Somewhere between home and Manehatten.

by Phoenix Quill

A dinner with Adumbrantum

The train was speeding northeast so quickly, that the trees that lined either side of the tracks were a mere blur. Because of this, the light of the setting sun shone weakly through Braeburn's window, and was mostly obscured by the constant strobing effect of the tree's shadows. He lifted his hat away from his eyes as the setting sun was finally lost entirely to the nearby mountain range, and gave a week smile. Best go get some chow before all the seats are taken.

He stood with a stretch and opened his door to look down the hall. Already there were hungry ponies headed to the dinning car in the rear, with the same thought in mind. He quickly ran into the hall, and begged his pardon as he slid into the thin crowd and followed the herd to the last car of the train.

Boy howdy, trains sure have come a long way since I've seen them last. Braeburn smiled slightly as the memory of riding the train out to where Apploosa would some day be. The cars were practically giant crates on wheels with benches to sit on along the walls, and no real windows or lighting. Only five years ago, the best meal you might expect on the rails was a stale sandwich, now he was headed off to get almost anything his heart desired from a star rated restaurant on the go. He passed through the lounge car with little care, when he came to the end of the line. "Hey! What's happened?"

The mare in front of him sighed before turning around and giving him one of the most deadpan expressions he had ever had the misfortune to gaze upon. "Don't you know?" She then pulled a pair of spectacles on a stick out from her small purse and looked him up and down with disapproval. "Hmm, I doubt that you do. Anyhow, there's a bottleneck up ahead. You know, too many ponies and only so many tables, and not enough waiters to see us to seats. You may as well give up and go back to your cabin."

Braeburn tried his best to not look confused, but the look somehow wound up on his face anyway. "Why should I go back to my cabin?"

"Well, I'm sure you would understand, but there's several ponies on this train from a select stock, as they put it." She then folded up the spectacles and placed them back into her purse before giving, what Braeburn suspected was the closest she got to a friendly smile. "These noble ponies tend to raise a fuss if they have to dine with us common folk, or are served after us, so they tend to get them in and out of the way."

Braeburn leaned to his left to look past the crowd, and hopefully see what was going on better. "Well how many nobles can really be in there right now?"

"Just the one, but it's-"

"No no no! I said I wanted brandy soaked hay with a side of bite sized daisies!" A slam echoed from the back of the train, making several ponies scatter to either side of the car to make a clear path. "This is unexceptable, I demand my bits back!" It was Prince Blueblood and his entourage of followers. With noses in the air, they marched past the common ponies and proceeded to sit at the bar. "And you can forget about the tip!"

A waiter came up behind the small group, holding a menu in his magic as he tried desperately to talk to the prince. "Your majesty, if I may be so bold, the meal was complimentary, you haven't paid a thing! Please, we can try this again, but our kitchens are so small, and we are limited in resources. Perhaps you would care for one of our lotus horderves?"

The prince scrunched up his face as he waved a hoof at the bartender. "No, just... forget it." He then sighed as a glass of champagne was given to him. "Look, I'm trying not to lose my temper, but I'm under a lot of stress right now, what with this Everfree business. Send my estate the bill, and I'll be sure it's payed." He paused and sipped casually from the glass and giving a sigh of satisfaction. "If you can make a decent potato soup and send it to my cabin, I'll be done with you."

The waiter bowed down and trotted back out of the lounge and into the dining car to shout some orders about. As he did, the line began to move forward once again, letting the rest of the ponies find a table on their own. Braeburn however, was still unsure of what to say or do, even as he got closer to his goal. "I don't know if I even want to go eat in the diner car now."

"Well what would you do then?" The mare in front of him asked.

"I don't know, get a meal to go like he did?"

"Oh but you must dine in the diner car at least once, you never know what will happen on the train! Why, I met my future husband on board this very line."

"Well congratulations!" Braeburn smiled as he held his hoof out to shake hers. "Where is that lucky stallion!"

"Why, he's right in front of me." The mare suddenly blinked and gave him some soft bedroom eyes as she leaned into him. "My name's Wild Oats by the way." She then giggled in a very natural way that surprised Braeburn.

"Uhh, nice to meet you properly ma'am." She suddenly leaned against him expecting an embrace and he panicked. He looked up and saw that the line ahead had cleared as several ponies turned back, while a few more went in. "Excuse me, but I think my friend is expecting me." He then backed away so quickly, that Wild Oats fell to her side as Braeburn ran for it.

She lay on the floor for a few moments fuming before getting up and holding a hoof out. "Write me!"

He ignored her, and let himself into the dining car, there were no empty tables to be seen. Gotta blend in, uhh now what? He looked around for a waiter, and after finding one tapped him on the shoulder. "Excuse me, when will a table open up?"

"Not for a while I'm afraid. But, if you are in a hurry, I can seat you with somepony else."

Braeburn was about to decline when he looked back, and saw the mare begin to walk towards him, waving a hoof and smiling slyly. "YES! I mean, yes, seat me with another pony, any pony. As soon as you can, please."

The waiter rolled his eyes before passing a menu to Braeburn. "If you'll follow me, I'll take you to a seat." They walked down the aisle together, looking both on the left, and right side tables, but all seats were packed. "I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid you'll have to come back later."

"Hey!" The two looked up, near the back of the car, and older stallion sat alone at the table. "If that colt needs a place to park, I've got a space." The waiter looked at Braeburn for a second, and he nodded eagerly. The waiter at least had the decency to turn around and lead the way before rolling his eyes.

As soon as Braeburn sat down, the waiter pulled out a pad and started to write things down. "So, is there anything I can get you?"

Braeburn opened the menu and began searching through it for a few moments. "Aw gee, I got no clue mister. I 'aint even heard of most o' this fancy food here."

"Might I suggest the lotus hordervs as a starter before you make your final decision?"

Braeburn looked at the picture and nodded slightly before folding his menu. "Yeah, and a cup o' coffee too please." The waiter nodded as he scooted away to the small kitchen to take care of the order. Braeburn sat in his chair silently, watching the water in the glass sway with the train car for a short while before staring out the window, barely paying attention to the moon rise through the trees.

"Quiet one, aren't ya' kid."

Braeburn looked back at the stallion and gave a silly sort of half smile. "Not really, I just got a lot on my plate is all."

"Oh I see," the stallion said with a nod. "I've been there a few times myself." A silence settled between the two of them as Braeburn continued to stare out the window. Finally, the older stallion spoke up again. "My name's Adumbrantum. Adum for short, what's yours son?"

Braeburn looked back at Adumbrantum and quickly assessed him. He was a little older than him, not quite old enough that time had robbed him of his youth, but clearly it had done a number on his face in a few spots. He was a rather plain looking earth pony, his coat had the color of butter cream, and he wore his dark mane in a slicked back style. Simple, yet suave and elegant.

But what got his attention was the eyes. Adumbrantum's eyes were such a pale electric blue color that Braeburn almost felt the coldness and energy behind them. As if there was lightning flashes in a blizzard within those eyes, and with a look he could strike him down. Braeburn suppressed his desire to shake the feelings away and simply smiled while putting a hoof forward. "Braeburn, my name's Braeburn sir."

"Ah! Another Apple I take it. I've run into your relatives in the past. Good folk, hard workers. You a farmer son?"

Braeburn nodded at him as he tilted his hat back. "Well yessir I am. This here hat ain't just a decorative piece ya know."

Adumbrantum smiled as he put his forehooves together before his face and leaned forward. "Well that's good. Equestria needs more ponies like you."

Braeburn frowned slightly before nodding at this, not quite sure how to respond. "I guess so." He leaned back in his chair unsure of what to say next. Finally, after several moments a good way to continue the subject came to him. "Well, what do you do for a living?"

"Ah well," the stallion smiled as he ran a hoof through his mane. "Nothing too great. I'm more like a big run away colt than anything else."

Braeburn tilted his head in question at this, and was about to ask what that meant. However, before he could properly conduct the question, a hoof entered his field of vision. "Sirs, I have your drinks, and hordervs." The waiter expertly placed the coffee before Braeburn, who smiled politely back at him as he passed a tall glass to Adumbrantum. Afterwards, he then placed two plates of Lotuses.

The waiter smiled at the two stallions as he pulled his pad out once again. "Now gentlecolts, I do believe that neither of you had ordered a main course yet. If I may suggest, we have a special on spinach quiche, and a simply marvelous butternut and apple harvest soup."

Adumbrantum nodded at the waiter, and he wrote it down before turning to Braeburn. He looked at the waiter and felt his stomach flip at the thought of anything apple related, and felt slightly green. "That sounds, great. But, not that soup. Perhaps a tomato soup, if you got it."

The waiter nodded before writing everything down. "That soup will cost extra as a substitution." Braeburn simply nodded as the waiter took off to give the orders to the chef.

"Avoiding apples, are we?"

Braeburn looked at the older stallion and frowned. He felt like saying something to defend himself, but couldn't. Adumbrantum simply gave him a calm and simple smile as he waited for a response. And as Braeburn looked into his eyes, he suddenly felt compelled to tell the truth, and simply nodded.

"Unusual for you don't ya think?" He then sipped on his drink, and Braeburn actually saw what it was. The drink was a dark brown color on the bottom, and gradually faded to a clean white as it got closer to the top. It was packed with ice, but there were also short green things throughout the entirety of the liquid.

"Sir, not to be bothering you, but what are you drinking?"

Adumbrantum stopped sipping long enough to chew on the green things he took in on his sip before smiling. "This? It's cendol. A drink from south eastern Draconian islands that I've grown fond of in my travels."

Braeburn nodded as he sipped on his coffee, pretending that answered everything. "And those green things, they aren't-"

"Worms? As a mater of fact that is what they are called." Braeburn looked as if he was going to become as green as the worms when he heard this. Adumbrantum just smiled at this and waved his hoof in a care free manner. "They aren't really worms, it's just a starch jelly. Would you like some?"

Braeburn shook his head at this before sticking his tongue out, trying not to gag. "No thanks, that don't sound too good."

The older stallion simply shrugged and continued to slurp down his drink. "Your loss. I'm willing to pay for your glass."

"No, it's fine. I don't think I could get past the worms if I tried."

The two of them sat in silence for a few seconds as Adumbrantum slurped on his drink. Braeburn however was too busy looking around for any sign of the mare he was avoiding. He turned around and saw that she had moved on to another stallion that seemed more interested in her. That's good, keep her off my back. The older stallion chewed on the starchy worms for a few moments before grinning to himself. He watched Braeburn and began to laugh silently, but just hard enough that he couldn't hide that he was shaking in his seat. Braeburn looked back at him and raised an eyebrow as he took another sip of his coffee. "What?"

"Nothing," he said with the same smile. "It's just that you've got this twitch every time you look at that mare. She been a bother to you son?"

Braeburn tried not to laugh while drinking his coffee, and as a result snorted some out his nose and covered his face with a napkin. "Sorry," he said with a trace of a laugh as he wiped himself off. "Yeah, she kind of is, but it's alright. I just don't really feel like meeting somepony like that."

"Right right," Adumbrantum said with a dismissive look. "I take it that you've got a mare back at home then?"

Braeburn sipped politely on his coffee while staring at the painted pattern around the window. "Not really, I need to make sure that my life is ready for that before I start really looking."

"Now now lad," the older stallion said with a shake of his head. "That's not how it works. You should know better than that."

"Oh I know, but I just want to be prepared for everything."

Adumbrantum harrumphed slightly as he drained the last of his cendol. Braeburn continued to stare at the painted pattern, watching as the lines would cross over each other in angles, twists, and turns. Up close, or even far away they looked like a mess. However, from the right perspective, he could see that they built up to make diamonds, circles, knots and other shapes.

His eyes followed the lines around the window, and would smile as he saw the design intersect with the next window's own pattern, making complex designs with each other in the columns between. He let himself get lost in the design while staring, forgetting entirely about the lotuses he was given to eat while waiting for his real food. Braeburn's concentration was suddenly broken by the loud clanging of bells from a level crossing's wig-wag sign. As soon as the lights and bells caught his attention, Braeburn jumped in his seat and turned to focus on something else.

"Why are you so jumpy? You gotta learn to relax once in a while," Adumbrantum said as he pointed a hoof at him. "So tell me young stallion," he paused to polish a spoon briefly before continuing. "With you being a farmer, what are you doing here on the train at this time of the year? Isn't money usually tight this season for ponies in your position?"

Braeburn smiled and gave a shrug as he reached forward and grabbed one of the lotuses. "A bit, but there isn't much for me to do back home. The harvest is all done, and we made enough bits to get us through the winter. I live alone, and thought a vacation would be good for me."

Adumbrantum nodded at this as he sipped from a glass of water. "Must be tough living alone. Out there, in the desert. Most Apples I know are tight knit with their family, never heard of a lone Apple before."

Braeburn frowned as he chewed on the small flowery treat. "That's part of the reason why I left home for the week. I'm going to see some family in Manehatten, but I also need to think about things."

"Oh? What kind of things?"

Braeburn was about to give a non-answer, when suddenly he heard somepony giving a polite cough. He looked up to his right and saw the waiter had returned with a tray. "Gentlecolts, I have your meals, and fresh drinks for you." He simply nodded back at the waiter, and moved his plate of lotuses aside for him to lay down the main dishes. "So you both have the quiche and you have the tomato soup substitute sir?" Braeburn nodded to him as he was passed the red soup. "Now please be careful with everything, it's very hot. Bon appetit." With that said, he quickly shuffled away to take care of some other guests.

The two stallions looked at their meals, and each had different reactions. While Adumbrantum dug into his butternut and apple harvest soup with gusto, Braeburn simply stared at what had to be the smallest meal he had ever been presented with. "That's it? Twenty bits for a snack?"

"Don't be so disappointed," Adumbrantum said as he pointed his spoon at him. "Do you know how hard it is to cook any amount of food on a moving train?"

"Well, I can't imagine it's easy, but its still pretty pricey."

Adumbrantum grunted in reply as he kept eating his soup. Braeburn scrunched his nose as he looked at the meal with dissatisfaction for a moment more, but finally gave in and took a bite. I probably could have made better if I stayed at home.

The two ate in relative silence, neither one talked, or made a move to do so. Instead, Braeburn concentrated on his tomato soup, and listened to the sounds of idle chatter around him, and the rattling of utensils. The room was alive with activity, and the warm soft glow of gas lamps in the walls gave the whole car a certain air that he couldn't quite put his hoof on.

"So tell me," Adum paused to wipe his mouth before continuing. "What is it you are looking for?"

Braeburn almost spit out his soup. The question had come so far out of left field that he never saw it coming. "Well, ah.. I don't really know what you're talking about," he stammered.

"Come come now," the other pony said as he reached for his drink. "We're both adults here, and I know as well as you do that there's something going on for you to be making this trip." Braeburn stared blankly at him, and watched as Adumbrantum calmly spooned another bite of soup into his mouth before continuing. "So tell me, what is it that you are really looking for?"

Braeburn looked at the table for several moments in silence before he took his napkin and placed it over his half eaten bowl of soup. "I think that I'm looking to go back to my cabin. I wasn't expecting some sort of inquisition." He then stood up to leave the table.

"Nopony should go though life expecting anything, yet here we are." Adumbrantum said in a level, yet commanding voice. "I'm just trying to see if I can help. Please, sit down and lets talk."

"There's nothing more to talk about," Braeburn said as he started to walk away. "I'm sorry to say it, but maybe I just wanted to be alone."

"You can never be alone," Adumbrantum said with a dark tone in his voice. Braeburn stopped, unsure of how to respond to that.

He turned around and looked at him. After several seconds of thought, he finally sat back down. "Alright, you've got my attention. Now what exactly does that mean?"

The older pony simply smiled as he used his fork to cut himself a bite out of the quiche. "Oh, whatever you wish to take away from it," he said with a hint of a smile.

"That's some, interesting words," Braeburn said before taking a bite of his quiche.

"Just a bit's worth of free advice. I think I'll let you think about that for a moment." Adumbrantum took another bite of his food and leaned back in his seat. "I also think I'll just let you drive this conversation forward."

Braeburn tilted his head at the older stallion. Curious, but unsure on how to progress. Look at him, he's just sitting there, waiting for you to say something Braeburn. Adumbrantum smiled casually as he bit into one of his spare lotus hordervs, then took a taste of his soup and wiped the dribble from his mouth. Clearly we are dealing with a mastermind Braeburn.

He gave his practiced smile to the older pony across the table from him. "Well, why don't you just tell me about yourself. You travel a lot?"

"Oh yes," Adum said with a nod of his head. "I've been everywhere. I've seen the Zebra Nation, the Great Gryphonian continent, and almost all of the Draconian Empire."

Braeburn whistled in amazement at this, and tilted his hat back before eating the last lotus on his plate. "Well partner, you have seen big chunks of what's across the great sea out east. Was that all for vacation or business?"

"Mostly business, I'll admit. But I gotta say that I adore Germaneigh most out of all of Gryphonia. But, Draconia is such an interesting continent. There are hardly any ponies out there you know."

Braeburn shook his head while taking another sip of his soup. "No, I didn't really know that. But I guess it makes sense, being a nation of dragons."

"Nations of dragons," Adumbrantum corrected. "Unlike Gryphonia, where there's a few countries with ponies and dragons as well, almost all of the Draconian continent is just dragons. I tell you, the culture there is so vastly different from our own it would make your head spin."

"Like the food for example," Braeburn commented as he pointed at the empty glass of cendol.

Adumbrantum smiled slyly as he tapped the edge of the glass. "Surprisingly this was made as a pony food. Back when ponies actually did more exploring, the dragons made this to please pony officials in an attempt to show good will to us herbivores."

Braeburn gave a nod like he understood. As he did, a question ran through the back of his mind as he grabbed his coffee for another sip. "And they had a tradition before I assume?"

"Oh yes, they would slaughter a cow and roast it encrusted in jewels for a feast. I'll tell you, that made for an awkward first encounter with Celestia."

Braeburn tried not to spit out his drink, and fought to swallow down the hot liquid. As soon as he did, the drink kept trying to make another break for freedom from his stomach, along with it's fellow contents. His face turned green with nausea for a few moments as he tried to compose himself. "I'll bet it was..."

As Braeburn recovered, a buspony swiftly came to the table to clear out the empty plates. As he did, the waiter gave Adumbrantum a fresh glass of Cendol, and refilled Braeburn's coffee. "Will there be anything else for this evening?"

"No, I think we're good here," Adumbrantum said with a polite smile. The waiter bowed and took off, as the buspony took off to clear dishes from another table. "Are you alright son? You seem to be shocked."

Braeburn shook his head to clear away the last lingering traces of nausea before answering. "No, it's fine. I just got a pretty nasty image on what those cows looked like."

The older pony looked at his hooves for a few moments before running one through his hair, and taking a sip from his drink. "Come now, you shouldn't be so intolerant to other cultures. Dragons are omnivores, and eat almost anything."

Braeburn gave the best smile that he could before taking a sip of his coffee. "I know, it's just how casually you say it. It's like-"

"I was there," Adumbrantum finished with a frown. "Don't be incredulous. That was almost two hundred years ago, My great great gran'dad was still in diapers."

Braeburn pushed away his empty bowl of soup and took a bite out of his quiche. He felt desperate to carry on like everything was normal, despite the flips his stomach was making. "Sorry for assumin' but you never did tell me what you do for a living."

The older stallion smiled, showing off every single one of his teeth to Braeburn. It wasn't the normal smile of any other pony Braeburn had seen before, there was a malice in the eyes as he did it. It was the smile of a predator, directed at his next meal. "Like I said, I travel. My business takes me all around the world, and what's their business is my business."

"Like a spy?"

Adumbrantum frowned suddenly as he dug into his quiche. "A spy? Where did you get such a strange idea Braeburn. I'm a pony of business, nothing more. Observing others however, that should be apart of anypony's job."

Braeburn watched as Adumbrantum sipped casually from his drink, and wiped the corners of his mouth before exhaling in contentment. Another silence settled between the two ponies as Braeburn decided to slowly pick away at his meal.

As he ate the remains of his meal, Braeburn watched the waitstaff walk up and down the aisle of the dining car. They moved at a swift pace from table to table, running from the small kitchen or off into the lounge car once in a while. "There's a sort of symphony with how they move, isn't there?"

Braeburn nodded as he watched them. "Yeah, there is."

Adumbrantum nodded as he kept looking at Braeburn. He paid him no mind as he did so, but continued to instead just pony watch, even as the older pony stared at him. "So, what are you running from?"

Braeburn jumped slightly at the question, and briefly thanked Celestia that he wasn't drinking anything at the moment. He turned back to look at Adumbrantum and tried to give his most cool and collected face that he could. "What do you mean running away? Haven't we been over this?"

"No, I asked you what you were looking for, now I'm asking what you're running away from," he said, rather matter of factually. "Now come on, why don't you just relax. I know how it is, small town, everypony knows everyone's business. Can't have a moment to yourself to think."

Braeburn frowned as he rubbed a hoof through his mane a little. "It's not like that, well not really."

"Go on, you can tell me. Ain't nopony listening except me." He waived down a waiter and whispered something to him. The waiter nodded and dashed off in a second to do whatever it was that he was asked of, leaving Braeburn to face Adumbrantum.

"Well, I don't know where to start."

"Start at the beginning," Adumbrantum said as he leaned back in his seat. "And when you get to the end, stop."

The two of them looked at each other for several seconds, leaving Braeburn unsure of what to say or do. Adumbrantum kept his face straight and serious. Not a hint of malice or threat behind him, but almost like a counselor of some sort. He gave off a certain aura, lulling Braeburn into a state of ease. "Alright, it's not really running away from anything." He stopped, and looked at the cream stallion across from him, waiting for him to interrupt again. Instead he found him still in the same calm pose, with a look of intense concentration. "Well," Braeburn continued, "I guess I'm not so sure about my future anymore."

"An Apple unsure of his future?" Adumbrantum queried aloud. "That is unusual."

"What? Oh, no no no, not like that," he defended while waving his hooves back and forth. "I love farming, don't take it that way. It's just that, how do I put it."

"You just, tell it like it is, and everything will work out," Adumbrantum said with a reassuring smile.

"Well, I grew up on a farm outside of Manehatten, the Grand Apple Orchard. When I was a colt, I would travel to the city with my Ma and Pa to sell our wares. You know, get some extra bits outside of wholesale. Well, it was really prosperous, and nopony in my household went without. But I wanted more out of life than stability."

"Of course you did, you wanted excitement, the open road!"

Braeburn nodded at him before sipping down some of his coffee. "That's right, I did. I joined the Royal Surveyors Society as soon as I was old enough, and spent my time scouting the land for good places to start settlements. When I was sent to where Appleoosa is today, I thought that there was no way an orchard could ever take root in that desert, but they all stuck to their guns, and it was my job to help them."

"So you plowed the first apple orchard, correct?"

"That's right, for the last four years I've watched that speck of dirt in the middle of nowhere grow into a boom town! A place where you can raise your foals, and don't have to worry about the crime found in the cities." He smiled wide at the thought of his accomplishments before looking back down at the table.

"So," Adumbrantum said in a calm voice. "What you are really telling me, is simply that the thrill is gone, and you're thinking of moving on. Is that it?"

Braeburn nodded before taking the last bite of his meal and folding his napkin. "Well, I guess that's really it right there. Part of me wants to stay, but part of me feels like it's time to start again." He looked at his coffee cup and took the last few sips out of it before placing it down upon it's saucer. "What do you think?"

"I think," the older stallion replied. "That your youth is giving you cold hooves now that the place is becoming a place worth living at."

Braeburn looked at Adumbrantum like he'd just been slapped across the face. He tilted his hat back and leaned forward, ready to pounce on the pony before him. "What did you say?"

"Nothing you could really begin to understand," he replied with some snap in his voice. "You haven't lived a long enough life to know anything about what I mean. With age, comes experience with these matters."

Braeburn looked at the older pony as he casually bit into a spoonful of quiche with a smug look upon his face. It was as if the fact that he was simply older than him, and not by very much at that matter, that he could justify talking down to him. "Now listen here mister A-dum-brain-tum! I don't know who you think you are, but I don't let nopony talk to me that way!"

"Don't you even bother to think that you're Tornado here, you aren't like that."

"And how would you know, sir," Braeburn spat back across the table.

Adumbrantum gently placed his spoon down next to the fork and serrated spread knife. After a few moments of silently looking at Braeburn, his grin grew wider. "Go ahead colt. Make your point, here and now. I know you want to, I can see it in your eyes. Prove I'm wrong, prove to me that a small town colt like you has more life experience than me."

Braeburn felt himself shrink down slightly in his seat, and opened his mouth to say something. It however was cut off before a single syllable could come out. "However, I want you to be aware of an old saying we have in my profession before you do." He then held out one of his forelegs showing off his shod hoof, and neatly trimmed fetlocks. "As you can see, nothing up my sleeves. In fact, there aren't even sleeves to hide something in there."

He lowered the hoof down and gave Braeburn a stern look. Braeburn couldn't help but be magnetized to the face of the stallion, and he saw malice and excitement behind those eyes. "But I warn you, I know things that you would give your legs to learn about if you had an inkling to what I've seen and done. Now please, strike me. I invite you."

Braeburn stood up and looked down at the other stallion. He shook with excitement, ready to fight at the drop of a hat. Braeburn could see a grin spreading across Adumbrantum's face as he stood there. "Well, defend your honor Apple."

He stared at the pony for a second longer before lowering his hat. "Mister, you're trouble. An' if there's one thing I know, is that if you can walk away from trouble with no regrets, then do it." With that said, he made his way into the aisle and walked to the front of the car.

"Aha! I knew it!" Adumbrantum shouted as Braeburn walked away. "A coward till the end, afraid of what his family thinks, and now afraid of his kingdom growing out of control. You think that you can run away from your problems? You think that you can just take time to be alone? Remember what I said, you are never alone! Just when you are most alone, you're not!" Braeburn rolled his eyes as he walked away, past the staring ponies and entering the lounge. He passed through it, dancing around the drunken ponies staggering about the car as it pitched and rolled with it's natural rhythm.

That fool, all he has is a death wish. He quickly made his way into his private cabin and locked himself in. "How dare he insult me, and my family! Small town colt... If it weren't for me, that town wouldn't even be there! I charted the land, I planted the first hundred trees! I was one of the first ones out there founding that town, and..." He trailed off, unsure of what to say next, or even why he was ranting at all.

The silence grew uncomfortable as Braeburn thought about it all. As much of the conversation as he could think of, and at the end of it all he realized something. That guy's insane. But, he knew a lot of things. He began to pace the small room as thoughts flooded his mind. I don't know much about him, but if there's one thing that I can take away from this, I think that I know what to do with my life.

He smiled at last as he realized that his mind was made up about Appleoosa, about the next step in his life, and what he was going to do when he got home. Yes, I'll prove that crazy stallion wrong, I can tough it out. Like he said, when I think I'm the most alone is when I'll find I'm not. There's friends back there that I can rely on, some family too. Yeah, I'm not alone, and I don't have to leave. I can stay in Appleoosa, and make that orchard grow into one of the biggest and best in Equestria!

He looked out the window of his cabin, and watched the fields fly by as the train rocketed towards Manehatten. A part of him knew that he'd been manipulated into his decision, but another part of him was alright with it. After all, he's never alone.

Except for right now. Right now, he was all alone, in a cabin speeding east, farther and farther away from home, and closer to relatives and sights he hadn't seen in years. A feeling of comfort fell over Braeburn as he thought about it, and he looked back at the old stallion with more respect. With everything put in perspective, it was because of him he knew just what to do, and how to do it. He smiled even as settled into the pullout bed of his cabin.

That's when something else suddenly dawned on him, about what was really just said. "When you think are most alone... you aren't." He then shuddered as the thought played through his mind, and the implementations of what it meant. Braeburn looked around suspiciously, but saw nothing, and it terrified him.

The End.

Author's Note:

Adumbrantum.
Translation: Shadowing.

Shadowing
Adjective: to follow someone. Keeping close tabs on people and things.
Alt, To spy.

Comments

[horizon]

Happy Hearth's Warming! Good to see you writing again.

It's "hors d'oeuvres," by the way. French.

[Phoenix Quill]

3683923
Argh... I looked it up and that's what I got.

[Meridian Prime]

Only one upvote? Time to change that.

[Starman Ghost]

Hi. I'm Starman Ghost, and I'm here to review your fic on behalf of WRITE.

FORMATTING AND GRAMMAR

I noticed some consistent mistakes in your punctuation and sentence structure. These are things you'll need to watch out for and fix when you're revising. And if you're not in the habit of revising, start now. First drafts are never good no matter who writes them.

Before I go over the problems, and assuming you're not familiar with the definitions already, you should read up on dependent and independent clauses.

Runon sentences

If you have two independent clauses in a sentence, you can't just separate them with a comma:

They both had cups of hot apple cider, he could see the steam rising into the air before dissipating into the nothingness.

If you do that, you've created a runon sentence. There are two easy ways to fix this: the first is to split it into two separate sentences:

They both had cups of hot apple cider. He could see the steam rising into the air before dissipating into the nothingness.

The second is to put a coordinating conjunction (and, but, or, etc.) after the comma:

They both had cups of hot apple cider, and he could see the steam rising into the air before dissipating into the nothingness.

Sentence fragments

When a sentence has no independent clause, the result is a fragment:

An hour of patient waiting as a light snow continued to fall across the desert plains.

Not a puff of smoke, nor a gleam of lights, let alone the low rumble of its approach.

It's okay to use sentence fragments occasionally for emphasis, but the examples I quoted were within a few lines of each other. It would probably work better if you cut one or the other.

When to separate clauses with commas.

Use a comma (and a conjunction) to separate two independent clauses. Use just a conjunction to separate an independing clause followed by a dependent one. To use examples from your story:

The stationmaster turned around to face the window, gave a friendly smile, and waved for him to come inside.

"Waved for him to come inside" is a dependent clause, so the comma goes:

The stationmaster turned around to face the window, gave a friendly smile and waved for him to come inside.

And when you have a dependent clause followed by an independent clause, use a comma without a conjunction:

Not too bad, I guess.

Its/it's confusion

"Its" is possessive. "It's" is a contraction. There was some confusion about this in your story. A good rule of thumb is, "would it make sense if I replaced this word with 'it is' or 'it has'?" If so, use "it's." If not, use "its." An example:

He looked at a clock up above and watched the pendulum sway back and forth, filling the room with it's soft click.

In this case, you're referring to a soft click, which belongs to the clock's pendulum. You can see from the rule of thumb that it doesn't quite work:

He looked at a clock up above and watched the pendulum sway back and forth, filling the room with it is soft click.

He looked at a clock up above and watched the pendulum sway back and forth, filling the room with it has[/color soft click.

This means you want:

He looked at a clock up above and watched the pendulum sway back and forth, filling the room with its soft click.

Repeated Words

One of your characters has a tendency to use repeated words:

"Now now lad,"

"Come come now,"

It's fine to do this in dialogue, but to be grammatically sound, you need a comma between the first and second times the word is said:

"Now, now lad,"

"Come, come now,"

Other

When you're listing multiple actions in a sequence, only put an "and" before the last item:

Linewire suddenly pressed a hoof against one side of his headphones to listen to the incoming message over the wire, quickly wrote down marks for the several clicks that made up the horse code message, and passed it to Timely.

When you end a sentence with an interjection, it needs to be preceded by a comma:

So, you headed to Manehatten, huh?

One last thing I found was an instance of homophone confusion, when a writer uses a wrong word that sounds like the one they wanted:

"This is unexceptable, I demand my bits back!"

Should be "unacceptable."

NARRATION

To begin with, the introduction of the two OCs in the prologue was rather awkwardly handled. We don't really get any physical description of them beyond the fact that they're earth pony stallions. Even a couple of small physical details about each, such as a cropped, short tail or a wide snout, will make it much easier for the reader to fill in the missing pieces and visualize what they might look like.

I was also left with the impression that Braeburn did not know either of them. They are never referred to by name before he starts talking with them, nor is there any hint that he's even seen them before, and it only says Braeburn wanted to be inside because it was warm rather than for their company. They're just referred to as "the stationmaster" and "the telegraph operator," rather than (for example) "Linewire, the telegraph operator."

Tying into what I said by helping readers visualize characters by giving them a few small but important details, I'd like to talk next about how you've been establishing some of your scenes. It's good that you're doing this, but it's important that you don't get so caught up in a particular detail that the story that you grind the flow to a halt. An example:

They both had cups of hot apple cider, he could see the steam rising into the air before dissipating into the nothingness.

Again, mentioning the steam is a nice detail, but by the end the sentence becomes rather clunky. You don't need to write that the steam "dissipated into nothingness." The "into nothingness" is already implied when you write "dissipated." For that matter, I'd argue that it's not necessary to write anything past "rising" at all. I think it's a safe bet that your readers have seen steam coming from hot drinks before, so it's reasonable to assume they can visualize how it would behave. On top of that, you can also get rid of "hot," too. Cold drinks don't steam. From these suggestions, we can reduce this to:

They each had a cup of apple cider. He could see the steam.

I went ahead and changed "they both had cups" to "they each had a cup" so that it doesn't look like the sentence is implying that they each have multiple cups. This is still a bit clunky and overlong, though. We don't need a whole new sentence to say that there's steam coming from the cups when you can say the same in a single word:

They each had a cup of steaming apple cider.

On a more minor note, have a look at the sentence here:

The three of them sat in relative silence, sipping their drinks as Linewire would occasionally tap out a message on the telegraph, or write down a receiving message and pass it to Timely.

When I imagine this sentence without "in relative silence," it works equally well. The fact that the only noises you mentioned were sipping, tapping, and writing already does a good job of painting a quiet scene. You've shown, so there's no need to tell You can also get rid of "on the telegraph." We know Linewire's a telegraph operator, and he's working at his job, so there's no need to specify what he's tapping the message on.

On a different note, the construction of "sipping their drinks as Linewire would occasionally tap" is a bit awkward. The reader can understand what you meant easily enough, but I still get the mental image of the other two ponies leaving their drinks neglected until Linewire sends a message. A suggested revision:

The three of them sat and sipped their drinks. Occasionally, Linewire would tap out a message or write down a receiving message and pass it to Timely.

Finally, a note about dialogue. If you want to tag someone's dialogue, it's generally best to use "said" or "asked." Tags like this:

"An Apple unsure of his future?" Adumbrantum queried aloud.

are called said bookisms. They're cumbersome, and the reader will stumble over them without learning anything new. Don't be afraid to repeatedly write "said." It's innocuous enough that the reader can pass over it without really getting hung up on it.

PLOT AND CHARACTERS

It's important to address your dialogue here. Your characters should have their own unique voices that reflect their personalities. We already know what Braeburn is like from the show: he's a laid-back, informal cowboy type. Even if he's dealing with some problems, when you have him saying things like

time enough at last

It sounds off, especially because you're quoting a Twilight Zone episode. On a more minor example, there's a point where he says there is "nothing more to talk about." "Nothing more" seems a bit too formal for him, and I think "nothing else to talk about" (as most people would phrase it) would work better.

More generally, when people talk, they generally try to keep it short and not be overly wordy. When you write dialogue for someone, try to imagine them actually saying that, and see if it sounds natural to you. Let me give you an example:

I'm a pony of business, nothing more.

Now, if I were trying to convince someone that I were just a pony of business, the last words I'd say were "nothing more." It's unnecessary, and it's probably just going to plant the idea in their head that I am "something more."

Note that this isn't a universal rule. Blueblood is fine because he's supposed to be a pompous ass

I realize this section is shorter than the rest, but that's because I'd say this area is probably your strong suit. When you revise your fic, I don't think this will need as much attention as your grammar and narration.

CONCLUSION

I recommend that you do a significant revision of this story to fix issues with grammar, narration, and dialogue, and then have someone look it over again. The issues in your writing distracted me to the point that I found it difficult to really focus on the story that was being told. I'm not saying that to insult you, but that's why I recommend you send it to someone else to review after you've made your corrections. It's short enough to easily read in a single sitting, so once you've done some cleaning up, it shouldn't be difficult to find people willing to look it over and watch out for any problems with grammar or formatting that you might have missed, or give their opinion on how the story proper reads once it's been cleaned up. Especially watch out for grammar and formatting errors; there are a few I didn't cover here because they weren't mistakes you consistently made. The skeleton of a good story is there, with a character who undertakes something new and is shaped by his experience, so this story should be able to stand strong if you put the work into revising and editing.

Starman Ghost, WRITE's Unpaid Intern