I used to write on this website as the user lRainbowDashl but i forgot my log in so i created this user which i can use to write a few short/long stories depending on my commitment levels.
The Trotting Dead is a spin off of The Walking Dead based in Equestria having characters such as Daryl replaced with Pinkie Pie and Rick replaced with Twilight Sparkle.
The concept is a fairly bad one but i am using it to test myself to see if i have the patience and commitment to start writing again once i have done a little bit of this story i will pursue a more original concept hopefully with better writing and formatting.
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This is one of the best stories ive read i dont think i can stop now that i read it!
I cant wait to see your skills at work in the next chapter thx for a great story and BTW, the story is Great dont feel down that its not good because It IS! Its Amazing even.
3485494 Yes i do speak English and i use my ability to speak English in a way to try and express my creativity by doing stuff like writing. Not like you who takes the piss out of peoples work leaving nasty comments and disliking people that actually enjoyed what i wrote so stop being such a stuck up jerk and just grow the fuck up.
3489542 So what you're saying is that we have to like everything we see and we aren't allowed to have an opinion.
Sounds about right.
3489856 you're allowed to have an opinion but how about instead of broadcasting it through a YouTube video you express your opinion and instead of being a hateful little troll like most people on the internet you express it constructively?
3489856
Don't you know?
His Opinion>Your Opinion
3489864 Did you ever consider the fact that it might have been a joke? No? Okai.
3489864
What if that is his literal opinion? And instead of trying to understand him, you instead berate him for using what he thought would be a humorous response so as to soften the blow of his opinion?
3489876 A joke that i found offensive since it was a clear stab at my poor English skills.
3489876 I have dyspraxia and that means i struggle with things like this i'm not asking you to like my work im asking you to respect it. I know my English is bad but i'm trying to not let it stop me from writing. Im open to all criticism you have just don't belittle me like la Barata did. Out of all the communities i thought this would be the one that wasn't as hateful as most on the internet are.
Where to start where to start. Well first off, I love zombies and while I was never too fond of the Walking Dead TV show I loved the premise. I look forward to seeing people run with it and do a better job than the show.
I agree that negative comments really serve no purpose. You want constructive help to improve and I support that 100% So, are they humans or ponies? Cause you use terms like person, arms and hands when it should be pony, legs, and hooves. But you also have characters being hooked up to carts and "Trotting off" which makes me think ponies. Also trotting off while towing a cart is pretty impressive because a trot is fairly leisurely and you said the cart was full of apples which would imply it is heavy.
When you switch from one scene to the next in the same chapter it helps if you put a spacer like a line of asterisks.
****************************************************************************************
Like that ^ to make it clear we are in a whole new scene. Other wise we jump from AJ and Brae to Twilight then back to Pinkie, then to Sweetie Belle. Its rather confusing.
Why would the Doctor not tell Pinkie how serious her condition is? It might make her cooperate more. Also, why is bloodshot eyes and paleness mean Pinkie is going to die? That happens to me when I skip breakfast, don't get enough sleep, and spend the day running on Red Bull and pouring hot sauce in my eyes. A Doctor would have a bit more to say to make his case that Pinkie wouldn't last the night. It also helps us the readers understand the stakes. Right now I just feel that the doctor is incompetent.
...huh?
This is rather OOC as Fluttershy is sometimes nervous around her own friends. And the first time she met Twilight she could barely talk. Would she really approach some random pony that you describe as...
So he looks shady and he is a pony she doesn't know. considering she is afraid of her own shadow it makes little sense she would approach him.
Jumping back to the beginning for a moment...
See here you use "anypony" when other times you say "person." Its a little confusing because we associate person with human. Also, ten minutes really isn't that big a deal. In fact that is rather quick all things considered.
Over all your story jumps from place to place making it a very confusing story. You also really need to re-read your work because there are a lot of errors you could easily catch on your own with a re-read. You don't need to be a grammar Nazi to know to capitalize certain words (like proper names and i's), or when to use periods. Re-reads would also help you catch poor wording like...
If you did re-read your story then you desperately need to find yourself a pre-reader/ editor, or take more care with your re-reads. The story feels very rushed and that no care was taken with it. Also, with the advent of things like Google Docs and Microsoft word, programs that can check your spelling and even grammar, its really inexcusable to have so many problems in your story. Dyspraxia or not. I sympathise with your dyspraxia situation and understand how it can cause problems for you. I am glad to see you aren't letting it ruin your life and still venture to try and write. That being said, since I had no idea what dyspraxia was I had to research it a bit and found that it has nothing to do with an inability to use commas, periods, or the shift key. I also couldn't find anywhere that mentioned dyspraxia stopped you from being able to re-read your work and fix mistakes you made first time around. But...you know...Wikipedia... not exactly a reliable source.
I hope my advice helps you to become a better writer and to improve this story which has potential. I would also advice you to grow a thicker skin than whatever flimsy covering you are currently using. This is the internet mate, where you are going to hear peoples opinions whether you like it or not and some of them are not going to be very nice. You can either take it to heart and let it ruin your day, or you can turn into a whiny little cunt and tell people to fuck off for posting YouTube videos. They're just expressing their opinion. But I see your point...
You are right, people shouldn't broadcast their opinion through a YouTube video. That is just disgraceful and pathetic. In fact it makes me think of this video...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KrEOW6omais
I hate whiny little chodes like this who just go on YouTube to bitch and broadcast their opinions. (cough)hypocrite(cough)
One last thing, to save you time. Yes, I am friends with Barata. And when you delete this comment like the child...no...not child because that implies all children are whiny little cunts. When you delete this comment like the whiny cunt you are, I and he will still be right. And it wont change the fact that you clearly made an alternate account and used it to leave a positive comment on your story. How can I tell you may ask? Other than the fact that the account was made two weeks before the story was posted, their only friend is you, and they suck this stories dick like a $5 hooker? Simple, they make the same grammar and spelling errors you do.
TA!
3490284 Thank you for the feedback :)