S P I K Eu

by KOOR

Chapter One -- Ignorance

IgnoRance

Spike casually strolled down the streets of Ponyville with a content smile on his face. He had just finished another study session with Twilight, and he was glad to finally get out of the library. Ever since she became a Princess six years ago, Twilight’s demeanor became more serious and somehow more responsible than usual, a considerable feat knowing how Twilight could get when the stakes are high. Before, Twilight usually kept to herself with her study sessions and research for Princess Celestia, but she had decided around a year ago to make Spike an addition to the sessions. Claiming that he needed an education for when he finally became an adult, she lectured him on a daily basis on a variety of topics that differed from day to day.

Today’s topic happened to be chemistry. Spike grimaced even thinking about it. He just had not seen the use for it. He was not planning on pursuing a career as a scientist, much less a chemist, so he saw it as a waste of time. Twilight said it was an advantage to be knowledgeable in all subjects, since he did not know when he would need it. Spike would have objected by saying that knowing how to distill a solution required a very ideal situation for such a skill to even be remotely useful, but at the look of dejection on her face from the small bit of arguing they already did, he reluctantly assented to a seven hour session of the basics of chemistry. He would rather sit through a dull session of science than hurt his big sister’s feelings. He loved Twilight too much to throw knowledge, the very thing she cared for the most, in her face.

Pushing the thoughts of the earlier events of the day away, he set his eyes on the destination he had in mind: Carousel Boutique. Every few days, Spike would pay a visit to his friend, Rarity. It was no secret Spike had a crush on Rarity, but in his mind, who wouldn’t? She was an incredibly generous pony who would do anything she could to help a friend in need, whether it be a simple talk or offering to make some of her reputable clothing for the pony in question. In addition to a winning personality, Rarity also had the looks to turn every stallions’ head for miles. From her pristine white coat to her voluptuous purple mane, she was perfect in every way, and he knew that from the first day he met her all those years ago.

As he neared the entrance to Rarity’s place of business, he caught sight of his reflection in a window of a passing house. The years had been kind to Spike as well. When he first came to Ponyville, Spike was a short, chubby, baby dragon that still didn’t know much about the world. Now, thanks to a growth spurt that hit him a few years ago, the chubby part of his physique was lost as he started to gain some muscle mass as well as gaining a few feet in height, too. He stood over most ponies now, which boosted his confidence a bit since he no longer had to look up to the ponies, physically speaking. Age wise, he was twenty years old, but that was still considered very young for a dragon. Much to his disappointment, however, his wings had not begun to take shape, but Twilight assured him that they would come later in his life if he led a healthy lifestyle.

With an extra pep in his step, he opened the door to the Carousel Boutique, a familiar bell ringing as Spike stepped inside. He waited for Rarity to begin her signature slogan, but after a minute of silence, a look of surprise overtook his features.

“Rarity?” he called out to the empty store. As he looked around the immediate area, he could not help but admire the way she kept her business running. It was organized, tidy, and extremely efficient, and had been for as long as he could remember. From the masterfully crafted dresses displayed on the mannequins to the beautiful draperies and decorations adorning the space in front of him, Rarity’s cultivated knowledge in aesthetics that was attained over many years of experience was blatantly apparent.

“Rarity?” Spike tried again. Another moment passed by with no response.

He moved deeper into the shop. Where was she? Rarity was always here during business hours. For some reason, that thought made him pause for a moment. He was not sure why the thought seemed odd to him. He felt like he was missing something.

Spike started to go up the stairs to the second floor where the bedrooms were located. Now he was starting to worry. Rarity kept a strict schedule when it came to her work orders, and for him not to be greeted by the lovely voice he had come to love did not sit right with him.

As he reached the top of the stairs, he heard soft sniffling coming from the room whose owner he knew all too well. He slowly walked to the door and peeked inside.

Sitting on the regal mattress that seemed to also be a product of her talent, Rarity held a piece of parchment in her magic. Used tissues were strewn about the bed, and her eyes were red and puffy with her cheeks were with recently shed tears. She sniffled every few seconds, but her eyes never left the parchment.

“Rarity, are you alright?” he asked timidly. Spike was not used to a sight like this, even after all the years he had known her.

He expected Rarity to try and frantically get herself together since she always held herself to a high standard when it came to her looks, but instead, he got a dejected sigh as she laid her head down on the bed, the life seemingly draining out of her. She floated the piece of parchment over to him.

Spike took the document out of her magical grip and began to read with a curious, but concerned look. His look of concern slowly turned to one of horror as he continued to scan it. When he finished, his jaw hung open.

“How…How did this happen?” he asked gently.

“I don’t know, Spike. I just don’t know.” Her voice trembled, making Spike’s stomach drop.

“But...something like this couldn’t have happened over night. And to you of all ponies?”

“Unfortunately, yes.” Rarity sniffled again and sighed sadly. “The Carousel Boutique has been a bit...quiet lately.”

“Only a bit? Rarity, you’re in debt two hundred thousand bits!”

“Okay, maybe very quiet lately.”

“Rarity, look at me.” Spike stepped into the room and went to Rarity’s side. She shifted her gaze from the bedspread to his sharp, emerald eyes. “Why didn’t you let us know things were getting so bad?”

Rarity gave a sigh as she lowered her head. Once it seemed her thoughts were in order and her composure was somewhat regained, she started to speak.

“It all happened so quickly, Spike,” she began, her voice trembling. “One day, I had more ponies lined up at my door than I could count! Business was booming and I had more orders than I could keep up with. And then the next, nopony was there. Yes, it gave me a bit of worry, but I thought nothing of it! I assumed everything would go back to normal the next day. But when it didn’t, I thought the day after that, and then the day after that. Before I knew it, the savings were gone, and--and--” Her voice cracked. Tears started to well up in her eyes. “I j-just didn’t want to accept that I w-was…” She trailed off as she began to sob once more.

Spike sat closer to Rarity and embraced her in a hug. She bawled into his chest. He tried to comfort her by patting her back every so often. After five minutes, she regained her cool once more.

“I found out that my name had been tarnished in Canterlot by some of the social elites. If I took handouts now, it would only prove their point!”

Spike was not sure what she meant by that. Regardless, he said, “But don’t ponies remember what you and the others did against Discord? For the Crystal Empire?”

“That was almost a decade ago, darling.” She slumped back down onto the bed. “Ponies forget, move on. Other events have happened since then that took the spotlight.” Another sniffle. “I’m finished.”

Spike could not believe what was happening. It was an awful sight to Spike. Seeing one of the ponies he cared for the most so lifeless, so broken, so ready to give up on everything, stirred something inside him. He knew what he had to do. Ever since Spike had become friends with Rarity, she was always there when he needed a familiar face at his side. She was always so generous and selfless. It was time for him to return the favor.

“Rarity, I’m not sure how, but I will help you get through this, whatever it takes.” He spoke confidently, almost definitively, which surprised even himself. Rarity’s features showed she felt the same.

“But Spike, you don’t have any--”

“Money? You let me worry about that for now. It’s time I gave something back to you in return for all that you’ve done for me.”

More tears welled up in her eyes, and she had the barest hint of a smile. She wrapped her forelegs around Spike once more.

“Oh, Spikey. Thank you.”

As he hugged back, everything seemed like it was going to work out. The only thing that bothered him was a single thought in the back of his mind.

How exactly am I going to keep this promise?

Author's Note:

Comments

[AngryMeerkat]

Your writing is not terrible. You can keep a smooth pace going, and it'd be nice to see this built on, but you don't go into detail about anything other than the facts: This happened, that happened, this happened... there is no life in your world. Take some chances and go bold!

Except with your characters: the 2nd rule of fanfiction (after "be interesting") is establishing your credibility, and changing character personalities is a big no-no. For example, would Rarity, of all ponies, fail at business, dress-making or the social circle? Your entire plot seems to hinge on the fact that she did. At the same time, you've taken the "cute little kid who works hard and plays the straight man" and made him into a 20-year-old who still has the same crush from when he was a tween.

Now, I'm certain that it wasn't your intention, but these mis-characterizations come together to say you only changed the world to make Rarity into a damsel-in-distress, and Spike into a manly, relate able hero to save her.

As for the other side of your crossover: it's very nice to see more people carefully merging these two together, rather than "magic-portal-ing" the characters into each other's worlds, but my understanding is that Breaking Bad revolves around an under-appreciated genius who faces his own mortality and descends into crime with an increasingly sociopathic zeal, while the thorns nest of responsibilities keeps growing and growing. Putting that in the pony-perspective could be interesting, but of all the characters to play this part you chose Spike. An older Spike, even. Why?

I have absolutely no advice for improving your artistic writing skills, besides reading more and thinking about what you're reading, but when it comes to laying out the plot, characters, and narrative style I have this: Run the stories by friends. Don't tell them they're ponies, but keep the themes general and loose. Be open to complicating the narrative.

[KOOR]

3508874

Thank you for the comment. I truly appreciate it.

As for the questions, I hope to convey the reasoning behind my choices in characters and setting in the upcoming chapters. I only planned the first to set the simple premise that will most definitely be expanded upon.

I'll try not to disappoint.

[AngryMeerkat]

3509023

As for the questions, I hope to convey the reasoning behind my choices in characters and setting in the upcoming chapters. I only planned the first to set the simple premise that will most definitely be expanded upon.

I can't go and tell you how to write your story, but I think you tripped on the starting line here. The questions you've left, and the reasoning you plan to show us, are not intriguing. I don't care about reading the rest of this because you didn't establish your credibility in the first chapter, and I have doubts on whether you have legitimate reasons, or are just an inexperienced writer. The place to assuage those doubts was here, in this first chapter.

Everything in its proper place and whutnot.

My unvarnished advice is: try again. It sucks to just throw away work, and I know you've got a really cool story behind all this, but this first chapter doesn't hook me, and your concept needs to be laid out in a very short time window before I, as a reader, decide this isn't worth my time.