Discord's Revenge

Everypony thought that Discord was gone for good. But unfortunately the fiend has returned, and more malevolent than ever...

Note: This story is a fail, don't read. lol

Chapters (3)

Prologue · 9th Mar 2012 · 198 words
198
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Darkening Skies · 11th Mar 2012 · 906 words
906
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The Game · 2nd Apr 2012 · 738 words
738
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Comments ( 4 )

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Nazkan

Nazkan #1 · Mar 11th, 2012 · · · Darkening Skies ·

Great, another evil Discord fic. Just what we needed. Forgive me if I hold my cheer, and remember to sit still while I operate my dissection kit.
Lets start at the length, shall we? This is painfully short, even by my standards, and I once wrote a 300 word story. If I had to give you a helpful hint, and I do, it would be to try and be more descriptive. You have a good grasp on avoiding the word said, so that's a good point. However, your minimalistic style undermines any attempts at utilizing this.
Rainbow Dash shouldn't be using the word bastard, since the word is never spoken in the show and is just crude enough to be considered a cuss word. Pinkie Pie only thinks with her stomach and is slightly out of character, but not enough to be a problem. Twilight is too willing to abandon her schedule while halfway through it, to be with her friends. She would at least attempt to continue working.
Discord is terribly out of character, but that's to be expected and I will allow a certain amount of leeway, but even in the parameters of the story he is still out of character. Discord is not stupid, he can realise that if he destroys everything, then there's nothing to make chaos with. He was also against killing ponies, preferring instead to break their minds and watch the ensuing 'fun'. Not to mention the fact that his powers don't even work like the way they are portrayed in the story. Clicking his fingers and making it rain fire lightning to set things on fire at least shows some semblance of common sense and control. Clicking his finger and making it rain exploding pillow cases to cause a flood of grape juice is both random and nonsensical, and that's more the way a god of chaos would act. But this is more my opinion than fact, so feel free to disregard this.
In conclusion, Clichéd, poorly written, out of character and just plain hard to read.
It's going to take a lot of revision to get this fic into one a person would be interested in. Try reading some of the non terrible fics around this website before you attempt to write one.
Giant balls of chicken
Dis...Nazkan