When a couple of ponies stumble across a massive deposit of crystals and gems beneath the Everfree Forest, something doesn't feel quite right. As much as Rarity wants to, Twilight insists they cannot just dig them up and put them on display. They need to be examined and studied just to make sure it's safe. So they both head home empty-hooved, much to Rarity's dismay.
But her mind keeps drifting back. A little visit couldn't hurt, right? She just wants to look, stare into their beauty. Their wonderful, magnificent beauty.
At some point, one crosses the line between curiosity and intrigue, and falls straight into obsession.
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1st place in the Transformation Horror Write-Off, 2013
Transformations Group
Write-Off Info and Other Entries
Cover Art commissioned from Celerypony
@Azure-Spark...
Good Dark horror story premise & follow-through, hale & hearty word-count, no glaring technical writing errors.
Well done
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A very interesting story you have written and it's obvious why it won. Can't help but wonder just who all the voices are and what exactly happened to them... It's not like the cave's filled with dragon guards, is it? Unless it's an enormous cave
Still wondering about how Sweetie and Twilight end up though. I know, Twilight's probably dead but still, she's been through worse than a rabid dragon attack
Anyway, great story, I really liked it.
It's nice to see this story up on Fimfiction. The process in this story by which Rarity becomes a
Blue-Eyes Whitedragon is quite creepy and well done. And it also leaves no important questions unanswered and it ends on a similarly appropriate creepy note. Good job.Should have messaged me that you'd put this up! I would have added you much earlier.
I remember reading this. Great job, Azure.
'Epic' doesn't describe this story anywhere near well enough... Yet, it's the only thing that comes to mind. How the flip am I supposed to describe this sheer feast of a dark and somewhat scary fic?
I hate these dark horror stories, but you did it so well. I may be walking away upset that I ended up reading something so horrifying but you still get a thumbs up...
Creepy and well-done. Liked and favorited, dear sir or madam.
Please write more of this.
I'm conflicted. Something kept me from being truly disturbed to the point that I felt cold/numb, but the grammar is flawless, the word count is highly respectable, and I like the idea. I already liked it, but I'm debating whether or not to fave.
Dammit. XD
I want to write a sequel to this, but I don't think I have the time or the experience with the characters you've used. Plus to write the sequel I'd have to insert an OC. I'm not good with turning characters hat aren't mine into the heroes of the story. I can only do it with my own characters.
Could you please write a sequel to this?
It's a very good thing that the crystals aren't Weeping Angels. Unless they are, which means that the story image of the crystal is itself the crystal.
But that's ridiculous, how can I protect an image on a screen?
Oh Rarity, you silly filly. This is basic stuff! Anything deliberately buried or concealed more than 5 feet underground is cursed, evil or both.
We need someone, we need the dragonborn
Damn that was good! The descent into madness was masterfully done, and you handled the perspective changes perfectly. Absolutely loved it.
Please keep writing, I'll keep reading!
Man, that was a creepy one. Pretty nice work! I'm glad I waited until October to read it.
Can't say I'm an expert on possession stories, but Rarity's change of heart halfway through her transformation stood out to me as something I can't recall seeing very often. Her body was morphing into something predatory and slithery, and she "decided" that her new body was a thing of beauty. For a pony who places high value on her physical appearance, transitioning that value to the creature she was transforming into marked the point at which she was truly and completely lost to the crystal. (Not that there's anything wrong with scales, which I'm glad you hinted at using Rarity's thoughts of Spike.)
And speaking of Spike, I'm not one hundred percent down with his portrayal here. It's only a minor thing, but it seems a little off that you only emphasized his childish qualities, as if he's not wise beyond his years. It's not a flaw by any means, just that I enjoy seeing Spike written with the qualities that I like him for.
What I did feel was slightly flawed what the verisimilitude of Rarity's possession/transformation. At the start, enough of an excuse is offered to get by, but on the second morning I was fairly convinced that she was falling into the horror formula for making stupid decisions. Only when Sweetie Belle bears witness to her zombified sketching would a reader find out that she had already lost control. Unless you were working at something I didn't pick up on, I think some stronger hints at the crystal's hold on her mind would have benefited the story.
You nailed the closing line, though. So much horror relies on the perfect final sentence to bring a horrible or tragic situation to its close, and this one definitely works. Though I can't help but see a happy outcome close at hand (except for Twi bein' dead'n'all...). Spike's not gonna stay away from that cave for long, and...well, he's already a dragon and he eats gemstones!
Oh damnit. I really shouldn't have read this knowing the genre. Really good story overall, just not really my taste. I just didn't want to stop for some reason. lol
To quote Dr. Neo Periwinkle Cortex, "Advert Your Gaze Or You'll Go, Crystal Crazy"
(That was from Crash Twinsanity)
Ah, so those are how dragons are made. Someone should tell Spike about the birds and the bees proper now.
Does this mean Sombra is a dragon? Does this mean Golum is a dragon?
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