The Nightmare Chronicles

by Maxypony

CH#4/CH#5/CH#6

Authors note: tl:dr lots of editing and changes needed

These three chapters still need editing and some alterations in plot developement.
the biggest one is that scoots and dash get separated in the storm, only dash meets sapphire at first. Also i hope you heard it before now but... These chapters are only a prototype for the chronicles i intend to write. So i am planning a redux which will clean, extend, beautify and have fluid continuity. If anypony wants to help me with the daunting (to me) task of editing or proof reading please hit me up. Any and all comments or critcism is welcome, enjoy!!

...i tink the spoiler faildled, meh wahtevsr

Chapter 4: Verily, Forsooth!

Sapphire awoke in a very strange place; all around her was within reach. She was surrounded on all sides by tall shining black obsidian shards, some reaching up all the way to the roof of, what she realized, the cave she was inside of.
Something was very different than before, it took a moment for sapphire to put her hoof on It. The It, was that she was entirely part of herself, no longer was her body a ghastly monstrosity created to be a vessel of her essence and nothing more. Beyond that, she was also really a part of this new world she'd just arrived in. She had changed in every way. No longer a spirit, she was no a real pony, she could feel the powerful web of connections that made her more than a mere physically present spectator. Each tiny string of connection began vibrating with a unending wealth of information, the energetic strings building to a orchestral cacophony of unbearable magical wonder. Sapphire was overwhelmed by the sear depth existance that surounded her, every sparkle of magical existance plucked a string bringing an ever growing and building beauty to her starving mind. Back before, there had been nothing except her Mistress, and the bleak desolate expanse of identical pointless, nothingness in every direction. Now Sapphire could feel a tiny sliver of all things that filled this new land of blissful enchantment.
Sapphire reveled in the novelty of her new meaning to life, creation surrounded her: and it was good.
Time passed before Sapphire remember she existed in the person of a pony. Upon this realization she began to shakily stand, opening her eyes for the first time in her whole life. Instantly the world of her mind disappeared, instead a world of sights, sounds and many other wonders greeted her senses. To her great astonishment, the world of the senses held a unique glory all its own. Sapphire could feel with her mind, but she could truely experiance with her senses. Sapphire looked around her cave before noticing her reflection on one of the slabs of obsidian.
She truely had changed, instead of sickly and wrinkled black skin, her entire pony form was coated in a two tone downy fur coat. The underhairs were immeasurably soft midnight blue fibers, whereas the outer guard hairs were a much lighter sapphire gray. Together they formed a shimmering sea of blue-gray magic.
Her face lost all its menicing angles, replaced with soft round curves. Her twin daggers of red crystal softened into cute rounded triangles partly hidden in her tantalizing silver streaked blue tinted amber mane. Her eyes flashed in the obsidian, devouring her attention. Instead of the dagger like slits of her mistress Sapphire's new eyes were a strange mashup. As if each eye had twin slits crossed over each other to form a X-shaped black maw. Her eyes, fully adjusted to the darkness, appeared almost like a backward square, surrounded by a irregular verdant border. She smiled, revealing the sharp tips of twin pure white fanglets.

Chapter 2: Impact

Scootaloo flexed her tiny wings, tensely waiting for Dashie's signal.
Suddenly the crystal clear sunlit skies abruptly dimmed, as a billowing wave of black fire burst from above the suddenly shell shocked tree tops of Everfree Forest. The ominous shockwave of ghostly flames, swiftly dissipated into the horizon, but left behind foreboding storm clouds forming above the fading gold-orange sunset.
Despite the ominous cause, the breathtaking beauty created by the dying sun's last rays lighting the darkness above with a perfusion of fiery beams of golden colour, stopped everypony in their hoofprints. Slack jawed, the inhabitants of ponyville stared into the sky as the final rays of light crept bellow the horizon.

/)(\

"What in all of Sweet Apple Orchards was that... Th-" The rest of Applejacks verbal quandary was cut short by deafening, keening ear splitting metallic hoof on chockboard screech reverberated throughout the valley, echoing around the neighboring hillsides, only fading into the distance at an excruciatingly languid pace.

"Could it possibly be?" Twilight implored to no one but the solitary tree under which she was studying a dusty tome on ancient pre-equestrian history.
Swiftly flipping to the index in the back, before tearing through the pages until she settled upon a short chapter on "off hoof" archeology from eons before the three tribes had even formed.
Twilight skimmed across a free paragraphs before finding the faded passage she was searching for.
Twi look up at the air space above the gnarled Everfree Forest. And to her horror she saw the last fading filaments of fire burning in a downward spiraling pillar.
"OH NOOOO. Its! Its... Its a DemonicPainDoom! Mother of Celestia..."
Twilight bemoaned in horror.
"Is that even possible!?!! Wait what is it?" Spike enquired as he crested the top of the hill.

/)(\

Rainbow Dash stared at the sky in dumb struck awe struck stupification.
Words began to form on her trembling lips. "What is this, I don't..." her voice broke and trailed off into silence.
At which point the ever perky but starstruck Scootaloo chirped in with mind blown enunciation. "THIS. HAS. TO. BE. 9000% COOLER!!! Than anythING!!!" Ending with a high pitched squeal.
Just then Scoot looked down, tracking movement from the edge vision, to see Dash hit the ground in a dry puff of dust.
In throughout all the shock and awe Dashie's shattered and paralyzed brain forgot to flap.
"Outch." She winced.

"Heehee" Scootaloo giggled. "you /should/ see your /face/"
Stretching out two of the words in a excessively dramatic fashion.

/)(\

"Well, darn. I ain't never seen anythin' the likes of /that/."
Stretching the last word out as if to set a record in the syllable in Equestria's vocal history.
Big Mac replied in a similarly drawn out fashion. "EEEYYEUUPP..."

Chapter 6: Fire in the Sky

Just as Dash thought she might just be able to nod off, softly padding hoofsteps announced the approach of a stranger. This pulled Dash out of her growing stupor, the Everfree Forest was no place to go napping, no matter how exausted a pony was.
Dashed opened her eyes blinking at the bright red haze that surrounded her visitor. Blinking again eyes now focused on the strange pony before her.
"Who are you?" dash asked in puzzlement.
The strange blue-gray pony cocked her head to one side, revealing two crystalline crimson horns from under her mane. The mare before her closed her eyes, tilting her head forward slightly twin horns aglow.
Dash felt a strange tickling feeling at the back of her mind. Moments later a sweet feminine voice echoed softly through her consciousness.
"My name is Sapphire. I'm lost. Could you help me?"
By now scootaloo was also fully wake and pointing a hoof at Sapphire called out in an accusing manner. "Are you even a real pony? You arn't any kind of pony i've ever seen!" Sapphire looked at the both of them in confusion, head twisted sideward again in perfect mimicry of a sparrow.
"It really is true, you don't have wings like any pegasus, you have two horns so you definitely can't be a unicorn..."
Dashie's voice trailed off as Sapphire inflected her head and closed her eyes.
"I'm very new to your language, this may feel strange."
Sapphire screwed her eyes up tight, a look of intense concentration plastered upon her face. With horns brightly aglow she sent a beam of crimson magic strait into Dashie's forehead. Dash felt the powerful blood red magic course through her mind, Bringing with it an upwelling of words and meaning to the forefront of her consciousness. Within seconds the magic was gone.
Dash felt violated, nopony, even the princesses should be able to toy with anyponies mind like that.
"DONT EVER DO THAT AGAIN! The mind talk was weird but that, thats just messed up." Dash vehemently blurted out.
Speaking for the first time Sapphire abashedly apologized.
"I'm sorry, did i hurt you? I didn't want it to hurt."
"No, it didn't hurt." Dash stated, taken slightly a back. "But don't you know not to invade ponies minds or privacy like that? It's not, it's not right." She finished.
"Oh I'm sorry, i did't know. Where I'm from that is how we always communicated."
"Where are you from anyways?" Dash asked, raising a eyebrow in the process.
"As a dutiful apprentice, I came down from the Lunar Orb to follow my mistress Nightmare Moon and to assist her in her noble purpose."
Both Dash and Scootaloo gasped in shock, taking an unconscious step backward.
"What? Is something the matter?" Sapphire probed.
"Um, nothing. Just we need to be... Going. Yes going, there is somewhere we need to go to. Right now. Bye."
"Please, can I come with you?" Sapphire pleaded mournfully.
"Sorry-no can do-bye."
The blue pegasus got up, and attempted to dash off. However her forelegs gave out, dash crumpled in a miserable heap.
"Let me help with that." Sapphire called out soothingly.
"No! I'm fine, really. We have to be going now."
Ignoring Dashie's complaints, Sapphire sent a healing beam of soothing crimson magic, filling the distressed Dash full of new life.
"Noo!" Dash shouted as if the red energy was a swarm of angry killer bees.
Within minutes however, Dash was able to move without pain. Torn between mind's logic and heart's truth Dash stopped a short way down the path. Scootaloo pulling up beside her.
After a minute of deleberation Dash turned around and began walking back toward the softly sobbing blue-gray moonmare.
"What are you doing!?" The shocked Scootaloo called after Dashes rapidly diminishing flank.
"The right thing!" Dash shouted over her shoulder. Crossing back over the rickety bridge, back to the ruined castle, right up to the oddly innocent moonmare.
Sitting there sobbing, Sapphire, it was clear to the pegasus had to be much younger than Dash had originally guessed. Despite being only a half a head shorter than herself, Dash reasoned that Sapphire was alot younger than she looked. Dash was now pretty sure that Sapphire didn't really understand who Nightmare Moon truly was. This meant that Sapphire was not necessarily evil.
This reasoning made Dashes decision to take Sapphire back to ponyville easier to make. Plus, this way, Dash could keep an eye on her.
"It's ok." Dash whispered soothingly as she approached the sobbing moonmare.
"I didn't know you wanted to come with us all that badly."
"I can come with you?" Sapphire asked hopefully, glancing up through her tears. This was the first time Dash had seen Sapphire's eyes up close, the twin winking maws really creeped her out. But Dash was now firmly determined to take Sapphire along with them.
"Yes of course you can, now lets go before Scootaloo gets worried."
Smiling Sapphire nuzzled against Dash.
"Thank you very much."
"Its no problem at all. Just one rule, you cannot, under any circumstances, invade ponies minds with magic, Deal?"
"Deal." Sapphire said in a regal, official sounding voice before breaking down into fits of giggles.
'this pony is really, really, weird. But in a good way.' Dash thought to herself while catching back up with Scootaloo.

Bo ce tontinued...

Comments

[Protocol]

You seem to be making a mistake that many writers make: You use too much flowery language and bring your descriptions and literary phrases WAY over the top. Because this sort of thing happens, it cripples your writing with a fatal flaw: it's boring. I don't want to read three paragraphs on how a pony looks, I can get an image in my head from two to five sentences. Give readers some fast paced drama or action.

You look like you can write. You just need to keep in mind the point where descriptive words that paint an image turn into flowery decorations that distract the reader.