Fluttershy is looking for a new love when Big Mac breaks her heart for the last time, no matter who it comes from.
Rarity is fighting her feelings toward Fluttershy because she believes herself to be straight.
Big Mac tries to keep Fluttershy to himself even though he's with another mare every night.
Time for breaking hearts, false promises, love, and a few surprises including a race thought long gone and new entities...
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Don't use the asterisk (this thing * ) so much. If they're doing something like taking a breath or sniffling because they've been crying, try to make it flow naturally into or out of the dialogue, instead of just putting an asterisk there. This really helps with the minimum word requirement, providing a lot of "filler text".
Take this for example:
Compared to:
That's four extra words towards your 1000 word minimum.
A little more description would also help, as it would show more about the setting, and develop the story more, and provide even more "filler text".
I didn't mean just that one line. Find other spots that allow for elaboration on what a character is thinking or feeling, not just what they're doing.
I was glancing through the list of new stories, and I couldn't help but notice your 'short description'.
Now, what has me so curious here is the fact that you are including clop of all things in a teen rated fic. I'm not sure if you realize what it actually is, but clop is the explicit depiction of sex.
To quote you some FAQ articles,
What defines whether a story is rated as teen or mature?
When should I use the 'sex' and 'gore' tags?
That being said, you should either reassess what content you have planned for the fic and decide whether or not you should adjust the story rating to mature, or adjust your 'short description'.
Interested to see how this goes, honestly. I follow story!
3621580
I put mild clop because it alludes towards it. There's no real like all in clop in the story. The reason it's there is one sentence in the second chapter that I'll be posting soon.
3621580
But you have a very good point, thank you. I edited the description.
3621656 Yeah, allusions to sex generally come with the Teen/Sex territory.
Much better than the original version. The story flows pseudo-naturally, but there are points where the rhythm was offset by a random word or abbreviation.
Like:
You could've left Fluttershy unabbreviated, and you don't need the second Flutters in there.
For instance:
Just some friendly advice from a sibling.
I gotta say, I've never thought of making Big Mac such a... well... penis lemme say XD
very good story in genral although i was not expecting big mac to be such an ass
it makes me sick the way he treated 
i an going to kill him now
but still awesome story
Now I see why the likes and dislikes are balanced.
Luna is too direct, and she says divine WAY too often. That's not a word she'd use regularly, nor does it match her relaxed, old English speech pattern.
Also, Rarity brought up relationships pretty abruptly. Almost insultingly so. Her manners would have had her discuss much more mundane things, like weather, politics, or even fashion, before ever bringing up dating. There's so much more to "proper" discussion that you just throw out the window, even though these are two of the most refined ponies in Equestria.
Plus, Luna's internal dialogue gave away too much. Instead of having her outright think of Pinkie, you should've put "that other mare." This creates suspense, as well as curiosity over who the other mare could be, instead of killing the surprise instantly.
Lastly, however dramatic Rarity may be, I doubt she'd go running through the streets bawling her eyes out. She'd keep a perfectly composed face as she walked back to the Boutique, where she'd then go to her room, lock her door, and give her pillow a few new mascara stains.
Just a little advice that might lower the amount of dislikes.
the fuck is going on?
just a few chapters ago fluttershy admitted her feelings for rarity but now shes been dating pinkie?
the fuck?
i thought this was a rarshy ship?
not a pinkshy ship.
4397560
This story still has a long way to go.
4397530
I fixed the divine and other mare issues. Also, if you read just before the relationships part, it says: About an hour later, they’re sitting in Rarity’s lounge drinking tea and talking like best friends about their lives.
They had already been talking for an hour.
4398015
All I was saying was that this chapter seemed a little rushed. Don't think you have to write an entire chapter in one go. You can go back, reread it, fix errors, make it longer, add in new plot tools, etc, etc.
Take the time to make the story truly worth reading. Right now it's interesting, but it lacks the mental and emotional oomph it could have if you explained things just a little better and gave us more details.
Which brings me back to Rarity and Luna's talk. It's weird they seem all buddy-buddy even though they're rarely seen together in the show. What exactly did they discuss during that hour that got Rarity comfortable enough to ask a princess about her love life? Maybe you could edit it in. Luna's reaction to the dress is a good place to start, as it provides a common ground for them to start talking.
Sorry about being so analytical, but I'm just trying to help make this story even better.
I dont care i dont like Big Mac anyway sorry he an undeveloped character
What is with the flutter pie
Now am pissed i dont like the shipping flutterpie sorry it just makes no sense