discord statue these days? Perhaps that's the sequel hook; Apple Bloom and Babs meet Sweetie and Scoots in Canterville, but accidentally release chaos incarnate.
*Applauds*
Brilliant! This whole story was unique, clever, heartfelt and really engaging. One of the best retellings/AUs I've read. Brava!
4017670
All I'll say is it's not in Canterville.
4017607 well, Luna's place of residence was several thousand miles away, at the time.
4017607
"Hmm, it says here that we've been elected Consuls for Life by a 96% majority sister."
4017444
I was actually trying to imply that the ones speaking were some ponies who really wanted to guard the Sisters. I guess I didn't make that clear enough.
Hmm... So basically, the Wonderbolt haven't been formed yet. I could see the Princesses having a hoof in pushing Spitfire and the others to form them. Lol, maybe with Trixie helping them
4017532 I wonder if anyone bothered to close out their personal bank accounts.
Beautiful conclusion and seconding all the cries for a sequel. Love this 'verse!! :D
4017607
I don´t really think neither of the Sisters are really interested in political power. They became rulers of Equestria in order to protect her little ponies; since they have they learned to properly rule themselves, the alicorns have no need to concern themselves.
Luna, even as NM, didn´t truly crave the submission of all her subjects, but to be loved and admired by them. She has that now, as a celebrity.
4017607
4018151
Imagine waking up to headlines declaring you a landslide winner of an election you weren't even running in.
"Sister, did we not cast our ballots for Some Other Pony, Jr.?"
"Verily."
"Then how have we ascended to this office?"
4018285
Sadly, that trick only works if you're around after banking has taken the place of "big piles of gold coins buried in chests" and before the banks you have accounts with haven't gone out of business and been bulldozed to make way for a shopping complex.
Heh. Ain't gonna last. Sooner or later, there'll be a crisis and someone's going to convince Celestia and Luna that they have to run things. At least for a while.
'Course, they will pull a Cincinnatus once they're done.
Oh, something I found odd in the final chapter although technically true; Luna's is described as having a sky blue ponytail. While it would be a blue that the sky sometimes is, that is not what is usually meant by the colour. Sky blue is the blue of the daytime sky; the colour I suspect you are looking for is midnight blue.
4018285
Assuming Luna deposited 5 bits from her ice cream and hayfry allowance 1000 years ago and that it has been compounding quarterly at 8% interest...
)
Let us see here...
Thanks to the magic of compound interest Luna is now in possession of 6.865E+30 bits.
(Woo hoo!
Thanks to the magic of economics and inflation those bits are worthless now.
Thanks to the magic of history, nopony recognizes pre-Equestrian money as legal tender.
Thanks to the magic of government bureaucracy, Luna owes 2.578E+17 bits in back taxes and payment penalties plus an additional 1.424E+17 bits in interest to the ERS (assuming the Equestrian Revenue Service has similar penalties and fees as does the American IRS).
)
(The garnishments shall last forever!
4019663
Not really. Midnight blue is much darker than Luna's mane was immediately post-Elementification.
Actually, the best descriptor would probably be "cornflower blue" but "sky" is easier to type if you're feeling lazy and is close enough for government work.
4019750
Or he might be out there under very different circumstances.
For most Manehattanites, that would be sometime next month.
Also, Schmear is the best name for a bagel pony ever.
In any case, a wonderful and fulfilling epilogue to a fantastic AU story. Thank you for it, and if you choose to revisit this universe, I will be more than thrilled to read the next installment. (I can't help but wonder how Discord will react to the dual abdication...)
4016924
To be fair, Fluttershy would probably be quite happy to know that the narrative focus was on somepony else.
4018539
Some Other Pony Jr, daughter of Some Other Pony and That Mare Over There, sister to I Think I Know Him and Wasn't She In The News Once.
Very well written. Delightfully original concept. I think you've really done yourself justice with this one.
The quirks in the Mane Six, obviously due to the different way in which their lives had unfurled, seemed to only play upon the qualities they have in the canon universe. Which I personally think was a pretty neat and no doubt challenging trick to pull off.
When it comes to the Royal Sisters, I think you handled that well too. In many ways I prefer your take on Celestia to the original. She's fallible. She's acutely aware of it at times. And she's willing to do her best to ensure this fallibility harms no-one but herself.
Kudos. And thank you.
An interesting alternate Equestria here... I quite enjoyed the logical and clever set up of it, from where it would have branched out and what would have changed as a result of it. I think it was an interesting experiment to move the central lead to Fluttershy's shoulders, and for the most part it is successful to me for narrative purposes.
Character-wise though, I think the shift from Twilight to Fluttershy ended up hurting both of them for me. Fluttershy loses a bit too much of her trademark shyness, and the result is a rather average leading character lacking in stand-out traits... Fine to drive the story, but not as interesting to me personally. Twilight, stripped of her relationships with Celestia and Spike and the rather frightening responsibilities of her position and personal power, seems somewhat bereft of a purpose in the story. Her determination to prove herself right (a definite trait from the pilot) is mostly all that remains, as even being the source of knowledge is hampered by Fluttershy, Dash and Spitfire all knowing as much or more than she does. I wasn't sure what her element would ultimately be in this story, as "magic", when not serving as the focus or trigger of all the others, ends up making a very vague component of Friendship. (I'll admit to my own biases driving these impressions as well... For instance, a totally personal hang-up: I don't know that I'll ever get used to city-pony AJ's slang and accent... Even as logical as the change is.)
I did truly enjoy seeing how these alternate characters all came together, and the surprises worked into the story as we learned more and more about this universe. And, of course, the character interaction shone throughout, with the fun of seeing them meet each other for the first time once again. Things could have been stretched out once they set out into the Everfree... I would have enjoyed seeing new events which cemented each of them as Fluttershy's friends along the way... But the length of the story was still satisfying, and the epilogue was vibrant and engaging with the drama all cleared away.
All in all, a fun and inventive story which I very much enjoyed reading... Thanks for sharing it!
4027417
Thanks for reading!
I think what I was going for with "magic" in this re-apportioned AU was the idea of "significance" or "meaning" You can be honest, generous, kind, loyal, or laugh with others and not form that deep bond that says "this is my friend". I suppose that would undercut the premise of moving Magic out as the central lynchpin a fair bit. I was very much aware of what I was pulling out of Twilight by removing her from that role, and in some ways the choices I made in this story were apologies to her character. This was, as you said, an experiment to see how the construct of the Elements of Harmony would withstand swapping around its components.
I think in a way in the AU she still "makes it all complete" because she's the most ardent believer among them. This more confident Fluttershy is much more a realist, she's made her world and is in command of it thanks to Celestia's tutelage. Twilight is much more of a lost soul who needs there to be more to life than just day to day existence and utility.
I quite enjoyed this story and look forward to whatever you write next.
>>>She's so intent on her flank I'm surprised she doesn't bump into things any more often than she does already." >>>
Alondro nods, "I too am very intent on Sweetie's flank."
...
...
"To see what mark she gets! Not anything perverted!"