Twilight woke up to the sound of her beeping alarm clock, which practically screamed at her to get out of bed. Instead of obeying, she opted to just lie there, half-asleep and exhausted from the ten hour drive by car she had made with her mother to see her older brother before he was sent away on his first mission with the military.
Twilight smiled a little, the thought of her brother piercing through the haze of exhaustion. Sure, she was tired, but missing school for a week and spending it hanging out with her older brother was well worth the cost of having to get up this morning.
Finally, she sat upright and leaned over to turn the alarm clock off, yawned, and then went into her drawers to pick out a light purple skirt, (her favourite), and a baby blue blouse.
Under an hour later, Twilight had her hefty backpack filled with almost overdue library books slung across her shoulders as she said her customary morning goodbye to her mother. Twilight's tiny dog Spike yapped at her as she headed out the door.
Twilight walked to school. The cool morning air and dead leaves that crunched beneath her reminded her that it was already fast-approaching autumn in the school year, although the sunny weather helped combat the autumn frost that would soon be approching.
Another girl walked beside her. Her name was Fluttershy, and as far as Twilight could see it was more or less a self-fullfilling prophecy.
She had walked with Fluttershy for all throughout her high school years, but any attempts at conversation always died as soon as they started. There was an unspoken agreement between both parties to ignore each other's company. Twilight knew that might sound abhorrent to other girls, but she liked things the way they were.
Today, though, Fluttershy kept looking at Twilight indiscreetly, opening her mouth and then closing it repeatedly, as if her mouth wanted to say something but the rest of her body wouldn't allow her.
She couldn't stand it any longer. "What?"
Fluttershy seemed to jump. "Is there anything wrong, Twilight?"
"You keep looking at me."
Fluttershy immediately looked away. "Oh, I'm so sorry, it's just... you remind me of her."
"Her?"
"The girl that came to our school last week."
"I wasn't here last week," Twilight said, "I was out visiting my older brother."
"Oh. Then, um, people might act a little strange when they see you."
"Why?"
"Well, she got really popular and then she left as soon as she did," Fluttershy practically whimpered from her shyness.
"Okay..." Twilight said, "so why'd she leave?"
"She said she had to go back home to Equestria. At least, that's what I think she called it."
"Equestri-what? That's not a real place."
"She said she was from another world."
Twilight rolled her eyes. "Let me guess, she had magical powers too."
"How'd you know?" Fluttershy said in surprise.
"I was being sarcastic. Magic exists in fairy tales. Grow up."
Fluttershy fell silent, except for a tiny sniffle.
Great, Twilight thought to herself in irritation, I made her cry. Just great.
Twilight had some time to kill before first period. A tiny bit of curiosity sparked in the back of her mind. The awarding of the Princess of The Fall Formal had been last week, and she'd missed it completely.
Of course, there was only one candidate that was running, so it was a guarantee who won.
Nevertheless, the bit of curiosity still lingered. What if that girl Fluttershy was talking about somehow got popular enough to beat Sunset Shimmer, the school bully and long-standing winner of the Fall Formal?
It was a ridiculous thought, one with only slightly higher chances of being true than a girl that could cast magic spells; but as Twilight had nothing better to do with her time, she headed towards the gallery anyways.
There were two galleries, one in the principal's office and other for the students out in one of the out of the way hallways of the school. Twilight wondered not for the first time if the principal ever got tired of seeing Sunset Shimmer's face on every single picture of the Fall Formal winners.
Twilight stopped.
Right in front of her was the picture of the new Fall Formal winner, and it wasn't Sunset Shimmer.
It was Twilight.
It was a picture of her, holding Spike, who instead of trying to bolt from the camera like he always did, stood obediently still.
Nearby, a blonde teen with a cowboy hat tucked under her arm leaned against the wall, admiring the picture until she spotted Twilight.
"Howdy," the girl said.
"Hi... you're Applejack, right?" Twilight said.
Applejack nodded. "Yep."
"Do you have any idea what's going on?" Twilight said as she jabbed a thumb towards the picture, "I never entered the Fall Formal."
"Yeah, Fluttershy said somethin' about that," the blonde girl said, "she felt bad for ya, so she asked me to talk to ya about what you missed."
Fluttershy had felt bad for Twilight? Twilight's jaw twitched slightly at the thought.
"It's nice of you to do that," Twilight said politely, "but I'll be fine."
"Ya sure, sugarcube? Fluttershy said she tried to tell ya what was going on, but you wouldn't believe her."
"Of course I didn't believe her," Twilight said, "she was telling me that some girl in the school that conveniently left right before I came back from my older brother's apartment had magic powers. I mean, how obvious can you make it that someone made it up?"
Applejack looked at her with pity. "Look, Fluttershy and I were both there when Twilight used her magic against-"
"Twilight?"
"Yeah, her name was Twilight. And ya know, she kinda looks like you."
The first bell signaling it was time to go to class rang. Twilight seized her chance and immediately slipped away from Applejack.
First Fluttershy, and now Applejack. How many other people in the school believed such an insane story?
Judging by the way of how the students in the school reacted to Twilight, everyone. The only ones who didn't buy the story were the ones who had been sick on the day of the Fall Formal. Twilight wondered what could have possibly happened there that would convince so many people so easily.
Whatever the case, the constant whispers whenever she was near the other students was enough to make her uneasy. Some seemed hopeful, and then crushed when they examined Twilight. Others who had known that she existed before her doppelganger's debut merely shook their heads, as if she had just taken some sort of test and failed.
And then there was Sunset Shimmer herself and Fluttershy's friends.
Twilight could tell that they were close knit somehow, but if she hadn't been there to see it herself, she wouldn't have believed it.
It was enough that Fluttershy had friends, the exact same ones that she had fallen out with a year ago, but having Sunset Shimmer as a new member in the circle of friends thoroughly puzzled the suddenly popular girl.
Sunset Shimmer was the most wicked person of anyone in the school, with Fluttershy as one of her prime targets, yet Sunset Shimmer and the rest of the girls walked to their classes talking and laughing with each other as if they'd been friends for years.
Maybe that's what happened, Twilight thought dryly, people were so amazed that Sunset Shimmer was being nice that their only explanation was "a wizard did it."
Twilight rushed outside the classroom as soon as she heard the lunch bell to make sure she was the first in line at the cafeteria. She ordered her food quickly, and then slipped outside just as fast to avoid the crowd of students.
She read her book under the shade of a tree as she ate her lunch. Beside her, Melody played a tune on her flute that she always carried around.
Twilight and Melody weren't exactly friends; they were more like close acquaintences. They didn't talk very much, but when it came time for group projects the two girls always found themselves working together. It became a ritual for Twilight to read her books next to Melody when she practiced her flute at lunch hour.
Twilight didn't mind the flute. It was soft enough that it was easy to tune out, and Melody was good enough that it didn't shriek and make irritating noises constantly.
She snapped her book shut in fustration. Instantly, the music died. Melody turned to look at her close acquaintance, giving her an arched eyebrow.
"If you're going to tell me how I look just like the other Twilight Sparkle, save it," Twilight snapped.
"I was just surprised you pulled your nose out of the book," Melody said.
"The book's about magic spells. And right now, I'm sick of magic being the explanation of why everyone in the school suddenly knows who I am!"
"What happened at the dance was either magic, or the most complicated sound and light show known to mankind," Melody said.
"Don't tell me you believe this magic girl too," Twilight groaned.
"I do," Melody said, "I even tested the rumour."
"What rumour?"
“They say that if you put your hand against that statue-” Melody pointed towards a white marble horse that kept a silent watch over the school, “-you can hear the voice of the other Twilight Sparkle as she rules over her kingdom.”
“So have you tried it? Hear any voices?”
“No,” Melody admitted, “but I did hear the sounds of a pan flute.”
“I don't believe this,” Twilight said as she grabbed her lunch tray in search of somehere else to eat her lunch.
Melody shrugged and continued practicing her flute.
Twilight went back inside the cafeteria and looked for an empty table, spotting one in the back corner.
She got a rude shock when she looked around at the other tables' occupants. Even the cliques were different.
No. Different wasn't the word. The word was more like nonexistant.
Normally, jocks sat with jocks, fashionistas sat with fashionistas, and girls like Twilight sat quietly in the corner of the room and ate their lunch in peace.
Not any more. A jock was chumming it up with a band geek and the fashionistas were giving the techies much-needed fashion tips.
Like the rest of Canterlot, even the cliques had been rearranged into a chaotic mess that didn't make any sense. It was like she had walked into a completely different high school by accident. Canterlot High didn't feel like Canterlot High any more, and for a moment she almost felt nostalgic for it.
Twilight's stomach growled, cutting off her train of thought and returning it to what she had came for: a place to eat in peace.
She steeled herself and ignored the looks she was given as she made her way to the table.
"Hey, Twilight!" a student called out to Twilight.
Without thinking, she tracked the voice to one of the jocks at the table near the center of the cafeteria. The table was occupied by Fluttershy along with Applejack and a few other girls.
Twilight was half-tempted to ignore them, but she instead sighed and took a seat with the girls against her better judgement.
Twilight Sparkle sat down at the table and eyed Sunset Shimmer warily.
“What are you doing here?” Twilight Sparkle blurted out.
Sunset Shimmer swallowed her food before answering. “Same thing you're doing. Eating my lunch.”
Twilight Sparkle rolled her eyes. “I know that. Why are you sitting with these girls? Don't you have some revenge scheme you should be planning?”
“I'm done with all that,” Sunset Shimmer said, “I've resolved to stop being a total jerk and get what I want the right way.”
“So you're magically changing into a nicer person,” Twilight Sparkle summed up, “heard that one before.”
“I really mean it.”
“Heard that one before too.”
“Hey!” Pinkie Pie, a bubbly girl with long curly hair said, “she really means it!”
“Look, we've been hit by Sunset Shimmer too, you know,” Rainbow Dash said. Twilight knew Rainbow Dash as the school jock.
“And you believe her when she says she's changing... why, exactly?” Twilight said skeptically.
“We made a promise to a friend,” Applejack said.
“To who? Fluttershy's make-believe friend named Twilight Sparkle?” the real Twilight said sarcastically.
Sunset Shimmer gripped the table so hard her knuckles went white. “Make all the jokes you want about me, Twilight Sparkle. But the other Twilight Sparkle is real, like it or not, and she gave the chance to turn my life around. If you don't believe us, then fine.” The outburst done with, Sunset Shimmer let go and buried herself in the task of eating her food.
“I know it's hard to believe,” Fluttershy said with sympathy, “but Sunset Shimmer is right, Twilight Sparkle is real.”
“Fine. So she's real,” Twilight said stubbornly, “I still don't believe anything she supposedly did was any single bit as wonderful as everone is making her out to be.”
Rarity's eyes lit up in realization, and then laughed. “Oh, I think I understand what's really going on here. You're jealous of the other Twilight, aren't you?”
“Jealous! No way am I jealous of her! I'm just sick of everyone talking about her!”
“Jealous McJealousypants,” Pinkie Pie chimed in.
“I'm not jealous!” Twilight almost yelled as she grabbed her lunch tray and went to sit at an unoccupied table in the cafeteria.
Sunset Shimmer looked up from her food in hypocritical disapproval.
“She really needs to lighten up a little,” Rainbow Dash said.
Applejack said nothing as she took a sidelong glance at the lonely girl in lavender.
Nice premise, I'm interested to see where you go with this.
Well you got my attention
Also you are qualitfly to be my story of the week good luck.
Interest piqued. Keepin' a tab on this.
this looks like it could be interesting, so i'm keeping an eye on it. hope to see more soon
I am curious as to how your gonna tackle the story! Hope to see more from you soon!
This could go anywhere.
nice could go dark with it 2 if you like I could see this up tight sparkle lose her mind or keep it nice ether way ill be back to read the rest once you get more going if you do no rush
Twilight's reaction is positively hilarious! I can't wait to see where she goes next! Update ASAP!
Why does the cover art have Unicorn Twilight?
Could be decent I suppose. You need an editing pass though. Also, how is it that nobody knew who Twilight was during EQD if her counterpart was a student at that school? Most people assume that EQD Twilight doesn't live in that area, and have her transfer in for their story. So, yeah. How are you reconciling that inconsistency?
Anyway, I'll throw it on the fave list for now to track it. We'll see.
3311916 Because it's a random picture he found on the interwebs that was probably made years ago?
Very interesting. Please, keep this up. I like where this is going.
Alright, so here are my thoughts, in order, as I read through the story
1) An interesting idea, especially since they never really explain what happened to EG Twilight
2) Hmmm... I don't want to go too much into it, but you have some clunky sentences in there. Mostly when you are trying to provide details that could have been done a bit... smoother. For example, the line 'Another girl walked beside Twilight. Fluttershy was her name, and it turned out to be more or less a self-fullfilling prophecy.' While it does what it needs to do, it comes off kinda... well, it is hard to describe...
Think of stories like rivers. Some move very slow, leisurely. Some are fast with twists and turns. But they are always smooth, flowing. That sentence just feels like it sticks out a bit.
My apologizes for doing this, but here is how I would have written it: 'She was so engrossed in thinking up an excuse to give the librarian so she wouldn't take away her library card... again, that it took a few minutes for Twilight to realize that someone else was walking beside her. Once she spotted the long pink hair she instantly realized why she hadn't noticed the girl; Fluttershy lived up to her name and was able to sneak up on you without saying a word'.
See, a bit better of a flow, allows us to learn a bit about Twilight and Fluttershy, and doesn't feel like an info dump.
Again, sorry for that; I know I get annoyed when people tell me how to write. My apologizes.
3) One final suggestion... avoid repeating a character's name over in over. Rule of thumb is if you say a character's name in one sentence, use she, he, her, him, so on and so forth, in the next sentence. Just a minor grammar thing.
4) Dialogue is very good. Flows well. Nice job
Most interesting. Other than the inconsistency of the fact that in the movie no one, not even Celestia recognizes Twilight, I don't have any issues with this. On the what I liked side: All of HumanTwilight's "what the crap is going on hear moments". Those were brilliant.
Going on watch
Congrats on the feature
Looking forward to more. Congrats on the feature as well!
Shouldn't Twilight have noticed the giant crater and busted front doors of the school?
...Premise has some slight issues integrating with canon, but you explain it near enough that I'm willing to ignore the remaining bits (Why didn't Fluttershy say anything to Equestria-Twilight? Etc). The story has promise... I think. Honestly, I have no idea where you're going to run with this. Some directions would probably be disappointing, but I think most of your options are at least okay, so I'm optimistic.
Congrats on the feature! The formula may be somewhat wonky, but, hey, it worked out for you this time. :P
chalk one up for the fav list!
pretty good although some of the mane 6 seemed out of character, calling twilight jealous at the end. That seemed a bit harsh. Will add to favorites for now because im curious but im gona hold off on giving a like until i see more.
3312043 to be fair I don't think Celestia gives 2 shits about her students
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Magic?
3312020
I agree with a lot of your review, I've got a bit more to add to it:
To rectify the clunky sentences, try to add more exposition and imagery. Most of us... well a lot of us watched EQG, but we still want to be immersed back into Canterlot High. Describe the characters reactions to Twilight, their facial movements, posture, change in voice tone. As mentioned by Defender222, this is quite an info dump. Who and what is Melody? I mean what does she look like? We... NEED... DETAIL, lots of it. Especially since EQG isn't a very familiar place and we don't know much about EG Twilight and her personality. Use some metaphors when describing her feelings of confusion, anger, possibly even jealousy, and if you don't want to directly describe it show it. Her brow knit together, steam seemed to rise from her lavender hair, etc.
The dialogue isn't bad... slightly awkward given nothing gets past two-three sentences.
Still, you've put forward and interesting concept and with some work... ooooh you can so make this work so well.
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Good day sir Vren!
Good writing so far, cant wait to see moer!
Eh, this Twilight is kind of... mean. It's one thing to be a shy recluse who doesn't really care about friends, it's another entirely to be rude and pissy like this one is. I'm going to say she's out of character here. I know you may be thinking, well she's not the same Twilight, but the rest of them are the same, why not her?
Also, I hate to burst your bubble, but human(ish) Twilight never went to Canterlot High. She lives in the city nearby, but that's it.
3312904 Gday, have you reviewed the new AHA rules?
"then slipped ouside just as fast to avoid the crowd" - "outside"
"when she looked the occupied table's occupants" - There are a few things out of order with this part. There are some words missing between "looked" and "the". "Occupied" and "occupants" sound strange used so close together because they are practically the same word. Multiple tables being referred to possessively would have an apostrophe after the "s". I believe it would work better if it read : "when she looked around at the other tables' occupants".
"Like the rest of Canterlot Even the cliques had been" - "Even" is incorrectly capitalized and there should be a comma between "Canterlot" and "even".
Just thought I'd give a small editor's suggestion there. It looks interesting and I'll definitely be checking on this again. Good luck!
Maybe she should transfer or get homeschooled.
I'm liking the premise. Haven't gotten around to watching the movie yet but I basically know what happens in it... Although isn't Sunset Shimmer originally from Equestria too? That makes things a bit confusing, for one she should also have a counterpart in the human world, and there's one thing I don't know about the movie, are the others aware of Sunset's origins? Do they know that she's a pony turned human and could confirm the existence of Equestria and whatnot?
...I really should just go and watch the movie
3311916
static3.fjcdn.com/comments/No+idea+what+the+meme+is+called+but+here+s+the+_1f2aff3c107306ab19036fe45f5929e7.jpg
3312908 I was thinking that too ill stick around for now because of some interesting ideas but im not sold on this story yet.
I like this twilight shes mean
3311916
Better question: Why does human Twilight have normal skin?
I've been waiting for someone to write this story. Logic suggests that as EqG!Twilight never had the friendship and association with the rest of the M6 to thaw her out, she'd still be the antisocial and somewhat acidic bookworm that FiM!Twilight was at the start of the show. Ironically, this makes the Sunset Shimmer who has been forced to confront the demon in her heart a nicer person than Twilight Sparkle and I think we can expect a lot of teasing to this end.
That said, Twilight does seem to be a girl focussed on reason so she should address this logically. Why is there an immense amount of structural damage to the school? Why does everyone insist that her Doppelgänger had visited the school last week and why is there photographic evidence to that end? She should remember Clarke's Third Law - magic is just a convenient label for the use of arts and sciences that are currently unknown and un-replicable by humans.
I figure that the breakdown moment will be when Rarity uses her new-found telekinesis or Rainbow Dash demonstrates that she no longer needs to become an Air Force officer to break the sound barrier.
Can't believe I just read a EQG fic. And it was good. So far. I always wonder what would happen when the real Twi came to the school. But like the movie this fic is a plesent surprise.
Fav and like.
It's an interesting premise, though I agree that it would probably be better if EQ Twilight had only just transferred into the school, thus explaining why no one thought that Pony Twilight was her.
I'm not sure if this is the intent of this story, but one thing I'm very curious about is whether EQ Twilight would be an Alicorn if she went through the mirror. I would love to read a story that addresses that, as it would have to tackle just what accension & royalty means.
I also think it would be funny to have that happen to a magic-sceptic Twilight. She'd probably have a Meltdown.
I laughed hard enough to have to go back and check to see if this story had a Comedy tag.
This has good potential. Liked and looking forward for more. 'Nuff said.
One: Congrats on the Feature
Two: Im really liking where this story is going and im also looking forward to the next chapters, This story has potential but the one thing that bugs me is that EQG Twili has never been seen, and we've never got any info about EQG Twilight, so add some personality, try to solidify here presence in the fic, add some detail about the groups surroundings, the way they speak, try to add emotion into the dialogue.
Other than the nit-picks, this story has a lot of potential and could become really interesting if you pan out the characters more.
Hmm, the premise intrigued me, but I had a hard time getting into the chapter since the first few paragraphs all begin "Twilight did X." That gets repetitive very quickly and makes the story feel stale, which is a shame because there's a really good idea here.
Very intresting! I love what you did! I hope you write more. I can't wait to hear what happens next.
Even though I personally thought the movie was critically meh, subjectively I love the movie for what it did to fanfiction. I absolutely love these kind of stories.
Loved it ! I can't wait till the next chapter
3312908 I knew this full well going into the fic. However, for the sake of the story, I'm going to pretend that my explanation is the canonical one.
Very Clever idea. Oh course there would be a real twilight in EG, it would either be that or twilight possessed her body without her consent. EG!Twilight just walked off the set of a typical high school cliche and came back to something wholly different. I definitely look forward to seeing where you go with this,
3313030 And fixed. Thanks for pointing out the errors.
3312020 Please feel free to 'tell me how to write.' I realize that I am far from perfect in my writing. Anything whatsoever that needs to be kept in mind as I continue writing I'd like to know now instead of four stories down the line.
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I think you mean EQG, EQD is Equestria Daily.
Also Pinkie seemed to know of Twi's EQG counterpart, the going theory is that Twi never went to Canterlot High because Sunset Shimmer displaced her.
Now a lot about that does not make sense, but a metric f***ton about EQG makes no sense at all. So whatevs...
To be honest, I would have changed a few things in order to better line up with the movie/show canon. I would have had Twilight living with her brother in the city while going to a prestigious high school. However when her brother's tour of duty comes up her parents make her move back to "Ponyville" and she ends up at Canterlot High. When she arrives she is unusually recognized and feels uncomfortable about it. Additionally being forced to leave her prestigious school along with the fact everyone seems to know of her and yet she knows none of them makes her confused and a bit aggressive in tone. Thus keeping with the tone of your work but yet aligning it better with the perceived canon.
Interesting idea....
but the writing needs some tweaking.
But it's not terrible
Faved and liked