It all began with her death. The Sky Kingdom and Cloudsdale split. The Griffin Kingdom began their attack. The experiments began. All in the name of the common good.
The war is in full swing. The Sky Kingdom, Griffin Kingdom, and Reignissia have formed an alliance to defend against Britmane, Prance, Zebrica, and Equestria.
Follow the story of an unlikely band of ponies as they attempt to find a way to cripple the power house nation of the Griffin Kingdom. It will take all their combined strengths to overcome the challenges ahead...and the secrets of the true origin of the war and how it ended.
Set in an alternate reality where friendship is not as it is, but rather comraderie and loyalty to your fellow soldier, this story will show the hidden story of one of pony history's bloodiest war.
The story feels more like a summary/runthrough rather than a full blown narrative. The concept seems worked out, but much of the progression is very snippy and over the next duney. In English, the story does not feel complete. The skeleton, the 'what happened' is covered. The high points fell somewhat flat because there was not near enough build to many of them.
You have got an interesting start, though when you have the time you might could devote more time to fleshing out the story some more.
3895060 Ill be completely honest: I wrote this a long while back when I first started (not an excuse) and I wrote it for a writing competition at EqDaily. I got really caught up with school and other activities and didn't give this the dedication I should have.
In all essence, your review is completely right. Thanks for the feed back!
3901797
School and such is/was more important. :D Nonetheless, I doubt my first story (if I decide to put it on here) will be much more fleshed out, since there is still a lot that I don't know. Plus creative writing has gotten rusty in awhile...