***MAKING EDITS. CHAPTERS "Luna Story 2" AND "Luna Story 3" UNPUBLISHED FOR NOW. SORRY FOR ANY INCONVENIENCE***
Celestia wants Luna to find some friends after she was freed from Nightmare Moon, but not all is what it seems...
Based on the Luna Game series.
Be sure to check out my main story!
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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307201
I'm sorry about that. I can be overbearing sometimes I know. I just always believed personally that when you make a fic, you should try to put in your best effort into it. That tends to get to me when I give my critique sometimes.
about the changes...
Yes I can say it is better and you did improve the detail in some of the areas and I'm seeing less grammar problems. But I'm sorry - its still feels a little rushed. Remember it is your fic so you have the final say in how it goes. I just simply state what I think would help it.
You have successively gained my thumbs sir(or madam). Do with them what you will.
362336
By the way, I'm a sir. 
Thanks
362766 (eternityglacier) Okay, just making sure.
And you're welcome! 
First off, it does feel a bit rushed, especially since theres so much underlying story to work with dealing with the Luna games, with the exception of 3 maybe. I'd like to see this done, but like Magnetic said, you could put a bit more time into it probably.
Some slightly harsh (sorry..) critique- Luna is written a bit OOC, such as how she acts when greeting her sister. Yes, I know she's supposed to be acting energetic, but she doesn't have any personality in the way she does so, like how Pinkie rambles on and on when she's excited, or how Twilight makes up what she says on the go in a way when shes excited or in a hurry.
Bringing it back to the beginning again, you can make use of there being only 2 characters in that you can have a back and forth dialogue between the two without needing to say "She said" "Celestia said" "Luna said" every time, although you seem to have the idea of using synonyms for "said" down, I would still try to minimize doing that when you have the opportunity to do that back and forth dialogue.
The description gets better in the next chapters, but feels a bit forced, which sounds a bit mean, I'm not sure how to describe it really.
And lastly, things are being pushed along far too fast. For example-
"Twilight was now looking everywhere for her books, when she saw Luna run up."
Sudden transitions like that are jarring, it's hard to get into a story when events transition from one place to another so suddenly.
Because of how quick this was told, I'm not really sure what's going on here. Twilight was looking for something, and Luna decided to go back to the library, but from where? And where was Twilight? Was she outside, frantically searching for her missing item, or was she inside the library? There's no context there, and this occurs rather frequently throughout the fic.
Now, you could make a quick chapter out of Luna game 3, but under 300 words can hardly pass as a chapter, in any context. I'm not sure if you intended to just write this really quick and get it over with or not, but that's the feeling I'm getting here.
Again, sorry for the rather rough critique (if you could really call it that) but I've still yet to see a single person write a Luna Game fic, despite how great of an underlying story it's got when you really look into it.
And also, assuming you didn't just TL;DR this, I'm curious. Do you happen to have an editor, or even a friend that you hand it off to before publishing to run at the least a quick check with?
2433120 you have more text than the actual story, lol
2433120
Didn't TL;DR it. Thanks for the feedback.
No I do not have an editor for this. I actually started this off under the impression that I would make it a one-shot based on just Luna Game 0, but I continued forth with the other Luna Games, save for Luna Game 1. I'll look over the chapters and see what I can do to edit it, perhaps make an intro to each chapter, and fix transitions.
Might get an editor later on.