Twilight shook her head as she walked down the road towards her home, her saddlebags only a quarter of the way as full as she had expected. She had been turned down at the first three stalls she had gone to, as they were all run by earth ponies, so she had quickly learned to only go to stalls run by unicorns.
It seemed that her and Spike would be going out to eat that night. Probably at one of the higher end restaurants owned and operated by unicorns. Twilight allowed herself a small smirk. Calling Applejack a mud pony was certainly a unique experience, as was being called a stick head in return, and she was unsure of if she wanted to keep going with this whole "Cleansing Day" thing. Having said that, if Applejack's rules were anything to go by, the fact that she had called her a worthless mud pony at all meant that she was fair game until sunset.
Twilight was just about to turn down the street to her home when she heard a familiar voice behind her that stopped her in her tracks.
"Twilight! It's so lovely to see another member of the master race out, darling." Twilight grimaced, and looked behind her to see Rarity trotting up to her, a large smile on her face. A few earth ponies behind her smirked and rolled their eyes. "I hope you have had a pleasant day, Twilight. You haven't had any er..." Rarity exchanged a fake glare with a passing pegasus. "Incidents with the undesirables, have you?"
"Just Applejack." Twilight's grimace softened as Rarity gave her a greeting hug. "She explained to me what was going on today."
Rarity broke away from the hug and fixed Twilight with a wide-eyed stare. "You mean, you didn't know about Cleansing Day?" Rarity clicked her tongue and shook her head. "I'm sorry, darling, I thought you would have known. She didn't say anything in too poor taste to you before you understood, did she?"
Twilight rolled her eyes and sighed. "Just that I was a stick head and that I should go count my money and leave the worthless mud ponies alone."
Rarity flinched back and flattened her ears. "Oh dear. I am sorry for that, Twilight. Do let me make it up to you by inviting Spike and yourself over to my home for lunch, won't you?"
Twilight frowned and tilted her head. "Not that I don't love spending time with you, but why do you feel that you have to make it up to me?"
Rarity shrugged. "I suppose it's because I just assumed you knew about today." She waved her hoof. "Of course, I shouldn't really need an excuse to have you and Spikey-Wikey over for lunch other than that I enjoy your company, should I?"
Twilight snorted. "I dunno. Aren't dragons inferior today? They're not of the master race like we are." Rarity shot Twilight a bewildered look, and Twilight flinched back as she remembered Applejack's rules. "Wait... right. Can't say that about younger beings."
"It can be difficult for outsiders," Rarity conceded, "and I know that this is your first cleansing day, but don't worry..." Rarity smiled at Twilight and put a hoof on her shoulder. "We'll have you talking like an earth pony's parent's objecting to a bi-racial union in no time. I'll teach you some of my favorite Cleansing Day slurs during after lunch tea while Spike is playing with Sweetie Belle. How does that sound?"
"It sounds..." Twilight chuckled and rubbed one of her temples. "It sounds good, I guess."
* * * *
Three hours later, Twilight and Spike were sitting with Rarity and Sweetie Belle at Carousel Boutique, chatting about whatever topic struck their fancy. Of course, given that it was currently Cleansing Day, there was really only one thing to talk about.
"You should have seen the look on Apple Bloom's face when I called her a mud pony, sis!" said Sweetie Belle, her voice squeaking at the end of the sentence. "She tried to say that I wasn't really part of the master race because my magic hasn't come in yet, but I told her that even if it never came in my horn meant that I was better than her." Sweetie Belle beamed as she took a bite of her sandwich. "Then Scootaloo and Apple Bloom started fighting about if pegasi were better than earth ponies, so I told them that they were both wrong!"
"And you are indeed correct, Sweetie Belle," said Rarity with a smile as she patted her sister's head. "Mud ponies don't have our magic, and anything those featherbrains can do we can replicate, and certainly do better, so why even try to talk otherwise?"
"Yeah. We would have kept going, but we were laughing too hard." Sweetie Belle giggled when Rarity playfully booped her on the nose.
Twilight subtly shook her head and shot Spike a glance as she finished the last bite of her sandwich. He was staring blankly at the two ponies extolling the virtues of being a unicorn in front of him as if he couldn't quite believe what he was hearing. Twilight had, of course, filled him in on Cleansing Day and its purpose. He had initially laughed it off, assuming that she was coming up with a wild reason for why she had come back from the market with pretty much only condiments, rice, plastic cutlery, and grape juice, but his laughter had turned to disbelief when he found out that she was, in fact, completely serious. They had spent the next hour looking through the library to try to find anything about Cleansing Day that they could. To Twilight's great disappointment, all they found was a few pamphlets from the first ever Cleansing Day in the archive section of the library.
Now here they were, watching Rarity encourage Sweetie Belle to tell her best friends that she was better than them because of her horn. Twilight suddenly had an acute sense that she had been transported back hundreds of years ago and nopony had told her. She would have believed it too if she didn't know better.
Sweetie Belle and Rarity shared a brief laugh at something Sweetie Belle said, snapping Twilight out of her thoughts. "Wonderful, Sweetie Belle." Rarity nuzzled her sister. "Now, if you wouldn't mind running along and playing with Spike, Twilight and I have some things to talk about."
Sweetie Belle frowned. "But I already know all of 'em sis. Even "ground basher."
Rarity snorted and waved her hoof. "I'm well aware of that, Sweetie Belle, but Twilight and I need some 'us' time. Go play with Spike."
Sweetie Belle groaned, but hopped off of her seat. "Come on, Spike. I'll show you my room." Sweetie Belle's smile returned, and her ears perked up as Spike fell in step behind her. "I can teach you some of the good offensive words about other ponies that are different than I am that I know so maybe you can use them if you wanna do Cleansing Day next year!"
Twilight sighed as she watched Spike and Sweetie Belle walk up the stairs of the boutique before turning her attention back to Rarity, who was smiling fondly at her. "I hope that wasn't too odd to see, darling. You know that Sweetie Belle isn't usually so vulgar."
"Yeah..." Twilight pushed her plate to the side and leaned her foreleg against the table, and her head on her hoof. "I suppose I can see why the stallions and mares around town want to join in and all that, but why exactly are the foals getting involved?"
Rarity shrugged and began stacking the dirty plates. "Pegasus see, pegasus do, I suppose. It's not as though we can hide it from them, Twilight." Rarity stood up and put the dishes in the sink before turning back to Twilight. "It's not as though Sweetie Belle isn't going to notice that Rainbow Dash calls me a stick head in front of her. You know how dense those ground bashers can be, Twilight."
"Right." Twilight closed her eyes and tried to massage the dull headache that was creeping up. "Remind me the origins of 'ground basher' again?"
"Pegasi are too stupid to stop themselves from crashing."
"Ah." Twilight opened an eye and looked over at Rarity. "Of course."
Rarity trotted back over to the table and sat down across from Twilight. "Twilight? Is something the matter?"
"Well..." Twilight opened her other eye and sighed. "It's just... strange, waking up to find everypony is suddenly a complete racist. I mean, you're saying all of this so naturally!"
Rarity chuckled lightly and smirked at Twilight. "Well to be fair, Twilight, I have had a good fifteen or so Cleansing Days to really get my form down."
"That's just it!" Twilight motioned up to Sweetie Belle's room. "I think I was fine with it overall until I saw Sweetie Belle. Puzzled, maybe, but fine with it. If a bunch of grown ponies want to spend a day slinging racial slurs at each other because they all know it's good fun and nopony is getting hurt then... whatever." Twilight flattened her ears. "Foals, though? Rarity, can you honestly tell me that Sweetie Belle should be saying those things?"
Rarity shook her head. "Of course not, darling, and any other day I'd wash her mouth out with soap and make her write apology letters to everypony who heard her, on top of sending her to bed without supper, but..." Rarity shrugged. "It's Cleansing Day. Today, verbal racial taboos just sort of disappear for twelve hours, then go back like they never left."
"But why?!" Twilight stood up from her chair and began pacing around the room. "Why do you you even consider saying stuff like that? Just because you can doesn't mean that you should!"
"You're right, of course, but we do anyway." Rarity gave another shrug. "Think about it, Twilight. When Sweetie Belle talked about doing it, she didn't talk about doing it to her enemies, she talked about doing it to her friends."
"Why, though?!" Twilight stopped pacing and looked Rarity dead in the eye. "Are you really so dead set in being racist for a day that you'd get mad at Princess Celestia if she took it from you? I mean, are those thoughts that you actually have the other three sixty-four days of the year and you just keep them bottled up?"
"Of course not, dear!" Rarity insisted. She stood up from her seat, a hint of a frown tugging at her lips. "If I ever even thought of calling Applejack or Pinkie Pie a mud pony on any other day I would probably lock myself in my room and not bear to see them for a week I'd be so ashamed of myself. The same thing goes for if I called Rainbow or Fluttershy a sky head."
"But here it's okay."
"Yes." Rarity gave Twilight a single nod. "Here it is perfectly okay."
"But I don't understand why!" Twilight groaned and began pacing again. "I mean, why does it have to be this particular topic that you have to breach once a year?"
Rarity clicked her tongue and sat back down in her seat. "Twilight, as I said, Sweetie Belle only said that to friends; ponies who knew that she wasn't serious. Now, I know that she has had issues with bullies who are earth ponies, and if I found out that she said those things to them I would be quite cross with her. If she did that, she would be misusing the purpose of the day. She would actually have malicious intent, and that goes against what this day has evolved into for us." Rarity crossed her forelegs. "Now, you already called Applejack a mud pony, so you are fair game today, so if you don't want to be involved you can just stay home, but..." Rarity's smile suddenly turned mischievous, and she leaned forward. "When you called Applejack a worthless mud pony, didn't that feel a little... daring? Wasn't that exciting?"
"Well..." Twilight stopped pacing, and thought back to when she and Applejack had exchanged slurs. Truth be told, the rush she had felt when she said that was quite invigorating, and when Rarity put it like that, she could see her point.
Rarity, for her part, caught on to Twilight's hesitation, and widened her smile. "I think you have it. Disagree with it if you must, but trust me when I say that it has been ninety-seven years since Ponyville's last racially motivated crime. It just doesn't happen around here." Rarity shrugged and stood up from the table. "If you take all of that into account, what's wrong with any of it? The negative power of those words is gone, isn't it?"
I just have this feeling that in reality the concept just wouldn't work. You can't keep things bottled for a whole year. Sure getting to blow it off might help, but to hold it in for the rest....
That's not a criticism of the story (which I love as always), in fact I get the feeling that you're using the story to criticise the film through Twilight, just I agree with her that the whole concept is absurd.
I'll admit, I am struggling with the concept. I mean it's funny, but racial jokes can only carry a story so far.
Proud member of the unicorn master race.
I must admit the origins of this tradition seem a bit hard to understand. If you really were racist, that'd be a lot of bottling up you'd have to do the rest of the year. However the idea of breaking a normal social taboo and suddenly finding that, on this one day, you can get away with it, kind of makes sense. I can see how the whole thing would be a bit of fun, but there are probably better taboo's to be broken than racism... maybe.
Posting it because everyone's thinking it.
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I just kept thinking of this whenever Rarity said 'Tradition' XD
Goddamnit this is so bloody stupid, but I want you to continue for some reason. I am enjoying this even though I can feel my brain dying.
This is like intellectual masochism.
Also, I'm disappointed Rarity would use the logical fallacy of Appeal to Tradition.
That's something I'd expect from a ignorant dirtpony, not an educated Unicorn like her.
3382267 I hope she's the best that would make me love this story even more. Even better would be if she didn't know cause no pony says things like that around Fluttershy XD
This is so dumb, but I'm loving it. Although, it wold help a HELL of a lot if you included some more dialogue about this only being a joke. That none of them actually THINK this way, it's just something they do as a joke and to "get into the swing of things." Sort of a moral about laughing at bad things to make them powerless type deal. Giggle at the Ghostlies, ya dig?
Proud Mud pony here!
Huh. I had completely missed the tags and thought this was a "serious" story.
*Imagines alternative version where Twilight still meets Applejack and when the farm pony insults and demeans her, instead of sticking around for an explanation, she runs off in tears. On the way back, she has every offensive slur hurled at her by other ponies, including her friends and when she reaches home, grabs Spike and makes off to the safety of Canterlot and her precious princess..........
Anyone willing to write it....... anyone?........ hello?........
3382322 Great minds think alike. TRADITIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!! TRADITION!
3381872 Who or what is TD? I'm so lost right now
Kinda reminds me of this:
Fugue Feast - Dishonored
If Celestia & Luna were aware of Cleansing day and wished to troll twilight
:We have arrived dear sister
Luna: I honestly do not understand why we have to visit this... village of lesser beings, i feel filthy just being looked at by them.
: We are here simply to visit my student, you know this quite well.
L: How can you tolerate constantly having to make contact with a mortal such as her?
Twilight: Not you guys too
Twilight! No! Not you too!
This is a bad habit to cultivate, right here, and Twilight is submitting to it.
I think this might constitute a minor tragedy.
I feel like this sort of tradition actually has a long...well...tradition in human history. It has a bit of a different spin, being based on race, but the idea of a day where you let the darkness or vice out is one with a long tradition.
Feast of Fools, April Fool's Day, Halloween, and perhaps even something like Fat Tuesday. All focused around different forms of upturning social conventions or indulging in gluttony (Fat Tuesday, a feast before the fasting of Lent) or Halloween (letting the monsters roam free and indulging in pranks. "Trick or Treat" wasn't always cute. It is a form of extortion! Give me something good or else I trick you!).
Holidays where a society gets to 'let its hair down' and indulge in activities which, on any other day, would be shamed and ostracized are not as uncommon in history. Maybe they are uncommon today, for various reasons. Maybe since we (I'm American, YMMV) are taught not to shame people for as many behaviors as once were shamed we have less need to let loose.
3382252
Bah - narwhal. Takes REAL strength to stand without magic, real intelligence to fly without wings.
Join the Earth Ponies today! They're just plain better than you.
How about some one who was treated like an outcast before, like Zecora. I'd like to see how the better zebra deals with this day. I mean, really? Are these ponies so weak as one only has to say "Everfree Forest" and they'll take an inadvertant leak.
If a unicorn doesn't get called a narwhal I'm going to cry.
3382581
You, don't know TD?
He's the snarky and sarcastic main character of No, I am NOT a Brony, GET ME OUTTA EQUESTRIA!!!, it's sequel Wanderings of a Non-Brony and about half a dozen side stories(with part three coming, sometime soon). He's ended up becoming rather popular among a lot of BronyWriter's readers. (He's a human, if the titles didn't make that clear.)
3381872We know this, we just think an alternate/parallel story set in a non-canon part of the Nonbronyverse would also be amazing, seeing as how TD (in-canon) is quite snarky and sarcastic and (alt-canon) is the Immortal Alicorn Princess of Snark, Sarcasm, Foal Services, and Pastries.
3382581The main protagonist in one of Bronywriter's two most popular universes: the Nonbronyverse. TD is not a brony, and was pulled into Equestria by means that I won't exactly spoil for you, since it really frames the entire first story. In alternate canons, he accidentally steals Twilight's ascension, gets kidnapped by the FBI for having a filly Rarity (who just so happens to be best hydrogen bomb (that's a joke,)) and gets taken over by Discord (not in the same alternate canons.)
3382193 I haven't even seen the film, and this story isn't completely about the racial jokes. That's a small part of it.
3382196 Sure.
3382268 It started off as actually racist, but it's moved on to fun to break a taboo.
This fic is great, though you should really change it to say you dont want to participate, to a magic necklace that people can see that you don't want to, but if you are racist, it dissapears. It seems people are being racist at first without even knowing whether they want to participate, so it would seem more logical. hilarious fic so far btw
TWI OMGBBQ ITS OKAY BECAUSE IT MAKES SERIOUS SUBJECTS NOT SO SERIOUS, SO THAT WHEN IT ACTUALLY DOES HAPPEN, NOBODY CARES.
I suppose if I were in Rarity's place, trying to explain this seemingly-strange tradition to Twilight, I'd put it something like this:
It's a bit like Nightmare Night, where foals dress up as the things that would normally frighten them, then deliberately scare themselves silly and laugh about it. Cleansing Day isn't about celebrating racism, or encouraging those beastly attitudes -- it's about making a mockery of them. Making it so ridiculously absurd and over-the-top that it simply can't be taken seriously, and proving that the mere words have no power to harm us unless we allow them to.
Shucks, even a empty-headed mud pony like me can figure that out, Twi. Ah thought you bone-heads were s'posed ta be th' smart ones.
Maybe it's growing the wrong direction and squeezing her brain, huh?
You keep outta this, ya fish-eatin' featherhead.
You... I... um... you're just jealous 'cause we're... um... oh, I've got nothing.
Good gravy, Twi, where'd you grow up that you never learned how ta properly cuss somepony out?
Um... a library, remember?
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YOU CAN'T FIGHT NATURE, JACK
just had to say that
3382740 narwhal horns grow from an elongated tooth and it's only in males.
3383314 So?
3383331 Just sayin'.
This was glorious! I'm glad I decided against downloading it this morning and reading it during class after all, or I would have been kicked out for sure.
I just feel like Twilight is going to level the whole town by the end of this. I can almost see a surprise visit from either Celestia or Luna also. Good lord imagine the chaos that Luna would bring. Straight to nightmare moon. God this is where this really need to go. Being insulted in the bold royal canterlot CAPS-LOCK. Keep it up really wanna see where this goes.
This is dumb... this is hilarious... and I dislike it.
I'm sorry, I know we are not supposed to take the content of the story seriously, but I tend to over-think things, and... it's just so damn two-faced of the characters. I mean, really? It's not acceptable for your little sister to learn racial slurs, but you teach her because tradition demands it? Does that mean if tradition said you could lynch a foal, you would do so? It sounds like it.
Insult your friends? Tradition!
Let your little sisters potentially ruin friendships or chances at them because someone doesn't know? Tradition!
Someone commits suicide as a result of too much of this, like, say, a certain supposed orphan filly that may not be an orphan but many parts of the fandom believe her to be one? TRA-FUCKING-DITION!!
That's all I'm hearing. "We know it's wrong, but we do it anyway because it's tradition!". Don't bring up religious traditions to me for comparison, because this is not the same. -_-
I know we are not supposed to take this seriously, but the tradition excuse is being parroted already and getting old fast, sucking away any humor. It's like, say, it's okay to be racist because it's family tradition. No, it's not okay. I'm with Twilight with this one.
... I sense dark, dark stuff in the future, foreshadowed by those words, done by Twilight because no one in Ponyville can grasp that this is a dumbass's tradition.
3382331
Yeah, that's another issue... a fallacy of "Appeal to Tradition". I recall in a class that it is one of the WORST fallacies in an argument.
3382479
sounds like a good idea I could use...but no, I cant do that.
You know, I liked it. It's a very different idea.
3382963 That's the Pinkie chapter...
3383517 Take a look at EquesTRON's comment, as it's basically the whole point I was trying to make. I'm giving each pony's take on a ridiculous day. It's not so much 'tradition' as 'taking the power of those words away.'
3383648
Still falls a bit flat when, again, certain foals might not know how harmful the insults are or some might and never want to be friends with others again. Ponyville does get visitors, after all. -_-
I have to admit, I did nazi this coming.
Ann Frankely, I am quite offended.
The Purge in Ponyville.
Yes.
This is... Intriguing... The idea of a whole day where you get to completely racist to everyone that isn't a part of your particular race... That sounds incredibly stupid, but if you actually think about how it symbolises how words can't hurt us, it soon becomes absolute genius!
Oh, by the way, cannot wait for the Fluttershy chapter.
How unfortunate it would be to visit Ponyville on Cleansing Day. That would suuuuuuuuuuck. If I was visiting, I would just act racist towards the entire town. Sod it, why not?
3383657 That's why there are rules to this kind of thing. They don't just send the foals to school and go "okay, be racist today" they're sure to add structure and context. Note how Sweetie Belle only talked like that to Scootaloo and Apple Bloom, two ponies who knew that she didn't mean it. I'll use the Nightmare Night analogy that's being thrown around: they know ghouls aren't actually coming out. Besides, Applejack also said that if somepony doesn't know what's going on, they aren't involved. They would be careful to not act like this around visitors. Besides, how often do we see them in the show anyway? What, do you think Rarity is dumb enough to act like that around somepony from Canterlot who walks into her shop?
3383617 Whyyyyyyyyy?
3384199
Because I am the type of person who doesn't write murder and gore, and writes everyone stories.
Are you going to bring Hearth's Warming Eve into this? ie the holiday that teaches us "Don't be racist or else windagos will descend from the sky and extinct our entire species with freezing and starvation."
3384229 Tis a lie! The real reason was because I said I didn't like Doctor Who!
On a (slightly) more serious note, I didn't suggest anything involving murder or gore, although I can see where my idea would not fall into the "Everyone" tag. Ah well!
3384256
Why would I say no just because somepony doesn't like a show I enjoy? If I wanted even with you, I would send the whoovian army after you. That sounds like an awesome idea to do sometime...anyway, I didn't know you talked to me about hating doctor who
3384281 .......Twas merely a joke I made, it was supposed to be slightly funny...... it seems my humour is lacking.
3384301
I don't get huor, I am a serious person, anyway, I am going to rally the whoovian army.
3384309 NoooooooooOOOOOOO!
This is going to end in ethnical cleansing.