You're the new pony in town, after hearing about a local hideaway bar you decide to check it out. Mostly to fill your lost love of poker. Who knows? Maybe you'll end up making some new friends, or even enemies. Poker kinda does that to ponies.
[I wrote the first chapter of this story a while ago and just stopped. So I'm posting it here to see if people enjoy and maybe carry it on. Coming up with new stuff is really difficult, and plain annoying when you've got half-baked ideas lying about all over the place. Criticism greatly accepted. Still really new to writing and all.]
[Attempting Second Person, probably done it horribly.]
Chapters (1)
Not bad. Mixes one of my favourite games with ponies, and you pulled it off pretty well. Good work.
Hmm.
I see what you're trying to go for here, and I commend it. But it needs some work.
Beyond some formatting hiccups, I find your character choices to be, odd. I didn't know RD and Flim were on speaking terms after the FlimFlam Brothers tried to run Sweet Apple Acres out of business (nor did I know that Derpy ran a bar in Manehattan, but I'll let that one slide for now). If you're having ponies sit down for a game of cards, try picking characters that would actually get along, or at least ones that are completely unrelated to one another.
Otherwise, this is not half bad. It took me a few rereads to get the full gist of it, but it certainly has potential.
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I think that was one of the reasons I stopped.
I built the bar around the idea that every pony would have common ground. Stuff gets forgotten, you play cards, have a beer maybe and just talk to other ponies. That's why Rainbow Dash and Flim pretty much joke about the whole Sweet Apple Acres thing. I made Derpy run the place because I don't think there's a job Derpy hasn't done yet in the fandom. Derpy fits nearly every role.
Thanks for the comment, I know it's a bit messy but I'll improve this chapter and edit it if I carry it on.