Beach Songs, and Seeing the Sunset
“So Twilight, what was it you wanted to show me?” Rainbow Dash asked. Twilight had asked her to follow her up to her chambers in the castle, saying that she had something important to show the pegasus.
“It’s a surprise Rainbow Dash. Close your eyes, I’ll tell you when you can open them!” Twilight said. She was smiling giddily, almost unable to believe that she was going to do this.
Rainbow Dash huffed in annoyance, but did as Twilight asked. As soon as Twilight saw the pegasus scrunch her eyes closed, she used her horn to summon the surprise she wanted to show her. With another simple spell, the scene was set. She felt her body practically thrumming in nervous excitement.
“Okay Rainbow, you can open your eyes now.” Twilight said. Her voice sounded husky, even to her own ears. Apparently Rainbow had noticed it as well, as he had raised an eyebrow in confusing before opening her eyes.
“Alright Twilight, so what is hamanahhamanahhamanahhamanah…” Rainbow Dash trailed off unintelligibly as she got a look at her “surprise”.
Twilight, who was standing on her rear legs and leaning against one of the posts of her bed, was wearing clothes. Only they were unlike any clothes she’d ever seen. For some reason the top piece covered the top-middle of her barrel. But the bottom piece. It was pulled tightly against her, making her plot seem to be even curvier than it naturally was. It enhanced her most intimate areas, yet hid them from view, making them all the more enticing.
Rainbow felt her mouth go dry, and could hear the tell tale signs of her wings springing to attention. “Twi..wha… I…Is it my birthday?”
Twilight opened her mouth to say something to the affirmative. Maybe even mention that Rainbow Dash should “unwrap” her present. Before she could however, there was a flash of light from behind her. She turned around to see some nondescript stallion with a camera.
Before she could figure out what was going on, the scene changed. She was standing before Princess Celestia who was looking down at her in disappointment. A look that actually made Twilight’s heartache.
“I can’t believe you would wear something so inappropriate Twilight Sparkle! You are a Princess now, surely you knew better.” A newspaper hung between the two, a picture of Twilight standing seductively against her bedpost in the bikini she had shown Rainbow Dash. Above the picture, in big, bold red letters, was the title: Newest Princess Presents Perverted Ponywear to Persuade Pegasus to Pucker Up!
At least she thought that’s what it said. The text was starting to look more like scirbbles than anything else. She turned to Princess Celestia to try and plead her case, only to notice that Princess Celestia was moving in slow-motion. She was saying something, but Twilight couldn’t understand what it was.
“Princess?” She asked in confusion. Light began to fill the throne room, and Princess Celestia was soon swallowed up in it. “Princess! I’m sorry Princess! I didn’t mean to disappoint you! Please come back!” Twilight wailed into the light.
Princess Twilight opened her eyes to the bright light that was flooding the room. She sat up, looking around in the momentary confusion that befalls most people when they wake up in a strange place. She slowly began to remember. She was at Pinkie Pie’s house. She had stayed the night, and the two had talked long into the morning about this and that. She had finally passed out on the trundle bed that Pinkie kept in her closet “in case of sleepy emergencies”.
Princess Twilight groaned and sleepily rubbed at her face. She wasn’t sure if she’d ever have a normal dream again after visiting this place. She also made a mental note to see if she could have papparazzi banished to the moon when she returned to Canterlot.
She had a feeling that Celestia might actually approve of that idea.
She looked at the alarm clock sitting on the stand next to Pinkie’s bed. It was 10:48, which meant they had about an hour before they were supposed to meet the others at the school so Rainbow Dash could drive them to the beach.
Once again, the thought of Rainbow Dash made her face feel like it was on fire. That was the second time she had dreamed about the pegasus since she had been here. Did that mean anything? Or was her subconscious just hyper-aware of the fact that a version of her was dating a version of Rainbow Dash?
Princess Twilight shook her head. It was entirely too early in the morning to start thinking about such things. At least until she had a couple cups of coffee.
Noticing that it was now 10:52, she decided she should probably wake up Pinkie Pie. She didn’t know how long the party girl would need to get ready, or how long it would take them to get to the school from here.
“Pinkie.” Princess Twilight said. She nudged Pinkie in the shoulder a couple times, gently shaking her. “Come on Pinkie, we need to get up and get ready.”
Pinkie mumbled something and turned over in her sleep. Princess Twilight huffed in annoyance, but gave the pink haired girl a smile. She shook Pinkie again. “Rise and shine Pinkie. You wouldn’t want to be late would you?”
Pinkie mumbled in her sleep again. It sounded like she said “Butterfly”, but Princess Twilight couldn’t be sure. Pinkie slowly sat up, and gave a yawn, stretching her arms out above her head as she did.
Once she was done she turned and smiled at Princess. “Morning sleep-over buddy! Did you sleep well?”
“I did, thank you Pinkie.” It wasn’t technically a lie. The dream had woken her up, but before that she had slept deeply.
“No problemino Princess! But hey, we shouldn’t be dawdling! We need to hurry up and get ready or we’ll be late.” Pinkie jumped out of bed and bounded out the room, towards the bathroom if Princess Twilight wasn’t mistaken.
“But that’s what I was saying.” She mumbled to herself. She stepped out of the turndle bed and stretched, surprised that she could almost touch the ceiling when she did so. She heard something pop in her back, and she groaned in pleasure.
She went about making her bed, and then Pinkie’s, while she waited for the other girl to get out of the shower. Seeing that she still had time, she began to pick up the wrappers from the junk food they’d eaten, that were now strewn around the floor. She had just finished throwing the last one away, when Pinkie came bouncing back in. She had a towel wrapped around her head and one wrapped around her body.
“Shower’s all yours Princess!” Pinkie exclaimed. Princess Twilight was about to say thank you, when Pinkie grabbed the top of the towel that was covering her body. The words died on Princess Twilight’s lips as she watched Pinkie pull the towel off. Her eyes widened, before she quickly covered them with her hands.
“P-Pinkie?! What are you doing?” She exclaimed, surprised by her friend’s sudden bout of exhibitionism.
With her eyes still covered she couldn’t see what Pinkie was doing. She could hear it very well however. It started off as a small snort, then a giggle, then became the full-blown laughter that Twilight associated with one of Pinkie’s pranks.
“Oh Princess! You should’ve seen the look on your face!” Pinkie said between laughs. Curiosity won out and Princess Twilight lowered her hands. Pinkie Pie was wearing what she could only assume was one of the one-piece swimsuits that Rarity has been talking about yesterday. It was light blue in color, and covered up quite a bit more skin than the one Twilight would be wearing.
Yet the lack of skin didn’t stop Princess Twilight from blushing at the sight of her friend. She had more covered, but the suit clung to her like a second skin. She honestly wasn’t sure which one was worse… or better.
Pinkie’s laughter finally died down. “I was going to tell you, you should just wear your swimsuit under your clothes. They have changing rooms at the beach, but they can get kind of crowded and junk.”
Twilight nodded, scooping up her clothes and heading for the shower, still trying to decide if she should curse or praise whoever had created these types of clothes.
~~VR~~
Twilight had showered quickly, and after a bit of fumbling had managed to put on the swimsuit Rarity had given her. She donned her normal clothes over them as Pinkie suggested, and the two set off to meet the others at Canterlot High.
Rarity was already waiting when they arrived. She greeted both of them warmly, though it was slightly ruined by a large yawn that made its way out of her mouth.
“Long night?” Pinkie Pie asked, though the way she waggled her eyebrows made Princess Twilight sure she was talking about something else.
“Hmph. I won’t even dignify that with a response!” Rarity said. She crossed her arms over her chest and stuck her nose in the air, the very picture of lady who had taken offense.
“But you just did.” Pinkie said in confusion.
Rarity opened her mouth to retort, but was interrupted by the sound of a horn. They all looked to see a light blue car drive up to the school. The car had a yellow lightning bolt going down the center, completing the Wonderbolt motif. Or perhaps Wondercolt? Either way, Twilight knew who what car belonged to, even if she couldn’t see the rainbow hair through the window.
“C’mon guys! Let’s get a move on!” Rainbow Dash said as she stuck her head out the window. They could see Twilight through the windshield, sitting in the front of the car reading a book.
The back door of the car opened, and Applejack stepped out of it. She smiled and waved at them as they approached.
“Well howdy there Princess!” She said, grabbing Princess Twilight in a hug. “I almost thought Rainbow Dash was pullin’ my leg when she told me ya’ll had come to visit. Sure is good to see you again!”
Princess Twilight smiled, and returned the hug. “It’s great to see you too Applejack! How have you been?”
“I can’t complain. But I’ll tell ya all about what I’ve been up to once we’re on our way. We make Rainbow wait any longer and I reckon she’ll just take off without us.” Applejack held the door open, and motioned with a hand. “After you!”
Princess Twilight stepped into the car and slid across until she was sitting behind the driver seat. She yelped in surprise as Pinkie almost literally dove in after her, smushing her against the door.
“My, how courteous.” She heard Rarity said, before she daintily stepped into the car. Applejack followed after her, and shut the door.
“Sorry if it’s kind of cramped guys.” Rainbow said from the drivers seat as she began to pull away from the school. “We’ll be at the beach pretty quick though!”
There was a screeching sound from under the car as it took off. Princess Twilight stared out the window in amazement as she watched buildings fly by. It was like riding the Friendship Express, only without as much room.
After she got over how fast the small vehicle was capable of going, she once again asked about Applejack’s experiences since they’d last met. Applejack told her that she’d mainly just worked at the farm and gone to school. She had mentioned that some sleazy corporation, called FlimFlam INC, had tried to buy up her family’s farmland to put up some kind of housing development. Thanks to some quick thinking by Twilight however, the sale had been stalled long enough for the offer to expire.
It was only when Applejack had asked Princess Twilight how she had been that she realized she hadn’t told her friends about what she’d been through since she’d last seen them. Or about what had led her to take her hasty vacation.
So she began her tale. Telling them about what had happened after she returned to her world. She told them about her magical studies, and her princess studies. How she still felt overwhelmed by the whole princess thing, even if she was more comfortable with it. She told them how she’d been forced to sit and listen to petty nobles bicker and squabble about things that didn’t matter, if she wasn’t being called to save Equestria with the rest of her friends.
She finally got to the point where she had left, after hearing from her mentor that the portal to this world was open once again. Everyone was quiet after she finished telling her tale.
“Wow… and here I thought finals were tough.” Applejack was the first to speak up.
“My stars! No wonder you needed to get away. It sounds like you were being run absolutely ragged!” Rarity said.
“It… It wasn’t that bad,” Princess Twilight said, “Princess Celestia is actually taking it pretty easy on me. She’s told me multiple times that I can take a break and go back to Ponyville if I need to. I just…”
“You don’t want to disappoint her.” Twilight finished the sentence for her double.
Princess Twilight nodded. “Exactly. I feel like I have so much to live up to. I just don’t want to let everyone down.”
“Really?” Rainbow said, surprising everyone. “C’mon Princess. If you’re even half as much like Twi as I think you are, there’s no way you could let anyone down. Besides, I’m sure your friends would rather you be spending your time enjoying yourself instead of listening to a bunch of politicians drone on.”
The others in the car all agreed with Rainbow Dash, seemingly putting the subject to rest. Twilight turned and looked Princess Twilight in the eye though. They both knew that, despite Rainbow’s kind words, both of them would still be working to meet the goals they felt they were responsible for. It’s just part of who they both were.
However, Twilight’s story had kept them entertained long enough for them to reach the beach house. Rainbow Dash pulled into the driveway and turned the car off. Princess Twilight opened the door, and moaned in satisfaction as she got the chance to stretch her legs.
“Ahhh! Pins and needles!” Pinkie Pie said, leaning on Princess Twilight as she shook one of her legs back and forth. “Silly leg! This isn’t the time to be sleeping! We’ve got beach partying to do!”
Princess Twilight glanced behind her just in time to see Applejack offer Rarity a hand out of the car, as Twilight walked around and stood next to Rainbow Dash.
Rarity gingerly stepped out and shot Applejack a warm smile. “Alright girls, I’ll unlock the door and you can drop off anything you need to, then I suggest we make our way down to the whole reason we’re here, no?”
There was no argument, and only a couple of bags needed to be dropped off inside. It was with some trepidation that Princess Twilight pulled off her shirt and skirt. It helped that all her friends were dressed similarly. In fact, Twilight was wearing an almost identical swimsuit to hers. The only difference was that Twilight’s had some green trim on hers.
They walked out the back door of the beach house, onto the warm sand of the beach. Princess Twilight took a deep breath, enjoying the smell of the sea air and the feel of the sun on her skin.
She noticed quite a few other people on the beach, some playing in the water, other simply sunning themselves on towels. Thankfully, she noticed, most of the girls on the beach were wearing something similar to her and her friends, displaying varying amounts of skin.
“Alright! BEACH PARTY!” Pinkie Pie cheered as she ran across the sand towards the ocean waves. Princess Twilight shared a look with her friends, before they chased after the pink haired girl, who was already diving into the water.
~~VR~~
Princess Twilight sighed in contentment as she laid on a towel in the sun. She had tried swimming for a bit, but found that she just wasn’t used to it in this body. She had played out in the water she could stand in with Pinkie Pie, Applejack and Rainbow Dash until she began to feel tired. She decided to go dry off for a bit and enjoy the sun.
She heard the sound of a page being flipped and turned to her side. Twilight was sitting on the towel next to her, reading the same book she’d had in the car.
“Aren’t you going to play in the water?” Princess Twilight asked curiously.
Twilight smiled sheepishly and looked away from her book. “I can’t swim either, so I mainly just like to read in the sun.”
Princess Twilight nodded at that, wishing that she had thought to bring a book of her own. If nothing else, she’d have to try that when she returned to Equestria. Lounging about on a sunny beach with a good book sounded like a splendid way to spend an afternoon.
She would need to bring some water with her, she noted, as she was starting to feel parched. She turned to her otherside where Rarity was lying on her own towel. “Hey Rarity, could I run up to the house and get a drink?”
Rarity cracked open one eye and looked at Princess Twilight. “Of course darling! There should be some cups in the cupboard to the left of the sink. We have some soda and juice in the fridge as well, if you’d like.”
Princess Twilight nodded and stood up, stretching in place (and gaining quite a few looks as she did so). She turned and headed towards the beach house, letting her mind wander as she did. This had been really fun, but she’d have to head back tomorrow before the portal closed. She only wished that the portal opened sooner. It was hardly fair that she’d only ever get to see her friends here once every year.
Perhaps there was something she could do? Perhaps trick the mirror into thinking that much time had passed? Or trapping the mirror in some kind of temporal stasis field while the portal was open? But if she did that she wouldn’t be able to pass through the mirror. Or if she did it would break the stasis, which would be pointless.
She would have to ask someone else for advice. There was that one stallion in Ponyville that dealt with clocks, but he always said that time was his business. Maybe he’d have an idea? What was his name again? The first time she’d met him he’d introduced himself as a doctor.
She snapped out of her thoughts as she felt herself collide with someone. “Oh! Hey, sorry about that, I wasn’t watching where I was going!”
Princess Twilight shook her head, focusing back on where she was. “Oh no, it was my fault, I wasn’t paying any attention… Flash?!”
Sure enough, she had walked smack dab into the (pleasantly muscled) body of Flash Sentry. She blushed as she noticed the light sheen of sweat on him. Her blush quickly faded however, when she saw the look on his face.
He was backing away slowly, looking slightly panicked. “S-Sorry Twilight! Seriously, I didn’t mean to bump into you. I’ll just… I’ll just be going now.” Before Twilight could say anything, Flash turned around and began sprinting down the beach, as though he was being chased by an Ursa Major. Princess Twilight watched him run until he came to a stop, in front of a girl with hair that looked like fire. Sunset Shimmer
She saw Flash say something, and Sunset Shimmer looked in her direction. Sunset Shimmer stared at her for a moment, before her eyes widened in what Princess Twilight assumed was recognition. She then smiled, and waved, even as Flash hid behind her.
Princess Twilight smiled back, returning the wave enthusiastically. The two continued to look at each other for a moment, then Sunset Shimmer turned and started walking down the beach, Flash Sentry beside her.
She really had changed. Princess Twilight felt her heart swell at the thought. She’d have to make sure to get a message to Sunset Shimmer that she would always be welcomed back in Equestria, if she ever decided to return.
“She really has become something else hasn’t she? I can’t remember her ever smiling like that before she met you.” Princess Twilight jumped in surprise at the sound of Rarity’s voice. “Sorry darling, I didn’t mean to scare you. I was simply coming over to help smooth things over with Flash Sentry, if need be.”
“Yeah, what was up with that?” Twilight asked, the panicked expression Flash wore still fresh in her mind.
“You’ve already heard the story of Flash and our Twilight’s little altercation, no?” Rarity asked. After Princess Twilight nodded, Rarity continued. “Flash Sentry is… well, he is a boy. Not only that, but he is a popular, good looking boy. He is used to girls practically lining up to date him, even when he isn’t interested. Unfortunately, this has made him a little… clumsy when it comes to girls.”
“When Twilight transferred to Canterlot High, Flash thought she was you. So he didn’t understand when she wouldn’t give him the light of day. So he tried the same old “We need to stop bumping into each other routine.” Rarity shook her head at the memory. “Of course, our Twilight wasn’t interested. Flash really doesn’t understand flirting however. He simply thought if he kept trying the same approach, eventually Twilight would fall for it.”
This time Princess Twilight shook her head, a small smile playing on her lips. She wondered if the same thing had happened to the Flash Sentry in her world? He had become head of the Royal Guard after her brother, which was bound to attract some attention from the mares. Perhaps he simply didn’t understand how to woo a mare either, like this Flash?
“Anyways, when Twilight finally threw him into the salad bar, I suppose it shook up his confidence pretty bad. He’s been sure to give out Twilight a fairly wide berth since then. He probably thought you were going to toss him into the ocean when he bumped into you.” Rarity giggled a little at that, which was shared by Princess Twilight.
“Well,” Princess Twilight said, staring at the direction that Sunset Shimmer and Flash Sentry had gone, “I’m just glad they’re happy.”
“And what about yourself Princess?” Rarity asked. Twilight blinked her eyes in surprise. “Is there a special somebody waiting on you back in your kingdom?”
“No. I honestly hadn’t thought about it too much before I came back here. I mean, I had a bit of a crush on Flash but…” Princess Twilight stared across the beach, back towards her friends. Rainbow Dash and Twilight were currently building a sand castle, which Pinkie Pie was trying to destroy with a catapult she had made out of planks of wood and seashells. “I think that maybe I’ll try looking for my special somebody when I get back.”
Rarity smiled. “Wonderful darling. Now, would you be so kind as to accompany me back to the house? It seems the rest of our friends are also thirsty and I volunteered to get everyone some drinks.”
“Sure thing, Rarity!” Princess Twilight said, as the two began to make their way to the house.
~~VR~~
Princess Twilight stood on the balcony of Rarity’s beach house (or the beach house that her parents sort of owned. She still didn’t understand the whole timeshare thing), looking over the sea as the moon lit the night sky. Everyone else had already gone to bed, exhausted from a day of playing in the hot sun.
“Huh, I figured I’d be the only one still up.” Princess Twilight turned, and saw Rainbow Dash step out of the house and slide the screen door shut. She walked up and leaned against the rail next to Princess Twilight. “So, did you have fun?” She asked.
Princess Twilight smiled, thinking of everything they had done. Even Pinkie’s goofy ukulele songs had been fun in their own way. “I did. I’m glad I got to spend this time with all of you, even if it was crazy to start with.”
Rainbow Dash looked uncharacteristically sheepish. “Yeah, sorry about that. The kiss I mean. I wouldn’t have done it if I had known you weren’t…”
Princess Twilight smiled. “That I wasn’t your Twilight?” She asked. Rainbow Dash nodded, still looking nervous. “It’s alright Rainbow Dash, I understand. And to be honest… I didn’t not like the kiss.” She admitted, though in a round-about way.
It took a moment for Rainbow Dash to work out what Princess Twilight said, but once she did a grin spread across her face. “Well of course you did! I mean, how could anyone not like being kissed by Canterlot High’s star athlete?”
That was more like the Rainbow Dash she knew. Twilight chuckled as she looked out across the black waves. They stood there in companionable silence, the only sound being the wind and the surf.
“The Rainbow Dash in your world,” Rainbow said, breaking the silence, “What’s she like?”
Princess Twilight smiled. “She asked me the same thing about you when I got back. You’re both alike in a lot of ways. My Rainbow Dash is brash, arrogant, friendly, competitive, loyal, an amazing flyer, and a huge fan of Daring Do.”
“You guys have Daring Do over there too!” Rainbow Dash asked. Her eyes widened when Princess Twilight nodded. “Man, I wonder how much they’re like our Daring Do books?”
“Well, our Daring Do can fly…” Princess Twilight said teasingly.
“Pfft, so can ours. She’s an ace pilot, even if she does typically crash her plane in the beginning of the books.”
Princess Twilight laughed. “Ours typically breaks her wing or something like that.”
Rainbow Dash nodded, but she didn’t laugh along with Twilight. She looked thoughtful as she stared at the moon in the sky. After a moment, she brought her gaze back to Princess Twilight. “So, if our worlds aren’t that much different, maybe you and the Rainbow Dash in your world…” Rainbow trailed off, not quite sure how to say what she wanted to say.
Princess Twilight smiled kindly at Rainbow as she fumbled for the right words. “That doesn’t sound like a bad idea. I guess we’ll have to see what happens.”
Rainbow Dash stood stock still for a moment, before she relaxed and smiled again. “Well, whatever happens, you totally need to bring her with you the next time that portal-thingy opens.”
Princess Twilight nodded. Now there was an idea.
~~VR~~
The seven friends stood in front of the statue in the courtyard of Canterlot High. It was just a little after noon, but Princess Twilight had insisted that it was time for her to go home.
“I had a lot fun with all of you, but I really do need to be getting back.”
So even though the portal wouldn’t be closing for hours, they had taken Princess Twilight there so she could go home.
“I’m sure you understand how surreal it’s been to meet you.” Twilight said, as she gave her a hug.
“Y’all come back as soon as ya can! Next time ya gotta spend some time on my farm!” Applejack said.
“Oh, and I’ll totally throw you a party next time you come over! And we can have a sleepover again!” Despite Pinkie Pie’s bright tone, there were tears forming in the corners of her eyes.
“We’ll have to make you some more clothes next time you visit. We can’t have you walking around in that same outfit all the time now can we?” Rarity said.
Finally Rainbow Dash approached. She gave Princess Twilight a hug, and whispered into her ear. Princess Twilight felt her face grow hot from the blush that appeared at Rainbow Dash’s words, but she nodded and gave her a smile.
“Say hi to Fluttershy for me, and tell her I’ll be sure to visit next chance I get!” Princess Twilight said. With that, she waved farewell to her friends, before stepping through the portal.
~~VR~~
After the disorienting spin through dimensions, Twilight found herself further disoriented when she was tackled into a pony pile before she could even get back on her hooves.
“Why didn’t you tell us you were going back there?” Fluttershy asked, her voice tinged with worry.
“Yeah! Why didn’t ya’ll tell us ya were needin a vacation? We woulda gone with ya!” Applejack said.
“Did the other me pull the bathing suit under a towel trick on you?” Pinkei Pie asked with all the seriousness a question like that deserved.
“Tell me darling, did you meet up with that stallion you fancied whilst you were there?” Rarity asked, her voice a bit dreamy at the prospect of romance.
“Was the other me just as cool as mpphhh!!!!” Rainbow Dash’s voice was quickly cut off, and the others were thrown off the pile as her wings snapped open.
The others felt their jaws drop at the sight before them. Twilight, who still had Rainbow Dash laying ontop of her, was currently kissing the pegasus. More importantly, Rainbow had closed her eyes, leaning into the kiss.
At least she was for a few seconds, before she fainted under the sensory assault. Twilight pulled away from the kiss, gasping for air as she smiled at the pegasus.
“Huh, she was right. You do like it when somepony else takes the lead.” Twilight said with a satisfied smirk on her face.
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First of all, you are a detriment to me getting anything done tonight. But I really don't care too much.
Second, I just noticed this comment down there about Luna and the lunar cycles.
3276577
The other idea I had that I didn't suggest was for Twilight to have Luna rapidly cycle the moon through its phases a few dozen times until the portal unlocked.
I think it could work, but the thing is, there's no moon-controlling princess on the other side. So I imagine that if Twilight did do that, she'd end up trapped in Humanland until the thirty moons were really up. Which could make an interesting story, but I don't think it's the one you wanted to tell.
Third, time to actually read these new chapters, and then I'll probably have more to say.
Perveterd Ponywear
This can't possibly be Twilight's dream, it would never include something so egregrious as a misspelt header ;)
Honestly I could see the story ending exactly on this chapter, but I'm looking forward to the epilogue anyway.
3285274
I can't even... what.... Ugh. I know I should have gone over this chapter one more time. I'm more surprised by the fact that my spell-check didn't catch that, but what can you do?
Thanks for the catch, should be fixed now!
YEAH!! Awesome story! Wished there was more... I love this story!
Confession: my favorite part of this story was seeing my name in the author's notes
But to be serious, I did enjoy this story on the whole. Though there were a few small complaints I had.
First off, I would have liked to see a bit more interaction between the two Twilights. I think the few seconds of overlapping Twilights in "It's About Time" show us that the Twilights' first reaction should be to question each other, figure out what differences they have, that sort of thing. And while that's really not super relevant to what you were doing with this story, you could have at least had Princess Twilight talk to human Twilight about her relationship with Rainbow. Something like "So why do you love Rainbow?" "Because this and this and this." "Wait a second. That's what I think about my Rainbow too..."
Second, Princess Twilight and Sunset Shimmer. They saw each other and waved, but didn't bother to talk to each other? Sure, they're not friends like Twi and the rest of the gang are, but even Princess Twilight says that she would have liked to talk to Sunset.
Third, it seemed like everything was building up to the beach trip, but then nothing really happened there.
But that's all just my opinion. And again, I did enjoy the story overall, and I think you did a great job with it. You win an unspecified prize of some sort!
More
!
not much in romance but it was still good.
But that last little bit "“Huh, she was right. You do like it when somepony else takes the lead.” was EPIC! I was rolling
satisfying premise and presentation that was unsatisfyingly short. if you ever think about going back and expanding by having The Princess carry actual one-on-one conversations with the humans, that would be much appreciated. just my opinion
Awesome story, and I loved the ending of this chapter. Plus who can deny enjoying Pinkie's antics?
well, i guess that's one way to get a marefriend.
love that ending
All the tease!!!! hahahaha!!!! epic!
That ending
I like this. It was interesting and funny throughout.
I smell a sequel.
This was a good story. (like the fact that you had the pinkie's connected heeds in there.
)
Doctor Whooves! I'm sure he can get Twilight to the Equestria Girls universe whenever she wants once he figures out how to get the TARDIS to travel between dimensions again.
I think this was an interesting concept. An Equestria Girls story that ends up being TwiDash.
I thought it was okay. Good work.
DAT ENDING, MAKE A BONUS CHAPTER!
DERP!
I WANT BLOODY MOAR!!!
Also, it's three days every month, not three days a year,
-Lightning
3287041
No, that's correct. Remember, this story takes place in modern day, not a Shakespeare play.
Hey, that kind of rhymes.
Additional thought. I thought it odd that we never got a description of the bathing suits all the other girls are dressed in. Not that I was really looking forward to that or something like that.
I think it would have been funny if Princess Twilight ended up gawking at Rainbow in a bathing suit, adding to her confusing feelings. As much as I like Flash Sentry, the sight of him running away from Twilight in fear was pretty funny. 
that was enjoyable
Great story, good luck in the contest.
And that ending was awesome.
3276577
The one thing in the Entire movie that pissed me off is that it is implied that with the element of magic, the humans of that world would be unable to defend themselves against Sunset Shimmer.
Seriously.
3292909
Mind Control, the ability to transform others (maybe into anything she wants), the ability to crush a school's front entrance effortlessly (then levitate and throw it away), no reason to think she isn't effectively invulnerable, ect... How exactly do you see her not winning vs the world assuming she isn't brain dead stupid about how she goes about things?
3294441
The show shows that magic isn't just some limitless MacGuffin. Sure it's got some serious power behind it, but it's still got limits.
Besides, if she posed a real threat and we got real desperate, who's to say a nuke wouldn't fix that?
I'm just saying that I hate when people wave away any limitations with a snort and "Magic."
3294470
Has the show shown that magic has limits (especially when the elements of harmony are involved)? Even taking those out of the equation we've witnessed Twilight "effortlessly" (or at least no visible stain was shown) reverse gravity, travel back through time, lift an entire grove of apple's out of their trees all at once and move them into giant barrels, emotion control an entire village, teleport (rapidly, with multiple "passengers", and long distance), ect... Frankly we've very rarely seen Twilight limited in the show (most of the time she got tired after using magic was season one and after those first few episodes she pretty much does it freely) and usually when Twilight finds herself in trouble she is only in trouble because she "forgets" she has magic for the sake of the plot (when she gets chased by the Hydra in Feeling Pinkie Keen for example). Now would you say transformed Sunset was weaker then that? Maybe, maybe not, but if so she would still be pretty dangerous regardless.
Regarding Nukes: Would you consider Nuking your own people "prepared/able to deal with" Sunset? Ignoring the question of whether that would even work vs her (She can probably teleport still though max distance is unknown and we have no clue as to her physical durability) nuking your own country/planet still counts as a failure in my book.
I'm not waving away limitations/ignoing things and just saying "Magic", I'm looking at what the show has given me to understand how Magic works in the MLP universe and making assumptions based on that.
3294727
First, the nuking thing was a point being made, no weight behind it.
And second, like I said, The magic that they have is indeed powerful (Levitation, reversing gravity, teleportation, time travel) but the magic that was used was fairly limited in scale (Levitating an Ursa minor... which is actually pretty good, reversing the gravity of only herself and spike, teleporting more than a couple of feet (I don't recall any long distance teleportation), time traveling back a week for a few seconds... which was recursive in the first place) While I admit that those are pretty fucking powerful, I do not see sufficient evidence for your view. I see that as fairly reasonable set of limitations.
Besides, those are examples of Twilight Sparkle, One of the most magically powerful beings, who happens to be the element of Magic, in a world filled to the brim with Magic. Compare that to a magicless unicorn turned psyco bitch, in a world with no inherit magic, utilizing a stolen piece of an artifact meant for harmony in a way that it definitely was not intended (Namely, world domination).
And also, what about the missing clues? What exactly is magic? Can we negate it in some way? I haven't a clue, but neither does Sunset Shimmer, Twilight Sparkle, or anybody else who doesn't hold all the answers.
There are many things to consider, and I believe that the evidence provided does not prove that she has the capacity to enslave the human race. But that is only my opinion, I do not think you're wrong for thinking otherwise, I just rage out at the implied arrogance.
/rant
That was a very enjoyable read
It's a quite original spin on the whole "get somepony to think about somepony else" mechanic, and I like it a lot. I also like how you built up on EQG. The comedy and teasing was very nice, too
3285371
)
I agree that a lot of this might have made the story even better, but it doesn't really hurt that it's missing (does that even make sense? What I'm saying is, story good, story with the proposed changes even better
Good luck in the contest
3273740 Really? I didn't know.
I found a friend, who is cool. 
I hope that you can put a sequel to this story, because I want to know more about your version of the human world, and to know about Twilight and Rainbow, plus the apparent romance between Rarity and Applejack, and Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy(?) in the Human world.
3285371
Man, I kind of wish you'd preread the story before I posted it. Seriously, I agree with the points you made, it actually makes me want to rewrite this thing. Mayhaps if I find myself with some extra free time in the future.
Either way, I'll keep everything you said in mind for anything I write in the future. If there's anyone who deserves a prize here, it's you!
3285707
If I ever do revisit this story, there is a lot I think I'd change. More one on one time with each of the Equestria Girls to start. I left a lot of stuff to happen kind of "behind-the-scenes", like Pinkie's slumber party, which could have been interesting to see. We'll just have to see if I can make some time.
3286560
Thanks!
3286575
I hope I'm not disappointing you, but I don't have any plans for a sequel to this. I do have an epilogue in the works, but I'm waiting until after the Twidash contest if finished to post it.
3286775
The nosebleed was indeed a anime trope. Apparently it's caused by too much sexy
I love to allude to Doctor Whooves. I actually loved in one of the recent issues in the comics when the Doctor was in the background with his fob watch, trying to explain it to Derpy.
3287041
Hey, I see what you did there!
I swear by the beard of Odin, I need to find a book on punctuation and study the heck out of it. Commas seem to be my worst enemey!
Also, there is a bonus chapter! I'm almost done writing it, then I'm just waiting for the end of the contest to post it.
3288709
A point most excellently made! It would have been even funnier to have both Twilights gawking at Rainbow Dash, with one (Princess Twilight) trying to stammer out an apology while the other (Human Twilight) makes up excuses for her staring.
3294754>>3294727
There's always been a similar argument in the Harry Potter fandom. Could Muggle technology beat out Wizard magic? Can a shield spell block bullets?
I think the worst part about Sunny's plan is, what did she really think she was going to do when she returned to Equestria? A land brimming with magic, with two psuedo-goddesses who control celestial bodies and an army of trained pegasi/unicorns/earth ponies? What was her teenage army going to do, angst them to death?
3299701
Thanks! And I agree. I need to hire The Letter J next time I write a fic
3315047
No plans for a sequel, however I do have an epilogue coming!
3317415
Have I mentioned that my special talent is frustrating authors?
Now what's this about hiring me next time you write a fic? Well, I'm sure something could be arranged. I accept payment in the form of heartfelt thanks. And sometimes cookies.
Seriously, if you would like me to preread anything for you, don't hesitate to ask. Chances are I'll be able to spare some time to help you out.
The little meme bits put aside, an enjoyable chapter, though there still are a few issues with said tags. And a pony in bikini is truly a terrifying sight. At least it wasn't lingerie. Even if it did lead to the priceless comment about Rainbow Dash unwrapping her present.
I liked the part with Daring Do wrecking her wings/plane. You just know the character knows she started a new book just because that happened.
I liked these lines;
'She felt her body practically thrumming in nervous excitement,'
'“Alright Twilight, so what is hamanahhamanahhamanahhamanah…”'
'Newest Princess Presents Perverted Ponywear to Persuade Pegasus to Pucker Up!'
'She also made a mental note to see if she could have papparazzi banished to the moon when she returned to Canterlot.
She had a feeling that Celestia might actually approve of that idea,' where the second 'p' in 'papparazzi' is unnecessary,
'Twilight nodded, scooping up her clothes and heading for the shower, still trying to decide if she should curse or praise whoever had created these types of clothes,'
'“Hmph. I won’t even dignify that with a response!”
“But you just did.” Pinkie said in confusion,'
'Princess Twilight nodded and stood up, stretching in place (and gaining quite a few looks as she did so),'
'Pinkei Pie asked with all the seriousness a question like that deserved,' where 'Pinkie' is misspelled
and
'“Huh, she was right. You do like it when somepony else takes the lead.”
'he' should be 'she' and 'confusing' should be 'confusion' in 'Apparently Rainbow had noticed it as well, as he had raised an eyebrow in confusing before opening her eyes,'
'scirbbles' should be 'scribbles' in 'more like scirbbles than anything else'
and
you forgot the period after 'Sunset Shimmer' in 'in front of a girl with hair that looked like fire. Sunset Shimmer.'
Very cute story, I loved the hell out of it
!
Good luck in the contest, and can't wait for the epilogue!
3376453
My bad, I meant 'as.' Thanks for pointing it out.
So yea. Still waiting on that epilogue you promised
Hnnng, that was so adorable!
Still waiting....It'll be worth it after how good the fic was i'm sure but it still sucks to wait for the epilogue
Now that I'm finally through this story and you promised an extra chapter, I really hope to see it some time soon.
And you have no idea how much you made me laugh throughout the whole fic!
It's nearly midnight here and I had to try to keep it down, not laughing out loud the whole time. I failed miserably and nearly woke everyone else up.
Congrats. A job well done my friend.
Please make that additional chapter soon or even a new story.
Dragon
That was a very cute story, even if pony Twi pony Flash is my OTP that ending is super cute. Hopefully Twi mentions bathing suits to Rarity and she can start a new fashion trend
I knew it.
I friggin knew it.
Whatever happened to the epilogue that you mentioned?
This could have been so much better.
The bulk of this story was setup for a payoff that wasn't ultimately worth it. The actual trip to the beach was so badly glossed over and so rushed it was an utter disappointment. The multiple logic holes in this story are glaring, which didn't help.
This could have been so, so much better. There's so much you could have done with this.
But in the end, it simply wasn't worth the time wasted reading it.
Love it!
You're a great writer!
3317415
So what ever happened to the epilogue?
...that's it?
I was willing to look past the plot holes and inconsistencies and stuff because this was written five years of canon ago, but... I agree with mythrilmoth here, honestly. I wanted more.
What happened to the epilogue?