• Member Since 14th Oct, 2013
  • offline last seen Jul 22nd, 2014

Scriptor


Figured that I might as well try out my fan fiction on this site.

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Source

Luna guards the dreams from nightmares...what happened for those thousand years when she was gone?

Celestia has a problem, without Princess Luna, dreams are uneasy; Nightmares plague her subjects, and she must use an ancient form of magic to solve this problem.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 1 )

Hm... this is an interesting beginning. The plot is rational and I like how it shows that even such a small detail as dreams can endanger the whole kingdom.
There were some occasional typos, but nothing too recurring.

before she unfurling -ed her wings
their they are alright
She would enjoyed flying
Also one "although" at the beginning of a sentence isn't capitalized

Formating-wise, I'd recommend you split the story into smaller paragraphs. Such blocks of text are quite easy to get lost in.

However, one thing that could have been done better.

She had tried to enter... She enjoyed flying...

You state a lot of things as simple facts. Take that flying part as example. You said that Luna liked it, Celestia didn't. But you can let the story do that for you.
Celestia can fly and a shiver will ran down her spine. She can start thinking about how flying in the sunshine is better, what Luna liked... or another scene. She can try entering the dreamscape "before the eyes" of the reader. Of course she fails like many times before. Again, explaining time follows. It's a small change, but it helps the story a lot.

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