When Applejack is bedridden, Granny Smith passes the time by telling an Apple family story, a story of the love between a cowpony and a farm hoof.
- Something I wrote on a whim.
Editors: Slip Kid, Lunamoonthroat, Gandalf the Sparkle
Chapters (1)
Pony Sparkles
Joined 11th Aug, 2013 ·
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Well, it was pretty good, but very, very, obvious.
3543382
How so?
What happen to the other comments. That's a bad sign my friend
3543394
Those comments were just me and my proofreader discussing things. His/her name is listed above.
3543401
Oh well good story
3543388
Well, from the moment Granny Smith started talking about another young mare like Applejack, I knew who it was about. I'm pretty decent at figuring out plots, but it seemed really easy with this one.
Also, while I'm making you hate me, I might as well mention the part where the mother dies. (Really?...) It just kinda seemed like an easy way to get it over with. I don't think dying from emotional grief is very common, but it most likely is possible, so I'll give you that.
Last point. This could have been (I think it would have benefited from being) a lot longer. I mean, we don't even really get to know the parents at all... before they're both dead and gone. I know that Applejack already knows them, but we don't.
Anyway, sorry mate. It was actually a fairly good story, and even with all the problems I may have had with it, it was a fun read.
3543445
Well, this story wasn't meant to be a mystery or a tear jerker. I wrote this more for realism due to the fact that this is basically an adaptation from the story I mentioned in the author's notes. The non pony version of this is only 400 words!
3543492
Ahh, sorry then...
I officially freaking hate telling people things I dislike about their stories...
3543514
No worries! No one gets better at things when there's no criticism.
3543519
That's a great attitude. You did a good job here, and it's nice to see a heroic death.
3543519
This is very good. Sentence structure, correct Apple accent, no information dumping while still setting up the scene, etc. No misspelling as far as I could tell on a first read.
There is not much I can add here without doing my usual thing of quoting everything that catches my attention and commenting on it.
3544091
And don't forget to like the story and become a follower!
Thanks!
3544197
Since you ask so nicely. I'm usually busy with RPs but I do try to take some time to help out fellow writers.
Well it's a pretty solid theory in my books about AJ's parents. It's simple and predictable, yeah, but there aren't really any holes to nitpick at.
seemslegit.jpg
Anyways, nice story. As short as it was, it was very well written and enforces the idea that simplicity can be very effective. I've got no complaints; nicely done!
3543401
I'm a lad, mate
3545744
Thought so.
3545849
Oh, by the way, it's common practice to hyperlink the names of your editors
3545877
I linked your name, and I'm working on Plato's.
3546018
Thanks!
Woah. How did I get here? What is this place??
3561836 Jk. My bearings are a-okay!
hmm Is this considered trolling?
3561846
Yes.
3545877 Speaking of pre-readers/editors/whateveridontcare, it is nice to meet you fellow patron of this title! I am also one of those.
Merica'!
3561933
Hi!
Great story for a thousand words, I gotta read your other fic now.